7 Tips from Cosmo that will put you in the Hospital

Legs · #1 10-15-2009, 01:56 PM

"Make two fists around my shaft and twist them in opposite directions as fast as you can."--Jamie, 30

Quote:

For those of you who never had older brothers, this technique, when applied to the forearm, is called an Indian Rugburn. We're not sure if the politically correct version would be an Indigenous American Rugburn or a Southeast Asian Rugburn, but that's irrelevant because when done to your manhood it would need a new term completely. Something like, "A crime a million times worse than genocide."

Cracked

Dingfod · #2 10-15-2009, 02:05 PM

What is a "Holpital", a holistic medicine clinic?

Legs · #3 10-15-2009, 02:07 PM

rofl, also & = 7

I haven't have my coffee yet :brooding:

Watser? · #4 10-15-2009, 02:10 PM

Lolpital!

livius drusus · #5 10-15-2009, 04:17 PM

Ah yes, gently bite the scrotum. A for-sure winning move.

Watser? · #6 10-15-2009, 04:48 PM

I think this is some kind of Obama socialist scheme to decrease the population :ohnoes:

Legs · #7 10-15-2009, 05:00 PM

Too late Watser?, I saw Abama :hoot:

livius drusus · #8 10-15-2009, 05:03 PM

I thought Abama was on purpose. You should have just rolled with it Watser?. You know, like how a guy loves to have his balls handled as if they were dice.

Legs · #9 10-15-2009, 05:03 PM

liv, should 'hands' not be 'handled'?

Watser? · #10 10-15-2009, 05:04 PM

livius drusus · #11 10-15-2009, 05:08 PM

This thread has more typos than pubic hair pullings. :sadno:

Legs · #12 10-15-2009, 05:09 PM

I should have quoted you, no one will believe me now :noid:

livius drusus · #13 10-15-2009, 05:11 PM

erimir · #14 10-15-2009, 07:19 PM

Those tips aren't necessarily all that bad. The last one changes from horrifying to intriguing if you assume that they're using a fair amount of lube, for example.

Shake · #15 10-16-2009, 04:30 AM

L'Hospital?

biochemgirl · #16 10-16-2009, 07:16 AM

Uhhh...sneezegasm and jiggling balls like dice. I might have to whip those puppies out for the comedic value alone.

JoeP · #17 10-16-2009, 07:40 AM

* JoeP tries to imagine bcg whipping out her puppies

Doctor X · #18 10-16-2009, 10:53 AM

Quote:

No, this is one of those occasions when an editor needs to think, "Sure, no other guy has said this yet, so it's unique and would therefore be interesting to our readers. But on the other hand, no other guy has said this, so maybe the guy who wrote this is totally fucking insane, or possibly a jilted woman looking to get back at the opposite sex."

For instance, we don't think a men's magazine would print a letter from a "woman" saying, "You know what really turns us ladies on? When you jab us in the ribs with a sharp stick." The editor would immediately guess that behind the letter was a balding man in his basement, with a wall covered in photos of his mother with WHORE scrawled over them in blood.

--J.D.

Doctor X · #19 10-16-2009, 11:01 AM

On Using His Penis Like a Joystick:

Quote:

After she's attempted to bite your nutsack, yanked out your pubic hairs and rattled your balls like she's working a craps table, it'll be sweet relief to have the woman merely grab your boner and steer it around while making "BEEP BOOP" video game noises with her mouth.