Can anyone come up with a plausible answer?

[Veritas]

Why do the men I fancy always turn out to have girlfriends? I can't say I go for the unattainable types as I didn't know he had one now, but...

...I'm old fashioned and don't believe in making moves on a man, but I was encouraged to months ago (by a female friend) and bottled it. I always believed that if a man liked me enough, he would come over to say hello, ask for my number, you know the score. I guess it comes from being a doormat in the past and would like to be in a relationship where I know how it feels for the man to like me so much he had to approach me.

Still. Tis disappointing that the same thing has happened again. I could have thrown myself at someone months ago when he was still single, but...I wouldn't have had any self-respect. That's just the way I am, given my desire to be the chased rather than the one doing all the emotional chasing this time. The way I look at it is, he couldn't have noticed me or would have approached me (double standards? Maybe. But if he doesn't think the same way I do regarding these matters, we're obviously not suited).

We live. We learn. We move on.

[JoeP]

Because you don't go for losers no one else wants?

[Veritas]

I like you.

[ChuckF]

Originally Posted by JoeP

Because you don't go for losers no one else wants?

Well, there go my chances with Veritas

[Veritas]

I was rambling in that first post and only just realised how little sense it made.

I should have just said a few months ago I met a guy I fancied, a friend said I should approach him, I didn't 'cause I thought that would be 'forward', just found out he has a new girlfriend, can't work out why I now feel disappointed.

Ho hum. I have certain ideas on how to conduct myself around men (given that I've made a fool of myself before, I'm very strict with myself now for want of avoiding the same humiliation again) but...

Oh, there's nothing I can do about it. I've made my mind up how I want to behave, so I can't complain when I don't approach a guy and he goes and finds someone else. He either didn't fancy me (stupid), or thought I'd be too much hard work (lazy).

That's what I tell myself anyway.

[Artemis Entreri]

Well, there's a difference between flirting and throwing yourself at a guy. Did you ever flirt with him at all? I for one seem to be oblivious when girls are attracted to me. My friends (especially female friends) often point this out to me. Usually it takes a girl openly flirting with me to get my attention. Also those "nice guys" that women always say they want are often shy, so you have to be at least a little-bit forward to let them know that you are into them. Perfect way to get a guy's attention is with physical contact. I always take that as a good sign (I mean innocently like touching your arm or sidling up next to you when you're talking about something)

[Veritas]

It's really hard for me to even approach a guy I like at all, because I feel like I'm going to come over all stupid, blushing, teenager-with-a-crush. And I don't have a clue what to say. It's all very well saying, "Act normal. Be yourself," but when I have a crush, I'm hyper-aware of my desire and feel like it's obvious. It probably isn't but I feel like it is.

That said, when I'm out with girlfriends and they get giggly over a man, I'm always the one who says, "For God's sake, I'll go over and introduce myself and ask him to come over and join us."

I get impatient with friends who are reluctant to approach their crush, but can't do it myself. In all honesty it's because I feel he'd never be interested in me, but for goodness' sake my friends are so pretty they've got nothing to worry about!

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by Veritas

Why do the men I fancy always turn out to have girlfriends? I can't say I go for the unattainable types as I didn't know he had one now, but...

...I'm old fashioned and don't believe in making moves on a man, but I was encouraged to months ago (by a female friend) and bottled it. I always believed that if a man liked me enough, he would come over to say hello, ask for my number, you know the score. I guess it comes from being a doormat in the past and would like to be in a relationship where I know how it feels for the man to like me so much he had to approach me.

Still. Tis disappointing that the same thing has happened again. I could have thrown myself at someone months ago when he was still single, but...I wouldn't have had any self-respect. That's just the way I am, given my desire to be the chased rather than the one doing all the emotional chasing this time. The way I look at it is, he couldn't have noticed me or would have approached me (double standards? Maybe. But if he doesn't think the same way I do regarding these matters, we're obviously not suited).

We live. We learn. We move on.

I always wondered why I was only attractive to women when I was in a relationship.

[Veritas]

Ah, but my point was I liked this guy when he was single...chickened out of doing anything...now he has a gf, and I think...well, it's not so much regret, more along the lines of, "What if I'd said something at the time?" Which I wouldn't have anyway; that's not my way...but interesting to speculate.

Interesting and pointless.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Is there a particular reason you're not open to changing your old-fashioned ways? Changing times call for adaptable people. Those that don't adapt, well...

You're an older person though, and they tend to be inflexible, so I do kind of understand why you don't.

[Dingfod]

She will gut you for that.

[Veritas]

What JP calls 'old' I call 30. What he calls 'inflexible' I call having standards.

His post reminds me of the importance of having them.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Originally Posted by Veritas

What JP calls 'old' I call 30. What he calls 'inflexible' I call having standards.

His post reminds me of the importance of having them.

A woman asking a man out shows no lower standards. Or if it does, then women working outside of the home does too.

Having standards would mean you don't lay a fat, drunken man you picked up at a local pub.

An attractive woman such as yourself asking out a James Purefoy would show you have high standards and are assertive (which is a turn on). That is if Mr. Purefoy is more than just a pretty face.

[D. Scarlatti]

Originally Posted by Johnny Pneumatic

You're an older person though, and they tend to be inflexible, so I do kind of understand why you don't.

Do you have to work on thinking up stupid shit, or does it just come to you naturally, like a gift?

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Originally Posted by D. Scarlatti

Do you have to work on thinking up stupid shit, or does it just come to you naturally, like a gift?

You thought I was being serious? How ironic that you should call me stupid.

[D. Scarlatti]

Nice try.

[Beth]

I wonder, are you simply shy toward the object of your affection, rather than simply old-fashioned? But then I suppose that you have been hurt in the past when you have made the first move?

If this guy is ever free again, I say flirt subtly with him, let him know that you just might be interested. I would not call that making the first move, but rather, helping to encourage him to.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Originally Posted by D. Scarlatti

Nice try.

Hey, I couldn't much care less if you believe me or not. If falsely thinking of me as stupid makes you feel better about yourself, far be it from me to deny you emotional security.

[Veritas]

Originally Posted by Beth

I wonder, are you simply shy toward the object of your affection, rather than simply old-fashioned? But then I suppose that you have been hurt in the past when you have made the first move?

If this guy is ever free again, I say flirt subtly with him, let him know that you just might be interested. I would not call that making the first move, but rather, helping to encourage him to.

Once bitten twice shy, yes. I think it's a case of saying to myself, "I've always seemed to do all the chasing before, so now I'd like to do things the old-fashioned way to see if that works."

I'd simply like to find out what it felt like to be the object of someone's affection, rather than doing all the work myself. Of course, in the past I've made plenty of bad choices over who to chase. So now I decide not to chase at all.

Surely, though, someone who really likes you wouldn't need to be chased and so it could be theorised that if I wait for a man to make the first move, I'm stopping myself having to make any choice, good or bad. If I remove from myself the ability to make choices, I in turn remove my ability to make bad ones.

Just thinking out loud here.

[godfry n. glad]

Originally Posted by Veritas

Once bitten twice shy, yes. I think it's a case of saying to myself, "I've always seemed to do all the chasing before, so now I'd like to do things the old-fashioned way to see if that works."

Six years later...

She's still saying the same thing and it's been six boring years.

[erimir]

The reason all the men you fancy have girlfriends is because you don't spend enough time at the gay clubs.

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by Dingfod

I always wondered why I was only attractive to women when I was in a relationship.

Interesting study finds that women are more attracted to men that are being smiled at by other women. Contrary to that result, men, looking at the same male faces, found the ones being smiled at by women to be less appealing.



Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Speak up, woman. Most men, myself included, are completely clueless when it comes to reading subtle signals from women. You got to make the move on him. Not too aggressive, but let him know you're interested in him. How? That's up to you. Talking works amazingly well for some. Rubbing your bulbous upper body parts on his face might work too.

[Dingfod]

You're not funny, are you, Veritas?

Men are turned off by funny women.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Originally Posted by Dingfod

You're not funny, are you, Veritas?

Men are turned off by funny women.

I think she is very.

If you read page two, it's talks about how those with good self-esteem don't mind, nay, enjoy it. So a strongly funny female weeds out the emotional loosers.

As an aside to the content of the article: it's not Joan River's biting sexual humor that makes men not want to marry her, it's that she's seventy-three years old, yet has fewer wrinkes than Michael Jackson.

[Veritas]

Originally Posted by erimir

The reason all the men you fancy have girlfriends is because you don't spend enough time at the gay clubs.

Funny you should say that; I'm being taken to a gay bar on Monday night!

Originally Posted by Dingfod

Interesting study finds that women are more attracted to men that are being smiled at by other women. Contrary to that result, men, looking at the same male faces, found the ones being smiled at by women to be less appealing.

Women look at a popular man and think he'd make a good partner and pulling him would be putting one over on all the other women, or perceived rivals. Men look at a popular man and feel threatened by his popularity. That's my theory anyway!