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  #651  
Old 07-18-2019, 07:56 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

The Long Weekend 2005 - a terrible "raunchy" sex comedy.

Two brothers, one (Chris Klein) is an actor and "Lothario", and the other (Brendan Fehr) is an uptight, home video obsessed nerd and ad executive. The uptight one, after a year of depression due to losing his girlfriend is about to lose his job, unless he can save the big account. He plans to spend all weekend working, but his brother wants to take him out for his birthday. Stuff happens that's supposed to be funny, and then it all gets resolved in the end.

Chris Klein is supposed to be a mischievous trickster spirit, like a John Belushi type only handsome, but he's just unlikable, unpleasant and unfunny. He's supposed to be "good" with the ladies, but it all seems like sexual harassment to me. Brendan Fehr is supposed to be playing an uptight nerd, but I think he's actually pretending to be a sentient block of wood. It may actually have been funnier if Klein just acted with a block of wood the whole movie.
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  #652  
Old 07-22-2019, 02:49 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

DOA Dead or Alive

This movie is a special kind of crappy. This is an adaptation of the video game series. IIRC, the series is mostly known for a unique fighting systems and boob physics.

I'm only vaguely familiar with the game, but it's otherwise a generic fighting game, where the best fighters across the world come to a tournament for various reasons, only to be confronted by the tournament master who has his own evil agenda.

In that way, this is probably the most accurate adaptation that could be made, because that's the plot of the movie. This movie is basically fights, stunts, a little tiny bit of exposition, and a bikini beach volleyball game. The director is a Hong Kong action legend Corey Yuen, and the whole movie is frantic, day-glo, and ridiculous.
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  #653  
Old 07-30-2019, 06:23 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Happy Death Day 2U

The sequel to the surprisingly fun Happy Death Day. Pure garbage. They completely changed the tone of the movie and made it into some sort of scifi rom-com with the usual American "it's all about family" bullshit.
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  #654  
Old 07-30-2019, 07:54 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

On one hand, I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing HDD2U in the theater. I was onboard for the first one after the first trailer. The movie itself wasn't great but it was thoroughly entertaining. Now I'm multi-disappointed a) I still haven't seen it and b) even the most positive reviews give it an almost mediocre at best score. It doesn't really strike me that it's a movie or concept that needs a sequel anyway.
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  #655  
Old 07-30-2019, 08:07 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherMan View Post
It doesn't really strike me that it's a movie or concept that needs a sequel anyway.
Ready for Weekend At Bernie's 3? :woot:
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  #656  
Old 08-03-2019, 03:54 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Fire and Ice

A Ralph Bakshi rotoscope movie, with character designs by Frank Frazetta.

Evil sorcerer Nekron is trying to take over the world, and is doing so by pushing his glaciers around. The final stand of free humans is at Fire Keep, a place surrounded by volcanoes.

Mediocre white guy Larn barely survives an assault on his people and is wandering around the wilderness trying to survive. Princess Teegra gets kidnapped by Nekron's soldiers, to secure the king of Fire Keep's surrender, but she escapes and eventually runs into Larn. Larn eventually fucks up badly enough that Teegra gets recaptured and taken to Nekron. Larn teams up with Darkwolf, who looks to me like Batman the Barbarian, to defeat Nekron.

In general, I'd be OK with the completely rote fantasy plot. I've seen and enjoyed plenty of movies like this, but not this time. The voice acting is flat and there are unnatural pauses when characters are talking. The characters often act in the most stupid way possible. The rotoscoping looks weird. The rotoscoping always looks weird to me.

...and of course, the bad guys are dark-skinned savages, and the heroes are light skinned beauties.

I don't think I've ever liked a Ralph Bakshi movie, but every other one has been at least interestingly weird - something held my interest. This didn't, I'm just disappointed.
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  #657  
Old 08-03-2019, 05:28 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Per wiki: Thomas Kinkade also worked on the backgrounds to various scenes.

:lol:
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  #658  
Old 08-07-2019, 06:44 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Mandy - with Nicolas Cage

I really only watched this because of the excellent reviews it got (91% on RT and 81 on Metacritic). I don't like it.

There's no denying that it looks really great but it's also obvious that it only exists to pander to people who like Cage's ridiculous overacting.

Oh look, Cage screams into the camera for 5 minutes while pouring vodka down his pants! LOL
Look, Cage snaps someones neck while grinning like a maniac! Hahaha
Hey! Cage just said Cheddar Goblin! (Yes, that happened)
Cage laughs like a maniac while someone vomits blood in his mouth! LOL

NO. I don't like it.

Oh, and also: could we please FOR FUCK'S SAKE stop with the "woman gets murdered or raped or beaten up and her husband/boyfriend has to avenge her" movies? Yes? That would be grand! Thanks. Lazy morons.
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