Go Back   Freethought Forum > The Marketplace > Arts & Literature

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #651  
Old 07-18-2019, 08:56 AM
specious_reasons's Avatar
specious_reasons specious_reasons is offline
here to bore you with pictures
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: MMDCCLXXVII
Images: 8
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

The Long Weekend 2005 - a terrible "raunchy" sex comedy.

Two brothers, one (Chris Klein) is an actor and "Lothario", and the other (Brendan Fehr) is an uptight, home video obsessed nerd and ad executive. The uptight one, after a year of depression due to losing his girlfriend is about to lose his job, unless he can save the big account. He plans to spend all weekend working, but his brother wants to take him out for his birthday. Stuff happens that's supposed to be funny, and then it all gets resolved in the end.

Chris Klein is supposed to be a mischievous trickster spirit, like a John Belushi type only handsome, but he's just unlikable, unpleasant and unfunny. He's supposed to be "good" with the ladies, but it all seems like sexual harassment to me. Brendan Fehr is supposed to be playing an uptight nerd, but I think he's actually pretending to be a sentient block of wood. It may actually have been funnier if Klein just acted with a block of wood the whole movie.
__________________
ta-
DAVE!!!
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Ari (07-19-2019), BrotherMan (07-18-2019), Kyuss Apollo (07-25-2019), lisarea (07-18-2019), Sock Puppet (07-18-2019), Stormlight (07-22-2019), The Man (07-18-2019)
  #652  
Old 07-22-2019, 03:49 AM
specious_reasons's Avatar
specious_reasons specious_reasons is offline
here to bore you with pictures
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: MMDCCLXXVII
Images: 8
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

DOA Dead or Alive

This movie is a special kind of crappy. This is an adaptation of the video game series. IIRC, the series is mostly known for a unique fighting systems and boob physics.

I'm only vaguely familiar with the game, but it's otherwise a generic fighting game, where the best fighters across the world come to a tournament for various reasons, only to be confronted by the tournament master who has his own evil agenda.

In that way, this is probably the most accurate adaptation that could be made, because that's the plot of the movie. This movie is basically fights, stunts, a little tiny bit of exposition, and a bikini beach volleyball game. The director is a Hong Kong action legend Corey Yuen, and the whole movie is frantic, day-glo, and ridiculous.
__________________
ta-
DAVE!!!
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Ari (07-22-2019), BrotherMan (07-22-2019), slimshady2357 (07-22-2019), Stormlight (07-22-2019), The Man (07-23-2019)
  #653  
Old 07-30-2019, 07:23 AM
Stormlight's Avatar
Stormlight Stormlight is offline
Quality Contributor
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Luxembourg
Gender: Male
Posts: XLMMDCXXXIII
Images: 92
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Happy Death Day 2U

The sequel to the surprisingly fun Happy Death Day. Pure garbage. They completely changed the tone of the movie and made it into some sort of scifi rom-com with the usual American "it's all about family" bullshit.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
BrotherMan (07-30-2019), lisarea (07-30-2019), The Man (08-03-2019)
  #654  
Old 07-30-2019, 08:54 AM
BrotherMan's Avatar
BrotherMan BrotherMan is offline
A Very Gentle Bort
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Bortlandia
Gender: Male
Posts: XVCMXCI
Blog Entries: 5
Images: 63
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

On one hand, I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing HDD2U in the theater. I was onboard for the first one after the first trailer. The movie itself wasn't great but it was thoroughly entertaining. Now I'm multi-disappointed a) I still haven't seen it and b) even the most positive reviews give it an almost mediocre at best score. It doesn't really strike me that it's a movie or concept that needs a sequel anyway.
__________________
\V/_
I COVLD TEACh YOV BVT I MVST LEVY A FEE
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Stormlight (07-30-2019), The Man (08-03-2019)
  #655  
Old 07-30-2019, 09:07 AM
Kamilah Hauptmann's Avatar
Kamilah Hauptmann Kamilah Hauptmann is online now
I'm a regular Victor Victoria
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: VMMCCCLXXXI
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherMan View Post
It doesn't really strike me that it's a movie or concept that needs a sequel anyway.
Ready for Weekend At Bernie's 3? :woot:
__________________
Sometimes you herp a derp, sometimes the derp herps you.

:BC: :canada:
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
BrotherMan (07-30-2019), Stormlight (07-30-2019), The Man (08-03-2019)
  #656  
Old 08-03-2019, 04:54 AM
specious_reasons's Avatar
specious_reasons specious_reasons is offline
here to bore you with pictures
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: MMDCCLXXVII
Images: 8
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Fire and Ice

A Ralph Bakshi rotoscope movie, with character designs by Frank Frazetta.

Evil sorcerer Nekron is trying to take over the world, and is doing so by pushing his glaciers around. The final stand of free humans is at Fire Keep, a place surrounded by volcanoes.

Mediocre white guy Larn barely survives an assault on his people and is wandering around the wilderness trying to survive. Princess Teegra gets kidnapped by Nekron's soldiers, to secure the king of Fire Keep's surrender, but she escapes and eventually runs into Larn. Larn eventually fucks up badly enough that Teegra gets recaptured and taken to Nekron. Larn teams up with Darkwolf, who looks to me like Batman the Barbarian, to defeat Nekron.

In general, I'd be OK with the completely rote fantasy plot. I've seen and enjoyed plenty of movies like this, but not this time. The voice acting is flat and there are unnatural pauses when characters are talking. The characters often act in the most stupid way possible. The rotoscoping looks weird. The rotoscoping always looks weird to me.

...and of course, the bad guys are dark-skinned savages, and the heroes are light skinned beauties.

I don't think I've ever liked a Ralph Bakshi movie, but every other one has been at least interestingly weird - something held my interest. This didn't, I'm just disappointed.
__________________
ta-
DAVE!!!
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Kamilah Hauptmann (08-03-2019), lisarea (08-03-2019), Sock Puppet (08-08-2019), Stormlight (08-03-2019), The Man (08-03-2019)
  #657  
Old 08-03-2019, 06:28 AM
Kamilah Hauptmann's Avatar
Kamilah Hauptmann Kamilah Hauptmann is online now
I'm a regular Victor Victoria
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: VMMCCCLXXXI
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Per wiki: Thomas Kinkade also worked on the backgrounds to various scenes.

:lol:
__________________
Sometimes you herp a derp, sometimes the derp herps you.

:BC: :canada:
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
specious_reasons (08-03-2019), The Man (08-03-2019)
  #658  
Old 08-07-2019, 07:44 AM
Stormlight's Avatar
Stormlight Stormlight is offline
Quality Contributor
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Luxembourg
Gender: Male
Posts: XLMMDCXXXIII
Images: 92
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Mandy - with Nicolas Cage

I really only watched this because of the excellent reviews it got (91% on RT and 81 on Metacritic). I don't like it.

There's no denying that it looks really great but it's also obvious that it only exists to pander to people who like Cage's ridiculous overacting.

Oh look, Cage screams into the camera for 5 minutes while pouring vodka down his pants! LOL
Look, Cage snaps someones neck while grinning like a maniac! Hahaha
Hey! Cage just said Cheddar Goblin! (Yes, that happened)
Cage laughs like a maniac while someone vomits blood in his mouth! LOL

NO. I don't like it.

Oh, and also: could we please FOR FUCK'S SAKE stop with the "woman gets murdered or raped or beaten up and her husband/boyfriend has to avenge her" movies? Yes? That would be grand! Thanks. Lazy morons.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Ari (08-07-2019), BrotherMan (08-07-2019), Crumb (08-07-2019), Kyuss Apollo (08-21-2019), lisarea (08-07-2019), slimshady2357 (08-11-2019), Sock Puppet (08-08-2019), specious_reasons (08-07-2019)
  #659  
Old 09-30-2019, 07:23 AM
specious_reasons's Avatar
specious_reasons specious_reasons is offline
here to bore you with pictures
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: MMDCCLXXVII
Images: 8
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I haven't watched much crap recently, but when got some attention on Twitter, I knew I had to watch it.

Before you even attempt it, be forewarned, it's a musical parody of "The Wall" which the lyrics and imagery is a kind of a meta-commentary on the movie. It's ambitious and self-indulgent - they even released the music as an album. Yet, it's almost unwatchable, and it's not even a particularly interesting critique. I was bored with the parody long before they start to critique the movie over how long and boring it is.

It features a guy from Slipknot, who I think I was supposed to recognize, but they gave just enough context clues to at least figure out he's in a rock band. He's terrible, and the video only requires him to watch a TV.

Apparently, the Nostalgia Critic's fans have turned on him over this one. It's weird, I've seen some of the other self-indulgent crap he's put out as original content, and it's all just about as bad and unfunny as this. This particular choice of topic must have been too tender a spot to poke.

I knew it was terrible going in, but it's an ambitious terrible. I'm kind of impressed so much effort went into this shitstorm. I'm also impressed that this guy would watch the final cut of this and think to himself, "people are gonna want to buy the *soundtrack* for this!"
__________________
ta-
DAVE!!!
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Ari (09-30-2019), Crumb (10-01-2019), lisarea (09-30-2019), Sock Puppet (09-30-2019), Stormlight (09-30-2019)
  #660  
Old 09-30-2019, 09:56 AM
JoeP's Avatar
JoeP JoeP is offline
YELLOW HAIR FAKE ANIMAL
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: England/Miisaland
Gender: Male
Posts: XXVMMLXXXIV
Images: 18
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

So ... how tempted am I to watch any of this? Your assessment says: not much.

Clicked into yootyoob to check the running time: 39:49. Also note 25k :thumbup: to 16k :thumbdown: And started reading the comments.

Quote:
If The Wall was a mighty impenetrable castle then this video would be a pillow fort in my mom's basement with a "no girlz alowed" sign written in crayon
Quote:
Everyone, STOP with the hate comments. It's so hard to like all of them
__________________

:roadrun:
Free thought! Please take one!

:unitedkingdom:   :southafrica:   :unitedkingdom::finland:       :eur:       :m&ms::m&ms::twix::twix: (rotated 180°):m&ms::m&ms:
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
BrotherMan (09-30-2019), Kamilah Hauptmann (09-30-2019), Sock Puppet (09-30-2019), specious_reasons (09-30-2019), Stormlight (09-30-2019)
  #661  
Old 09-30-2019, 01:57 PM
Stormlight's Avatar
Stormlight Stormlight is offline
Quality Contributor
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Luxembourg
Gender: Male
Posts: XLMMDCXXXIII
Images: 92
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

:lol:
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #662  
Old 09-30-2019, 05:51 PM
lisarea's Avatar
lisarea lisarea is offline
Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: XVMMCXIII
Blog Entries: 1
Images: 3
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I just watched THE WHOLE THING, and only sped it up to 1.75.

I think they did a very good job of punching up.

There. I said something nice.
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
JoeP (09-30-2019), specious_reasons (09-30-2019), Stormlight (10-01-2019)
  #663  
Old 09-30-2019, 10:10 PM
specious_reasons's Avatar
specious_reasons specious_reasons is offline
here to bore you with pictures
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: MMDCCLXXVII
Images: 8
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lisarea View Post
There. I said something nice.
It wasn't expected or required.
__________________
ta-
DAVE!!!
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
JoeP (09-30-2019), lisarea (09-30-2019), Sock Puppet (10-01-2019), Stormlight (10-01-2019)
  #664  
Old 09-30-2019, 10:32 PM
JoeP's Avatar
JoeP JoeP is offline
YELLOW HAIR FAKE ANIMAL
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: England/Miisaland
Gender: Male
Posts: XXVMMLXXXIV
Images: 18
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by specious_reasons View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisarea View Post
There. I said something nice.
It wasn't expected or required.
It is, however, newsworthy.
__________________

:roadrun:
Free thought! Please take one!

:unitedkingdom:   :southafrica:   :unitedkingdom::finland:       :eur:       :m&ms::m&ms::twix::twix: (rotated 180°):m&ms::m&ms:
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Stormlight (10-01-2019)
  #665  
Old 10-15-2019, 08:00 AM
specious_reasons's Avatar
specious_reasons specious_reasons is offline
here to bore you with pictures
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: MMDCCLXXVII
Images: 8
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Along with the parts of my Halloween costume slowly arriving, I also purchased the Blu-ray "Friday the 13th" collection. 8 movies for like $25 was probably worth it, even though it doesn't have part 9 and "Jason X" - which were produced by a different studio.

I had recently seen parts 1 and 2, so I went straight to 3 this weekend and 4 tonight.

Part 3 finally gets Jason in a hockey mask. I think it figures out a successful formula that the next few movies basically stick to... however it's a 3D movie which has cheap 3D gags. The 2D Blu-ray transfer shows just how cheap those 3D tricks were, wires abound in this movie. The movie is surprisingly bloodless and rather chaste for a "horny teens getting killed" movie. I think a lot of what fails in this movie is due to the technical limitations of the filming process.

Part 4 gave up on the 3D, and increased the gore and sex. It mostly keeps to the basic formula in 3 but with a few additional twists, like instead of a single final girl, it's a brother and sister team. Corey Feldman as a horror nerd who teams up with his sister to defeat Jason. Also, Crispin Glover dances in this movie.

I got done with dinner fairly early, so I also watched "Pod" - an indie horror film.

This one is not too bad. Two siblings that don't like each other much drive up to a third sibling's house. He's a veteran who has some mental issues. Well, something has him raging, and he says it a pod. Things go from bad to worse and pretty quickly because this movie is only 78 minutes.
__________________
ta-
DAVE!!!
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
BrotherMan (10-15-2019), lisarea (10-15-2019), slimshady2357 (10-15-2019), Sock Puppet (10-15-2019), Stormlight (10-18-2019)
  #666  
Old 10-30-2019, 06:11 AM
specious_reasons's Avatar
specious_reasons specious_reasons is offline
here to bore you with pictures
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: MMDCCLXXVII
Images: 8
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I haven't been chronicling it, but I went through parts 3-8 of Friday the 13th movies.

Wow, these movies vary in style, suspense, gore, horniness, and competency. They're all over the map.

Part 5 is pretty terrible, it features Tommy, the final kid from last movie, as an older teen being sent to a rural group home for teens - a sort of halfway house for troubled teens. A kid is killed at the home, and it sets off a bunch of not very gory deaths. Tommy is incompetently set up as a red herring, as are a few other people, but it's also incoherently revealed at the end that "Jason" is really the father of the first teen that was killed.

Tommy isn't played by Feldman, and it's a loss for the movie. This movie is rates low in every category above except horniness, where it's really gross.

Part 6 is probably one of the best in the series, on par with part 4, but it's where Jason goes from being a crazed mutant backwoods redneck to a crazed undead mutant backwoods redneck. Tommy is still in this one, played by yet another actor. He's obsessed with proving Jason is dead, so he digs up the grave and accidentally revives Jason's corpse. He can't convince the local sheriff that Jason is back, but convinces the sheriff's fiery daughter to help him. For some unknown reason, they opened another camp on Crystal Lake, so of course Jason comes back and messes everything up. Tommy chains up Jason and dumps in in the bottom of the lake.

This movie is low on gore, but it's way more competent than most of the others, so it's more suspenseful and entertaining.

Part 7 introduces a psychic final girl. She releases Jason from his underwater chains because she thinks it might be her father? Jason hunts the group of partiers next door until the heroes get wise and she psychically dumps Jason back under water.

Man, this is such a stupid premise. It's mostly competent and has its moments, but Jason is basically a plodding zombie - not suspenseful at all.

Of all of these, I think I hate part 8 the most. It's weirdly stupid, uninteresting and dull, even when the kills are creative. Jason is back to being a backwoods ninja, like he was in part 4, but it's executed poorly. This one is "Jason Takes Manhattan" but they don't get to the city for over an hour, and the city is 90% not New York.
__________________
ta-
DAVE!!!
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
BrotherMan (10-30-2019), Crumb (10-30-2019), lisarea (10-30-2019), slimshady2357 (10-30-2019), Sock Puppet (10-31-2019), Stormlight (10-30-2019)
  #667  
Old 10-30-2019, 06:41 AM
Stormlight's Avatar
Stormlight Stormlight is offline
Quality Contributor
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Luxembourg
Gender: Male
Posts: XLMMDCXXXIII
Images: 92
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Men in Black: International

I've seen this movie about 2 weeks ago and wanted to post about it here since then. You know what? I cannot remember a single thing. It is so bland and boring that it's instantly forgotten. Dreadful!
__________________
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
BrotherMan (10-30-2019), Crumb (10-30-2019), lisarea (10-30-2019), slimshady2357 (10-30-2019), Sock Puppet (10-31-2019)
  #668  
Old 10-30-2019, 08:11 AM
BrotherMan's Avatar
BrotherMan BrotherMan is offline
A Very Gentle Bort
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Bortlandia
Gender: Male
Posts: XVCMXCI
Blog Entries: 5
Images: 63
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Despite having some of the most charismatic actors of the twenty-teens, MIBI was entirely underwhelming. Tessa Thompson, Chris Hemsworth and Liams Neesons and Emma Thompson (no relation)? What should have been an easy recipe for success literally did the bare minimum to just make it a movie. On top even all that it wasn't even bad enough for me to hate it.
__________________
\V/_
I COVLD TEACh YOV BVT I MVST LEVY A FEE
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Crumb (10-30-2019), lisarea (10-30-2019), Sock Puppet (10-31-2019), Stormlight (10-30-2019)
  #669  
Old 11-11-2019, 09:36 PM
Kamilah Hauptmann's Avatar
Kamilah Hauptmann Kamilah Hauptmann is online now
I'm a regular Victor Victoria
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: VMMCCCLXXXI
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Alita: Battle Angel
nb: I had no prior familiarity with the manga beyond its existence.

I would have preferred some conclusion to this pile of bad dialogue and unconvincing characters.

One redeeming factor is the world and setting was fascinating and beautiful.
__________________
Sometimes you herp a derp, sometimes the derp herps you.

:BC: :canada:
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
BrotherMan (11-12-2019), Stormlight (11-15-2019)
  #670  
Old 11-21-2019, 02:44 PM
specious_reasons's Avatar
specious_reasons specious_reasons is offline
here to bore you with pictures
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: MMDCCLXXVII
Images: 8
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Stop the presses, everyone! I have finally watched "It's Pat!"

Pat was the breakout character from Julia Sweeney's run on SNL. This movie kind of derailed her acting career.

This is 1:15 and it's a drag. Pat is a bad person who is not likeable and is not interesting - except for the fact that no one can determine their gender. That's the primary joke of the movie. People are either disgusted by Pat and their nonspecific gender or obsessed with knowing.

So, somewhat like the SNL sketches, but somehow less funny.

Dave Foley is a champ in this film and had the only bit that I unashamedly enjoyed. It was a physical gag of him trying to close a stuffed suitcase on a waterbed. Otherwise, a joke or two sort of landed, but was otherwise pretty bland and uninteresting.
__________________
ta-
DAVE!!!
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Ari (11-21-2019), BrotherMan (11-21-2019), Crumb (11-21-2019), erimir (11-21-2019), Kamilah Hauptmann (11-21-2019), lisarea (11-21-2019), slimshady2357 (11-21-2019), Sock Puppet (11-21-2019), Stormlight (11-22-2019)
  #671  
Old 11-21-2019, 06:27 PM
Crumb's Avatar
Crumb Crumb is offline
Crumb 2.7 is now available!
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Cascadia
Gender: Male
Posts: LMXCDLI
Blog Entries: 22
Images: 355
Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I've always liked Dave Foley. Ever since The Kids in the Hall. :unnod:
__________________
:joecool2: :cascadia: :ROR: :portland: :joecool2:
Reply With Quote
Thanks, from:
Ari (11-22-2019), BrotherMan (11-21-2019), lisarea (11-21-2019), slimshady2357 (11-21-2019), specious_reasons (11-21-2019), Stormlight (11-22-2019)
Reply

  Freethought Forum > The Marketplace > Arts & Literature


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

 

All times are GMT +1. The time now is 08:53 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Page generated in 0.22693 seconds with 14 queries