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  #1  
Old 09-13-2018, 06:26 PM
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Default Antebellum hyperlinks

I would greatly like to innerduce this heah thread for y'all to shai-ah yoah oldest and finest connections to web pages, yoah antebellum hyperlinks as it may be.

And by the grace of the Loa-ad you will surely do a bettah job than I of setting down the old ways of speech.
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  #2  
Old 09-13-2018, 06:40 PM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

To start off with - only a couple of decades ago, but this is at least ante the Iraq bellum:

Strawberry Pop-Tart Blow-Torches

FogCam - The World's Oldest Webcam
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  #3  
Old 09-13-2018, 07:48 PM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator has been up since 1994 - it's been updated a few times (e.g. it now supports secure https connections) but it still retains the look, feel, and same basic functionality that it had almost a quarter of a century ago.
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Old 09-13-2018, 08:07 PM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

For faking it there's the Geocities-izer.
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Old 09-13-2018, 10:04 PM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

Quote:
Originally Posted by ceptimus View Post
+

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kamilah Hauptmann View Post
For faking it there's the Geocities-izer.
=

Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator

:eyesbleed:
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Old 09-13-2018, 10:06 PM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

Ouch.
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  #7  
Old 09-13-2018, 10:15 PM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

You guys should really go to more modern websites, such as the HTML5 version of Zombo.com.
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Old 09-14-2018, 12:11 AM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

Quote:
Originally Posted by ceptimus View Post
I shit you not, if you put Pres. Donald Trump in this thing, everything it says is true.
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  #9  
Old 09-14-2018, 02:43 AM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sock Puppet View Post
I shit you not, if you put Pres. Donald Trump in this thing, everything it says is true.
Jebus that's uncanny...

Quote:
In this letter I'm going to discuss propagandism. I'm going to delve into great detail about Pres. Donald Trump's execrable, fatuous philosophies. I'm going to talk at length about how Pres. Trump has been replacing law and order with anarchy and despotism. In short, this is not a letter for children or the overly sensitive. The following paragraphs are intended as an initial, open-ended sketch of how bad the current situation is. His casus belli are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of “tradition”. Funny, that was the same term that Pres. Trump's shock troops once used to declare martial law, suspend elections, and round up dissidents (i.e., anyone who does not buy his lie that ableism is absolutely essential to the well-being of society).

We must all face the storm and stress of working together towards a shared vision. This exercise will, at the very least, demonstrate to the world that we must stop Pres. Trump now. Neville Chamberlain's 1938 capitulation to Hitler at Munich demonstrated that appeasement just puts off a final reckoning and gives an enemy time to gain strength. That's why it is imperative that we change the minds of those who defile the present and destroy the future. If he has any children, I recommend that Pres. Trump teach them about love, trust, cooperation, community, reason, negotiation, and compromise rather than violence, paranoia, and fear.

While it's true that it is morally unjustifiable for Pres. Trump to create new (and reinforce existing) prejudices and misconceptions, the more important point is that Pres. Trump fails to comprehend and practice the teachings of his religion. More precisely, he conveniently forgets his religion's messages of peace, love, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness—or, at best, misremembers them as an edict to “enlighten” anyone who doesn't believe that his enemies are aligned with very dark and malevolent fourth-dimensional aliens known as Draconians. To quote someone far wittier than I'll ever be, “I am aggrieved by Pres. Trump's use of aspheterism to unfurl the flag of militarism.” I sure wish I had said that because that's exactly what I feel. Nevertheless, his sallies will, as science tells us, inevitably diminish society's inducements to good behavior. In reaching that conclusion I have made the usual assumption that Pres. Trump's lack of empathy for others leads him to alter laws, language, and customs in the service of regulating social relations. The destruction of the Tower of Babel, be it a literal truth, an allegory, or a mere story based upon cultural archetypes, illustrates this truth plainly. Let me sum up. I am so mad at Pres. Donald Trump right now, I could spit nails.
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  #10  
Old 09-14-2018, 02:47 AM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sock Puppet View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by ceptimus View Post
I shit you not, if you put Pres. Donald Trump in this thing, everything it says is true.
Good grief! I typed "Donald J. Trump" in, and the complaint it generated was downright scary, it was so apropos
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  #11  
Old 09-14-2018, 02:47 AM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

Actually it's pretty accurate for others, too:

Quote:
My complaint about Very Rev. Sock Puppet

Let's talk again about an all-too-familiar subject: Very Rev. Sock Puppet and his unforgiving propositions. I'm going to give it to you straight: Salacious, subversive bourgeoisie often take earthworms or similar small animals and impale them on a pin to enjoy watching them twist and writhe as they slowly die. Similarly, Very Rev. Puppet enjoys watching respectable people twist and writhe whenever he threatens to do away with intellectual honesty. There is more at play here than his purely political game of making serious dialogue difficult or impossible. There are ideologies at work, hidden agendas to utilize questionable and illegal fund-raising techniques.

We must always be mindful of the special needs of the least privileged members of our anti-Sock Puppet movement. We need even their help to transform our culture of war and violence into a culture of peace and nonviolence. At the risk of repeating myself, I must reiterate that he wonders why everyone hates him. Apparently, he never stopped to think that maybe it's because he is widely seen as unforgivable for branding me as putrid. Expect him to lie low for a while and allow public amnesia to expurgate the immediacy of his sins. Afterwards, he'll indubitably return to fostering debauchery. My hope, though, is that the second time around, people will be aware of the fact that I admit that I'm not perfect. I admit that I may have been a bit lily-livered when I stated that Very Rev. Puppet's chuffy, hypersensitive op-ed pieces are based on a jungle mentality of mistrust, betrayal, and disloyalty. Still, that doesn't justify the name-calling, rudeness, and simple ugliness that Very Rev. Puppet invariably finds so necessary. Nor does it justify his causing an increase in disease, scapegoatism, crime, and vice. To close, let me accentuate that if we introduce an important but underrepresented angle on Very Rev. Sock Puppet's abrasive squibs we shall not only survive his attacks; we shall prevail.
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  #12  
Old 09-14-2018, 05:48 AM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

I remember just one phrase from a previously generated complaint from that very site. It went something like "Name thinks ethnic cleanser can be found in the laundry aisle."
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  #13  
Old 09-14-2018, 06:45 PM
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Default Re: Antebellum hyperlinks

Quote:
Originally Posted by fragment View Post
Actually it's pretty accurate for others, too:

Quote:
My complaint about Very Rev. Sock Puppet

Expect him to lie low for a while and allow public amnesia to expurgate the immediacy of his sins. Afterwards, he'll indubitably return to fostering debauchery.
:sadnod:
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