Speaking of legal affairs, boys, Flo has an idea for peacegirl. She should blow up the whole Internet in an act of virtual arson, and then turn herself in to the Internet Checkers.
At trial, she’ll be prosecuted by ChuckF and Maturin and then the plaintiff will cross-examine the defendant or the other way around, however all that stuff is supposed to work — you know what I mean!
She won’t hire a lawyer, and her only defense will be to deliver a closing statement. It will be a long-winded, self-serving screed that will start with some nonsense babble about how the first man to discover fire was probably burned at the stake with it by his companions. Then she’ll ramble on about how unfair the Internet has been to her father, which is why she did not choose to let the Internet continue to exist. She’ll bitch and moan about all the insults that have been hurled at her while characterizing her interlocutors as “belligerent fools” and “sick dudes.” She’ll be acquitted.
She’ll find some rich dude to buy the smoldering remains of the Internet and rebuild it from scratch to her own specifications. Then millions of lurkers, no longer intimidated by jerks who ruined it for everyone, will finally show themselves and ask pertinent questions: “How did you father get to be so smart?” “Where can I sign a no-blame contract to get the Golden Age underway?” “Where can I find a juicy cunt to fall in love with?” etc.
In the end there will be only the ocean and the sky and the figure of Seymour Lessans.