It reminds me of that response that whats-his-name had to the big kablooie over at IIDB back in the day. That whole level of I'm Better Than This But I'll Deign To Respond Anyway arrogance.
It reminds me of that response that whats-his-name had to the big kablooie over at IIDB back in the day. That whole level of I'm Better Than This But I'll Deign To Respond Anyway arrogance.
I was not fully engaged with iidb, but your description of whats-his-name surely narrows it down to a mere hundred or so people and situations?
It was the big one that p much literally broke the community. Back in, uh, 2004? IF WE HAD AN HISTORIAN IN HOUSE SHE WOULD REMEMBER IT WITH INCREDIBLE CLARITY AND LAMENTATION BECAUSE THE FORUM HAS SINCE BEEN NUCLEARED OFF THE INTERNETS.
It was the big one that p much literally broke the community. Back in, uh, 2004? IF WE HAD AN HISTORIAN IN HOUSE SHE WOULD REMEMBER IT WITH INCREDIBLE CLARITY AND LAMENTATION BECAUSE THE FORUM HAS SINCE BEEN NUCLEARED OFF THE INTERNETS.
So, Jennifer and Katie. I've mentioned them on several occasions, as I'm sure several people are aware. I love the two of them dearly, and I try to be as supportive as I possibly can. But I have to admit that I sometimes wonder how much good I'm doing.
Both of them visit several times a week, on average. Katie is always anxious about her grades, and is worried that she won't do as well as she hopes -- but she's far less anxiety-prone than is Jennifer.
With Jennifer, I really wonder sometimes. She will come in and spend an hour or two talking about how she's basically convinced that she's going to fail every class, and that she has no friends to boot. So, I'll spend an hour or two telling her that she's really far too hard on herself [that is the understatement of the century!]. I tell her that she's very intelligent -- I've had her in two classes, and she earned solid 'A's in both of them. And I'm no easy grader -- I insist that students actually demonstrate mastery of the material before I'll award an 'A'. [I checked; I have -- by a wide margin -- the lowest GPA of any of members of the Science Department. That is, the average grade in my classes is a 'C' -- the average grade in every one of my colleagues' classes is at least a 'B' (for one, it's an 'A-').]
Really, Jennifer is a very intelligent young woman, but she goes into every exam convinced that she's going to fail it and finally reveal to one and all that she's a fraud and doesn't belong in college.
And she seems convinced that no one likes her and that she has no real friends, except Katie. And that's simply not true; I know from several other students' accounts that Jennifer is viewed as one of the most decent and likable persons around. (Though I don't doubt that her constant self-doubt and depression help to explain why there aren't that many people who truly wish to be her friend. Even I will admit that Jennifer can be ... frustrating ... to deal with.)
I say that because I'll spend hours at a time with her, telling her how smart she is and how she's one of the kindest and most decent -- most lovable persons -- I've ever been privileged to know. She'll finally half-heartedly agree and thank me for putting up with her, give me a quick hug, and go -- and then, half an hour later she's posting on Facebook about how miserable she is.
Which sometimes makes me feel all neurotic. Because I so desperately want to help her, but I can't help wondering if I'm doing any good at all.
I've met her mom on two occasions now. The first time, upon being introduced to me by Jennifer, Jennifer's mom proceeded to tell me that she has heard lots about me from Jennifer, all of it good. She thanked me profusely for all that I've done for her daughter, and told me that "You have no idea how good you've been for her."
And I feel terrible for admitting this, because it sounds terrible, but I couldn't help but think to myself: "I wish Jennifer would tell me that at least once in awhile, because I can't help but wonder sometimes."
But Jennifer's mom isn't the first or the only person to tell me that I've been very good for Jennifer. Katie has told me that Jennifer is much happier -- or at least much less depressed -- nowadays, since she started coming to see me to talk over her issues and concerns. Katie said pretty-much the same thing that Jennifer's mom did -- that having someone who was willing to sit and listen without judgment, and to offer encouragement and advice when appropriate -- has been very good for Jennifer.
Even one of my colleagues has told me on occasion that Jennifer seems much happier and more at ease with herself than she used to, and has suggested that I have something to do with that.
Of course, this same colleague has also said to me, on more than one occasion: "That girl is totally in love with you; and you can't see it." Well, she's right about one thing, at least: I don't believe it. As far as I can tell, Jennifer is a lonely young woman who has some serious personal demons to wrestle with, and has decided that I'm at least somewhat trustworthy and sympathetic -- and so a good person to go to for sympathy and counsel. (Heck, Jennifer has sometimes flat-out told me that she comes to me whenever she needs to "rant" for awhile, because she knows I'll listen and won't criticize her or tell her to "grow up" -- as one of the members of the Department has been known to do to vulnerable young men and women struggling with the issues of college life.)
The same colleague who thinks that Jennifer is "totally in love" with me has said on numerous occasions that I have a very highly-developed "Big-Brother Instinct," and that I'm drawn to "damaged" people. She's right about that. As far as I'm concerned, my students are my responsibility -- and if I can help them in any way, I will.
Anyway, I'm not shy about telling my students that I love them -- though I'm always careful to make sure that the context is such that there's no room for misinterpretation. On most of the occasions when they visit, I make sure that Jennifer and Katie don't leave without getting a parting hug and a verbal reminder that I love them and that I'm very proud of them. Sometimes I initiate the parting hug and sometimes one or both of them does. Sometimes, one of them will insist on getting a hug -- I can always tell if Jennifer's having a particularly stressful day, because she pretty-much demands a hug.
And Katie frequently tells me that she loves me. Amusingly, she mentioned last week that she is "constantly" telling her boyfriend how much she loves me. That must make for some interesting conversations. (But then, one of the first things Katie did upon meeting this guy was to bring him onto campus and introduce him to me. I got the distinct impression that she was seeking my approval, in a way.)
Jennifer has never told me that she loves me, however. But then at last week's game, Jennifer had a poor showing. I knew she'd be upset with herself by game's end. As it was, both of her parents were able to attend the game, and they insisted that I sit with them. Naturally, we spent a lot of time talking about Jennifer and our concerns for her well-being.
When Jennifer came out of the locker room after the game, the first thing she did was grab her Mom in a big hug. I stepped back, to be out of the way, figuring that she'd want to be with her family, and that her stuffy old college professor would just be in the way. So, I figured I'd wait 'til she was done reuniting with her family, wish her a good day, and then take off.
Anyway, Jennifer finished hugging her Mom, then turned to hug her Dad. I was standing perhaps 10 feet away at that point. When she finished hugging her Dad, Jennifer looked around for a moment, clearly looking for someone, until she saw me. She immediately took two great big steps, almost breaking out into a full run, and grabbed me. She squeezed me tightly for quite a bit, and then thanked me for being there.
And I thought to myself: "She never says that she loves me, but she hugs me almost every time she sees me -- and she sometimes goes out of her way to hug me. She may not say 'I love you', but she's not reluctant to show that she loves me."
And you know, though I still worry about how much good I'm able to do for her, since I had that revelation, I've felt a lot better. She may not feel inclined to tell me for whatever reason(s), but I think it's pretty clear she appreciates my efforts on her behalf.
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“The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.”
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"Her eyes in certain light were violet, and all her teeth were even. That's a rare, fair feature: even teeth. She smiled to excess, but she chewed with real distinction." - Eleanor of Aquitaine
There is a Preschool and elementary school here on the college campus. Many of the students are the sons and daughters of College Faculty or Staff members, while others are the children of local families.
Anyway, I went up to the post office to check my mail this morning, and as I came downstairs, a bunch of little kids were heading into the cafeteria for their lunch. (They eat about an hour before the college students do.)
I said "Hi" to the kids as I passed, and spotted Amanda; she's the daughter of one of our staff members; I often take her out to the creek to catch crayfish and whatnot. So, Amanda came up and gave a hug. Then some little girl whom I didn't know -- she was all of maybe 5 or 6 years old -- marched up and asked, "What's your name?". I told her that my name is Michael, and asked hers. She said, "My name is Devyn" -- and promptly hugged me.
That rather made my day.
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“The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.”
Eddie Murphy on SNL. Just cathartic. Part nostalgia, part substance. Delighted to see the old skits revived, and race featured prominently. The race material was funny haha. By that I mean, I was lol'ing, the actors were too, and it was funny haha, not funny nervous and uncomfortable. This is really kind of a first, in my memory. Somehow it felt like a milestone. I don't mean in any way to suggest that there aren't serious issues of prejudice in our culture, or to minimize the real extent of blatant and expressly racist attitudes out there, but I would speculate that there is a significant segment of people who are defused to the point of finding the holding of such racist views literally laughable and profoundly ridiculous. It felt like progress.
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Chained out, like a sitting duck just waiting for the fall _Cage the Elephant
I'm sure some scientist or studyologist would have been very interested in my eye movements as that video progressed. Steam roller approaches napping doggo. Eyes drift to the LIVELEAK watermark and my face prepares to not-look-look-away, hoping beyond all that is happening that there's, like, some looney tunes hole in the roller. And then the trickery happens.
It was the big one that p much literally broke the community. Back in, uh, 2004? IF WE HAD AN HISTORIAN IN HOUSE SHE WOULD REMEMBER IT WITH INCREDIBLE CLARITY AND LAMENTATION BECAUSE THE FORUM HAS SINCE BEEN NUCLEARED OFF THE INTERNETS.
I think it was The Other Michael. While the forum roiled with drama he fulfilled his duties as staff by handwaving there was no problem and saying something about the really great sandwich he had. And this was the guy supposed to be representing the forum side to the board and all.
If I recall. This was a seriously long time ago in internet years.