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  #251  
Old 11-27-2015, 04:31 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

I ran across this while searching for interesting maps. It is angmessen for this thrad, but is about a joke being used as a weapon, not a joke itself. The joke itself is withheld for safety reasons. I found it hilarious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alternative History WLD
During World War 2, Ernest Scribbler heads a secret department at Bletchley Park. He is discovered at his desk, quite dead, with a single note written in front of him in German. This death is naturally suspicious, and he is immediately suspected of being a spy. The note is read by translators at the facility, fluent in German just like scribbler, who immediately begin laughing uncontrollably. Hearing or reading this Joke results in the deaths of almost a tenth of native German speakers, half that number if they are fluent in German as a second language, and half that again of those who have some level of conversational German. Even those with barely functional German, or those who speak it and survives are incapacitated once they get it, sometimes for hours or days, in fits of laughter. Once the Joke has been heard, the survivors are constantly sensitive to it. Anything that reminds them of it, even the sound of laughter, reduces them to hysterics once again. It is estimated to be around 60,000 times funnier than the greatest pre-war joke.
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Last edited by Dingfod; 11-27-2015 at 04:50 AM.
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  #252  
Old 06-14-2016, 02:48 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

174. An elderly man by the fictional name of 'Hermaldo' made a fanciful suggestion that did not apply to the situation at hand.
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  #253  
Old 04-19-2017, 01:41 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

Quote:
Originally Posted by tfa
I used to think being the President of the United States was the toughest job in the world. That was until I saw a German comedian perform. Tough crowd.
61 Thoughts I Had After I Moved From The US To Germany
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  #254  
Old 04-19-2017, 01:49 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingfod View Post
37. Fasching=FEAR

:unnod:
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  #255  
Old 08-27-2019, 05:43 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

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  #256  
Old 02-18-2020, 07:12 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

37.5.
I seem to be human more often than not,
But I may not be quite as astute as you thought.
When you speak of your 'demons,' are these creatures real?
Or have they been conjured to convey what you feel?

What is this subtext? What is your intent?
How can I determine what this metaphor meant?
And these! Are they true, these words that you spoke?
Oh, I see someone laughing. It must be a joke.

How should I know if you mean what you say?
How could I discern if a man's straight or gay?
My good friend John Waters? How about Pee Wee Herman?
Perhaps I'm autistic, or maybe just German.
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  #257  
Old 02-18-2020, 07:20 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

38. In an egregious display of regulatory capture, Ingrid, deviating from prescription of her own manufacture, submitted a non-compliant entry and awarded herself a half credit for the effort.
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  #258  
Old 09-22-2020, 03:40 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

Footnote (German Tinder humor):
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File Type: png German Tinder Humor.png (136.5 KB, 30 views)
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  #259  
Old 02-26-2021, 12:09 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

40. Many adult humans have expressed great anger as the result of a false potato being deprived of its gendered honorific.
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  #260  
Old 03-01-2021, 09:30 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

41. A forum participant suddenly shouted, "Yoink!" just as he submitted his profile information revision. His patient canine companion looked up, momentarily concerned. The person explained to the dog that his trousers had just strained his testicles very uncomfortably. The dog still did not understand any of this.
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:sockpuppet:...........
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  #261  
Old 04-08-2021, 06:25 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

42. As she was leaving to run some necessary errands, Margarethe informed her partner Volker that she was going to the market 1.5 kilometers to the west, and would be back shortly.

However, Margarethe instead did her shopping at the market over 2 kilometers to the south. When she returned, Volker was clearly unaware!

While her deception had been intended as a lighthearted prank, she felt not amusement, but contempt. "What a fool he is," she thought.
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  #262  
Old 11-11-2021, 10:39 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

Many German jokes:

How to get past German Immigration : funny
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  #263  
Old 12-05-2021, 03:38 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

Would a German tell this one?

Quote:
Four linguists were sharing a compartment on a train on their way to an international conference on sound symbolism. One was English, one Spanish, one French and the fourth German. They got into a discussion on whose language was the most eloquent and euphonious.

The English linguist said: "Why, English is the most eloquent language. Take for instance the word "butterfly". Butterfly, butterfly... doesn't that word so beautifully express the way this delicate insect flies. It's like flutter-by, flutter-by."

"Oh, no!" said the Spanish linguist, "the word for "butterfly" in Spanish is "mariposa". Now, this word expresses so beautifully the vibrant colors on the butterfly's wings. What could be a more apt name for such a brilliant creature? Spanish is the most eloquent language!"

"Papillon!" says the French linguist, "papillon! This word expresses the fragility of the butterfly's wings and body. This is the most fitting name for such a delicate and ethereal insect. French is the most eloquent language!"

At this the German linguist stands up, and demands: "And what is wrong with the word, 'SCHMETTERLING'?"
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  #264  
Old 12-05-2021, 03:58 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

What do you get if you mix a German with an Irish?




Something done extremely well, tomorrow.
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  #265  
Old 12-05-2021, 09:49 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

:dddp:

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  #266  
Old 12-05-2021, 09:49 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

Quote:
"butterfly"- "SCHMETTERLING"
The Germans will laugh at themselves as readily as any other ethnic group in my experience—but why would another group construct a joke at their expense on such false pretences as these? I think it reflects badly on us anglophones.
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  #267  
Old 05-12-2023, 12:01 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

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