The worst few days of my life, so far!

[Leesifer]

The last week has been absolutely awful. For those of you that don't know, my husband, Bill, has lung and brain cancer.

He thinks he had a seizure last Saturday but isn't sure. Since then, he has become more and more confused and unsteady on his feet, along with no appetite and unable to sleep.

He was getting up about 8 or 9 times in the night and I had to be with him because he was so unsteady on his feet.

All the District Nurses and Hospice wanted to do was medicate him. He had been taking diazepam(valium) but they just made him more agitated, unsteady and confused.

We finally got him admitted to hospital yesterday, after a very long day of nurses and hospice home visits and phone calls. We had to phone for an ambulance because the GP wouldn't come out. You don't get the best treatment in this country if you fall ill on a weekend, especially a bank holiday weekend!

To be honest, I'm quite relieved he's in hospital. It means I can get some proper sleep and relax a bit around the house.

I'll be going up to see him in a couple of hours and then am coming home, making a pasta ragu and drinking a couple of glasses of wine.

[Carnivale Ed]

Drink a couple more, sounds like you could use 'em. I can't imagine what you're going through, skunk. How you holding up?

[Leesifer]

Ok, thanks, Ed.

I must admit I was getting near the end of my tether the last few days. A lack of sleep had a lot to do with that I'm sure.

It was a bit worrying because he's a big bloke and I'm only small. He's been so unsteady on his feet but because he's confused, he kept getting up and trying to walk about. If he'd have fallen over properly, I would never have been able to pick him up.

We are now trying to sort out a proper care package for if he comes home again. I just can't do it on my own anymore.

[Carnivale Ed]

I have an idea what you're going through. My Grandfather, a very big guy, had a stroke a few months ago, and my Nan is tiny. We're trying to figure out what she's going to do once he eventually comes home (if he comes home). Probably a combination of mechanical devices and visiting carers, though I have my doubts even that will work. My aunts and uncles are all for it, but I don't think any of them has looked at my Nan lately, and I don't just mean her stature. The lady's exhausted, and I can well imagine that you're feeling the same way. Take your breaks when you can get 'em, Lees. Charge the next bottle o' plonk to Ed.

[Leesifer]

I understand exactly what you mean. It isn't easy looking after somebody when they are ill and, I do wonder whether Bill has had a small stroke. He is using all the wrong words for things and is very vague. I couldn't leave him on his own for 5 minutes yesterday before he went into hospital.

First of all he broke the toilet, so the bathroom flooded. That was at 5:30 a.m. Then he took the tube off his oxygen tank, so the oxygen was just leaking into the room.

You do feel guilty for feeling relieved they're in hospital and you do feel like you've abandoned them, especially when you know they'd like to be at home but sometimes it is the best place they can be.

[Clutch Munny]

Sounds like getting a couple nights of better sleep is the best thing you could do, Leesifer. I hope the specific effects of your husband's stroke fade quickly, as they sometimes do, but in any case the home care package sounds like a brilliant idea. Hang in there.

[livius drusus]

Oh Lees, how horrible it must have been for you.

I know it's easier said than done, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. Remember Godwacker's post to pepperspray on the thread about her elderly friend? If you physically harm yourself -- whether by trying to keep Bill steady on his feet, or by sleep deprivation, or even the constant stress of needing to be alert at all times -- it would be disastrous for both of you.

Here's hoping he'll recover from this episode as thoroughly as possible. Please be very careful, Lees.

[Carnivale Ed]

Originally Posted by Leesifer

You do feel guilty for feeling relieved they're in hospital and you do feel like you've abandoned them, especially when you know they'd like to be at home but sometimes it is the best place they can be.

Hey, I know all about the guilt. There's a part of me that wishes my Grandfather would die, and it kills me to admit that. He's always been this big family patriarch, and to see him just so utterly helpless, with so little chance of recovery, just tears me to shreds. It's wrong, but I know I wouldn't want to live like that, and I can't imagine he really wants to either.

But we don't talk about that stuff on Mum's side of the family. Everyone seems really oblivious, actually, in denial. They're about to start spending tens of thousands of dollars renovating my Grandparents home, for instance. The (likely, imo) idea that he may never actually come home, hasn't seemed to enter into their thinking. The fact that it enters mine, though, makes me feel like a heartless bastard. You probably feel similarly at being relieved at having some time off. Don't be. I don't know Bill, but I bet he hates what's become of him, and he wants you to take what time you can.

[Dragar]

Oh, I didn't know at all Lees. It sounds like you're doing all the right things to help your husband, but please take care of yourself, too.

[ChuckF]

Lees, I wish I had some good advice, but I don't. I think you are unimaginably strong. Please take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. We love ya

[MooseIBe]

Oh man Lees, that sounds awful. I am so sorry .

[ceptimus]

Sorry to hear this Lees. Take care.

[SharonDee]

Lees ...

When I didn't see you online yesterday, I worried that Bill had taken a turn. Never mind the guilt; take this time to rehabilitate yourself. It's necessary for you and for him.

[viscousmemories]

I'm so sorry Lees, but I'm glad to hear you're hanging in there.

...and now, a moment of unzen:

[Beth]

Oh, Lees, I'm sosorry to hear about this. Please do try to getsome rest and do try to think of yourself a little. As mentioned, it is important to both of you that you keep yourself well.

[Legs]

Hi Lees, I was wondering where you were Sorry to hear things have been so rough for you and your husband too, of course.

When you get some rest you can start thinking clearly again, you must have been so overwhelmed by it all.

What made the hospital finally admit him? how long will they keep him there? I hope you are able to get help at home very soon.

Let us know how it's going. enjoy your dinner and glass of wine tonight.

[Stormlight]

I'm so sorry, Leesifer. Try to find some time to relax. You sure could use it.

[Leesifer]

Thanks everyone.

He was a bit better today. I only stayed a few hours because he's quite tired and kept falling asleep but he did seem a little bit more alert.

I'm about to make some food and tidy up a bit and then have some R&R on , 'cos it always makes me feel better.

Originally Posted by Legs

What made the hospital finally admit him? how long will they keep him there? I hope you are able to get help at home very soon.

Basically, after 3 or 4 different healthcare people coming over yesterday and an out of hours GP refusing to make a home visit, the last resort was to call an ambulance and get him admitted to hospital, so that he could at least see a doctor.

He will definitely be in until Tuesday. It is a bank holiday weekend here, so he won't actually see a Constulant until then.

[Legs]

Well, have a good rest tonight, enjoy the peace and know that your husband is being looked after where he is.

[freemonkey]

Lees, I'm so sorry you two are going through this. I can't imagine how you've coped. I'm glad to hear Bill has improved some, though.

[Crumb]

Take care of yourself Lees.

[godfry n. glad]

Oh, Lees.... I had no idea.

[One for Sorrow]

Lees...



Take care, honey, and don't feel guilty for getting some much needed rest. If you're well-rested, you'll be able to cope better, and that will be beneficial for both of you.


Oh, and at shitty access to healthcare on long weekends.

[Dingfod]

I don't have anything to offer except a

[Adam]

Oh, Lees, I didn't know at all...I'm sorry to hear.

I'm glad to hear he's improved a bit, though, and that he's going to be able to see a real doctor. Sounds like you could do with the rest you're getting, and please don't feel a bit guilty about that. You're no good to anyone else if you're not taking care of yourself, and I'm willing to be Bill wouldn't want you putting yoruself through the wringer needlessly.

Best of luck.