[Dingfod]

Today will be a busy day, I have a mailbox overflowing with emails from people who need my help. Most of them sound sincere and indicate that I stand to profit greatly from helping them out, either from a percentage of the monies to be transferred via my accounts or actual job offers. I think some of them are a little shady, wanting me to pretend to be kin to someone I never heard of.

from Sierra-Leone

Dear,

How are you today? Hope that all is well with you.

Quite honestly, I've felt better.

We got your profile and decided to write you for an investment in your country or company. My name is James Tamber, from Sierra-Leone. I am the elder Son of Mr. Zac Tamber. He was killed by rebels on his way to Capital city Freetown. Before his death, he deposited trunk box containing $18.5 million U.S Dollars with Security Storage Company here in Accra Ghana for safe keeping. He instruct that I should claim it to look after my self and my younger Sister Laura.

And well you should, that's a lot of moolah.

My Younger Sister and I are now in West Africa Accra Ghana to notify the company for the claims of the FUND. I intend to invest this money abroad, hence my contacting you to advice me how best I can invest this money in your country and to help stand as my late father beneficial.

Me? Walter P. "Eggs all in One Basket" Dinford III? I think that would be ill-advised.

For assistance I offer 35% of the money. We have all the vital documents covering the deposit fund and the ownership which I can send on request.

That sounds a little too generous to me. I'm pretty sure you can get someone to handle your investments for less than 10%.

Send direct phone and fax numbers for more information on your reply. I expect your prompt response.

You can reply through james_tambefamily @ yahoo.com

Yours faithfully,
James Tamber.
(For The Family)

Good luck, James.

from the Gambian Embassy in London

Hello,

Request for Confidential Business Relationship:

I write to seek your cooperation as our foreign partner, and your
assistance to enable us to own properties and invest in the stable economy
of your country. I apologize if this message does not suit your personal
or business ethics. My names are Ronald Bassey. I am a highly Placed
official working For My Government, Gambian Embassy here in London. I in
collaboration with my colleagues in Treasury Department Federal
Ministry of Finance and economic planning back home in Gambia have in our
possession USD18.5million.

You don't happen to know James Tamber, do you? He has exactly the same amount of money to invest in my country.

We are in need of a silent foreign partner in whose account we can
transfer this amount for our mutual benefits these funds accrued from a
legitimate but discretely to us as a commission from foreign contract
through our private connections. The contract in question has been fully
paid out to the contractors. We therefore need your assistance to help us
receive these Funds since our apex bank is waiting for any person that
will put up claims.

Foreign, I am; silent, not so easy. For if I am questioned by authorities I shall squeal like a little girl, a little bitty three year old girl.

However, by virtue of our positions as civil servants in our country,
we cannot acquire this money in our names. Because as highly placed
civil servants, we are not allowed by the civil service code of conduct to
own or operate bank accounts outside of our shores. My colleagues have
delegated me as a matter of trust, to look for an overseas silent
partner in whose account we would transfer the USD18, 500,000.00 for our
mutual benefit, hence the reason for this email.

That's funny, my country's Internal Revenue Service requires banks to notify them of amounts in excessive of $10,000. Sounds like you're better off than I.

What we are requesting
from you is:

(1) To be our silent partner and receive the funds in your account in
trust.
(2) Provide a bank account under your control to which the funds will
be remitted.
(3) Receive the funds in your account,take out your commission and keep
the rest of the money until we arrive to meet you after the transfer is
completed.

Our proposal is that after you receive the funds, it would be shared as
follows: (1) 40% to you as commission, While the remaining 60% belongs
to us. You will be free to take out your commission and your expenses
incurred immediately the fund hit your account. Since our objective is
to invest the money in a foreign country, it would be appreciated if you
can also help us to invest our own money into profitable ventures in
your country.

The transfer will be affected to your account within Seven (7) working
days as soon as we reach an agreement and you furnish me with a
suitable bank account for receiving the money. I confirm that the transaction
is legitimate and without any risks either to you or ourselves. Please,
give me your response immediately by return email while keeping
everything confidential.

I will also need your direct telephone numbers for voice contact.`

Yours faithfully,

Ronald Bassey

Like I told James Tamber, you can get someone to handle this transaction legitimately for a whole lot less than 40%.

a job offer

COMPLIMENT OF THE DAY. A RELIABLE CLAIMS AGENT IS NEEDED FOR A
PART-TIME JOB OFFER. IF INTERESTED EMAIL TO:
chinajewelcompany200000 @ yahoo.com.cn

Compliment of the day to you too. You need someone reliable, not someone like me, who would abscond with your profits and tell you're neighbors you're a pedophile.

Nigeria?

Dear Prospective investor,

My name is Mr.Fred Rotimi.

And I'm not.

Sorry, a Saturday Night Live Weekend Update joke.

I write you this proposal in good faith, believing that you will assist me for our mutual benefits and would not betray me. I believe it is the wish of God for us to meet through this means. Mr. Emad Chaudhary made a (Fixed deposit) for 36 calendar months, valued at US$14,600,000.00 (Fourteen Million, Six hundredThousand US Dollars) with my bank here in Port Harcourt, Nigeria. I was his account officer before I rose to the position of manager. The due date for this deposit contract was 20th of August 2005.

I have tried my possible best to locate Mr. Emad to notify him about this, but all my efforts proved abortive. Few months later on the search i was told that Mr. Emad, his wife was and only daughter were victims of Dec 26th 2004 Tsunnami - Disaster . Unfortunately, he has no other living relatives to inherit this fund.

Oh, man, that's too bad. I guess the goverment will get it all, like they did when my Great Aunt died with no will.

Now, a new Financial Law, which takes effect in two month\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s time, stipulates that any bank account more than $5,000,000.00 [Five Million US Dollars] will be investigated and the bank shall produce the account owner for clearance. This is a Government measure to check money laundering. If I do not find a way to move this money out of the country immediately,
in two months time, it might be reverted to Government treasury because I cannot provide Mr.Emad since he is now late.

You're lucky, my government requires reporting on transactions greater than $10,000 [Ten Thousand US Dollars].

I am seeking your co-operation to present you as the next of kin to the account,so that my bank head quarters will release the funds to you. There is no risk involved, the transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law. Let me know how much percentage you will take, so that both parties will be satisfied. Contact me as soon as you receive this message, so we can go over the details.
Please,treat as top secret.

Regards,

Fred Rotimi
SP.GROUPS
Port harcourt,Nigeria
West Africa.

Wouldn't that be illegal? I never ever do anything illegal. Well, except for when I fudge on the speed limit a little. This doesn't sound like a little fudge to me.

Nigeria again?)

FROM THE DESK OF BARRISTER FRANK BOBBY
44, KOFO ABAYOMI AVENUE,
VICTORIA ISLAND,
LAGOS - NIGERIA.
Emailfrbobby2004@yahoo.co.in)

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am Barrister Frank Bobby, a Solicitor.

Say, weren't you in Talledegah Nights?

I am the Personal Attorney to
Mr.Steve,

Is that his first name or his last name?

who used to work with Chevron Oil Development Company in
Nigeria. On the 21st of April, 2002, his wife and their three children
were
involved in a car accident along Abuja Express Road. Unfortunately,
they all lost theirlives in the event of the accident .Since then I
have
made several enquiries to your Embassy to locate any of my client
Relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several
unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives over the
Internet to
locate any member of his family but to no avail, hence, I contacted you
to
assist in repatriating the money left behind by my client in a Security
Company.

Man, that is just tragic. I've heard what terrible traffic and even worse drivers you have down there.

Particularly, the Security Company where the deceased deposited the
US$15 Million (Fifteen Million United States Dollars only).
Consequently,
this Security Company issued me a notice to provide the Next of Kin to
claim the US$15 Million (Fifteen Million United States Dollars only)

Exactly US$15Million (Fifteen Million United States Dollars only)? Doesn't that strike you as odd that there are no odd dollars or cents in their accounts or net worth? Oh, well, as we all know, all Oil Company executives are rich, rich, rich.

in
their custody within the next ten official working days. Since I have
been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I
seek
your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased to claim
the fund as the Next of Kin to him so that the fund will be transferred
to your account by the Security Company.

That sounds terribly illegal. Are you sure it will be OK?

Upon receipt of the fund,

I will come over to your country to meet with you for the disbursement
of the fund and then you and I will share the money inthis order: 55%
will be for me, 40% will be for you, while 5% will be use don expenses
incurred.I have all the necessary legal documents that can back our
claim we may make with the Security Company.All I require is your
honest
co-operation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this
will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you
from any breach of the law. Please, get in touch with me by my secured
and
confidential email address at (frbobby2004 @ yahoo.co.in) to enable me
clarify you further.

Best regards .
Barrister Frank (Esq)---

I thought your last name was Bobby.

Scarlet ONE - Combine ADSL with unlimited fixed phone and spare 400
euros
All that and I can save 400 Euros on ADSL/phone service? Wow!

another shady deal

Greetings,

Well, howdy!

Please permit me to intoduce myself, I am Mr. Edward Adams, a staff With Barclays Bank Plc London, United Kingdom.
One of our accounts, with holding balance of 18 Million Pounds Sterling, with Barclays Bank Plc London, has been dormant and last operated three years ago.

You mean Barclays doesn't pay interest on funds in it's possession?

From my investigations and confirmation, the owner of the said Account, a foreigner by name John Shumejda died on the 5th January 2002 Posted: 2:08 AM EST (0708 GMT) in Birmingham plane crash; you can view this CNN Website
Eport.http://edition.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/eu...england.plane/
For details on the crash.

A terrible thing, dying in a plane crash.

Since then, nobody has done anything as regards the claiming of the fund, he has no family member that has any knowledge as to the existence of either the account or the funds; and also Information from the National Immigration also states that he was single on entry into the United Kingdom.

It is therefore upon this discovery that we decided to make business with you and release the funds to you as the next of kin or beneficiary of this funds for safe keeping and subsequent disbursement since nobody will come for it and I don't want this funds to go back into Government treasury as unclaimed bill. The banking law and guidelines here stipulate that such funds should be transferred into banking treasury as unclaimed funds

That sounds illegal. Give me one good reason not to report you to your employer, Barclays Bank.

I have worked out the modalities for this deal, so as soon as I receive and acknowledge the receipt of this message in acceptance, I will immediately start up with the processing of the documents of claims.

This transaction is 100% risk free as the funds is legitimate and does not originate from drug, money laundry, terrorism or from any other illegal source.

I don't think anything that is this fraudulent could possibly be "100% risk free".

30% of this fund will be for you as the foreign partner while the balance will be for me and my colleague.

Please if you are interested you should forward you direct phone number, for further discussion regarding this transaction.

Warm Regards,
Mr. Edward Adams

Uh, no thanks.