Eddie Izzard Makeup Guilt & ARM PIT KITTIES

[Ensign Steve]

Okay, you guys know how I'm a very special snowflake and I march to the beat of my own drum and I don't do all the stuff I'm expected to do like read and vote? I'm starting to learn that I have another non-habit that makes me some kind of complete radical. I don't wear makeup.

I own makeup and I know how to use it, and I do so on very rare occasions, like if I'm going out somewhere fancy in the evening and I'm all dressed up, or if I know I'm going to have my photo taken in some non-candid context. But in my day-to-day life, I just don't bother with it, never have. Not even a little mascara or lip gloss? they always ask. Are those things makeup? I would like to answer sarcastically. I don't like the way it feels on my skin, I think even a minimal amount looks artificial and way too try-hard on me, and I'd rather spend the extra 15 minutes in the morning sleeping in.

One would think that such a personal choice about my own grooming would be of no interest to anybody but me and the most obnoxious of busybodies, and one would be correct. Unfortunately, there are a lot of obnoxious busybodies in the world.

It started when I was separating from the Air Force. Toward the end, I was sent to a bunch of "transition training" workshops where we learned how to write resumes and dress ourselves and interview for jobs in the real world. I was the only woman in the class with a bunch of men, and they specifically told me that I need to wear makeup. Keep in mind that I was dressed exactly the same as everybody else in the room, on account of we were all in uniform, but I was singled out and told to start wearing makeup. Unless I'm applying for a job as a model or television personality, just no.

That was 5 years ago (holy shit, really?!), and I pretty much wrote it off as a one-time non-event. What the hell do a bunch of army guys know about women's grooming, anyway? Unfortunately, that particular annoyance has been popping back into my life recently, hence this rant.

The first one came a couple weeks ago in the form of this column on Levo League, and has been stuck in my craw ever since:

7 Fashion Faux Pas That Need to Stay Out of the Office ~ Levo League

Heavy Makeup

Goldman said you absolutely have to wear makeup, even if you have the features of Snow White.

“Not wearing makeup to work says you don’t take it seriously,” she said. The trick is to look like you’re not wearing makeup. A study found that wearing makeup at work can actually help you appear more confident, but the line between confident and looking like all you do is put on makeup is a very thin one. Researchers say it “may have to do with the negative stereotypes associated with an ‘overly groomed’ woman in the workplace.” Sparkles should never come into your place of work.

Granted, LL's audience skews younger than me, and there is a lot of material for women in careers where appearances matter more, like design, fashion, marketing, and sales. But their target audience includes all working women, and they are usually more pragmatic about the fact that there are no one-size-fits-all rules for every woman in every job. Except, apparently, that the obligation to wear makeup is absolute ...

even if you have the features of Snow White! Fuuuuck that! One of the ways I rationalize not using makeup is that I am lucky to have a mostly clear complexion, especially compared to my hormonal adolescence. But, no, apparently even Snow White is too hideous to show her face without dressing it up a little bit to make it suitable for public display. Meanwhile, every scraggly, stubbly, pockmark-ridden man-face gets to just float around in the cool air all bare-ass naked and somehow nobody ever turns to stone. Seriously, just fuck everything about that.

It's not even not wearing makeup that is the faux pas, it's heavy makeup. That we're all going to wear makeup is just a given (absolutely) but the faux pas is not landing on the exact correct amount, which I'm sure varies wildly from situation to situation, just like skirt length and all our other bullshit rules. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't, what else is new, right?

Well, this is new (caution: video autoplays with sound):

Woman Goes Without Makeup for One Year | ABC News Blogs - Yahoo!

Good for her, but I don't want to live on a planet where that is a fucking headline! How about "families go without enough food for one year", huh? Can we worry about shit that actually matters, for christ sake?!



Swears for this post: Clinique, Estee Lauder, L'Oreal

[erimir]

Quality ranting.

Doesn't it seem to be contradictory to say not wearing makeup says you don't take it seriously, but also, you should apply your makeup in such a way that it looks like you're not wearing makeup?

Now, what would be the easy way to appear that you're not wearing makeup...? Hmmm...

[curses]

How to Do a Natural, No Makeup Look | RealSimple.com

I've been told that not wearing some makeup every day is akin to wearing sweatpants to a store. (i dont wear makeup often and sweatpants are comfy) The reality between "no makeup" and no makeup is so skewed because of media. See an actress in a shower scene? Waking up? Locked in a closet for ten weeks? She'll still be wearing foundation, blush, and mascara. Typical for film/theater so the lights don't destroy the skin tone on film and mascara helps eyes pop at a distance. But now everyone has it in their head that it's the only way that a woman looks natural and healthy.

I'm sure there are other reasons, maybe holdovers from an earlier era, but fuck them. I won't wear makeup if I don't want to.

/ramble

[Qingdai]

I haven't worn make up since I was 13 in any but an ironic or over the top drag queen way.
Is that why no one ever takes me seriously at a job? Fuck that noise.

Also I should wear make up so it looks natural, um that would be not wearing make up.

I fucking hate being female some days.

[wildernesse]

I like how the link curses provided for a "no makeup" look requires more makeup than I use when I wear makeup for formal occasions. I just wear tinted lip balm these days, but that's ok because I am not a productive member of society.

[lisarea]

I think that ladies wearing makeup, especially when almost all women in the media do, has sort of twisted people's notions of what they actually look like. Individually, even. When I'd have a job where I almost always wore makeup, people would ask me if I was OK when I didn't. On the other hand, not too long ago, some friends came over and I was wearing makeup, which I haven't done very often lately, and they also thought I was sick.

And people who don't regularly wear makeup are EXTREMELY BAD at telling when someone is wearing it. They'll only notice things like eyeshadow and really bright lipstick or something, but you can totally have fifty pounds of foundation and blush and eyeliner and mascara on, and as long as they're the right colors, they think you rolled out of bed like that, so individually and collectively, makeuped faces set the baseline of what people look like.

But look at that video with the lady 'with' and 'without' makeup. Makeup is the least of the differences. She's all dressed up in the first one, and in the second, she's dressed like Ignatius J. Reilly. She's wearing a big cocoon coat with the hood up, sweatpants, and yellow-green horn rimmed glasses. Almost as though maybe they tried the experiment just without makeup and it didn't make much of a difference, so they kept adding things until they got their desired results. I mean, it still shows that people treat you differently based on your overall appearance, but that was not just makeup.

[curses]

Originally Posted by lisarea

Almost as though maybe they tried the experiment just without makeup and it didn't make much of a difference, so they kept adding things until they got their desired results. I mean, it still shows that people treat you differently based on your overall appearance, but that was not just makeup.

This just reminded me of something that's not related to the discussion at all. One of my clients features product reviews and I have to doctor the before/after images to make sure there is enough difference between them. Some of it has to do with the image quality once it's printed, it does degrade slightly, but you guys, I'M PART OF THE PROBLEM!!1

[Ymir's blood]

One of my coworkers has this Facebook app that turns pictures into Walking Dead zombies. You could use that.

[lisarea]

Originally Posted by curses

This just reminded me of something that's not related to the discussion at all. One of my clients features product reviews and I have to doctor the before/after images to make sure there is enough difference between them. Some of it has to do with the image quality once it's printed, it does degrade slightly, but you guys, I'M PART OF THE PROBLEM!!1

I used to write copy for plastic surgeons and cosmetic dentists intended to convince people that they needed to replace as many of their body parts as possible in order to be happy and successful.

[Ensign Steve]

Good news, Ugly Ladies! We can take the weekends off. Phew!

1. Don’t wear makeup on Saturdays and Sundays. Contrary to the idea that makeup gives you confidence (and to be honest, most people feel it gives them an extra boost of confidence in public), real confidence in how we look comes from appreciating our natural qualities and beauty. Going sans makeup will not only allow your skin to breathe, but over time makeup will become something that enhances the already existing beauty rather than a tool to cover flaws.

Your disgusting, hideous face full of flaws.

Dove Shows Us That We’re Our Own Biggest Critics ~ Levo League

(Hilariously, as little as I wear it, I'm a lot more likely to wear makeup on a weekend. That's when I have more free time to do it, and also I'm probably going somewhere or doing something with people I actually care about and might have a reason to look good for. As opposed to stupid boring work people at stupid boring work, because who cares what those assholes think?)

Edit:
I'm with commenter Diane Kerstein

I recommend reversing that makeup tip - stop wearing during the week and only wear when you go out on the weekend. It forces you to accept the way you really look.

(except it forces others to accept the way I really look)

[Ensign Steve]

Oh! Also, I forgot to confess my touch-up past, which is I used to use photoshop to remove scratches and dents from photos of these aluminum enclosure thingies that the company was selling.

[Stormlight]

Originally Posted by Ensign Steve

Does it? I don't think that it does. I never noticed.

[Janet]

First off, almost no one at the library wears make-up. I'm the exception here in wearing full make-up almost every day. At the most some of the others wear mascara or lipstick, but I can only think of one or two librarians who do that.

I didn't wear make-up for many years. I started about 5 or so years ago for the weirdest reason. I had been remembering that in high school I was much more girly than I am now. I started to miss some of those parts of myself that I had let go. Then I became a fan of Eddie Izzard and watching a transvestite made me really self-conscious about not being girly enough, so I started wearing make-up. I thought if a man could make the effort, then I could.

I wore cheap stuff and way too much of it at first, but then I visited a Chanel counter with my niece and got a make-over and some tips and I've been hooked since. You don't want to know what I spend on Chanel skin care and make-up, but it's an indulgence I enjoy. I don't even mind getting up earlier in the morning. I kind of enjoy the ritual of putting it on, almost as much as I hate the ritual of taking it off. It's kind of stupid to say, or even think, this at 46, but it makes me feel more like a grown-up.

I actually took 3 months off wearing it and just started back. I was having allergy issues at work, even though I take zyrtec every day. That and the cold winds were making my eyes water something fierce. I was so annoyed at putting on my make-up only to have it tear-streaked by the time I got to my desk in the morning that I stopped. I certainly didn't plan to stop for 3 months, but it worked out that way. No one at work treated me differently or even seemed to notice I wasn't wearing it anymore.

And I'm a no make-up on the weekend girl. I like to give myself a rest from it, and give my face a rest. I used to take it on vacation but it's a pain to pack so I usually skip it on vacation as well. Also because it's bloody pricey and that way I don't use it up as quickly.

[lisarea]

"Guilted by Eddie Izzard" is the best makeup motivation I have ever heard, and I'm stealing it. I might say Divine instead, though.

[Ensign Steve]

That's a cool story, and I love that you wear it because you like the way it makes you feel, not just out of a sense of expectation or obligation. You struck a nerve with me in your post, not about my makeup but my hair. I love it long and that is the only way I have ever loved it. I have cut it short many times (to varying degrees) and although it is more practical and professional and sometimes downright prettier that way, I always regret it and immediately start wishing I could fast-forward time and have it long again. It's expensive and a hassle and time-consuming, but it's what I want for me.

I just wish people would leave others alone on their grooming choices, because it really honestly only makes sense to do what you want, not what other people or the rules say you should do.

And from now on, I get to imagine Janet as the sexiest vamp in the library with a full face of Chanel every day.

[LadyShea]

I like my hair long too. And I shouldn't at this age...I should have a real grown up mom hairstyle, but I like my long hair. I just do.

[lisarea]

It will probably shock you guys to learn that I have a pet hypothesis about this general topic!

I've seen a lot of professional grooming advice. I used to every now and again hatewatch that awful horrible show What Not to Wear, and I've seen articles about how to present yourself to get ahead in the workplace and such, and the thing that's always struck me is how completely 100% wrong it all is. Maybe it's my region, maybe it's my industries or something, but this whole notion that you should be all 'put together' by wearing a bunch of makeup and uncomfortable shoes and stuff in order to get ahead has been pretty much exactly the opposite at nearly every place I've ever worked. And that's a lot of places.

The vast majority of the time, the higher someone is on the technical hierarchy, the more likely they are to come to work in cutoffs or pajamas. The only workplace demographic who regularly dress up and, hell, comb their hair are people in customer-facing positions, like receptionists and salespeople. And if you walk into an engineering department or something, the person who looks the most like a goblin or a skatergurl or something is most likely to be the technical lead.

But then it occurred to me that the people who write articles like that and who have makeover shows and things who are giving this advice are probably people in completely different industries. Industries like fashion and human resources and stuff. Those probably are the rules for them, and they're just not even aware that their little semiotic hierarchy is not necessarily applicable to everyone, and is actually almost entirely inverted in some fields.

(I've told about this one before, but it enrages me so I'm telling it again. They once had on that WNTW show a young woman who was a grad student or maybe a postdoc in some fairly technical field, and they straight up berated her into agreeing to their makeover, telling her that her comfortable shoes and stuff were actually INSULTING to other people. They either made her cry or came very close before she agreed. And then, of course, they made her over in the exact same kind of outfits they give everybody, which I think are really uncomfortable looking and also fucking ugly, and which in her field was probably going to send the wrong messages anyway.)

[lisarea]

Oh, but Shea, you should. Get a little momfro like mine in my avatar.

[LadyShea]

When I face customers and sell stuff, I have to look at least like I tried to be presentable. I've got my makeup down to a "uniform" though...mineral foundation, neutral eye shadow, a little brown eyeliner and mascara. When I am not doing that work I don't wear makeup or do my hair or anything like that....obviously.

I bought a lipstick last week for the first time in probably 9 years, and I wanted it really natural. Well, it is the exact same color as my lips. I could have saved 3 bucks and stuck with Chapstick

[Ensign Steve]

Originally Posted by lisarea

But then it occurred to me that the people who write articles like that and who have makeover shows and things who are giving this advice are probably people in completely different industries. Industries like fashion and human resources and stuff. Those probably are the rules for them, and they're just not even aware that their little semiotic hierarchy is not necessarily applicable to everyone, and is actually almost entirely inverted in some fields.

For sure, and usually those shows are in New York or LA, where people are in entertainment and fashion and the business of looking amazing. It was a big old gut-punch walking into Paramount after having lived in the south and worn a uniform for 4 years. Even though had I worked in Hollywood before, I was like, "damn I forgot how this place can be."

And this time around I've been at a university for four years, again in the south, and pajamas are considered acceptable work attire. I'm panicking about going back there again and once again feeling this pressure to change myself to fit in, and I'm like, "will I wear makeup? For the love of god, do not cut your hair again!"

In the military, we called it 2-8-2. You're a 2 at home, an 8 while deployed, and a 2 again once you get back. You so want to be above it all, like I'm a fucking warrior, asshole! But it still hurts every damn time. And then they claim that's a motivation behind fake geek girls. We insert ourselves into geek culture because while we're 2s in mainstream culture, we can be 8s in geek culture. Yeah, because that's why I do what I do.

[LadyShea]

I'm panicking about going back there again and once again feeling this pressure to change myself to fit in, and I'm like, "will I wear makeup? For the love of god, do not cut your hair again!"

But, you're going to be at Google in Venice. So that might not even be the bad LA culture at all, ya know? Walking around Westwood Village is not the same as walking around West Hollywood. Long Beach isn't Newport Beach. There's different things that work in different neighborhoods. My point is don't hyperventilate yet until you see what fitting in entails. Anyway you look great whenever I see you and in pics, and you're a native girl, you are SoCal.

I would do a light makeup/hairdid and neutral wardrobe at first (my self created work uniform is black slacks and a white blouse because it can never be wrong and I don't have to spend lots of money. You might prefer khakis and pastel blouses because you are a pink person but same idea). If it seems cool to be yourself, then you can either relax and go nekkid face or go nuts with the girly thing that seems to work well on you.

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by LadyShea

I like my hair long too. And I shouldn't at this age...I should have a real grown up mom hairstyle, but I like my long hair. I just do.

My mother-in-law frequently criticized inland wave for not having age-appropriate hair. Before I met the 18 year old inland wave her hair was long, like halfway down her back. I've only seen that in pictures. She had it cut short when I met her and since then, except for the hideous white-fro perm in the 80s, she's had her hair cut short, but not in a mom hairstyle.

[Ensign Steve]

This is from the intern faq:

Q: What should I wear on my first day?
A: G...le believes you can be serious without a suit and according to Eric S.., our official dress code is “you must wear something!”. Some interns like to dress up a little on their first day but it’s really up to you. We recommend wearing what you are comfortable in. P.S. Your picture will be taken for your badge first thing in the morning, so brush those teeth and comb your hair

I feel like that last bit might be directed at young men (I equate "comb your hair" with boys and "brush your hair" with girls), but I'm taking it at face value. Will I wear makeup for my badge photo? If I wear it the first day, will I then feel like I should continue to do so? Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion!

Now strap in for some serious stream-of-consciousness rambling and way too much information.

My biggest thing with clothing is that I want to be comfortable and dressed for the temperature. I love the warm weather and I spend as much time as I can outdoors when it's not cold. So that means in the south in the summer, I wear a lot of shorts, sleeveless tops, and flip-flops, seriously low-rent. I keep a cardigan or something in the office, because of the A/C, and also if I need to meet a professor or something I can cover up my shame. But since we're on an academic calendar, there's an opportunity to transition naturally to a much more laid-back dress code in the summer, because there's almost nobody around to see you. The ones who are around are also dealing with the crippling heat and humidity, so shorts and flip-flops is not outrageously uncommon.

I want to assume that summer internships are the same way, that we young and dumb interns aren't expected to know any better and it's Venice and we can roll up looking like total bums. But at the same time, I'm really trying to lay the groundwork for the job I want next year, so I need to step up and show what I'm capable of, and especially even show my age/experience. Blending in with the other interns is probably not in my best interest.

Oh, but anyway, yeah I can do the flower dress thing no problem, and I do it for work at WW because I definitely could not get away with beach-bum wear. It's a way for me to have bare arms and legs and toes and be physically comfortable while presenting a look that they will find acceptable. But to me that is the most fake, not-me look that I rock. I have a lot of fun doing it, but it literally feels like dress-up or drag to me. Like I am lying, but I love it in a mischievous way, like I'm putting something over on someone. I'm not going to go so far as to say I do it ironically, but it's definitely not sincere.

I felt the same way in my military uniform, and yes I was getting a way with a lot of stuff, but I was also doing a great job. I pretend to be a warrior, but also I am a great warrior. I pretend to be a woman, but also I am a great woman. Recently I read this thing where this lady says "all fashion is drag" and I have seen other things like about "embodied cognition", so I know I'm not the only one thinking about this stuff.

Clothes and Self-Perception - NYTimes.com

So I feel like it's too much meta-cognition, to much awareness of the fact that I get to dress myself and choose how I want to present myself to the world, but how do I decide? Certainly not by reading everybody else's rules! But that means I have to figure out who I am and who I want to be.

No pressure, tough.

[lisarea]

A big part of the way I dress and stuff is in furtherance of my two primary interests, which are minding my own business and getting left the hell alone. So I don't really have any guilt at all about just trying to blend in. It's not my only criterion or anything, but it's a major factor. And that's why I am so bemused by the default assumption that you're supposed to dress to stand out and get attention, and wear things as 'conversation pieces' or something. I'm like why the hell would I want to go around having conversations with randos about shoes or a necklace or whatever? That sounds horrible!

When I've had to blend into a more formal environment, I've usually just figured out some easy way to put my hair up so it looks respectable and not crazy, and then did the formula dressing like Shea says.

[Ensign Steve]

OMG, boring!

I have statement pieces!

show spoiler

pound me, bro