Quote:
Originally Posted by ziacmt1
What should I consider to choose a wedding lipstick?
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Dear, it crucially depends on whether before the wedding, you discover that you loathe your betrothed. This happens surprisingly often. But many such women go ahead with the wedding anyway, because all the invitations have been printed and sent, friends and family are flying in from long distances, and you don’t want to disappoint your mother.
Whether you loathe your betrothed or not, a good rule of thumb is to use lipstick that matches the color of your nipples. In case you loathe your betrothed, there are further steps that might be apposite.
After applying your wedding lipstick, apply a sealant — Lipcote is highly recommended. It prevents smudging, and protects your lips.
After your lips are safeguarded, you can choose which toxin to apply over the protective sealant. For quick results, belladonna is recommended. It has always been a favorite of the ladies. It means “beautiful woman.” The first post-nuptial kiss will prove swiftly fatal for your spouse, while your Lipcote protects you.
Of course, instant death after the first kiss may cast suspicion on you. A more prudential strategy would be to employ dimethyl mercury, a slow-acting poison that will cause your spouse to drop dead about ten months after that crucial post-“I do” smooch.