[The Lone Ranger]

Sometimes, it really does seem like you can't win.


So, it's Spring Break this week. Yay! It means I can sleep in a bit each day. Of course, I still have two exams to write, several tests to grade, and at least two lectures to write before Monday. But at least I'm not up 'til midnight each night doing it.

So that's definitely nice.


Oh, those exams? The students in my Zoology class have an exam on Monday. Frankly, the day after Spring Break wasn't my preferred choice, since I'm not dumb-enough to think that they'll be spending their Spring Break studying. Still, after we lost two class days due to snow, that was the way things worked out. And the students seemed to agree: we could either try to rush through the remaining lectures and have the exam on Friday, or we could have it on the Monday after Spring Break.

The overwhelming student preference seemed to be for Monday. Not an optimal choice, but better than the alternative. [The real reason why the Friday before Spring Break began was unacceptable is pretty obvious. Spring Break officially began at 5:00 p.m. on Friday. In reality, most students had left campus by Thursday morning -- heck, quite a few had left by Wednesday morning. Fewer than half of my Friday 2:00 p.m. class actually even showed up.]



So anyway, I got an irate e-mail from a student yesterday morning. She expressed her outrage at learning that there is an exam scheduled for Monday.

She said that I'm ruining Spring Break for "everyone." Then she went on to say that I should try to remember what it was like to be a student, and do the "right thing" and cancel the exam.

She finished up by pointing out that she "hasn't had time" to download and look over any of the supplementary material that I give them, to help them prepare for the lectures.




I was nice.

I did not point out that if she had a.) consulted the syllabus, or b.) paid attention in class, or c.) bothered to actually attend class regularly, none of this would have been a surprise to her. I did, however, gently remind her that we had repeatedly discussed the exam and when it would be held during class time.

If she couldn't be arsed to pay attention, how is that my fault? [I didn't say that.]



I found the "try to remember what it was like to be a student" comment especially funny and ironic.

You know what? If I had tried anything like that on any of my professors, they'd have laughed themselves silly.

On the first day of class, they handed out syllabi and told us to familiarize ourselves with them, as they contained the dates when each assignment was due. I don't think I ever had a professor who announced test dates during class. If you didn't read the syllabus and prepare appropriately, this was -- as far as they were concerned -- proof that you were too immature and/or stupid for college.


By contrast, I make a point of reminding the students during almost every class meeting of the date of the next exam. I do so because painful experience has taught me that few -- if any -- of them actually read the syllabus. Thus, if I don't constantly remind them of the test dates, they will not be prepared. And even then, it's all but guaranteed that at least one student will walk into the classroom on test day and express shock and amazement that there's an exam scheduled. "How come nobody told me?" is the usual refrain.



None of my professors would have shown the least bit of sympathy for students who consistently wander into class 5, 10, 15, or even 30 minutes late almost every day -- when they bother to show up at all, that is. Many of my professors closed -- and locked -- the door when class began, and if you weren't there on time, tough luck. And most of them had a policy that if you missed so many classes -- for any reason whatsoever -- you automatically failed the class. This was especially the case in laboratory-science classes: if you missed 3 labs, for any reason, you automatically failed the course.



Nor did any of my professors provide extensive notes regarding exactly what would be on the exam. I'm pretty sure that every single one of them would have laughed themselves silly at the thought.

"You have the textbook, which you're supposed to read before each lecture. And you have my lectures, during which you're free to ask as many questions as you like and to take as many notes as you like. What more do you expect?" That is the answer I would have received.



But, painful experience has taught me that: 1.) the majority of our students will not (and in far too many cases, I suspect, cannot) read the textbook. And 2.) the vast majority of them have no idea at all how to make an outline, summarize information, or pick out key concepts.



This, sadly, is something that has been repeatedly confirmed to me by both the students themselves and by my colleagues in the Education Department and at the Student Learning Center. When I tell my students that the textbooks aren't just for show, and that I expect them to read them, I get puzzled looks. When I tell them that I'm not lecturing to hear myself talk, but that I expect them to ask questions and to take notes, I get more puzzled looks.

When I tell them that, after reading the text and taking notes during class, they should put together an outline in order to see what the key points are and how they relate to each other -- the honest-to-goodness response is, "What's an outline?".


I've had plenty of students tell me that they've never-before been asked to summarize material, much less write an outline. This, again, has been confirmed to me by my colleagues in the English Department and the Student Learning Center, who tell me that almost none of our students have ever been taught how to write an outline (or even what an outline is), much less how to summarize information.




I realize it's a very different college experience today than what I had. And I suspect that my colleagues are right when they say it's almost entirely due to a "teach to the test" mentality.

It's not that the students are stupid. It's that, all of their lives, they've been taught that "education" is teachers giving you a list of "facts" to memorize so that you can regurgitate them on demand when test day comes. No analysis, no thinking -- just memorization and regurgitation.

And of course they've never been taught how to make an outline, summarize information, or identify key concepts. All their lives, "education" has been about nothing other than memorizing the lists of stuff their teachers have provided.

Classroom discussion? What's that?

Read the textbook? Why? I've already got the list of stuff I need to memorize.

Summarize and analyze? What the heck are you talking about?




*Sigh*. It gets depressing sometimes.

The "teach to the test" mentality, it seems to me, has resulted in a whole generation of students who can memorize data but simply cannot think. And then we wonder why U.S. students consistently perform so poorly in comparison to students in most other industrialized nations.

And because they literally expect to be handed the answers to every exam beforehand, students all too often don't see why they should put forth any effort. Why read the textbook, why attend class, why participate in any way? None of that matters, and none of it is relevant.





Don't get me wrong, I do love teaching. And I'm desperately trying to get these kids to actually learn something. But we've done them a tremendous disservice, because not only have most of these kids never been taught how to learn, they've never been taught that learning is in any way important or even desirable.



Oh, as for the student in question? I e-mailed her copies of all the stuff that I'd prepared -- you know, the stuff that has been on the class website for weeks now -- along with a reminder that yes, we do have an exam on Monday, and yes, we did mention and discuss this in class. Repeatedly.

I didn't comment on any of the rest.



But yeah, I must admit: it gets depressing sometimes.