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  #626  
Old 06-22-2018, 08:44 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Iron Sky

I don't remember where I learned about this, but I had to watch it after I learned it's about Nazis on the moon.

It's a B movie science fiction movie that's also a parody of the genre. US Astronauts land on the dark side of the moon and discover a secret Nazi moon base, where they've been hiding out and planning the re-invasion of Earth. The moon landing spurs the Nazis into action, especially when they discover the hero's iPhone is a computer powerful enough to control their big Gotterdammerung warship.

This movie was released in 2012 - remember the days when we thought Sara Palin was a continuing concern? Or that Hitler scene from "Downfall" was funny? This movie would like remind you. Ok, the "Downfall" reference was kind of funny, even now.

But it was a bit too stupid to be entertaining. The Nazi plot doesn't make sense, a famous astronaut comes back to earth, but winds up being homeless. People wander around in Nazi uniforms in New York City, and no one notices. Just dumb stuff that takes you out of the movie.
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  #627  
Old 07-20-2018, 08:43 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I watched Cube 2: Hypercube on Netflix's recommendation. From there I sought out Cube, which I watched, and I also found Cube Zero, the prequel, and watched it, too. So, yes, I have see three crappy movies.


:voncount:

I do not specifically enjoy "horror" as a genre, although there are many many niches that I do like. These films, like the Saw series and Se7en (and maybe to a lesser extent the Final Destination movies), appeal to me because they have these horrible, elaborate, Rube-Goldberg-style death scenarios that are just super fun and horrifying to watch unfold. I also love it when a group of strangers wakes up together in some fucked up scenario with no idea how they got there or what they're supposed to do.

The thing I especially loved about Cube* is how high-concept it tries to be. I like to imagine the pitch meeting. "No there's not a premise or even a real setting. There's a cube! Get it?" :squeezle:

And since I watched all 3 of these, Netflix is super trained up, and it's offering me all kinds of similar garbage. Yay! :partying:
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  #628  
Old 07-20-2018, 10:23 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

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Originally Posted by Ensign Steve View Post
I watched Cube 2: Hypercube on Netflix's recommendation. From there I sought out Cube, which I watched, and I also found Cube Zero, the prequel, and watched it, too. So, yes, I have see three crappy movies.
[...]
And since I watched all 3 of these, Netflix is super trained up, and it's offering me all kinds of similar garbage. Yay! :partying:
I mean, can you blame them though? It would be reasonable to infer that you like to keep watching crappy movies... :duck:
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  #629  
Old 07-20-2018, 11:39 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

:weirdtv:
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  #630  
Old 07-20-2018, 11:46 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

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:weirdtv:
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  #631  
Old 08-18-2018, 11:56 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Deadpool 2, while it probably deserves the "not good or bad" thread compared to others here, I'm putting it in crappy movies because of how bland it was and because I really wanted to like it and it let me down so hard compared to the first. If you're looking for a more conventional, less dark and off the wall version of the first movie, this is for you!

Except Domino, every damn scene with domino is gold! I absolutely want a domino, Negasonic Warhead, Yukio and Colossus movie. So often it felt like deadpool was getting in the way of a much more interesting team up. Watching Domino 'whee' her way through the movie with her luck powers was a high point, and the few snippets of Negasonic and Yukio together as a couple and using their powers made me want the movie to focus on them and drop deadpool.

Spoilers if you want to be 'surprised' by the movie going exactly where you expect, don't read, but if you know the tropes nothing in this movie is original.



Another issue I had was the music, oh god the horrible music mixing, finding out that the same composer did both Guardians and Atomic blonde tells me he was both high on some bad weed and phoned this in. More than a couple times a popular song would start playing and then it would kinda fade out, then a few action beats later fade back in to another pop song, like they only got the rights to 15 second snippets or something. It reminded me of watching a highschool auditorium rally where all they have are cued up tapes and a fade slider to introduce each quick performance. You're never allowed to listen and let the music drive the scene, even when the main character points out that it's time to cue the badass music. The only time it gets close is the X-force skydive scene and even then the music is background and lets you down.

So um yeah, quite disappointed.
But if you do see it, make sure to watch the end credits as well as they have been said to be canon by the producers.
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  #632  
Old 08-18-2018, 02:13 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

There are only two things that I think really made the Deadpool 2, and you mentioned both of them - in the proper order, even. Zazie Beets as Domino p much steals the show. She was great and for a bit player in someone else's movie I thought Domino was well written. And that end credits sequence really worked for me. I enjoyed the rest of the movie but you're right: It was just okay with a couple of fun set pieces.
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  #633  
Old 08-19-2018, 01:44 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

In some ways I thought she out deadpooled deadpool, since afterall luck powers and understanding you have plot armor are pretty similar. Considering the amount of chaos and destruction her powers cause just to do simple things like give her a ramp there's also a chance for a pretty interesting dark dramedy of her dealing with the possibility and damage of stealing luck from the mundanes with powers that aren't fully under her control.
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  #634  
Old 09-20-2018, 06:14 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I have the Andy Sidaris collection, and I watched one of those last night - Hard Hunted in particular.

So, the main reason to watch these are the Playboy and Penthouse models that make up the bulk of the ladies in the cast. The other good reason to watch them are the real explosions.

Otherwise, they are all sorts of terrible in interesting ways.

The thing that I find most interesting is the continuity between films. Each film builds from the last. Some characters and plots are carried over from one film to the next, and they reference events from previous movies all the time. Whoever write this cares enough to keep track and explain where the missing members of the team went.

Except they reuse actors as new characters - one of the main villains from the 1st movie (who is killed in the first movie) is a sidekick to the main villain in this one. One of the heroes in this movie was somebody else entirely 2 movies previous.

There are recurring gags in all of these movies, like one of the agents has a huge gun, but he can never shoot accurately with it. There's "clever" sexy banter. There's always two foolish thugs that die or get blown up in stupid ways. None of this is remotely funny or entertaining in the normal sense.

There are always long uninterrupted shots of vehicles, because it pads the running time. Props are recycled from movie to movie.

The action scenes are entirely unrealistic, the plots are always terrible, and the characters are always terrible at their jobs. 90% of the plot happens because two people are too busy canoodling to notice that a team member just got kidnapped, or to notice the bad guys approaching.

God, I love these movies. It's not even the extremely gratuitous nude scenes, it's the whole crazy package. There's real love and commitment to making these awful things.
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  #635  
Old 10-07-2018, 09:41 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I've watched the first nine movies in the Hellraiser series, the 9th being Hellraiser: Revelations. The 10th is coming in the mail soon (Netflix DVD subscription - I still have one.)

I'd rank the movies like this 1 > 2 >> 3 > 4 >> 8 > 6 >> 9 > 5 > 7. Basically, even if you're interested in the Hellraiser series, you don't really need to watch past #4. If you're not a big horror fan, only the first two are even worthwhile.

I was mildly surprised at how well #9 fared, considering by all accounts this movie was slapped together in 3 weeks to preserve the licensing deal. That's not to say it's a good movie, it's just better than some of the dreck that's part of this series. I think the main advantage is that it's a script specifically written as a Hellraiser script, unlike 5-7. It feels like a Hellraiser movie, and it reuses concepts from the first 4 movies. That has the advantage of being more in the Hellraiser world, but also the problem of being somewhat predictable.

The story goes like this: Two "teenagers" travel to Mexico to drink and get laid, find the Lament Configuration, and get caught by Pinhead and Co. Cut to 6 months later, and the two families get together for a dinner. One son reappears, bringing his cenobite related troubles with him.

If you're at all familiar with the series, you'll guess the "twist" 15-20 minutes in, not long after the son reappears. The acting is broad and probably all first takes. There are some really stupid things that happen - someone gets some facial cuts and dies in a few minutes, and another one gets a shotgun blast at point blank and survives for half the movie.

But the worst is Pinhead and the cenobites. The producers couldn't get Doug Bradley to sign on, so they they got some random dude who doesn't look anything like him, and then he was dubbed by someone who doesn't sound anything like him. The saddest thing is that the actor's facial structure makes him look chubby in the Pinhead makeup. They also had this concept that the cenobites are hanging out inside the box, and often cut to Pinhead pacing around and listening to the family's conversations.

The rest of the cenobites show a particular lack of creativity. There's a second pinhead, a new chatterer, and some ill-defined background characters. They're all just kind of boring.

Still, mediocre and boring is better than ill-defined, confusing and boring, which is why I ranked it higher than #5 and 7. I only ranked #6 higher because it stars the guy who played Mayhem in the insurance commercials and features Ashley Lawrence from the first two movies, and I like both of them. The 8th is an entirely different take on the series, which gains it points for creativity, but it's still significant drop off of quality from the first two in the series.

I'm tearing through horror movies this month, so expect quite a few more posts from me....
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Last edited by specious_reasons; 10-07-2018 at 10:05 PM.
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  #636  
Old 10-10-2018, 07:36 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Oh man, Hellraiser: Judgement.

The story: Three detectives, two being brothers and partners, are tracking a serial killer killing through the 10 commandments. Meanwhile, Pinhead and the Cenobites are luring evil people to a house, for judgement. These two plots get entangled and bloody, gory, and grotesque scenes follow.

This one is hard to figure. As a horror movie, it's not all bad, but it's a terrible entry in the Hellraiser series. Pinhead and the Cenobites are not weird sadomasochist from a hellish dimension, but pretty basic demons from Hell. There's a whole bureaucratic process by which the evil people who come in their grasp go through, and judgement is rendered. It's all very Judeo-Christian, which is more in line with the latter half of this series, but I find it really boring.

I never thought the old school Cenobites went through a formal process to torture people - I felt like each person had a detailed personal plan for their suffering. It's like the people in this story go through a Hellraiser franchise, long divorced form the original mom&pop bespoke business it started from.

But, taken out of the Hellraiser series context, it's a gross-out horror movie with some not-too bad ideas and not terrible execution. The newest guy playing Pinhead is OK, even if it's not the same classic character.

Current ranking: 1 > 2 >> 3 > 4 >> 8 > 10 > 6 >> 9 > 5 > 7. It's still not worth actually seeing unless you're a dedicated horror fan.
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  #637  
Old 10-19-2018, 11:06 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Deathstalker

I took a break from horror and watched Deathstalker - the first movie of a low budget sword&sorcery series by Roger Corman.

I should have turned it off after the first 5 minutes because it's terrible in a very specific way - it's wall-to-wall sexual assault. Our "hero" is only marginally less shitty than the villain in this regard.

Well, I'm stupid and wanted to see the conclusion, so I skipped over the vast majority of this, and only stopped to watch a few fight scenes and the evil overlord getting killed. This was a deeply unsatisfying movie.
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  #638  
Old 10-20-2018, 02:41 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I'll stick with Krull, then. :)
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  #639  
Old 11-12-2018, 08:15 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

My son doesn't have school tomorrow, so on a whim, I picked up tickets to MST3K Live this evening.

Unfortunately, the movie they did was Deathstalker II. I was a bit fearful, but trusted that the MST3K crew wouldn't have picked it if the tone was the same as the first. Thankfully, this entry into the series has bad acting, bad sword fighting and terrible special effects, but practically no sexual assault.

The experience was enjoyable, quite a few laughs were had at the movie's expense.
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  #640  
Old 11-28-2018, 04:27 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

It was a twofer yesterday because I was tired from a long workday and wanted to relax to some bad movies.

First up was Underworld:Awakening, which I discovered I had seen before, and I either forgot to remove from my queue, or added it back for an unknown reason. This isn't bad, it just not anything special or memorable, even with Kate Beckinsale in a catsuit. There's 2 other Underworld movies featuring the same thing.

Have I mentioned recently that I'm a pig? The second movie was The Nude Vampire, which is a French movie directed by Jean Rollin. Jean Rollin is mostly famous for a bunch of erotic vampire movies in the 1970s. He does like nude women. In general, if he has a directorial choice of shooting a scene in which a woman can be fully clothed or topless, you can bet he'll pick topless.

This reminds me of a scene I found particularly amusing. The nominal vampires of the movie are laying siege to a mansion. Two women enter a room, stand on either side on the door, drop the tops of their dresses and wait for the rest of the group to enter, like a booby honor guard. The rest of the scene completes with these women topless, even though they have no lines or particular importance in the scene.

At any rate, the nude vampire really isn't exactly a vampire, and (spoilers!) isn't exactly nude. This is odd since this is basically what the director was famous for. I'm beginning to think the title was a cynical marketing ploy.

This movie is pretty slow and not very coherent. However, it seemed to be satirizing rich industrialists, who have everything except immortality, which was fun. It has a few interesting visuals, like men in disturbing animal masks, or twin ladies in some truly odd costumes.

Somewhere in my Netflix queue is Rollin's supposed masterpiece of erotic vampire stories, Fascination. I've also recently watched The Grape of Death, which was a way more effective low budget horror story. I think that's all I'm going to pursue from this director.
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  #641  
Old 11-28-2018, 06:35 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Oh! We saw the Meg. bey got it from the Redbox and I was like okay fine.

To its credit, it was a lot of fun. Back to back action sequences, snappy dialogue, cool effects, and a big-ass prehistoric shark. A couple jump scares, which I hate, but not an unbearable amount.

Still crappy, though. Shit science. Stupid-ass hipster scientists that I had no reason to care about. Ruby Rose trying her darnedest to do an American accent, to varying degrees of success. Overwrought manufactured drama (which I understand is intended to be a feature, not a bug).

Our "hero", Jason Statham, has a backstory that lead him to become a tortured drunk. Probably both my current favorite and least-favorite archetype, when it normalizes abusive behavior and yet people find it sympathetic and even charming.
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