Seen any crappy movies? - Page 12

Ymir's blood · #**276** 02-22-2011, 02:16 AM

The first one, Devil's Partner turned out not to be so bad. Kind of disappointed in that, actually.

specious_reasons · #**277** 03-05-2011, 05:40 PM

Not so much crappy as extremely ill-conceived. "Lolita" - the 1997 version. As Nathan Rabin wrote, it's the version Humbert Humbert would approve. While it's got some good points (Dominique Swain's Lolita is actually a wonderful performance), it treats the abuse and pedophilia like a romance.

It is not improved by revelations of Frank Langella's penis. At least, it's not a selling point for me.

Ari · #**278** 03-05-2011, 09:35 PM

Smoking Aces 2:Assassins ball. I enjoyed the first one for stylized mindless violence and sex and was hoping the second one would be about the same. Unfortunately they seem to have got a the b-team of assassins for their Assassins ball. Half of which don't seem to be good assassins, just crazy. The effects are corny and the movie knows it (at one point purposely pointing out that they shot a driving scene on green screen). Most of the explosions are CGI added. They oddly have this animated and stylized credits list at the end (almost the highlight of the movie). Too bad they didn't use that money on the actual movie.

The sad part is I saw this while lightly stoned and hopped up on cold medicine. If that can't help it, nothing will.

Sophia · #**279** 03-05-2011, 11:22 PM

Hollywood Jews tend to produce crappy movies because culturally they are extremely materialistic and intensely preoccupied with short-term material gain. Of course, it doesn't help that they hold Aryan and Christian[1] culture in complete contempt. To them, non-Jewish people are simply commodities to exploit. Far from the fearless taboo-breakers they often claim themselves to be, they churn out gimmicky garbage which stirs up Christian rubes and exploits many of their taboos. As is the case with the Jewish-dominated pornography industry, this actually encourages the perpetuation of such taboos - so profitable they are with their puerile 'forbidden fruit' factor. The appeal of pornography also tends to go hand in hand with shame, which is an emotion strongly involved in authoritarian psychology. Of course, now that Jews rule America, authoritarianism suddenly isn't so bad! :blush:

If you think Jewish production of disgusting pornography is anything new, try reading the Old Testament! Speaking of which - "Hollywood: From the people who brought you the Bible"

Only 22% of Americans now believe "the movie and television industries are pretty much run by Jews," down from nearly 50% in 1964. The Anti-Defamation League, which released the poll results last month, sees in these numbers a victory against stereotyping. Actually, it just shows how dumb America has gotten. Jews totally run Hollywood.

[1]I'm not referring to Christian (better termed anti-Christ) fundamentalist culture here - which is rooted in the Old Testament, AKA the Jewish Tanakh.

Ymir's blood · #**280** 03-05-2011, 11:28 PM

Don't forget the 'good movies' thread where you can rave about Birth of a Nation.

specious_reasons · #**281** 03-06-2011, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sophia

Hollywood Jews tend to produce crappy movies because culturally they are extremely materialistic and intensely preoccupied with short-term material gain.

It's like you're not even trying anymore.

I just (literally just) watched "Garbage Pail Kids." It's entirely the wrong kind of crappy movie. It seems they spent loving attention on the GPK themselves and figure the script would write itself from there, or something.

Ymir's blood · #**282** 03-20-2011, 11:06 PM

Finally got around to Teenage Zombies today.

So this one was bad. Not painfully bad, except for the padding. Thrill to the 'searchers on boats' scenes and the 'walking around the island looking for boats' scenes. Spot the plot twist a mile away! Wonder what happened to the mass of (drug induced) zombies shown once and then never seen again! Try to figure out why the 'Eastern' secret agents didn't locate their lab in their own country where they could experiment on dissidents and not have to worry about being discovered by meddling kids! Speculate on the reason they had a live gorilla suited actor as a test subject for a lab in the US. Marvel at the 'lab' which looks like a 50s suburban home! Experience more padding!

Still, not painful and nothing really weird. Enough B movie for maybe 45 minutes stretched to 73.

specious_reasons · #**283** 03-22-2011, 06:22 AM

"Birdemic: Shock and Terror"

I could only make it through the movie because I was doing other things as I was watching.

Did you know that eagles make dive-bombing sounds and sometimes explode when they crash?

Janet · #**284** 04-07-2011, 06:33 PM

Monster X Strikes Back Attack the G8 Summit. I thought I put this in my queue because I was stupid enough to confuse Monster X with Monster 0, but apparently I put it in on a Takeshi Kitano binge, which is a much better reason. I have seen many, many stupid Japanese monster movies in my time but this was by far the stupidest. It was completely stupid and completely hilarious.

When a giant monster appears during the G8 summit, near proximities of the world leaders take turns trying to defeat it and, naturally, failing in ways typical to the image of their countries. Appropriately enough, the Canadian never actually takes a turn and the French PM is too busy bedding his translator to bother. I think I'm getting the hang of stupid Japanese humor, because I laughed my ass of at this movie and I suspect years ago that I wouldn't have gone with it.

If you are the kind of person who likes stupid Japanese monster movies you have GOT to see this.

Dingfod · #**285** 04-10-2011, 10:30 PM

Just got back from the theater. Not even Natalie Portman's total awesomeness, nor big budget special effects and CGI, nor fantastic set decoration and costuming could save Your Highness. The moment you think it can't stoop any lower, it does...... again. Comparisons to The Princess Bride are just totally unfair to that film from 24 year ago. This buddy quest film was just stupid. I'd much rather Natalie had done a Pirates of the Caribbean sequel and maybe got to skewer Danny McBride dressed as a scuzzy pirate with a cutlass early on.

mulebear · #**286** 06-29-2011, 10:34 PM

Black Death. I couldn't finish it. It manages to be depressing and dull at the same time.

specious_reasons · #**287** 06-29-2011, 11:45 PM

Crank: High Voltage - watched this in preparation for the "How Did This Get Made?" podcast covering it.

That movie was insane, just crazy. Sexist and homophobic, which I kinda expected, and racist, which I was surprised about but shouldn't have been.

Bai Ling plays a crazed hooker, and while she has a heavy accent, she was understandable, yet she got subtitles. I guess so that they could make sure her malapropism "jokes" would get highlighted. "He'll kill you! He'll tap your ass!" Just for "grins", he does tap that guy's ass while beating him up - just a quick spank, though.

Deadlokd · #**288** 06-29-2011, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by specious_reasons

Crank: High Voltage - watched this in preparation for the "How Did This Get Made?" podcast covering it.

That movie was insane, just crazy. Sexist and homophobic, which I kinda expected, and racist, which I was surprised about but shouldn't have been.

Bai Ling plays a crazed hooker, and while she has a heavy accent, she was understandable, yet she got subtitles. I guess so that they could make sure her malapropism "jokes" would get highlighted. "He'll kill you! He'll tap your ass!" Just for "grins", he does tap that guy's ass while beating him up - just a quick spank, though.

I couldn't finish watching that. It was severe shit.

Sock Puppet · #**289** 08-24-2011, 07:10 PM

I intended to make good on my debt to Mrs. Puppet, for enduring The Smurfs while I saw something else, by taking Li'l Puppet and her friend to the new Spy Kids flick. And a full repayment it would have been, except that she decided to sit through it with us. So who knows what celluloid nightmare I still have in store for me when there's something playing she actually wants to see. :shudder:

I won't tempt fate by saying it can't be as bad as this, but it's tough to imagine how. I can handle a juvenile plot and sloppy writing, but this was sort of insulting to the kids in the audience. At several points, it drops massive anvils to make sure it hasn't lost the younger/dumber kids watching it as to what's going on. ("Lemme get this straight -- the leader of the good guys is really the leader of the bad guys?")* Of course the plot makes no damned sense anyway, but that's actually the least of the issues.

That said, the kiddies can actually have fun watching it, even the stupid Smellovision gimmick. My kid understood it was meant to be ridiculous, so she had fun. And there's nothing mean-spirited in the film, which is a plus. Just don't expect to get out of it with as many IQ points as you had when you went in.

*If you complain that's a spoiler, c'mere you. :bitchslap:

BrotherMan · #**290** 08-24-2011, 07:38 PM

I enjoyed the first couple of Spy Kids movies but this one looked especially dumb.

specious_reasons · #**291** 08-24-2011, 08:48 PM

A sword and sorcery epic from gory horror director, Lucio Fulci - Conquest!

I have to admit this might have been better than The Beastmaster, if only because the main nemesis is a woman clad only in a mask and a snake, and she leads a band of werewolves.

Stormlight · #**292** 10-10-2011, 07:59 AM

Battle: Los Angeles - God, that movie is dumb. Jesus Christ ... :facepalm:

slimshady2357 · #**293** 10-10-2011, 11:50 AM

Reel Steel

I could have put this in either thread really, but in the end I decided on this one because I didn't like this movie. Sou and the girls thought it was a good movie though, so keep that in mind. The girls I'm not surprised about, it's going to be pleasing to most kids... I mean it's basically about robot boxing, so how can it not be? But Sou usually hates movies that so blatantly try to manipulate your emotions - and this film had that in spades.

I suppose the robot's kicking each other's asses wasn't enough to save this film from the annoying parts, like the incredibly smart, emotionally rock solid and sage-like wisdom of the 11 year old kid - or the complete ass-hattery of his absentee dad.

I like Hugh Jackman, but this isn't his best work. It isn't even good enough to use as toilet paper to wipe the ass of his best work.

He's freakin' HUGE though. He was well ripped as Wolverine, but I swear he's like Hulk Hogan huge in this movie.

Adam · #**294** 10-10-2011, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slimshady2357

I like Hugh Jackman, but this isn't his best work. It isn't even good enough to use as toilet paper to wipe the ass of his best work.

I.e. X-Men Colon Origins Colon Wolverine, right? Right?

Kael · #**295** 10-10-2011, 04:22 PM

Boxing robots is enough for me to give the film a shot, though not in theaters. I'll just Redbox or Netflix it later.

Dingfod · #**296** 10-11-2011, 01:44 AM

Nah, robots can't take a punch.

Demimonde · #**297** 10-11-2011, 05:03 PM

Had they named it what it should have been titled I would have seen it.

Ensign Steve · #**298** 10-11-2011, 05:34 PM

RESER:MFFT :unnod:

Fencesitter · #**299** 10-24-2011, 06:10 AM

The Other Man.

Between kids' passes at Blockbuster, I decided to dust off one of my stash that I've been saving for a rainy day. I'm generally not a movie critic since I don't really know about bad or good acting. But this movie literally didn't make sense. I'm glad that the reviews at Amazon basically said the same or I would wonder if I was missing something. The trailer of the movie started out saying the wife was missing, but in the middle, you find out something else. And the two are not compatible. The character of the other man didn't make much sense either.

I would have enjoyed the movie because I liked the scenery and the general type of movie. But it's hard to overcome a movie plot that doesn't make sense.

Dingfod · #**300** 10-31-2011, 05:52 AM

The Secret Invasion (1964), starred Stewart Granger as a British intel officer in a Roger Corman film about a band of misfit criminals released in exchange for extracting an Italian general imprisoned by the Germans in Dubrovnik, Croatia. It was thought the Italian general would switch sides and convince troops loyal to him to fight the Germans. It didn't go exactly as planned. The cinematography was great, beautifully shot on location. Why was it crappy? The story was kind of a low-rent version of The Dirty Dozen. But mainly, it was stilted acting, by pretty much the entire cast (Stewart Granger, Raf Vallone, Mickey Rooney, Edd Byrnes, Henry Silva, William Campbell) except for the main German baddie, played by Helmo Kindermann. That was also a lot of shooting with nobody getting hit, kind of like made-for-tv movies. Even if they did get hit, it was just stupid red dye capsules making faux blood come out of their mouth or too bright red dye splattered on their unperforated clothing. But, it killed an hour and a half of a very boring night.