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  #2551  
Old 09-11-2008, 05:42 AM
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GodPossessed GodPossessed is offline
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know I said I didn't know you would be here.


I took my money Mom gave me for singing lessons and bought....
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  #2552  
Old 09-11-2008, 12:58 PM
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... beer for my horses and whiskey for my men.



Outlaw bikers working in the oilfield often make ...
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  #2553  
Old 09-11-2008, 06:34 PM
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frequent trips to the restroom to wipe the oil of off their tattoos.


If I had a temporary tattoo of a fish, I could lead a gang of....
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  #2554  
Old 09-11-2008, 07:08 PM
Plant Woman Plant Woman is offline
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If I had a temporary tattoo of a fish, I could lead a gang of....
talapia and we can chase after boats and wait for them to empty their heads; feeding frenzy!

I lived too long on a sailboat, now I ...
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  #2555  
Old 09-12-2008, 04:00 AM
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can, quite comfortably, get on a forum and empty my head.


On the fourth day without food we saw mermaids and ...
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  #2556  
Old 09-12-2008, 04:17 AM
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Kyuss Apollo Kyuss Apollo is offline
happy now, Mussolini?
  
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...dancing pickles humming "Happy Days Are Here Again."


Never underestimate the power of...
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  #2557  
Old 09-12-2008, 08:40 AM
Plant Woman Plant Woman is offline
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Never underestimate the power of...
a baby. Who else can scream and cry day after day and everyone continues to come to their rescue?

I wish I could scream and cry and everyone . . .
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  #2558  
Old 09-12-2008, 03:08 PM
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would bring me chocolate and massage my feet.


After years of buying my own chocolate and rubbing my own feet, I have concluded....
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  #2559  
Old 09-13-2008, 07:56 AM
Plant Woman Plant Woman is offline
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After years of buying my own chocolate and rubbing my own feet, I have concluded....
that I need to hire a masseuse that works next door to a chocolate shop.

My heart leaped when I saw the . . .
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  #2560  
Old 09-13-2008, 08:07 AM
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Kyuss Apollo Kyuss Apollo is offline
happy now, Mussolini?
  
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...chocolate truck park next door and then a dozen midget masseuses clambered out and proceeded to move their foot massage tables inside.


You can't help it if...
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  #2561  
Old 09-13-2008, 01:33 PM
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Dingfod Dingfod is offline
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... it can't help you.



Persistently dogging your intended victim is just ...
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  #2562  
Old 09-13-2008, 04:41 PM
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... vindictive and nasty. :badpenny:

The :elephant: that they used to put out the fire didn't quite work out because ...
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  #2563  
Old 09-14-2008, 04:57 AM
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The flat feet tended to smear the evidence of the arson.


However, the webbed feet of a duck would...
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  #2564  
Old 09-14-2008, 01:39 PM
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Dingfod Dingfod is offline
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... mean never having toe jam.



The sticky goo between an elephant's toes ...
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  #2565  
Old 09-14-2008, 02:10 PM
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is obviously slow...er, umm, boas?


Being old means you've heard every....
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  #2566  
Old 09-14-2008, 02:21 PM
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Dingfod Dingfod is offline
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... lame elephant joke ever told.



Chicken jokes are fresh and new ...
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  #2567  
Old 11-03-2008, 04:08 PM
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... when you get in a time machine and go back in time a few thousand years. :shakechicken:


When she told her doctor that she was seeing :pinkele:s, he said ... :therapy:
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