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  #51  
Old 09-18-2013, 07:52 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

Yah, smalltalk is another thing. I used to think I was shy or antisocial or something. Eventually, I realized that it's just that socializing takes effort, and I'm not thrilled about expending that effort for dumb reasons like observing that weather exists.
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Old 09-18-2013, 07:55 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

Haaaay Adem! How's it hangin?
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  #53  
Old 09-18-2013, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by lisarea View Post
I just sometimes can't even handle having to narrate and recount a bunch of boring things that were boring even when I was experiencing them.
I find this very hard to believe.
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  #54  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:01 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Haaaay Adem! How's it hangin?
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  #55  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:06 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lisarea View Post
I just sometimes can't even handle having to narrate and recount a bunch of boring things that were boring even when I was experiencing them.
I find this very hard to believe.
Boring to me would be the important distinction.
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  #56  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:08 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Originally Posted by lisarea View Post
However, I am also often prone to having super-intense weird conversations with total strangers. Mostly mentally ill people or nerds, sometimes children. Basically people who aren't big on or good at social conventions, I guess, but you just sort of end up stumbling on some shared interest or something and end up getting completely wrapped up in it.
Um, here is a tangent, so you don't have to read it.

My schizophrenic friend has an encyclopedic knowledge of star trek, like me, so way too often he and I would have these completely too intense conversations about it, to the point that our other friends had to literally ban the topic when we were all hanging out.

But that reminds me of the other thing, which means I am back from the tangent! Start reading again.

I think there's a little myth or misunderstanding that introverted people are misanthropic, a-/antisocial, or just want to be 100% alone. I have also read that introverts tend to have a few very close friends, and enjoy socializing in really small groups like 2-4, where you can have meaningful relationships and conversations about more than the weather, because you have all this established history and common ground already. Probably why we like shit like camping and table-top gaming or whatever.
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  #57  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:14 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Also lol. I know I am high strung...sorry if that makes me high maintenance to my few friends as well ;)
:lol: No worries, it's no sweat of my nose. I'm just like, damn, do you need a shoulder rub?
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  #58  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:22 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Also lol. I know I am high strung...sorry if that makes me high maintenance to my few friends as well ;)
:lol: No worries, it's no sweat of my nose. I'm just like, damn, do you need a shoulder rub?
You know, until we stayed the night with you that time, I had never talked to bey at length...but he is awesome to talk to and I enjoyed the shit out of our conversation, and I already liked you. That was me enjoying myself and being relaxed, seriously. Had a hell of a nice time. No decompression necessary.

Hiking with TLR that same trip? Totally relaxed and enjoyable as shit.

After that though, dealing with extended family? They make me tired and stressed and ready to hurt people...because of all the not fun or interesting at all.

So yes, I need a shoulder rub a lot of the time because a lot of people suck to be around.
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  #59  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:24 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

:unnod: Total introvert.

:therapy:
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  #60  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:26 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

This relates to something pages ago, but I just remembered it. The answer to the (probably rhetorical) question of why someone would go to a coffee house to read a book can often be 'because I am avoiding my roommates so as not to have to murder them' also, 'because I don't have/can't make decent coffee at my house' or even 'I have half an hour to kill before my movie starts, I'll just find somewhere comfy to read'.

I am willing to admit that first one may just be me.
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  #61  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:28 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

Yeah, I have no talent for and even less interest in small talk. Now, give me something interesting to talk about, and I'll happily chatter away.


Most of the people in the Science Department strike me as quite outgoing, and so I'm constantly (from my perspective) receiving invitations to attend social gatherings. And while I genuinely like and respect my colleagues, I'd almost rather claw my eyes out than spend several hours crammed into somebody's house with 20 or so other people, chatting about the latest television show or whatever.


I've told my colleagues to please not take it personally, but I'll never be issuing such an invitation. I said, "If you ever receive such an invitation in my name, you should -- Alert the authorities!." Because the only possible explanation is that I've been replaced, like in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and the Pod People are trying to lure in new victims.
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  #62  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:29 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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myth or misunderstanding
mythunderstanding :boythink:
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  #63  
Old 09-18-2013, 08:32 PM
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You know, until we stayed the night with you that time, I had never talked to bey at length...but he is awesome to talk to and I enjoyed the shit out of our conversation, and I already liked you. That was me enjoying myself and being relaxed, seriously. Had a hell of a nice time. No decompression necessary.

Hiking with TLR that same trip? Totally relaxed and enjoyable as shit.
And I had a blast, too. Put me in a situation where I think I have something useful and/or interesting to say, and with people who're interested in sharing the experience, and I love being with people. Heck, you probably wished I'd just shut up, after awhile.
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  #64  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:10 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

I never fully understood the introvert/extrovert distinction until I started hanging with organizers and partiers who at the end of the night will be buzzing and ready to take on All the Things! Whereas I want to go home and rest. Last year I helped to run a conference and after it was over I sat at home in silence for the next day, which is rare as I normally have music going, but I was completely drained (even though I had a great time).

I often suck at and avoid medium talk. I can bullshit/small-talk pretty well from forced training at parties, but I normally end up so engrossed in topics of interest that it becomes hard to simplify things into an actual conversation instead of a lecture that just leaves people confused or me trying not to smack them when they say something dumb like it's common sense fact.
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  #65  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:17 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

I think we can conclude from all of this that being introverted really means nothing more than not liking to be with stupid, boring people.
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Old 09-18-2013, 09:37 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

I guess that sums it up for me, well, except for my agoraphobia (fear of crowds), a completely logical phobia (disease, mob psychology, etc.)
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  #67  
Old 09-18-2013, 10:26 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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To be 100% either way would be completely pathological.
:brooding:

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  #68  
Old 09-18-2013, 10:49 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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I think we can conclude from all of this that being introverted really means nothing more than not liking to be with stupid, boring people.
Not really.

I can't interact with anyone all the time, not even smart, interesting people. Not even my favorite people in the world.

For example, in the mornings, I need a significant chunk of time to "get right with Jesus," which just means I'm not ready for interactions. I'm groggy when I wake up, sure, but I also need time to just get my bearings and be left alone for some time. Making even little conversation about food or schedules or other necessary things is almost painful. When someone tries to actually have a conversation with me in the morning, it can seriously fuck up my entire day, leaving me tired and confused and out of sorts. I need time to just sort of think quietly without having to externalize things. Externalizing is work. I need time to process information and sort through my thoughts without having to do the work of communicating things to other people--even people I like and often enjoy communicating with.

That's probably why that Caring for Your Introvert article added 'at breakfast' to Sartre's quote, "Hell is other people."

Also you know that social thing people do where they will talk about a certain topic, and everyone is expected to express some opinion about it right there on the spot, no matter how hasty and uninformed they are on the subject? I hate that. I hate it when people expect me to do that with them, or assume I'm being shy or insecure when I don't. And people do it all the time, even smart and interesting people whose company I normally enjoy. That's why the internet is better than real life, because there isn't that forced participation thing. You can pick and choose what you want to discuss and when.

And that is probably why the whole introversion awareness thing happened on the internet.
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  #69  
Old 09-19-2013, 12:49 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

You and me both, lisarea, only not at the same time because that would violate my need for my own space and time to myself. This is also why I hate having house guests, even my own family. I get really anxious when I don't get some private time to myself. I hang out at a bar to get away from the people in my own house, not to hang out with people at the bar.
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Old 09-19-2013, 06:19 AM
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Ok, so here's a question?

Is it possible to be both an introvert and an extrovert at the same time? Because I seriously think that's me.....

yeah, that web site completely missed the " you seem so friendly outgoing and chatty, why don't you have more friends? " question. The answer is very simple. Socializing is fun, but friendships requires effort to be maintained, and I'm just to fucking lazy to keep more than a few good friends.
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  #71  
Old 09-19-2013, 07:59 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand


:loud:


:grouppic:

:brooding:
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Old 09-19-2013, 08:00 AM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

I'm not sure if working rotating shifts is part of the cause of my not being able to have friends or is a crutch I use to keep me from having any.
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Old 09-19-2013, 09:02 AM
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Meat people! :hungry:



Oh.

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Old 09-19-2013, 09:05 AM
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People, they're made out of meat.
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Old 09-19-2013, 05:27 PM
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Default Re: Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

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Originally Posted by LadyShea View Post
I think we can conclude from all of this that being introverted really means nothing more than not liking to be with stupid, boring people.
Maybe it helps to think if it as the difference between finding the content of some social interaction tiring and finding the act of social interaction in general tiring? Even conversations that I find interesting and engaging are, ultimately, tiring, and I end up needing alone time to recover, because it's not the content of the conversation that's wearing me out, it's the actual act of conversing.
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