Suffer the little children to make Grandma suffer

[Sock Puppet]

So, some background first: My Maw is a devout Christian of the Church of Christ flavor (not "comma Scientist," which is probably why I'm still alive rather than having been prayed to death sometime in childhood). She's the type who squee's every time she sees families praying together, since due to Sekalar Hyoominism, American Christians are so oppressed they can't force everyone to love Jesus anymore.

I thought I'd sufficiently corrupted my younger brother, but about 8 years ago, out of the blue, he married a straitlaced Xian girl and seems to be trying to outdo the Duggars. So far they have 4 kids, all boys, ranging from 1 to 7.

The kids are homeschooled, with lots of Bible readings. Apparently the oldest one is a good reader, and has taken to reading the Bible to his little brothers. Maw is thrilled about all of this, of course, although she doesn't get much face-time with them because my sister-in-law's control freak mother dominates most of their family-gathering times.

So Maw was over and had a much anticipated but short-lived Bible reading session with the three older boys while their mother was putting the baby down:

4-year-old: “Can you read about when Job got the boils all over him?”

Maw: Um, what? Um, no, let’s read about Jesus. “Suffer the little children and let them come unto m-“

4yo {interrupting}: Can you read about Sodom and Gomorrah?”

Maw: “No, we’re-“

4yo: “How about Ananias and Saphira?”

Maw: “Let’s read about Adam and Eve….’…and they were naked, and-“

All three: “What’s naked mean?”

Maw: “Um, they didn’t wear clothes, so anyway-“

All three {laughing}: “They didn’t even wear any knickers?!”

Maw: “Knickers? What are knicker---oh.”


{Bible time fizzles}

[Qingdai]

Having just read R. Crumb's "Genesis," I'd have to say that I'm glad to say my parents kept me from the corrupting influence of the bible.

I'm still shuddering about the mass circumcision followed by the mass killing. How they hell do they tell that story to kids? No wonder people who consider themselves to have read the bible cherry pick so much.

[LadyShea]

My son's bio Grandma is a devout Christian, even teaches at her church's attached private school. So we had told her she could discuss her religion, as long as she never mentioned the doctrine of hell or God's punishment etc.. We more or less limited her to the whole love and forgiveness part. Turns out the whole thing is kinda pointless without something to be saved from, so she never bothers.

Anyway, she gave him a Noah's Ark playset...and I invited her (ironically) to tell him the story of the Flood. She got really squirmy. I guess she couldn't really bring herself to tell the charming story of God killing the whole world to a 2.5 year old. So, he had a boat and some animals with an old man Captain.

Christians are funny.

[godfry n. glad]

The Christians I grew up around didn't have any problem explicating the whole murder of humanity thing as being the 'old way' their god expressed his disapproval. Of course, he was always regretful afterwords and made empty promises like rainbows.

I came to picture this god as being much like a controlling abusive husband.

This is why it should be banned from all classrooms for its content. It's much worse than Huckleberry Finn...or even the Merriam Webster Dictionary of the English Language. It's even worse than the collected works of Shakespeare and all it's smut.

[Caligulette]

Originally Posted by godfry n. glad

I came to picture this god as being much like a controlling abusive husband.

Or wife, but yes, basically a sociopath. Love me or I'll kill you, Obey me or I'll kill you, I love you so much I'm sending you my son to kill....