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  #26  
Old 09-17-2013, 10:23 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

Apparently at the cottage last month, when I told my brother's dog very forcefully to get out of the kitchen, he consoled her with, "Don't worry, she says that to everyone."
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  #27  
Old 09-18-2013, 12:34 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

Ok, so here's a question?

Is it possible to be both an introvert and an extrovert at the same time? Because I seriously think that's me.

M'lady and I can gather all our friends together and have a party of 15 and I will probably be the loudest motherfucker there. Most of the stories the next day will be about dumb/funny shit I said or did, even before I got drunk.

I drive a cab and sometimes I will talk people's ears off. Granted, usually it's the other way around. You wouldn't believe the shit people will tell a completely neutral set of ears that will never have any impact on or investment in their lives.

But when I don't have something going on, or it's just a lazy day off, I'd rather sit in here and play video games or talk to you silly bastards on the internet than go anywhere.

I get annoyed at any kind of sudden forced interaction. Events with other people have to be planned at least a little bit out or I find myself hating it, just because I haven't mentally prepared for dealing with people that don't live in my house.

Given the nature of my job and the fact that my GF and I have lived together for over a year and a half now, alone time is a somewhat rare and precious thing, worth more than its weight in gold.

Shit, one time she got out of work 30 minutes early on a day I was off and I actually mourned those 30 minutes. I fucking got over it, of course, but still... it's strange.

Maybe I'm just an introvert that's learned to fake it really well, I don't know.
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  #28  
Old 09-18-2013, 12:41 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Maybe I'm just an introvert that's learned to fake it really well, I don't know.
I think that's me. I went to a dinner party at my sister's house. She said some of her friends thought I was the life of the party, with my witty one-liners and self-effacing humor and stories of life on the "frontier". My own impression was that I felt so awkward and out of place that I drove the hour and a half home when the party was winding down to just the drunkards and lingerers instead of staying overnight as I had been invited to do.
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  #29  
Old 09-18-2013, 12:47 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Originally Posted by Megatron View Post
Ok, so here's a question?

Is it possible to be both an introvert and an extrovert at the same time? Because I seriously think that's me.
Yeah, everyone is. To be 100% either way would be completely pathological. Like most things, it's a spectrum. People usually identify as one or the other when they're pretty far on one end of that spectrum, but they're not pure introvert or extrovert.
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  #30  
Old 09-18-2013, 12:57 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you, Megsmotron. Well, at least not regarding this. I can enjoy being around people (strangers and not-strangers). But I can also enjoy my alone just for me time, too.
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Old 09-18-2013, 01:07 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

My problem is I'm lonely quite a lot, but I hate people. I hate them in groups anyway, one-on-one most people aren't too bad, it's just when they gather in groups their herd mentality takes over. And I don't feel like I fit into any herd.
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  #32  
Old 09-18-2013, 01:24 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

Yeah, I'm in that camp - people I know (and like), maybe 1 or two strangers if I have time and energy to get to know them, that's all well and good, and I seldom say no when that sort of company is available. But big groups, parties, opening socials (oh god...)
Hell, no.

I don't like being completely alone as much or as often as I used to, but it's still so, so nice to just take a ride up the canyon to go hiking, sit in an out-of-the-way corner, zone out on a book or game. With a spouse, kid, school, and work, I don't get to do any of those things nearly as often as I'd like, even if that is less often than it used to be.
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  #33  
Old 09-18-2013, 02:54 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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My problem is I'm lonely quite a lot, but I hate people. I hate them in groups anyway, one-on-one most people aren't too bad, it's just when they gather in groups their herd mentality takes over. And I don't feel like I fit into any herd.
Oh, yeah...
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  #34  
Old 09-18-2013, 06:24 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

I was just thinking about how I'm mixed introvert/extrovert, but put me in a lecture hall talking to students?!?!

:faint:
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  #35  
Old 09-18-2013, 07:45 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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I find being a cook comes in useful in avoiding socializing. I can busy myself working in the kitchen while others socialize. Since most of my family know I will kill them with whatever utensil is handy if they get in my way while I'm cooking, it works pretty well.
This... explains a lot about my mother. Interesting observation.
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Old 09-18-2013, 02:07 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

A general "yes" to the recent posts


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Old 09-18-2013, 02:49 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Originally Posted by Megatron View Post
Ok, so here's a question?

Is it possible to be both an introvert and an extrovert at the same time? Because I seriously think that's me.

M'lady and I can gather all our friends together and have a party of 15 and I will probably be the loudest motherfucker there. Most of the stories the next day will be about dumb/funny shit I said or did, even before I got drunk.

I drive a cab and sometimes I will talk people's ears off. Granted, usually it's the other way around. You wouldn't believe the shit people will tell a completely neutral set of ears that will never have any impact on or investment in their lives.

But when I don't have something going on, or it's just a lazy day off, I'd rather sit in here and play video games or talk to you silly bastards on the internet than go anywhere.

I get annoyed at any kind of sudden forced interaction. Events with other people have to be planned at least a little bit out or I find myself hating it, just because I haven't mentally prepared for dealing with people that don't live in my house.

Given the nature of my job and the fact that my GF and I have lived together for over a year and a half now, alone time is a somewhat rare and precious thing, worth more than its weight in gold.

Shit, one time she got out of work 30 minutes early on a day I was off and I actually mourned those 30 minutes. I fucking got over it, of course, but still... it's strange.

Maybe I'm just an introvert that's learned to fake it really well, I don't know.
I don't think that's weird. I'm way the hell over on the introverted side of the spectrum, and people often don't believe me when I tell them that, because I'm talkative among friends, love parties, etc. Introversion just means that I need alone time to recover between instances of socialization. It's like exercise. I love to run, but I can't do it constantly without rest periods. Socializing, for me, works the same way.
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  #38  
Old 09-18-2013, 03:02 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Originally Posted by Megatron View Post
Ok, so here's a question?

Is it possible to be both an introvert and an extrovert at the same time? Because I seriously think that's me.
Yeah, everyone is. To be 100% either way would be completely pathological. Like most things, it's a spectrum. People usually identify as one or the other when they're pretty far on one end of that spectrum, but they're not pure introvert or extrovert.
This is true, plus also people can be totally extroverted in the morning if they are rested and have energy or feeling manic but then later completely crash and be exhausted and need to be alone and recharge. Or is that just bipolar people? :shiftier:

I was talking to my mom about this over the summer, we got on the topic of Meyer's Briggs tests. She's a marketing puke who is all six-sigma and shit, so she lives and breathes it, and when I was a kid she used to take me to her psych classes at night school so we've been doing this shit together since I was a baby.

Anyway, she told me about how she used to always score extrovert and now she always scores introvert, and she says it's because she used to answer with the way she wanted to be and now she answers with the way she really thinks she is.

And I was like, duh, you can totally turn it on and wow customers all day and be an awesome big-shot, but then don't you always go and explore the museums and cafe's by yourself? Don't you love how you can just decompress and not have to worry about anybody else? And she's like, yeah, duh.
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  #39  
Old 09-18-2013, 04:03 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

I am an extrovert for the most part but also kind of antisocial due to misanthropy. A big social life and lots of friends is just a recipe for drama and angst that I don't want to deal with at all. I don't remember ever really feeling lonely, at least not the way I understand the word lonely. I may have occasionally felt slighted, or snubbed, or stranded, or in need of assistance when there was none...but not the ache of loneliness I have had described to me.

A couple of times when going through specific stressors, I felt like it might be nice if someone was on the same page with me emotionally, or had walked in my shoes, but 99% of the time I am perfectly content with my immediate family and youse assholes here.
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  #40  
Old 09-18-2013, 04:32 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Originally Posted by Dingfod View Post
My problem is I'm lonely quite a lot, but I hate people. I hate them in groups anyway, one-on-one most people aren't too bad, it's just when they gather in groups their herd mentality takes over. And I don't feel like I fit into any herd.
I've always said that I like persons; it's people that I can't stand. When you're dealing with one or two persons at a time, they're caring, intelligent, and interesting. But put a whole bunch of people together and all too often, you wind up with a herd of dumb beasts.

As a character in Men in Black noted: "A person is intelligent; people are dumb, panicky animals."


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I was just thinking about how I'm mixed introvert/extrovert, but put me in a lecture hall talking to students?!?!

:faint:
When I started graduate school and they told me I'd have to teach, that was a terrifying prospect. And I'm sure I did a lousy job of it at first.

But I discovered that when you have a good and responsive class, what really goes on is a conversation about interesting things -- and it's a ton of fun. When you have an unresponsive class, you're lecturing, and nobody -- least of all me -- enjoys the experience. When I have to spend an hour or so lecturing to an unresponsive class, I feel like I'm going to commit seppuku by the end, and I literally have to fight the urge to just get the heck out, go to my office, turn off all the lights, and sit quietly by myself for a couple of hours.

Of the three classes I'm teaching this semester, one is comprised entirely of unresponsive students. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot get any of them to respond. They just sit there. I call them my "class of lichens."

I can just barely manage to hold myself together long-enough to finish a lecture, and there have been several times when I've been that close to just dropping my pointer and walking out of the room -- as that would be a lot more dignified than to run out screaming.
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  #41  
Old 09-18-2013, 04:33 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

The best way I've ever heard of to tell which you really are is to ask yourself how you recharge. Do you recharge in company or do you need solitude? That's the core of whether your an introvert or an extrovert.

I've gotten really good at faking it in public, such that some of my coworkers don't believe I'm really an introvert. Of course, I go home after to an empty home and feel no need to be with anyone after work. Quite the opposite, I feel working in public earns me the right to be a recluse after hours and if you try to talk to me after work I will not be pleasant. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't force myself into dealing with people at work, would I actually be inclined to have a social life. Somehow I doubt it.

Oh, and ditto on the one or two people instead of a crowd thing. People simply don't feel real to me until I've spoken with them one on one. I can be completely oblivious and once introduced someone I had known for months as "my new friend" on the first day we actually had a conversation. At least, I assume I had actually known her for months based on the incredulous looks the faces of her and the people I introduced her to that way.
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  #42  
Old 09-18-2013, 04:54 PM
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The best way I've ever heard of to tell which you really are is to ask yourself how you recharge. Do you recharge in company or do you need solitude? That's the core of whether your an introvert or an extrovert.
I am not 100% sure I understand what recharge even means. I go to sleep when I am tired.
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Old 09-18-2013, 05:19 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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The best way I've ever heard of to tell which you really are is to ask yourself how you recharge. Do you recharge in company or do you need solitude? That's the core of whether your an introvert or an extrovert.
I am not 100% sure I understand what recharge even means. I go to sleep when I am tired.
It's sort of hard to explain. Does socializing make you (mentally/emotionally) tired? If not, you're probably closer to the extrovert side of the spectrum.
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Old 09-18-2013, 05:31 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

Yeah, that.

Socializing is exhausting. Afterwards, I absolutely, positively need to be alone for awhile, before I feel myself again.
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Old 09-18-2013, 05:43 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

I generally score towards the middle, but on the introverted side on those tests.

I don't like crowds, or large parties that much, and I definitely like being alone a fair amount of time and don't feel the need to constantly socialize. But I don't feel that socializing is exhausting - I like it. If it's people I like and not too large of a group. If I've spent a lot of time socializing or working with people, I probably want some alone time. But if I've spent a lot of time alone, I probably want to socialize.

But more towards the introverted side, because I'll be perfectly content to get absorbed into a video game or books or whatever for like a week without socializing, but I'll definitely want some alone time after a full day of socializing.
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Old 09-18-2013, 07:07 PM
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The best way I've ever heard of to tell which you really are is to ask yourself how you recharge. Do you recharge in company or do you need solitude? That's the core of whether your an introvert or an extrovert.
I am not 100% sure I understand what recharge even means. I go to sleep when I am tired.
It's sort of hard to explain. Does socializing make you (mentally/emotionally) tired? If not, you're probably closer to the extrovert side of the spectrum.
Depends on the levels of drama, angst, ridiculous "problems", stupidity and ignorance I am exposed to during the socializing process. My tolerance for that shit has bottomed out as I've aged.

If it is a pleasant experience with many laughs and warm feelings, or intelligent discussion that makes me think, then I am not mentally tired. But, as I said, except for my immediate family and seriously a tiny handful of friends, my intolerable bullshit exposure seems to be really high in any group of humans...then I feel like becoming a hermit family.
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Old 09-18-2013, 07:13 PM
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This is true, plus also people can be totally extroverted in the morning if they are rested and have energy or feeling manic but then later completely crash and be exhausted and need to be alone and recharge.
I think I should have said something like "outgoing" there, because it's not the behavior or the outward-facing persona that makes an introvert or an extrovert, but rather where their energy comes from.

And I feel so woo to say energy when that's a physics term, but it just really honestly feels that way. You just literally feel that there are some people who feed on making you talk to them or engage them or acknowledge their presence, and continually reinforce that acknowledgement, and it's like, give it a rest, man! because they drain you of your energy. And you just want to go somewhere by yourself and, if not "recharge" earlier I said "decompress". You're so high-strung you don't ever need to decompress? To just take some deep breaths and relax your shoulders while you pet your dog, or a super long hot shower where you just shake off all the stuff of the day?
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Old 09-18-2013, 07:32 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

I guess I decompress when I am doing something I enjoy...whether reading or watching a show or movie, or adventuring in nature. Kiddo and I have quiet time every evening where we read a story, or lately do a guided imagery relaxation thing. That's decompressing I guess.

I mostly just think of everything in terms of enjoying, not enjoying, or just doing to get done but with no strong feelings about it (like work, or laundry, or errands). When I feel really stressed or freaked out though, I seriously just go to sleep...everything seems better after a good sleep.


Also lol. I know I am high strung...sorry if that makes me high maintenance to my few friends as well ;)

Last edited by LadyShea; 09-18-2013 at 07:43 PM.
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Old 09-18-2013, 07:44 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

I actually really like people. I do get really misanthropic sometimes, but usually it's because someone is doing something that's cruel or greedy and harmful to other people. So it's sort of the opposite of misanthropy that usually makes me hate people.

My main thing, though, that makes me sort of asocial is that I hate small talk so so much. I realize it's a very useful thing, and it's important. I just hate it. It's seriously torturous for me sometimes to have to do it. It's all just these dull, polite recountings of boring and otherwise unremarkable things you've done or witnessed, like the weather or sports* or TV shows or what you did today or whatever. They are pretty great, really, as a simple social lubricant, and serve to establish that we are fellow humans in no immediate distress ("Hello, how are you? I am fine. And you? Fine." or whatever, if someone wants to introduce pertinent information, like it's their first day or they just got over the stomach flu or something), and to establish shared experiences or observations (weather, sports, there are a lot of yellow cars in the parking lot today), and to establish mutual good will (Have a nice day! Congratulations on the new job!) And sometimes you're feeling around for an actual topic of discussion, which is also cool. But if they go on for more than a couple minutes or so, or if they're repetitive, like having to interact with the same person that way every weekday or something, it can be excruciating.

I know this is awful, but I actually found myself getting into the habit of hiding anything that might spur a boring conversation when someone is coming over. Like, any evidence of projects I'm working on or chores or recent purchases or anything. I will even sometimes ERASE MY GROCERY LIST if I think it's something someone might comment on. And if there are people staying with me and I hear them coming, I would sometimes actually stop whatever I was doing, go sit in front of the TV and turn it on so it looks like I was just sitting there watching an infomercial or whatever.

Which seriously, I know. That's horrible and I am a prickly, difficult person, going around making it intentionally difficult to socialize with me. I just sometimes can't even handle having to narrate and recount a bunch of boring things that were boring even when I was experiencing them.

However, I am also often prone to having super-intense weird conversations with total strangers. Mostly mentally ill people or nerds, sometimes children. Basically people who aren't big on or good at social conventions, I guess, but you just sort of end up stumbling on some shared interest or something and end up getting completely wrapped up in it. I think my record was when I spent about three days with a complete stranger on some Outward Bound type camping trip. That sort of thing is genuinely energizing for me.

But the whole small talk thing and socializing to socialize are exhausting. When I've had to do too much of that sort of thing, I get frazzled and out of sorts and need to be left completely alone to regroup for a pretty long time. Like, I dunno, maybe like if you'd just spent a day doing your taxes or fighting a bureaucracy or something. That kind of tired.

* I did see some interesting sports once, though. There were these men, and a bunch of them were wearing the same outfit, and so then, they all started fighting and running and stuff! And everybody was yelling, and the fight lasted a really long time, but they finally stopped and everybody talked about their feelings for a while.
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Old 09-18-2013, 07:49 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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