What's the frequency, Colorado?

[Stephen Maturin]

Snipers killed five cops and wounded seven others in Dallas, TX last night. And the response of the Colorado Senate Republicans?

"Thanks, Obama." But hey, you already knew that.

[Ari]

The right wing twitterverse is chomping at the bit to start a race war, with shitheads like Joe Walsh (Tea bagger) calling on real americans to rise up and protect gods army against the BLM terrorists.

[Stephen Maturin]

Lolorado officially joined the United States on August 1, 1876. That makes us 140 138 years old, according to our Republican Secretary of State.

Oh, wait! That's wasn't the SoS's fault at all! An underling did that! Dumb underling!

[lisarea]

Originally Posted by Stephen Maturin

Lolorado officially joined the United States on August 1, 1976. That makes us 140 138 years old, according to our Republican Secretary of State.

Oh, wait! That's wasn't the SoS's fault at all! An underling did that! Dumb underling!

Just because I'm mad at you for tricking me into looking at the Atlanta child killer, I am memorializing YOUR math in a quote.

Don't cross me again, Matlock.

[Ensign Steve]

Originally Posted by Stephen Maturin

Lolorado officially joined the United States on August 1, 1976. That makes us 140 138 years old, according to our Republican Secretary of State.

Oh, wait! That's wasn't the SoS's fault at all! An underling did that! Dumb underling!

Moar liek 40. Learn to maths, lolorado!

[Stephen Maturin]

Donnie Dump had a campaign event in Colorado Springs last Friday. They held the event in a room that had a max capacity of 1500, with an overflow room having a capacity of 1000. The Dump campaign reportedly handed out some 10,000 tickets, and Donnie himself ragged on the fire marshal, Brett Lacey, for enforcing the law and declining to let every last idiot who showed up cram themselves into the grossly undersized venue. Ever the expert on everything, Dump said that Lacey "doesn't know what he's doing."

One thing Lacey wasn't doing was intentionally endangering the safety of his own supporters.

Oh, and the Dumpster was about half an hour late for this event. Can you guess why? If you guessed "because the same fire department that he shit on 30 minutes later had to fish his fat ass out of a malfunctioning elevator at his hotel," then +5 Internets for you!

Extra added bonus: the fire marshal upon whom Donnie Dumped is a bona fide hero, recognized as such for his efforts in helping people injured in the 2015 mass shooting at Planned Parenthood.

Super duper extra added bonus:

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Donald Trump, rescued from stuck elevator, later blasts fire marshal

Ten Poor Saps Were Stuck in an Elevator With Donald Trump Over the Weekend

[lisarea]

They should have let them in, and also they should have handed out fireworks and American flags imported from someplace without bothersome regulations about flammability. Plus Aquanet, you know, so people could do their hair Trump style to show support for their candidate.

But they didn't because Colorado Springs is a nanny city where nobody cares about freedom.

[The Lone Ranger]

Originally Posted by Stephen Maturin

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So, what I see are two crying babies, plus a little girl who looks like she desperately wants to be somewhere else.

[Stephen Maturin]

Because if there's no freedom of mass immolation in a hairspray- and explosive-fueled conflagration, exactly what kind of freedom IS there?

[Ari]

If everyone died due to fire or stampede *after* Trump gave his speech I'm sure he would be fine with that. Afterall they died listening to the greatest, the best, better than Ghandi, I tell ya!

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by The Lone Ranger

So, what I see are two crying babies, plus a little girl who looks like she desperately wants to be somewhere else.

Sir, you insult little girls everywhere. What that is remains debatable, but I will called it a Cheeto-faced Shit-gibbon, a species name coined by some other person. And this photo may prove that it has not ever held a human baby before, not even its own.

[slimshady2357]

Originally Posted by Stephen Maturin

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Looks like Donnie Dump has dumpster breath. Baby on the left is leaning out trying to get away and seems to be holding back some hurl. Baby on the right is caught in the line of fire, poor little tyke

[Stephen Maturin]

I am the human equivalent of a unicorn.

~ Darryl Glenn, GOP candidate for U.S. Senate

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[BrotherMan]

[Stephen Maturin]

Like the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, Article II, Section 26 of the Lolorado Constitution outlaws slavery and involuntary servitude.

Partially.

The relevant provision of the state constitution reads, "There shall never be in this state slavery or involuntary servitude except as punishment for crime, whereof the party shall have been duly convicted. (Emphasis added.) The exception highlights the obvious, namely that prison labor is in fact slavery/involuntary servitude. The proliferation of new crimes and the massive increase in prison populations in recent decades are in no small measure the result of lobbying by "private sector"1 businesses, which have profited wildly as the pool of cheap prison labor expanded.

Our state legislature can, by concurrent resolution, submit proposed constitutional amendments to the voters for approval. That doesn't happen much, but overwhelming bipartisan majorities in both houses passed a concurrent resolution to have us vote on whether to shitcan the language bolded above, thus effectively outlawing compulsory prison labor.

Presumably, inmates could still volunteer to do shit work for almost no pay to avoid going stir crazy. And of course in between "Hell yeah, gimme a job - ANY job" and "shovel that fucking manure or go to the SHU until further notice," there are a lot of voluntary/compulsory gray areas. That creates some unintended consequence potential, but put me down as a yes just the same.

1 On the scale we're discussing here, there's really no such thing as a "private" business. The corporate and LLC forms, for instance, are solely creature of the state. Thus, the owners/operators of such business are welfare queens.

[Stephen Maturin]

Murder apologist JoAnn Windholz has a message for all you Negative Nellies who think Donnie Dump can't win here:

Let's get're done!

*[image: Inline image 3] *
* GREAT NEWS IF YOU BELIEVE THE POLES!*

* AS MR. TRUMP SAYS, "DON'T BELIEVE THE POLES. *

* WE MUST WORK LIKE WE ARE STILL BEHIND." *

* WE MUST DO THIS!*

* LET’S GET’RE DONE!*

[Stephen Maturin]

Fuck the nation at large, and especially my former compadres in the Great Lakes states. Let's take a quick look at how Lolorado did.

Prez: Our 9 electoral votes went to Clinton. The statewide popular vote was roughly 47% Clinton, 45% Dump with the lion's share of the remaining votes going to lolbertarian clown act Gary Johnson. We did better here in the City and County of Juggalonia, favoring Clinton 52%-38%.

U.S. Senate: Blue dog Dem Michael Bennet retained his seat. People loled at wingnut challenger Darryl Glenn's pre-election claim that he was within five points of Bennet, but the final tally was 49%-46%. This result would be cause for serious celebration if Dems in other senate races had done better, but it wasn't to be. Looks like the GOP will have 52 seats.

U.S. House of Reps: All 7 incumbents won handily, leaving the Lolorado delegation at 4-3 Republican.

State Senate: It's not official yet, but it looks like GOP will hang onto its 18-17 edge.

Our state senate district, which is configured to include a lot of wingnuts, voted to return Republican Vicki "The Coloreds Would Be Much Heathier If They'd Lay Off the Fried Chicken" Marble to the state senate. We Juggalonians voted 53%-47% for Dem challenger T.J. Cole, but the wingnuts in other parts of the district carried the day.

State House of Reps: Dems will have a 34-31 majority. Our house district, which is configured much differently than our senate district, voted 52%-42% for Dem Matt Gray. Matt is a damn fine person and a worthy successor to term-limited Dianne Primavera, who was the Greatest State Legislator of All Time.

Single-payer health care: Yessir, we actually got to vote on shitcanning private heath insurance and setting up a statewide single payer system. Predictably, it got slaughtered 20%-80%.

Slavery: Like the federal constitution, our state constitution outlaws slavery and involuntary servitude except as punishment for crimes. We had a chance to do away with the exception, but it looks like the current prison labor system will survive by about 49%-51%.

Physician-assisted suicide: A measure authorizing physician-assisted suicide for the terminally ill passed 65%-35%. Suck it, Catholic Church.

Open primaries: We're shitcanning the caucus system for presidential elections and opening up the new primaries to unaffiliated voters. A companion measure that opens state primaries to unaffiliates also passed.

Cigarette tax increase: I generally vote for sin taxes, but Mr. Pee convinced me to go the other way on a massive proposed cigarette tax increase. These things have a disproportionately high impact on poor folk. It got crushed 43%-57%.

State Constitutional Amendments: It's preposterously easy to amend the Lolorado Constitution. The oil and gas industry, worried about voter-imposed restrictions on fracking, sponsored a measure to make amending the constitution by popular vote much more difficult. Most lefties opposed the initiative because of who sponsored and promoted it. I supported it because a constitution should be hard to amend. When it's not, you end up with bullshit like "The English language is the official language of the State of Colorado" which - I shit you not - is part of our state constitution. Surprisingly, this passed 57%-43%. Hopefully, that means pigheaded bigotry won't get elevated to the level of organic law in this state every time the wingnut wind blows.

[Dingfod]

I was for sure going to move to Colorado if the health care thing had passed, but now I'm unsure if I will even stop overnight on my way to Oregon.

[Crumb]

[Watser?]

And then straight on to Canada, right?

[Stephen Maturin]

Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN), a wingnut asshole, chairs a special House of Reps investigative committee charged with "investigat[ing] issues related to fetal tissue research, federal funding, and the practices of providers of second and third trimester abortionists." Dr. Warren Hern, who has a clinic in Boulder, CO, is one of a very few physicians who provide late-term abortions.

Blackburn sent Hern a letter demanding production of all sorts of documents relating to his practice. Hern told her to go fuck herself.

[Stephen Maturin]

The Colorado Senate Republicans celebrated International Women's Day by releasing a video featuring five dudes. Nothing says "Hurray for women and their accomplishments" like a bunch of bros talking about how influential the homemakers and future homemakers in their family are.

In other wingnut trigger news, there was a voting fraud conviction in El Paso County today! Toni Newbill, a certified public accountant, plead guilty to voting twice in the 2016 primary election. The story isn't likely to get much attention from the GOP, since (1) it shows that system actually works, and (2) Ms. Newbill is a Republican.

[Stephen Maturin]

Colorado marijuana sales in March 2017 top $132 million, setting new record

Maybe tomorrow 10,000 DEA agents will swarm in and shut it all down, but for now - suck it, Jeff Sessions.

[Zehava]

Originally Posted by Stephen Maturin

Colorado marijuana sales in March 2017 top $132 million, setting new record

Maybe tomorrow 10,000 DEA agents will swarm in and shut it all down, but for now - suck it, Jeff Sessions.

And yet society hasn't collapsed, then again it is Colorado so, tomorrow?

[Sock Puppet]

It hasn't collapsed only because the weight of the mountains keeps it in place.