The First Annual Sestinas About Nancy Grace Contest

[livius drusus]

I think we can all agree that it's high time we had a venue to share our sestinas about Nancy Grace and determine which of them is the greatest. If you are one of those freaks who has not yet written a sestina about Nancy Grace, here's how you do it.

Now let the games begin!

[Sock Puppet]

That link tells me how to write a sestina, but not how to squeeze out 7 stanzas worth of material about that vacuous twit.

[teasasue]

Originally Posted by Sock Puppet

That link tells me how to write a sestina, but not how to squeeze out 7 stanzas worth of material about that vacuous twit.

I some how lost sight that it was supposed to be about her and already have the 1st 2 stanzas of one, yeah me now I get to start over.

[teasasue]

Originally Posted by teasasue

I some how lost sight that it was supposed to be about her and already have the 1st 2 stanzas of one, yeah me now I get to start over.

OK scratch that sorry liv but I googled her and have no idea who she is, so I am not sure I could do this the way you want. Sorry I was going to try.

[livius drusus]

That's cool, sue. Sestinas are hard as it is, never mind when the subject is about the least inspiring thing in the universe.

[teasasue]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

That's cool, sue. Sestinas are hard as it is, never mind when the subject is about the least inspiring thing in the universe.

my biggest problem is I like rhyming poems, I know its not the topic you want and I will probably not finish it now but do you care if I post the 1 2 stanzas I have of the one I started to see what you thing? If you would rather I not that is cool because I dont want to mess up the thread.

[Brimshack]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

That's cool, sue. Sestinas are hard as it is, never mind when the subject is about the least inspiring thing in the universe.

Liv is a liar
To say that about Nancy Grace
That she is uninspiring!
Such a vibrant lady.
The love of my life
Whose wisdom we should always treasure.

On the measure of her treasure
I am no liar
Since she came into my life
My days are filled with grace
On account of that lady
Should never be called uninspiring

It would never be uninspiring
To look upon her sparkling treasures
And watch this awesome lady
Destroy every damned liar
And let fools fall from grace
And in one case to an end of miserable life

Such is the life
Far from uninspiring
But what I meant by "grace"
Is of course a menace to treasure
And by "victim" for "liar"
One may describe the guests and fans of this lady

If one means "banshee" by "lady"
In this or any life
Then he is no liar
Nor could he be called uninspiring
To speak in hell of this treasure
And in rabid tones of long lost grace.

To the Devil's own own she is no disgrace
That bitter tongued lady
For whom anger is the greatest treasure
To be found in this life
Without which news would be uninspiring
And pleasantries could come only from a liar

This woman could bore only a liar
This train wreck without grace
Could never be uninspiring

[BrotherMan]

Bollox on that 8 billion line stanza shit. What is this, the olden ages where we have time to think and shit? Here, have a haiku

nancy grace
vacuus twit is she
yes sir-ee

[livius drusus]

Oh okay, I'll open it to other forms, but sestinas get double points. So there.

[ChuckF]

Are the stanzas about Nancy Grace? Because you'll be disqualified permanently if they are not. runs a tight sestina ship.

[livius drusus]

Yeah, they really have to be about Nancy Grace to belong in this thread. If it's just a couple of sestina verses, you should post them in your poetry thread.

[teasasue]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

Yeah, they really have to be about Nancy Grace to belong in this thread. If it's just a couple of sestina verses, you should post them in your poetry thread.

ok thanks that is why I was checking

[Dingfod]

[lisarea]

I FOLLOWED THE RULES, MOTHERFUCKERS!

A Sestina About the Nancy Grace show.

Every weeknight, in the halls of grace
Names culminate in 'lee'--kayleigh, natalee
School pictures, cell phone, security camera pictures, always of a girl
Before she was a mermaid, tangled up somewhere at the bottom of the sea
To sainted mother Nancy, dull women in dull homes pray
For Saint Nancy and her selfless pursuit of justice

Callers rage for justice
Callers beg for conferred grace
Benighted friends bellow and they pray
For something that sounds like Natalee
For some tiny white something at the bottom of the sea
For something that reminds them of a girl

For all that's lost, all forgotten, all that reminds them of a girl
So the lines overhead buzz and scream for justice
Killed by Dutchmen! Far away and deep below the sea
Silenced by distance, jarred by grace
Cold and lifeless, painted, smeared Natalee!
Now pale stupid men slap together clammy flesh to pray

Home, alone, surrounded by wet dogs and wet naps, they pray
For God-bless-you-Nancy and a strange but all too familiar girl
Her name falls off the tongue, tapering to some shrill whimper--Natalee
Trapped in this purgatory of justice
Trapped in the phone lines tangled in the trees, tangled up in grace
Tangled up in the seaweed under the sea

Smearing and rotting, dissolved to the sea
While in dank rooms with TV blaring, they pray
With low breathing they wait to hear "Hello, friend," wait patiently for grace.
Forgetting what they wanted to say about this floating whisper like seaweed of a girl
Lost but always far from the din of god-bless-yous and shrieking justice
Lost and scattered to ocean--sainted, homeopathic Natalee

Whatever is left of this something that sounds like Natalee
Amidst the stones and the fish and forgetting under the sea
Buffered by miles of ocean from the imprecations, from howling justice
A stranger to sloppy mournful women and pallid, greasestained men who pray
Pray for her bones, this remember of a girl
While the siren of justice goes on eternal, screeching for grace

For this precious Natalee, or some other thing that ends in shrieking, they pray
Pray for a soul lost under the sea, or the dirt, some other girl
Far from the screeching pretenders to justice, from such a treacherous grace

[livius drusus]

I just got served. HARD.

[lisarea]

A Sestina against Borther Man and Sack Puppet for Making a Mockery of the Nancy Grace Sestina Contest on the Free Thought Talk Forum

Such weak little men, so full of rage
Trying to fight their way out of a paper sack
Hurling limp insults at the Man
We will never follow your rules!
They howl, then run to hide, hurling objections so flaccid, so dull
Flapping jaundiced blubbering lips in protest

Their only weapon, this inarticulate protest
Embers of hatred, like dandruff descended an unruly eyebrow, eyes cloud with rage
Blurring their vision with angry tears, impotent and dull
They tie them in their festering, threadbare sack
Lobbing their damp imprecations at that they cannot fathom, at rules!
But what does not have the power to confound such a man?

This is no brother, but only a man
A man too weak to protest
A man confounded, confused, enraged by rules
A man tied up in mute, stupid rage
This man is nothing but a sack
A sack of skin filled with rattly bones and anger, barbs soft and dull

Seeping with something diffuse and dull
A ghost of a man
Like a boy with his head in a sack
Holes cut out for his tearstreaked eyes, to frighten away strangers in protest
Too weak to contain his inarticulate rage
He rails against rules!

This is what confines me, he howls, The rules!
It is not my fault that I am stupid and dull
That my efforts culminate in such frustration and rage
I am but a simple man
So on the internet, I protest
By my withered, shriveled sack

My crackling, undescended sack
I swear I will not follow these rules
Incomprehensible, and this I protest
With my maledictions dull
I am not a tool to use, I am a man
What tool could contain such rage?

No implement, no sturdy sack could contain a wrath so seeping and dull.
I condemn these rules, and I condemn the man
Who holds this power over me; so I protest, and I will forever rage!

[Brimshack]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

I just got served. HARD.

That's what happens when you fuck with my girl!

[lisarea]

Here is a sestina about How to Build a Sestina Template in Microsoft Excel. The principles should apply to most spreadsheet software, though.

The format of the six stanzas, in order, is:

ABCDEF
FAEBDC
CFDABE
ECBFAD
DEACFB
BDFECA

The final three lines, the tercet, contain all six words, two per line, as such:

BE
DC
FA

OK. Go!

[Brimshack]

Ah, I botched the last one. Sorry guys, guess I'll keep my amature status on the Sestina circuit.

[lisarea]

Originally Posted by Brimshack

Ah, I botched the last one. Sorry guys, guess I'll keep my amature status on the Sestina circuit.

NOOO, Brim! Come back!

It really is a lot easier if you use the spreadsheet.

[Shake]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

I think we can all agree that it's high time we had a venue to share our sestinas about Nancy Grace and determine which of them is the greatest. If you are one of those freaks who has not yet written a sestina about Nancy Grace, here's how you do it.

Now let the games begin!

I like that the example in the link is about Rochester. It's pretty accurate, too.

[Sock Puppet]

[Brimshack]

The spreadsheet?

Or I could just read the full instructions.

[teasasue]

Originally Posted by Brimshack

The spreadsheet?

Or I could just read the full instructions.

yeah that was were I went wrong but I missed Liv's full instructions

[Brimshack]

Yeah, she's very strict.