At what age...

[dave_a]

Originally Posted by D. Scarlatti

You may have just admitted to the commission of felony sexual assault.

I did. Our birthdays are 2 years and a tad under 1 month apart so there was a 3 week window when I was 18 and she was 15. We had been dating for a year or so before that. I was a high school senior and she a Freshman (3 year highschool).

Anyway, during this window we were parked in a field that I used to play in as a kid. We went there because it was private and a fun place to get it on. We had a 6 pack of beer and the windows were all steamed up when we see a cop entering the area. One way in and out so no escape possible. Since we were naked it was all we could do to get our clothes on before the cop got there and the beer I forgot about until the last second so I opened my door with the interior light turned off and tossed it under the car.

Cop comes up and asks what we are doing and I say "Talking". hehehe, the cop was having none of that. He found the beer and asked if it was mine. I said no. He said, it's still cold. I said "it's cold outside". He asked for my license, I gave it to him. He asked how old she was and she said "15".

This cop could have made my life a complete hell. He simply said "15, huh?", laughed, poured out the beer and told us to leave the area.

Can you say "lucky bastard"?

[Adora]

Originally Posted by Scotty

Don't worry Adora, you have a lot of years to go before you become pathetic
I KNOW these things.
-Scott

Thank you for the kind words. Unfortunately, they do nothing to prevent the current embarrasment and requirements for lies when such a topic is raised with peers/friends. Nor the utter crap feeling you get about it when you ponder it too much.

Yeah, I know, man with no donkey and all that shit, but whatever.

[Scotty]

The funny thing, is once you are a bit older, it never really comes up anymore. At least, nobody cares as much.

When those situations come up, what I did, and do even now because that is still personal to me, is to let them talk about it. Just spur them on, by listening and just noding. You don't have to agree, just give no cues except interest.

I find people are very interested in themselves and are willing to talk your ear off.

Believe me, I had to do that a lot. I have a way, which is hard to describe, of just talking around a subject without letting on that I am not agreeing or disagreeing with them. One of the ways to do that is to just not say anything when they ask questions, just laugh, then don't answer and go on with the conversation.

I wouldn't personally feel bad about the situation, not after what I have been through. As far as I am concerned, it is secondary to the relationship.

Now, I just talked around the subject above, I didn't say what exactly I was talking about, the only way you would know was becaue of the subject of the thread.

Learn it, it is a good tactic.

-Scott

[Clutch Munny]

I've always been vastly more interested in the next time, than in the first time, or any past time for that matter.

[Talulah]

I was 19. First kiss, first time I had sex, all in the same night.

[Adora]

Originally Posted by Scotty

The funny thing, is once you are a bit older, it never really comes up anymore.

This is what I was told 5 years ago. How much fucking longer do I have to wait?

When those situations come up, what I did, and do even now because that is still personal to me, is to let them talk about it. Just spur them on, by listening and just noding. You don't have to agree, just give no cues except interest.

Yeah, but sometimes they don't let you get away with it. And yes, I know I could tell them to fuck off MYOB and all that, but this was a friend who I hadn't seen in a while and I didn't want to be like that.

I wouldn't personally feel bad about the situation, not after what I have been through. As far as I am concerned, it is secondary to the relationship.

Who said anything about relationships? I'm talking about shagging, not flowers and anniverseries.

[livius drusus]

Originally Posted by Adora

This is what I was told 5 years ago. How much fucking longer do I have to wait?

I believe the rule is you have to be nowhere near a college or institution of higher learning (aka, hormone factory) before people stop giving a rat's ass about whether you've done it.

[AspenMama]

Adora-- how old are you, if you don't mind me asking? And Scotty?

[Gawen]

17. Don't remember much but that she picked ME up on the subway...somewhere north of San Fransisco...and went to her house.

Now don't switch the question to "How old were you when you stopped having sex?"....*grinnin*...

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by Gawen

Don't remember much but that she picked ME up on the subway...

Wow! She must've been strong.

[Nil Desperandum]

Aspen, I spared you the gory details, but I do not take well to being lied to, being taken advantage of, or being led by the short and curlies.

I don't let my dick think for me, although sometime's I DO act on its behalf.

As I mentioned previous, it spared me a lot of problems.

Adora, why the hostility?
It's almost as if you are trying to pressure yourself into some sort of "normal" situation whereby you should have fucked someone already, since it isn't about flowers and anniversaries.

Chrsi

[Scotty]

How old am I? Well, 39 tomorrow.

Adora, if they aren't letting you "get away with it", then I don't really know what to say, because obviously that is the only thing that is important to them, not how you feel.

Forcing you to talk about something you don't want to, isn't really very nice (or something you feel uncomfortable talking about). They should respect your privacy as it is none of their business. I know it isn't something you can brush off, or tell them where to put their comments every single time. They have to understand you and your situation and leave it alone. It isn't your problem, and what you are experiencing isn't a problem. It only is to them.

What I was getting at with the relationships is that the sex isn't the only portion people should concentrate on. If what _they_ are talking about is sex, then they really don't have any relationship at all, just hormone driven lust (which is fine, I am not dismissing that). If they are talking about sex from the point of view of trying to understand or make more enjoyable, then that again is different.

If you have the right person who cares about you and loves you it makes it all worth the wait, even though hormone driven uncontrolable sex would probably be just great and totally fun, it doesn't make your life.

I am sure with little prodding you could get 10 guys lined up to "help" you with this "problem", if that is what you really wanted. Somehow, it may not be exactly what you desire.

-Scott

[Gawen]

Originally Posted by viscousmemories

Wow! She must've been strong.

She was strong in her persuasion...I was weak...*grinnin*

Fight her off as I could, she ultimately won...

[godfry n. glad]

I guess I'm a little perplexed, Adora.

Given your subsequent responses, I'm not quite sure as to your motivation for asking the question in your OP.

What does it matter what "everybody else" experienced? Your sex life is your business, unless you decide otherwise. Did you ask because you were forthcoming with a friend and that resulted in some kind of humiliation or peer pressure? I'd suggest that if you don't wish to change your status and don't want to make that public that you just respond with, "That's private, I don't share it. It's none of your business."

If you did decide to share it and were made to feel uncomfortable about it, then you might want to question the relationship you have with those causing your discomfort. It sounds like they might be insensitive.

godfry

[dave_a]

Originally Posted by Adora

Who said anything about relationships? I'm talking about shagging, not flowers and anniverseries.

Finding a long term love relationship can be extremely challenging, but I fail to see how a woman, pretty much without regard to physical appearance or personality can find it difficult to simply get "shagged".

If simply getting shagged is *all* you want at this point then go to a club and make eye contact with guys. When one appraoches be nice and say 'yes' a lot. That ought to do it.

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by dantonac

If simply getting shagged is *all* you want at this point then go to a club and make eye contact with guys. When one appraoches be nice and say 'yes' a lot. That ought to do it.

Most women I've met don't mean that's all they want. Instead they typically want to shag with someone they find attractive (physically and otherwise). Which for most women I know eliminates 99.9% of the guys at clubs.

And people who dredge up tired old cliche's.

[dave_a]

Originally Posted by viscousmemories

Most women I've met don't mean that's all they want. Instead they typically want to shag with someone they find attractive (physically and otherwise). Which for most women I know eliminates 99.9% of the guys at clubs.

And people who dredge up tired old cliche's.

Just taking the statements at face value.

It may not be pretty, it may be a cliche, but it works in a utilitarian way.

I don't really suggest it, but to each their own.

[Penni]

I was 16, and I'm glad I got it over with. It was pretty blah.

The ironic thing is, now that I am older and we're all more experienced, it's about 50 billion times better, but I don't have the time to do it as often as when I was in HS or college. Sad.

Anyway, I've also learned sex is nothing to even bother concentrating on. It's like eating. Sometimes you really, really want to do it. Sometimes you do it when you really aren't hungry/in the mood. Sometimes it's a great meal, sometimes it's just satisfying a need. But, for me, it's never something to get that worked up about.

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by dantonac

Just taking the statements at face value.

It may not be pretty, it may be a cliche, but it works in a utilitarian way.

I don't really suggest it, but to each their own.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you if I did. But I believed that cliche for most of my life too, and felt the need to debunk it. The thing is it doesn't work in a utilitarian way unless the person in question is looking exclusively for "sex with a human being". Since I have never met a woman who would settle for sex with just any human being, the idea that women can just go to a club, smile, and "get what they want" is untrue.

I know I'm debating here in a lighthearted sex thread, but I think it's important to confront common myths about "what women want" and how they can go about getting it. I think perpetuating such myths is demeaning.

[JoeP]

Originally Posted by Adora

Thank you for the kind words. Unfortunately, they do nothing to prevent the current embarrasment and requirements for lies when such a topic is raised with peers/friends. Nor the utter crap feeling you get about it when you ponder it too much.

Yeah, I know, man with no donkey and all that shit, but whatever.

Are these friends ("friends") who already know you well? Otherwise I'd recommend maximum bullshit and claiming you're fundi, no sex before marriage.

Thing is, some of the comments you've got here are right: it's not such a big deal later, it's definitely less of a big deal away from colleges etc (that's a good point), and it's most definitely of all none of anyone else's business: and how you feel is right too. I remember that crap feeling - I'm a nerd and a social failure and everyone knows and is laughing at me. I know exactly why you asked this, to check you're not a freak: and you're not.

Lying should be the answer but embarrassment is kind of self-reinforcing. But it's a heap of nonsense and you just have to keep telling yourself that the way you feel isn't how you really are, and all that positive thinking kind of shit.

[dave_a]

Originally Posted by viscousmemories

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you if I did. But I believed that cliche for most of my life too, and felt the need to debunk it. The thing is it doesn't work in a utilitarian way unless the person in question is looking exclusively for "sex with a human being". Since I have never met a woman who would settle for sex with just any human being, the idea that women can just go to a club, smile, and "get what they want" is untrue.

I know I'm debating here in a lighthearted sex thread, but I think it's important to confront common myths about "what women want" and how they can go about getting it. I think perpetuating such myths is demeaning.

But I don't think I perpetuated any myth about "what women want". As a man I have no clue what women want other than some theories that are based upon personal observations which may or may not be at all relevant to real life.

It was Adora who *stated* she simply wanted to get shagged. It isn't me who says women simply want to get shagged, it was a woman who typed that *she* just wanted to get shagged.

She may or may not have *meant* what she typed, but I am not a mind reader so I just took the statement at face value.

Now, I would suggest that it is actually *you* who is perpetuating myths regarding female sexuality when you write "Since I have never met a woman who would settle for sex with just any human being, the idea that women can just go to a club, smile, and "get what they want" is untrue. "

Implicit in this statement is that no women want just sex with a fairly random stranger. Also implicit is that women don't enjoy going to a club for the sole purpose of picking up or getting picked up and shagging. <--(i like that word.)

I would think that "Sex and the City" would have corrected you on your 1950s ideas of female sexuality

And no, you didn't cause me any offense with your post, reading it as well as typing my response was done with a smile on my face. To me this is a lighthearted, sitting around the bong type conversation that is interesting, but probably of no importance at all in the long run. After all, we are 2 guys debating what women want. Could a conversation possibly be any less relevant?

[viscousmemories]

Yo dantonac,

First, I'm very glad you're taking this as a conversation around the bong. I assure you that's all most of my conversations are, no matter how passionate I am about the issue. In the end I am very well aware of the fact that I am far from a moral authority, much less the moral authority.

Originally Posted by dantonac

But I don't think I perpetuated any myth about "what women want". As a man I have no clue what women want other than some theories that are based upon personal observations which may or may not be at all relevant to real life.

It was Adora who *stated* she simply wanted to get shagged. It isn't me who says women simply want to get shagged, it was a woman who typed that *she* just wanted to get shagged.

She may or may not have *meant* what she typed, but I am not a mind reader so I just took the statement at face value.

Ah, but you said:

[...]I fail to see how a woman, pretty much without regard to physical appearance or personality can find it difficult to simply get "shagged".

Thereby being the first to generalize about 'women'.

Now, I would suggest that it is actually *you* who is perpetuating myths regarding female sexuality when you write "Since I have never met a woman who would settle for sex with just any human being, the idea that women can just go to a club, smile, and "get what they want" is untrue. "

Implicit in this statement is that no women want just sex with a fairly random stranger. Also implicit is that women don't enjoy going to a club for the sole purpose of picking up or getting picked up and shagging. <--(i like that word.)

I would think that "Sex and the City" would have corrected you on your 1950s ideas of female sexuality

Actually you were right about my statement being fallacious, but wrong about why. It's fallacious because it's purely anecdotal.

It wasn't implicit in my comment that no women want sex with a fairly random stranger or that women don't enjoy going to a club with the sole purpose being to find someone to shag. All I was saying is that I've never met a woman who uses "is a human being" as the sole criterion in choosing a sex partner.

And no, you didn't cause me any offense with your post, reading it as well as typing my response was done with a smile on my face. To me this is a lighthearted, sitting around the bong type conversation that is interesting, but probably of no importance at all in the long run. After all, we are 2 guys debating what women want. Could a conversation possibly be any less relevant?

Good. In fact that last sentence made me laugh out loud with how true it is. I also have good reason to believe there are women here who probably think I'm full of shit on this too, so there's even more evidence that I'm not judging ya.

[godfry n. glad]

Hey...guys...

Are we just sittin' around the bong, or are we passing it around?

If it's the latter, don't Bogart, pass it over to me.

godfry

[AspenMama]

Originally Posted by Dlanod

Of course when this opportunity arose I didn't mention the fact that I was a virgin.

Giggle. You said arose.

[dave_a]

Originally Posted by godfry n. glad

Hey...guys...

Are we just sittin' around the bong, or are we passing it around?

If it's the latter, don't Bogart, pass it over to me.

godfry

Sorry, but it's too large to pass around. You are welcome to sit around it with us though. It's one of those multi, long hosed octopus looking bongs so there's always an open spot.