proto-überGorden's restaurant THE SHOCKING TRUTH reviews!!!!!!

[proto-überGorden]

THE SHOCKING TRUTH reviews Number The One: The Old Spaghetti Factory!

SO Barry is always tired of cooking and wants to go out for dinner, and then when we get to The Olive Garden, he's all like, "Why do we have to eat here again?" And then he sighs dramatically like a big whiny whiner, at least until he's stuffing his face with DELICIOUS FOOD. WHICH IS WHY WE GO THERE.

Anyway. I decide to take Barry out someplace different for once, and you never know, maybe it will be good. Plus I don't want to get too caught up in routinues- like a major muscle group, you don't want to just do the same excercize each time- you have to mix it up, stay out of The Comfort Zone, because then your The Buff loses its edge, and your muscles get all sleepy and just hang out instead of being AMAZINGLY RIPPED. So I thought I would apply that to my eatery rotation, get out of the The Jamba Juice and The Olive Garden box. Especially the Jamba Juice box because the people who work there seem sad and take a long time to make my juice, which sucks. BUT THAT WILL BE ANOTHER REVIEW.

So this guy at my gym mentioned The Old Spaghetti Factory, which sounded confusing to me in many ways and had layers of surprises. Did they just hand out old dry spaghetti noodles? Were we getting rejected noodles out the side door of the factory? And who knew Americans manufactured anything anymore? I was quite ready to keep my expectations dirt-low, even with that dude talking it up about how great a restaurant was- which I took with a grain of salt, since I mean the guy could lift pretty decent and was tolerably ripped, but I learned long ago: just because a dude is The Muscular, does not mean he knows a lot about stuff. Feel free to take that Pearl O' The Wisdom to The Bank.


So one trip over to Duarte left me with even more questions and I learned a lot.
The Old Spaghetti Factory is a horrible name, because that place was not a factory and not all that old, though it did have old lamps and stuff.* I picked out a couple of other names for the place that might convey more of the spirit of the place, the Ambeins, as one might say. Cheap Pasta Feed Place. Or maybe Middle Class American Purgatory. I also like Did Someone Lose Their Trolley, Because it is in the Middle of Our Vaguely Italian Restaurant.

So let's get to the meal. Barry seemed more The Plussed than The Non when we went. He ordered the Lasagna, and I ordered the Fettuccine Alfredo. The Strawberry Lemonade was served fast and refilled quickly. We were seated near the kitchen which was fascinating, because I realized something quickly: Our server was apparently also the chef, as were all the other servers. I think it is probably because all the dishes are boiled pastas with X amount (X being equal to not enough of something) of a sauce or cheese or whatever, and NEARLY ANY JACKASS CAN DO THAT. The food tasted of sadness, and regret, and portion sizing.

The Spumoni was okay if you never had Spumoni before and wanted this stuff and to wash the taste of cheap carbs and a creamy sauce that had separated and curdled.

On the plus side it was cheap, which it had better be considering that it was 10 cents worth of pasta and maybe two dollars worth of wheat, dairy, stabilizers, sugary drinks, labor, and produce.

I guess they spent the rest on brass doorknobs, wood paneling, fancy old lamps... or they got the money in a settlement with the trolley company that crashed the trolley into the middle of their restaurant. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT IS DECOR. What part of a trolley evokes The Italian Cuisine? But then what part of The Old Spaghetti Factory evokes The Italian Cuisine? ANSWER: NONE! Ouch.

On the drive back to Pomona in The Smart Car, we picked up some fruit and cheese and wine at the market and felt better after eating and drinking good things and watching "The America's Top Model" on Barry's computer.


So in my rating system of restaurants and eateries, I give The Old Spaghetti Factory seven desert hares delivering Shurrupakian barley-cakes, out of a possible 60.




*Before one of you says, "Oh, proto-überGorden, but you eat at The Olive Garden, and it is NOT A GARDEN OF OLIVES!" THANKS, WISENHEIMER. I KNOW. But I can look past that because they make good food. AND that is ALSO ANOTHER REVIEW. I HAVE SO MANY REVIEWS ALREADY TO DO!

[BrotherMan]

Especially the Jamba Juice box because the people who work there seem sad and take a long time to make my juice, which sucks. BUT THAT WILL BE ANOTHER REVIEW.

[roastelk]

meh.. the getti factory is overrated, but then I have a rabid fear of waiting two hours on a wooden bench on a Friday night get a meal. I tend to seak out the smaller less known ( non franchised) restaurants.


I go to a ridiculous Greek restaurant once in while, requires booking a month in advance for the Friday and Saturday evening buffets. usually with a whole bbq lamb, head and all on the cutting tray ( pork ribs are to kill for). they also have live music, and belly dancing waiters who like to humiliate anyone who refuses to do the out door toga line around the block. a table for two and some mid priced drinks usually run $120 or so

[roastelk]

just realizing I should of wrote belly dancing waitresses, belly dancing waiters would be a bit weird. allthough my wife noted the male staff isn't afraid to bum wiggle....my attention was aimed else where however (mainly on the pork ribs)

[Dingfod]

Male belly dancers are a thing.

[Sock Puppet]

I also like Did Someone Lose Their Trolley, Because it is in the Middle of Our Vaguely Italian Restaurant.

If that were the name, I would drop everything and camp out in front of that restaurant until it opened.

[livius drusus]

I think I know why this best laid plan ganged agley. Strawberry lemonade goes with meat sauces. Alfredo should be accompanied by plain lemonade, or a white lemonfandel at the very least.