[lisarea]

Ooh, excellent idea! We need a place to put stuff like this. I tend to have these really long, convoluted dreams with all kinds of weird details in them, and I can never remember all of them. But I have some favorite highlights that I need to get off my chest, plus I'm bored.

Mushmouth's Dharma Name
Several years after my dad died, I found this box of his things, and it turned out that he had been an accomplished fruit leather artist, which I hadn't known about when he was alive. He'd take sheets of fruit leather and cut them into shapes, which he'd overlay over each other to create detailed 3D pictures. His masterpiece was called "Mushmouth's Dharma Name." It was a beautiful fruit leather rendition of Mushmouth from Fat Albert.

The Texas Senator
There is this guy I dream about every now and again who is just called "The Texas Senator." People always say "The Texas Senator" in hushed tones, because he's scary. He's a big, tall guy who wears all white--suit, cowboy hat, and boots--and he follows me around sometimes. So I'll be dreaming about something entirely else, and allofasudden, out of the corner of my eye, I'll see The Texas Senator glaring at me ominously from some high-up window or something. I hate that guy.

Free Enterprise Windows
Some of you probably already know about this, because it is a big point of contention between me and Maturin, but just to complain about it again: This one time, I sold a house to some guy, and Maturin and his business partner, John Bunnell (that lantern-jawed cop from one of those cop reality shows--Real Stories of the Highway Patrol? World's Wildest Police Chases? Something like that) had discovered this loophole that they were calling the "Free Enterprise Window," which allowed them to file some crucial piece of paperwork at some very specific point during a third party's real estate transaction--like in between signing one paper and the next--which would allow them to take possession of the property in question for something like 30 days for their "free enterprising" purposes. So they BUILT A MCDONALD'S DRIVE THROUGH in the whole front of the house. You can see why I'm still mad.

Wet Dream Chutney
This one time, I'd gotten a sandwich at this deli or whatever, and a gunfight breaks out, and I realize I'd forgotten to get this one kind of chutney that the deli had to put on your sandwiches, so I actually dodged bullets and shimmied across the floor to get behind the counter to get some of that chutney, because that is how good. It came in two versions: Wet and dry. I remember it had anise seeds in it, but not much else about it. Some day, I really am going to try to figure out how that chutney is made, and I am going to sell it as "Dry Dream Chutney" and "Wet Dream Chutney."