Movie Watch

[Ymir's blood]

Originally Posted by Sock Puppet

My forays at TVTropes constantly remind me that the world of anime is so vast that I'll never have the geek cred to grasp a fraction of it.

Just say that you're post-anime and get your cred like that.

[Ensign Steve]

I'm just in it for the tentacle porn.

[Kashmir]

Originally Posted by Dingfod

A list of 75 movie remakes or reboots in the works surely has a gem or two, such as Porky's.

A remake of Honey I Shrunk the Kids?

Disney can go to hell.

I love that movie.

[wei yau]

GET OVER HERE!

Mortal Kombat Rebirth

[BrotherMan]

Looks like that has better production values than the first one, but I'm not sold on it.

[Adam]

Topless Robot - Here's How Michael Bay Will Be @#$%ing Up Transformers 3

Bay calls the second film's villain, The Fallen, "kind of a (expletive) character." The new movie's foe is certain to make fans of the original '80s incarnation smile: Shockwave, the robot cyclops-turned-laser-cannon, who became dictator of their home world of Cybertron after the other Autobots and Decepticons journeyed to Earth.

OK, I'm going to say this once, Michael Bay, and you had better listen. YOU DO NOT FUCKING FUCK UP SHOCKWAVE, DO YOU HEAR ME, MICHAEL BAY? I do not want to see the baddest ass Decepticon evar humping anyone's leg, or admitting that he can't read, or talking with a hokey faux ethnic accent, or exposing his robotic balls to the camera, or pissing on anything, or transforming into a college girl, or anything else retarded, got it? While we're at it, bear in mind that if someone's goofy stereotypical clueless suburban parents who have never heard of marifuckingjuana start acting the damn fool in front of Shockwave, he wouldn't tolerate their illogical behavior, he would just fucking step on them.

Oh, and one more thing, get over the huge fucking boner for the US military you're constantly massaging. Yah, tanks and helicopters and jet fighters are cool and all, but you know what's cooler? TANKS AND HELICOPTERS AND JET FIGHTERS THAT TURN INTO GIANT FUCKING ALIEN ROBOTS, THAT'S WHAT! MORE OF THOSE, LESS OF THE NORMAL KIND, YOU FUCKING DOUCHENOZZLE. I don't know where you got the idea that people who bought tickets to a movie about Transformers would rather watch hours of footage of non-transforming military hardware, but you're wrong.

[wei yau]

I've still not watched TF2: RotF, I just can't bring myself to do it.

What's really galling is how much I liked the first movie after I saw it, but in hindsight, it stats to look really shitty. I blame it on just being excited to see them in live action on the big screen.

[BrotherMan]

ATTENTION ADAM, TOWN CRYER FOR THE FREETHOUGHT TALK FORUM: I ALSO HAVE A MESSAGE FOR MICHAEL BAY THAT I WISH FOR YOU TO PASS ALONG.

Out of the four hours of supposed "Transformers" you've let us watch how much of it has been Giant Transforming Robots beating the crap out of other Giant Transforming Robots? LET ME HELP YOU: MAYBE TEN MINUTES. I don't give a flying fuck about any of the fleshy humans or their stupid lives. I WANT GIANT FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS BEATING THE GREASE AND OIL OUT OF OTHER GIANT FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS.

You can have one of two things: A story about humans trying to find a way to co-exist with GIANT FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS that makes dramatic sense and be compelling OR you can have a story about GIANT FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS beating the grease and oil out of other GIANT FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS that doesn't have to make more sense than A WAR BETWEEN GIANT FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS oh and some people get caught in the middle. The problem is you tried to mix the two in the worst possible way: A story that doesn't make any sense about humans and GIANT ROBOTS that transform sometimes and occasionally beat up other GIANT ROBOTS that also transform.

OPTIMUS PRIME does not have a MOUTH. He has a MOUTH GUARD. I do not need to see a human-like mouth moving in a human like way producing human like speech to know that OPTIMUS BAD-ASS MOTHERFUCKING PRIME is talking.

BUMBLEBEE WAS A GODDAMNED VOLKSWAGEN BUG. FUCK VOLKSWAGEN IN THEIR CLINCHED MUFFLER PIPE AND MAKE GODDAMNED BUMBLEBEE INTO A GODDAMNED VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE.

TRANSFORMERS transforming from vehicle or object into GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS or vice versa is not TECHNOMAGIC. I have manipulated enough of the toys to see how a tractor trailer turns into a GIANT FUCKING ROBOT. KICK YOUR ANIMATION TEAM IN THEIR STUPID BALLS. The transformation(s) of the TRANSFORMER(S) needs to make at least a passing logic sense to the human eye.

TRANSFORMERS 3: THE BULLSHIT STOPS HERE AND A LOT OF SHIT EXPLODES AND BIG FUCKING ROBOTS TRANSFORM AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF OTHER TRANSFORMING ROBOTS, ALSO MOTHER-FUCKING SHOCKWAVE SHOWS THE FUCK UP AND LAYS THE SMACK DOWN ON SOME MOTHERFUCKERS better live up to its goddamn title because right now I have next to no interest in seeing whatever the fuck you regurgitate onto the screen.

[Adam]

Topless Robot - Bonus! Rob's Transformers 2 F.A.Q.s! - Page 1

Just read that, wei, and you'll be fine. It's more entertaining than the actual film anyway.

You're right about the first one, though. I enjoyed it at the time, even though I had problems with it, because, hey, Optimus Fucking Prime on the big screen, but in hindsight it just looks dumber and dumber.

[Adam]

I WILL BE IN THE HOLLYWOOD AREA OVER THE JULY FOURTH WEEKEND, AND WILL AT THAT TIME TRACK MICHAEL BAY DOWN, TIE HIM UP, AND SCREAM YOUR MISSIVE REPEATEDLY INTO HIS EAR UNTIL HIS EYES BLEED. YOUR TOWN CRIER THANKS YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS.

Originally Posted by BrotherMan

TRANSFORMERS transforming from vehicle or object into GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS or vice versa is not TECHNOMAGIC. I have manipulated enough of the toys to see how a tractor trailer turns into a GIANT FUCKING ROBOT. KICK YOUR ANIMATION TEAM IN THEIR STUPID BALLS. The transformation(s) of the TRANSFORMER(S) needs to make at least a passing logic sense to the human eye.

I'm glad I'm not the only one driven crazy by that. Before the first film, there was a fan made video of a truck turning into Optimus Prime that was passed around as supposedly a test animation form the film, and it was freaking awesome. It was loosely based on the original toy, and you could tell which parts of the truck became which parts of the robot, and actually watch them shift into place as he transformed. Then the film came out, and Optimus was just a big robot with an overly busy design and only a passing nod to the fact that he was supposed to be made out of a truck.

[livius drusus]

Michael Bay on July 4th

[BrotherMan]

That FAQ is complete and accurate.

[Zehava]

Damn that FAQ could would have saved me the price of a movie ticket had I know it existed.

[Stormlight]

Mega-Python vs Gateroid - you better believe it!

Syfy has cast 1980s pop-star rivals Debbie Gibson and Tiffany in one of the network's signature Saturday night original movies.

The network promises an epic battle between the former teen pop stars

[Deadlokd]

Originally Posted by Ululutremulus Cockstrangla

I'm glad I'm not the only one driven crazy by that. Before the first film, there was a fan made video of a truck turning into Optimus Prime that was passed around as supposedly a test animation form the film, and it was freaking awesome. It was loosely based on the original toy, and you could tell which parts of the truck became which parts of the robot, and actually watch them shift into place as he transformed. Then the film came out, and Optimus was just a big robot with an overly busy design and only a passing nod to the fact that he was supposed to be made out of a truck.

This. I keep ranting at my teenage daughter as we walk down the street.

Me: See that car there? If you placed it on it's end and gave it legs that started at the front doors and went to the back bumper, how big do you think it would be? Not as fucking big as Michael "I'll fuck your childhood dreams" Bay would make it out to be. How fucking big was Ironhide when he climbed out of that fucking pool? Way fucking bigger than the fucking pick-up truck he turned into I can tell you.

Her: Please stop ranting, people are staring.

[Stormlight]

She should wash your mouth out with soap, mister! Shocking!

[Dingfod]

YouTube- The Green Hornet Trailer

[Adam]

Topless Robot - Michael Bay Does Fans the Smallest of Favors

Why does Optimus suddenly have a trailer in TF3? My guess it's that he'll be carrying a shipment of Car & Driver magazines, which will spill out at some point, and Skids and Mudlaps will treat as if it's pornography, complete with fold-out centerfolds. Then they will masturbate all over John Turturro.

Don't worry, blogger guy. I'm sure that whatever Bay comes up with, it will make your Turturro robokkake seem like high cinema in comparison.

[wei yau]

NASCAR, National Guard and heavily armed vehicle forms.

Damn you to hell, Bay. Damn you straight to hell.

[teasasue]

Originally Posted by wei yau

NASCAR, National Guard and heavily armed vehicle forms.

Damn you to hell, Bay. Damn you straight to hell.

I want one

[wei yau]

oh please please please don't tell me your opinion of the Transformers movies

please

I don't think I can bear it

[Adam]

So, wei tells me that those NASCARformers are supposed to be the freaking Stunticons. I think Bay likes the various combiner teams so much because he thinks they give him a free pass for not needing to have distinct personalities for different Transformers, or even really give them personalities at all. So far, it looks like he'll handle them like he handled the Constructicons in RotF: an unknown number of faceless, essentially identical drones that can get blown up without changing the stakes of the film at all.

[It's Me!]

Originally Posted by Ymir's blood

The original Clash of the Titans was pretty much an FX fest and nothing else. Well, Burgess Meredith had a good line.

I watched this last night on Netflix "Instant Watch". I remembered it fondly from my youth. That memory has now been shattered.

[Doctor X]

Ray Harryhausen does not age well, no.

--J.D.

[Sock Puppet]

Actually, Jason and the Argonauts holds up pretty well. Of course it's dated, but it still remains an excellent piece of cinema. The main problem with Clash of the Titans was that it was monumentally stupid.