So, I talked with Jennifer for awhile today (Katie couldn't come; I'm hoping to talk with the both of them tomorrow and/or Friday). The discussion worried me somewhat, honestly.
First of all, though she has never come right out and told me so, the more this girl tells me about her past, the more apparent it is that someone (or more than one someone) has
hurt this girl.
So, until we've had a chance to talk with Katie, Jennifer doesn't want to make a final decision. But she says that she's thinking that she doesn't want to do anything. Given that this is a small school and that secrets are hard to keep, she doesn't want to file a complaint. She fears that, one way or another, it will get back to Professor Groper, and that she'll get into trouble.
She said that she just wants to keep her head down, get through the semester without attracting any attention, and hope that she never has to deal with Professor Groper again.
Then she said, "This isn't the first time I've had to deal with sexual harassment, and I've had to deal with much worse harassment than this. It's okay."
After taking a few seconds to feel absolutely heart-broken, I felt really angry (not at her, of course!) and sort of snapped. "No," I told her, "it is
not okay! You do
not deserve this, you should
not have to put up with it --
no one should -- and it is
not okay!"
I told her that
of course I would not try to make her do anything that she didn't want to -- and that if I did, I'd be no better than Professor Groper. But I told her that if she and Katie decide that they don't want to file any kind of complaint, and they don't want this to become public in any way, I would like their permission to go to the Dean of Female Students and file a complaint -- without providing any names, of course. At least that way, there would be an official record. And the only person who would be at risk of being declared a "trouble-maker" would be me.
But again, no decision has been made as of yet. And whatever Jennifer and Katie think is the best course of action, I'll certainly abide by their wishes.
I took the opportunity yesterday to talk to a different girl I know, who is also taking Professor Groper's class. I told her that I'd heard ... rumors ... about Professor Groper's class, and asked her if there was anything she'd like to tell me.
This girl, Joan, told me that Professor Groper
does get handsy with some of the female students, but that he has never touched
her inappropriately.
But, she told me, she knew a girl who took the class last year (and has since graduated) who was
very uncomfortable with Professor Groper's constant "attention," but could never work up the courage to lodge a complaint.
I related this to Jennifer, and we both agreed that this made perfect sense. Joan is an aggressive, self-assured young woman, and if Professor Groper
ever tried to touch her inappropriately, I haven't the slightest doubt that her response would be to kick him in the crotch.
"And I'm a perfect victim," Jennifer said, "because I won't fight back."
I think that's it, exactly. Consciously or subconsciously, Professor Groper seems to be quite good at reading his potential victims, and he seems to know exactly how much he can get away with where each of them is concerned.
***
Whatever else is true, it seems to me quite clear that Jennifer has suffered some real trauma in her life. It isn't just what I've heard from others; it's when she says something like "This isn't the first time I've been sexually harassed, or the worst" -- and then declines to elaborate.
Sometimes, when she walks into my office and sits down, I look at her face and think, "This girl
desperately needs a friend." And sometimes, I get the very strong impression that there's more that she
wants to tell me, but she's afraid for some reason. I wonder if she fears I'd lose respect for her if I knew more about her "sordid past." Frankly, if anything, I'm pretty sure the opposite is true: given all that has apparently happened to her in the past, it's amazing that she's such a kind and compassionate person by nature. And given that she has some
serious trust issues and practically zero self-esteem, it would be far too easy for someone [like Professor Groper, for example] to take advantage of her.
I'm glad that she has decided that I'm a sufficiently trustworthy person that she can tell me all of this, and get some of it off her chest. I just wish there was more that I could do for her. But on the other hand, I'm certainly not going to try to impose my will on her and tell her "you
must do this" or "you
must do that."
If the best I can provide is moral support and a sympathetic ear, I'll do my very best to provide those.
I like to think that I've been of
some help to her, at least. I don't think I saw her smile even
once during her freshman or sophomore years. Nowadays, she smiles and waves every time she sees me on campus. And several times each week, she stops by to tell me about what's going on in her life; and when it's time for her to leave, she always gives me a big, genuine smile and a big, genuine hug.
So, whatever else is true in her life, I hope that I've been able to give her a bit of stability, support, and unconditional acceptance. Goodness knows, she deserves it.