I just threw Qingdai's mom out about an hour ago, and then tried to explain what was happening to my 5-year-old son, (I'll give him the screen-name Shadow, that's his name when he pretends to be a puppy) who could not understand why I was fighting with grandma.
Qingdai's mom babysits for us, up to three times a week, covering times when we are both working. We also have Shadow's uncle pick him up from school on Fridays and babysit until I get off work. She came over today, mistakenly thinking she was babysitting today; she was not, as I am on vacation this week. Qingdai is at the dentist's.
Upon learning that Shadow's uncle was going to be picking Shadow up on Thursdays, she requested a private conversation with me.
----
The background is that a month ago Qingdai's mom had started volunteering at Shadow's pre-school on Fridays, when his uncle usually picks Shadow up. He came to pick Shadow up, and Shadow ran under a low tree, refusing to come out, and his uncle (my sister's husband) told him to come out from under the tree, it was time to go, and to remember what I had told Shadow- to listen to his uncle, teacher, etc.
Qingdai's mom had decided that this kind of interaction was basically crushing Shadow's spirit, that Shadow was scared of his uncle, and that his uncle was obviously irrational. Qingdai and I both explained to her that we had seen lots of interactions between Shadow and his uncle, we had no problem with what he told Shadow, and that she was reading more into the interaction than was actually there. She said to us, "I never allowed a man to be alone with my kids." Which is all kinds of insulting, intimating that we're showing poor judgment, and that Shadow's uncle is a pedophile or abuser. We again reiterated our position through gritted teeth, explained the insulting aspects of what she said, and asked her to let it go.
So the next week when Shadow's uncle came to pick him up, with Qingdai's mom in the class, Shadow threw a fit about going with his uncle, he wanted his mom. The end result was Qingdai's mom inserted herself into the equation as Shadow's uncle was explaining that no, your mom is at work, she asked me to pick you up, do you want to talk to your mom on the phone?- Qingdai's mom gave Shadow the option of going with her instead.
So that's one solution, but our son is five, and we don't want him deciding who is sitting him or taking him home, and we don't want his uncle rearranging his schedule so that he can come down for some choosing session where he may or may not be taking care of Shadow. This time afterward I had a long conversation with Qingdai's mom, and I made it very clear that Shadow would not be choosing in the future, that I didn't want confusion where Shadow believes he has that particular choice, and that I would like to change the schedule where either his uncle would pick him up on a different day or Qingdai's mom can volunteer on a different day. I also pointed out to her that Shadow has melt-downs regularly about going to school, eating dinner, leaving the house, having the TV turned off, changing venues, putting on his clothes, going to bed, taking a bath- and I mean sometimes screaming super-oppositional-leave-you-emotionally-drained melt-downs- so his freak-out about going with his uncle is not really indicative of anything.
We also hashed out a few more details, like on the subject of her regularly undermining or countermanding our instructions to Shadow -as we are giving them- and how that is not supportive. Again, Shadow's uncle was painted as just short of Hitler-minus-the-mustache, and I told her this needs to stop; if she is going to accuse him of being a pedophile or abuser then say it. I also point out how insulting it is when we clearly don't want to take the direction she supports (the prime example being her desire to have Shadow go to an expensive school, way across town, with a long waiting list), that she continually pushes that position endlessly, despite our repeated clear rejection of that choice.
Ugh.
-------
So fast-forward, now today Qingdai's mom relates another over-dramatized story about how when Shadow thought he might be picked up by his uncle he was upset, and again relates how she would never allow a man alone to take care of her children.
I lose it.
I was sure I was very clear about this. Shadow's uncle is going to be picking him up, and that's our choice to make. We angrily explore the intimations of her statement. She indicates that I am in denial about Shadow's terror.
I point out to her that Shadow volunteered to me and Qingdai a number of times recently that "Grandma says you shouldn't trust people with dark skin." Should we then believe that you're a racist? Is it okay if I tell people that's what Shadow says? I mean, I'm not actually saying you're a racist, I'm just intimating it. Is it possible that Shadow, as a five-year-old, is not a reliable source? That maybe he misinterpreted some things you said, or even made it up whole cloth?
Denial that she ever said such a thing. And I explain that I don't think she's a closet racist, it is patently absurd; but that again then maybe she's reading more into Shadow's statements, not least because she has a history of abuse issues with men, and basically sees all men as abusers.
So now that is completely off base in her estimation, and I am really out of line. She is incensed.
This is when Shadow comes in from outside and catches the end of this conversation and is scared and confused.
We have a little more conversation, and Shadow is starting to cry, and Qingdai's mom goes to draw Shadow into her arms, and I say no way. Shadow is off to his room, and she is really upset now, and goes into how she knew I wouldn't listen to her and she knew I would be in denial, to which I reply, then why did you bother? Get out of my house. Get out or I will throw you out. I will call the police. Qindai's mom tells me you're being rude and are a nasty man and should be ashamed. Yes I am, I am being rude and I am a nasty man and I should be ashamed. Get out. She leaves and I slam the door behind her and lock it.
And then go explain to Shadow that I disagree with his grandma sometimes and that I'm sorry I'm sure that was scary, with people in his family arguing.
Go team.
Last edited by chunksmediocrites; 06-01-2010 at 10:36 PM.
Reason: fixing a shadow
Today's the day I see Das Rheingold. I'm just about to fill up the car, then I'll come back, get the ice chest filled with sodas and water, and be heading off to Los Angeles.
I hope it goes better than when I tried to see Nixon in China.
Over the next week and a half, this will be my schedule:
8th - Das Rheingold (The Rhine Gold)
10th - Die Walküre (The Valkyries)
12th - Meetup with maddog, taking in the Aquarium of the Pacific and the Museum of Latin American Art, then Ricky Ian Gordon's Orpheus and Euridice at 9 p.m. in Long Beach (starring Elizabeth Futral, no less! ).
13th - Noon matinee of Siegfried
16th - Götterdämmerung (Twilight of the Gods)
18th - Frederica von Stade in concert. This is the San Diego appearance in her farewell concert.
i really miss the spice of this board and its
characters who kept me company during
the "long cold dark" when life seemed so
... well, cold and dark
suffice it to say my free time is substantially
reduced, but my productivity is SCREAMING!
(or maybe that is just me...)
anyway the highlights are my GPA is still intact,
we are babysitting the high school biology class
rats ( pretty sure they aint getting them back
since i have been smitten) and my herb bed is
looking promising... the brewers may not be ahead
in the count, but at least they dont suck; soccer
is a mystery but i love too many people who seem
to care to not peek in once in a while (yes england,
mexico and new zealand, i am talking to you!)
have a safe happy busy lovely summer, unless you
live where the aurora australis lights the night, then
i hope you enjoy what one enjoys during antipodean
winters....
<smooch>
__________________
proudly holding to the party line of willfully ignorant self-interest
I just subscribed to the Long Beach Opera's new season, which doesn't begin until January.
Let's hope I can actually go see more than one production in the season.
The operas are, in order:
Medea (Médéé) by Luigi Cherubini - This is more famous than their usual run of operas. While not given very often, it exists on the fringes of the repertoire, primarily thanks to Maria Callas who championed the opera and sang the title role. The role has also been essayed by famous singers like Gwenyth Jones, Leonie Rysanek, Anja Silja, Grace Bumbry, Shirley Verrett and Montserrat Caballé. The Italian director Pier Paolo Pasolini was so taken with Callas' performance as Medea that he directed a (spoken) version based on Euripedes' play and cast her as the lead. That was her only non-stage role.
Akhnaten by Philip Glass - This is the last of the trilogy of "portrait operas" that began with Einstein on the Beach and continiued with Satyagraha, featuring Gandhi as a main character. This opera centers on the life of Akhenaten (Amenhotep IV), an Egyptian pharoah who tried to supplant Egypt's reigning polytheism with a monotheistic religion centered on sun-worship. He was unsuccessful, and after his death Egypt gradually returned to the religion and practices that had been current during the life of Amenhotep III, his father.
Moscow, Cherry Town (Moskva Cheryomushki) by Dmitri Shostakovich - Shostakovich had an ambiguous relationship with the Soviet authorities. He never sought asylum, nor was he persecuted as badly as some of his fellow artists, but he had an independent mind and a satirical bent that got him in trouble with the authorities. His music was denounced twice under Stalin and banned on several occasions, but he also won prizes and accolades. This operetta was written during the period known as the "Khrushchev Thaw" and it's a very lively and funny satire of bureaucratic incompetence and corruption in housing and the difficulty of finding a place to live in urban Moscow. One can almost hear Shostakovich's relief at not having Stalin looking over his shoulder.
The Difficulty of Crossing a Field by David Lang - I've wanted to see this ever since reading about it on Sequenza21's website. The libretto is written by a great American playwright, Mac Wellman, and based on the story of the same name by Ambrose Bierce. That article is now long gone, along with the production photographs, unfortunately, and there's no clips online that would give you any flavor of what the opera sounds like. So instead, I'll just link you to one of David Lang's better-known works:
My son broke his arm falling off the monkey bars today. Humerus fracture at least single, maybe double.
And teen age boys at the park have been hassling us. Calling me bitch and so on. My husband called them on it and they pushed him. He called the cops and now I am concerned they'll come back for more. They seem to be into escalation.
So, starting Monday, I get to launch my part of the corporate ROM process. They're downsizing my entire division, and are making all of us re-apply not only for our own job (assuming it still exists in the new structure), but also to select 5 other jobs to apply for as well. Oh, and we do this by payscale, so to hell with being able to treat this as an opportunity for advancement. And in a wonderful shit-rolls-downhill fashion, the people in the payscale above me who didn't land a position in the last round get to apply for my job as well.
To top it off, I'm having technical difficulties with the documents I need to give to the people hiring for the jobs I'm begging for. And that most likely won't be resolved by Monday morning, when I will need it.
I need a fucking drink. Not tonight, here, now.
__________________
"Her eyes in certain light were violet, and all her teeth were even. That's a rare, fair feature: even teeth. She smiled to excess, but she chewed with real distinction." - Eleanor of Aquitaine
My parents promised me a laptop as a graduation present (they got my brother a graduation present of similar value) when I graduated about three years ago.
I'm currently using a 7 year old IBM T40 (pre-Lenovo!) laptop I got through my undergrad university. It's on its third motherboard and third hard drive, and its fan is noisy and sputtery (I need to smack the bottom of the computer in order to get the fan to start up fast enough for the computer to realize that it has a working fan, otherwise it won't start up).
But in transit is a new "Merlot red" Dell Studio XPS 16 laptop bursting with features!
Should arrive this week or the next (says 3-5 days, but that could mean it'll miss Friday and not arrive til the following Monday...).
i spent a wonderous day with my
middle son, who has often felt like
the forgotten child....
he was 19 on may 1st
it was our first chance to really connect
for months and months, since he has once
again moved back home (actually renting
space in an outbuilding).... i took him on
a belated birthday shopping trip for clothes
and shoes.... it was a good day and we
enjoyed each other's company...
at one point he was angry when he
told me the worst 12 years of his life
were in the cult called jehovah's witnesses
and he said "thanks for that , mom"
i said to him i would never stop apologizing
and that sometimes when one thinks they
are doing the right thing, there is no way
to determine what unintended consequences
might arise, and that i was a grieving mother
and sister when they knocked on my door,
having buried a baby and a brother in one
calender year, so i was low hanging fruit
when they talked of paradise and resurrection....
his eyes filled with tears
he barely whispered
"i lost a kid too, mom,
last winter when C
had a miscarriage...."
wow
number 4 heavy, innit?
__________________
proudly holding to the party line of willfully ignorant self-interest
I'm not allowed to let anyone in the office know this yet, so y'all get to hear this before my wife, even, since I can't call her from my cube.
I CAN HAZ CONTINUED EMPLOYMENT!!!
Same Bat-salary grade, Same Bat-benefits. Kafka Industries remains graced by my presence.
Whooped 'em again, Josey.
__________________
"Her eyes in certain light were violet, and all her teeth were even. That's a rare, fair feature: even teeth. She smiled to excess, but she chewed with real distinction." - Eleanor of Aquitaine
Hubby just got offered a job after the weirdest interview process I have ever seen, and it's a weird job. But, it's flexible, solitary (no office or anything) and he won't need to go back to work for his friend with the worst adult ADD I have ever encountered, so it's all good.
Just found out Kiddo will have a bio sibling in the Spring. For some reason it makes me scared and sad, though I have known she was trying to get pregnant for months.
I think I don't know how to explain it to him...he has asked for a sibling, but this isn't a live in the same house (not even the same state) kind of normal situation.
Well I just gave my first tutoring session and it was an absolute blast! I was so nervous before hand but as soon as she arrived I just dived right in and knew just what to do. I swear I have found my calling, tonight was like coming home.
For the first time in my life I feel that I really know what I was put on this Earth to do. I am a teacher!
Bailey was a 13 year old Pomapoo. She was a good dog...most times. She could be infuriating and adorable. As much as I always said I'd rather without her, well...now I find myself missing her so much. There's a Bailey-shaped hole somewhere in me.
I turned in notice via email of my intent to retire from my current employment toward the end of next month. Now, I need to finish filling out the paperwork necessary to gain access to my pension benefits by Nov. 1st.
__________________
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.--W.C. Fields
Daughter #2, notsosure, had her budding Roller Derby career cut short by a rink accident, resulting in a broken right ankle. We were in the ER until 12:30 AM, and now await a phone call from the osteopathic specialist on whether or not surgery will be required. My guess is not, based on my own broken ankle was much worse and didn't. But, you never know, a hammer always thinks every problem is a nail...
__________________
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.--W.C. Fields
Daughter #2, notsosure, had her budding Roller Derby career cut short by a rink accident, resulting in a broken right ankle. We were in the ER until 12:30 AM, and now await a phone call from the osteopathic specialist on whether or not surgery will be required. My guess is not, based on my own broken ankle was much worse and didn't. But, you never know, a hammer always thinks every problem is a nail...
Update: Orthopedic specialist wants her to come in at 8:15 AM tomorrow.
__________________
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.--W.C. Fields
Daughter #2, notsosure, had her budding Roller Derby career cut short by a rink accident, resulting in a broken right ankle. We were in the ER until 12:30 AM, and now await a phone call from the osteopathic specialist on whether or not surgery will be required. My guess is not, based on my own broken ankle was much worse and didn't. But, you never know, a hammer always thinks every problem is a nail...
Update: Orthopedic specialist wants her to come in at 8:15 AM tomorrow.
Update2: Surgery will be scheduled for next Tuesday or Wednesday.
__________________
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.--W.C. Fields
My last day to work in the pipeline control center is October 22nd. I am retiring, officially instead of just in-place. I have been staring at computer screens for 21-1/2 years, that's long enough. It be an early retirement, I will be only 55 years old on Queen Liv's birthday. I'm cashing out pension benefits from two companies, the current after 19 years of service and my former employer after 10. Both employers have 55 and over early retirement options. What I will get will allow only a very meager retirement, but more than the cardboard box under the viaduct I had been predicting for so long. There is enough that I can get by until more comes later (Social Security). Any little job I choose to pursue, from pizza delivery to part-time at the county library, will provide the gravy for the meat (not cat food) until then. Health insurance is included, but at the group rate, unsubsidized.
__________________
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.--W.C. Fields
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