Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
amusing though it was, i question whether angakuk's joke was authentically teutonic in nature, and not simply a joke about germans. we must take care to maintain the quality and purity of this thread.
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
Quote:
Originally Posted by oblomov
amusing though it was, i question whether angakuk's joke was authentically teutonic in nature, and not simply a joke about germans. we must take care to maintain the quality and purity of this thread.
Though doing so may cost me some converts to Lutheranism, I have to admit that oblomov's skepticism is well placed. The joke is not authentically Teutonic. Neither, however, was it (in its original form) about Germans. In the original version of that joke the character of Helmut was a Cherokee farmer in Oklahoma. The punch line to the original version was "You better not do that again."
In typically Teutonic fashion I will now explain that the original version of the joke was a rather subtle commentary on the relative powerlessness of Native Americans when it comes to dealing with the institutionalized oppression of U.S. society. I simply Germanified the joke by changing the names of the characters and the locations, introducing copious and irrelevant detail and replacing the original punch line with one that puts the focus on a punctilious attention to the fulfillment of personal obligations.
In any case, I am gratified that so many of you enjoyed the joke and I apologize for both the deception and the fact that you actually found it funny.
__________________ Old Pain In The Ass says: I am on a mission from God to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable; to bring faith to the doubtful and doubt to the faithful.
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
A pair of university students in Frankfurt decided to conduct a behavioral study. They found two phone booths in close proximity to each other near the city center, and they posted official-looking signs on each; one said "Men only" and the other "Women only." For days, they studied the booths and learned that the people quite readily obeyed the signs and used the appropriate booth for their gender. They found that people would queue up at the correct booth, even if the other was vacant. It wasn't until the fifth day of the study that a woman dared to enter the "Men only" telephone booth.
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
Wolf and his good friend Karl decided to go to the cinema. They noticed that their theater seat assignments were printed on the tickets, even though the entire viewing area appeared to be empty but for the two of them. They proceeded to sit in the center of the middle row of the theater. Moments before the film began, a nervous-looking, older woman came in and sat down immediately to the right of Karl, despite the fact that many other seats were obviously available, there being only the three of them in the entire theater. The woman seemed to be agitated, and kept glancing furtively at Karl and Wolf.
About halfway into the film's showing, Karl, overcome with curiosity, asked the woman, "Entschuldegen Sie bitte, is there anything the matter, meine Dame?"
"You are sitting in my assigned seat," the woman replied.
Whereupon Karl and Wolf looked at their tickets and realized their error.
__________________
"Her eyes in certain light were violet, and all her teeth were even. That's a rare, fair feature: even teeth. She smiled to excess, but she chewed with real distinction." - Eleanor of Aquitaine
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
A person stumbled into a German Jokes Thread unaware that all posts should be in the form of a German Joke. Her next post was in the form of a German Joke.
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
one august mueller, a life-long resident of mainz, was 33 years of age but unmarried. consequently he suffered from terribly low self-esteem and spent many non-working hours on the internet discussing his high regard for the early hits of musician rod stewart with other, similarly unfortunate individuals. august particularly enjoyed his conversations with rosemarie klein, who had recently moved to wiesbaden from stuttgart in order to care for her ageing mother. rosemarie's sympathetic nature and moderate intelligence aroused in august the courage to suggest that they meet. rosemarie accepted his offer, and at the appointed date and time they shared tea and cake in a small cafe of which rosemarie was fond. rosemarie allowed august to pay their bill, although she found him somewhat less engaging in person. as they parted, august made an ill-advised sexual advance which rosemarie rebuffed.
disheartened, august decided against pursuing relationships online and resolved to alleviate his dissatisfaction in life by labouring more diligently at his job. five months later he was awarded a promotion, and put in a position of authority over twelve co-workers.
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynical-Chick
Entschül--, gottverdammte!
Umlauts would've made it far too authentic.
__________________
"Her eyes in certain light were violet, and all her teeth were even. That's a rare, fair feature: even teeth. She smiled to excess, but she chewed with real distinction." - Eleanor of Aquitaine
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
effie, ute and lili, three lidl shop-assistants in hamburg, were sharing a cigarette break.
'ute,' said effie, 'i have a bar of kinder bueno, which i purchased earlier so that i might enjoy it at this time. would you accept a piece of it?'
'yes thank you,' replied ute, 'however, i do believe that milka chocolate is of a higher standard.'
'and you lili?' asked effie, 'would you accept a piece of kinder bueno?'
lili flushed briefly before replying, 'i must regretfully confess that i do not eat chocolate!'
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
Reinhard and his friend Peter from Manchester were sitting in a Biergarten in München.
"You know" said Peter, "I'll never understand you Germans. Your beer is among the best in the world, yet your sense of humour is seriously lacking."
"Quatsch" said Reinhard, "That's what people say but we are very funny and amusing."
And he had the pie-charts to prove it.
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
One day, a young man named Ludwig - who was mostly deaf in his inner ear, near the centre of the drum - became very frustrated that he couldn't hear his friends talking together so very well, that he decided to release his frustration by playing aggressively and discordantly on his father's old piano. But poor Ludwig couldn't do this very well, and ended up he mades some of the most beautiful music in the world!
__________________
“Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place.”
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
Gunther's employer was saddened to inform Hilda, Gunther's wife, that her husband had drowned this very day, at the brewery, in a large vat of lager. Stricken with grief, the widow inquired if Gunther suffered much. He replied that it did not appear so, but that Gunther was inconvenienced twice to get out and relieve himself.
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
40. Adalhard arrived at his place of employment one morning through a back door, neglecting to punch his time card. He repaired directly to his office, and did not see or speak to any coworkers until lunch-time had nearly arrived.
Because his time card had not recorded his arrival, and no witnesses were available who could attest to his whereabouts that morning, Adalhard was eventually convicted of a crime that occurred at approximately 10:30 AM on the day in question.
During his incarceration, Adalhard was not required to make use of time cards.
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
40. Herman looked at the fish in the tank and asked his mother, "Why do the fish not sink to the bottom of the tank when they are still?"
She replied "Because they are buoyant, little Herman. And they can live in the water because they have gills and breathe water, unlike you and I who cannot live in water because we have lungs and breathe air."
"So if the fish come out of the water it cannot breathe?" asked Herman.
"Yes," responded Gertrude. "That is correct"
Later that day as they crossed the Marienbrücke on their way home, Herman gazed out the window of the auto onto the brown waters of the Elbe. He held his breath and ran his fingers hesitantly back and forth along his neck, just below his right ear.
He told no one that he had pretended he had gills too!
Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans
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