New And Improved Rant Thread, now with 50% more profanity!

[lisarea]

Originally Posted by Demimonde

Then she started in with the "excuse" bit and I was like "I never need an excuse to watch what I enjoy." Then she got even more smug and was all "You know, most adults only watch that stuff because they are forced to by their kids." Please, lady, you have infants. You aren't mayor of parent town or elevated to any high place to decree what "adults" are or do. Plus, like she has even had to deal with being forced to watch anything, her kids are barely to the point of focusing their eyes let alone recognizing things or demanding them.

That reminds me. When TLM was little, some guy threatened to call social services and report me because I said I didn't like kids movies and didn't watch them with him.

Naturally, child protective services immediately removed him from my custody, and he was raised in an orphanage or something, because that is what happens when you don't follow the rules.

[Demimonde]

It is like some kinda insanity that afflicts people when kids enter into the picture.

You know what is actually "weird?" This friend has never been like that. She has never been a conforming lady or about appearances. Her house is decorated in skulls and Catrinas and crazy Mexican masks. People told her she would have to get rid of them so as not to warp her kids and she was all "Lol, no." We used to laugh together about the whole "you should have kids" pressure before she decided to. She has always been supportive of my non-conforming interests in the past. She was even the one to buck the whole pink thing when I threw the baby shower for her, and I totally supported her and made that happen. Because that is what she wanted.

But there is like this creeping hypocrisy that has come into her world view now that was never there before. Part of it is that she is kinda competitive, and I think she believes she has scored some kinda extra points and is ahead of me in the game of life or something. Part of it is also that she wants us to have kids so we can be on the same path or something and that is just stupid and selfish and ignores what I actually want out of my life.

In short, I think having kids or kids as a topic makes people crazy. I just hope it is temporary insanity so we can go back to being loving supportive friends having a good time rather than this stupid BS.

[Doctor X]

Misery loves company.

Two things no one really wants to hear about: your new boyfriend/girlfriend, your kids and your new car . . . three things your new boyfriend/girlfriend, your kids, your new car, and your local sports team . . . wait . . . your new boy/girlfriend, your kids, your new car, your local sports team--for people not in the area--and your cat.

Give me a moment . . . I need to make a list.

--J.D.

[Angakuk]

Originally Posted by curses

Everyone else in the class is doing someone they know.

Isn't that pretty normal. I mean, unless you are really into the whole one-night-stands-anonymous-sex-with-strangers thing?

[wei yau]

This bothers the hell out of me:

"You know, most adults only watch that stuff because they are forced to by their kids."

First, who's the goddamned parent here? My kids don't force me to watch shit. I force them.

That is, I try to find something that we all enjoy and can enjoy together. And if I've got nothing that's age-appropriate, I find something of theirs that we can enjoy together. This has resulted in The Big One being almost as huge of a DC Animated Universe fan as me, as well as a shared hatred for Dora the Explorer.

I hate it when childless/childfree couples paint "breeders" as conformist automatons, who have had their souls killed by their children. But, I really hate it when parents actually act that way.

[vremya]

So if you don't have kids, does that mean you're not allowed to watch anything? Ever?

[Demimonde]

I feel you wei. And like I said, her girls are infants and it isn't as though they have expressed any kind of opinion to her other than, "Waaaah! Put something in my mouth!" or "Waaaaah! Get this off my butt!" They are still tiny lumps of clay. I think she just was trying to take some kind of authoritarian approach to applying the babby pressure. She was claiming experience that she doesn't even have yet, it just blew up on her because she was so jerky about it.

She could have said sweetly as I was playing with her child, "Do you look forward to someday sharing that with your own kids?" and left it at that. That would have been more sensitive to me as an audience and might have been actually somewhat persuasive. Instead she decided to try and browbeat me into some sort of corner where I either must admit: A. I am immature and thus need kids as a cover, or B. that I am immature and can't handle kids. I guess C was also an option: I am so immature I should let her, the Adult Mother-Head, tell me what I should do with my life and body.

Either way it was patronizing and not at all effective. It just shows how easy it is to jump into the societal power games and policing even among loving friends who should know how to do things differently.

I dunno, though. Perhaps it is because she has never really liked cartoons and cute kids' stuff and is anticipating jerks like lisa's CPS guy who want to tell her she has to- or else! Perhaps she is feeling some pressure to conform, and doesn't want to be an automaton. That led to her having a go at me out of frustration that I would not have to deal with that, because I actually do love that stuff. Perhaps I should look at that as something about me she envies right now and more of a commentary that it would be "easier" for me, should I have kids. On second thought, analyzing the "forced" comment, perhaps she is feeling forced right now, thinks "most" people are like her, and was trying to say that I am better suited in that regard to being a parent because I don't have that "problem." But it came out all jerky and stupid because those are things she would not be keen to admit, like ever. Labeling me as "weird" makes her feel more normal and less inadequate, if she is feeling anxiety about that.

Huh. I hadn't thought of it that way. Her comments still aren't cool because, dude I am NOT that CPS guy. But it does make a certain amount of sense too, especially with her personality type. I guess I should up the emphasis on my supportive comments that she can be any kind of parent she wants to be and screw everybody else, because she is getting those ideas from somewhere. Also, that if she is perceiving her tastes vs her kids' as a "problem" she can chill on that for exactly the reasons lisa and wei listed. And if she needs someone to screen cartoons to know which ones are good and appropriate I will gladly take that one for the team with extreme glee and cookies.

It is hard to remember that she is a first time parent figuring this stuff out and fumbling with some of these issues, when she always takes the air that she is the uber expert.

Thanks guys for talking me through this. It was a huge help. I don't pretend to be an expert on any of this stuff and I really appreciate it.

TL;DR - Friendship is Magic and Fuck Society.

[Demimonde]

Actually, the last couple pages I hijacked this rant into something else entirely. Not nearly enough swearing or haet.

liv, would you mind splitting this off into a separate, Demi is surrounded by babby makers and needs help navigating the mine field thrad? Because I totally need that and you guys are awesome.

[Ymir's blood]

Perhaps another option is that she feels some shame over her reversal of a previously held stance and wants you to also reverse yourself and thus assuage her guilt?

[Qingdai]

Fuck. I went to answer the phone and my son started clicking things on the computer. He managed to spend $100 on stupid facebook game credits.

[Watser?]

Well, someone is starting his life of crime early!

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by wei yau

This bothers the hell out of me:

First, who's the goddamned parent here? My kids don't force me to watch shit. I force them.

That is, I try to find something that we all enjoy and can enjoy together. And if I've got nothing that's age-appropriate, I find something of theirs that we can enjoy together. This has resulted in The Big One being almost as huge of a DC Animated Universe fan as me, as well as a shared hatred for Dora the Explorer.

I hate it when childless/childfree couples paint "breeders" as conformist automatons, who have had their souls killed by their children. But, I really hate it when parents actually act that way.

Do you mean to tell me that you're never watched something or gone to a movie you really would rather not have because your children wanted to? If so, you are either a liar or a masochist, or both.

[Demimonde]

Oh, I am certain that is a BIG part of it, Ymir.

In the past, she was the one who always said that she did not want kids. Definitively. Like seriously, no kids ever. She is a high school teacher and thought she had contributed enough to the next generation and she really dislikes anything cutesy-wootsie, or infantile. Her husband wanted kids though, and as she got older she decided she also wanted a family. I was always on the fence about it, but respected her choice in the matter. I still am and still do.

When she told me they were trying, I was surprised but wished her luck. When she got pregnant and found out she was having twins, she was surprised and I gave her support. I know that she is definitely having some issues with the change in her lifestyle and identifying as a mother. Plus, she got a double dose, twins are just plain hard.

I know that some of the lifestyle issues she thinks would be easier if we were to also have kids. They have always been Fred and Ethel to our Ricky and Lucy, and don't really have any friends with kiddos right now. So yeah, if I were to become a mom it would be a really great thing for her. Emotionally, while I am supportive of her, I really don't know what she is going through. Motherhood is not something I have ever experienced. Hell, I grew up most of my childhood without a mother, so I don't even have a model to look to past the age of six.

For that reason, I encouraged her to get her into Mothers of Multiples and mom groups where she could get that specialized support. But she really doesn't get along in that kinda environment, not even online forums. So she is kinda just stuck where she is. I plan to keep supporting her as best I can, but will prolly have a word with her on the pushing me to have kids thing.

It isn't just her, though. There are like seven couples, some family, some friends, who have all had kids in this last year. Suddenly, everywhere we go there are babies! With new parents that are constantly asking when we are going to join them. So while I have always been able to comfortably stay on that fence, suddenly I feel pressure to make a decision on that, just to have an answer for the constant questions. Also, from ES's thread many moons ago, I no longer have the "crazy, depressed, living-in-sin, wearing a festive hat," defense that I once had. People don't care anymore, everyone needs a baby!

I am this close to just announcing to everyone that I am not going to have kids, or am barren or something, just so I can socialize in peace without the baby brigade harping on me. I can always change my mind someday, but a public no-babbys-for-me policy might quiet them. Or it might make them even more evangelical about it. Or it might put a chill on relationships that are already strained by changes in above-mentioned lifestyle.

Being an adult is hard. How can I say to them all, "I love you, I love your babies, I know you mean well, but STFU and leave me alone?"

[wildernesse]

Originally Posted by Demimonde

And like I said, her girls are infants and it isn't as though they have expressed any kind of opinion to her other than, "Waaaah! Put something in my mouth!" or "Waaaaah! Get this off my butt!"

LOL

[Demimonde]

I know, I was being overly simplistic, wildy. Babies have all kinds of opinions and likes and dislikes on all kinds of things. But it isn't as though the girls are stealing the remote and deleting all her shows off the DVR and replacing them with Barney.

[wildernesse]

Originally Posted by Demimonde

Being an adult is hard. How can I say to them all, "I love you, I love your babies, I know you mean well, but STFU and leave me alone?"

You are too kind. As a new mommy, suggesting someone else should join this club would be pretty much the opposite of meaning well for them. I say that even though I love my baby beyond description. I could not in good conscience encourage anyone to have a baby.

[Qingdai]

"I want you to be so sleep deprived and delusional that misery loves company!"

[wildernesse]

Originally Posted by Demimonde

I know, I was being overly simplistic, wildy. Babies have all kinds of opinions and likes and dislikes on all kinds of things. But it isn't as though the girls are stealing the remote and deleting all her shows off the DVR and replacing them with Barney.

oh, i was laughing because that is totally all babies say for a lonnng time. Unless you scrape their head against the wall or pinch their skin in a snap or something, not that I would know what babies say then....

altho, the froguar has taken up hooting recently, whatever that is trying to say.

[Demimonde]

You are too kind. As a new mommy, suggesting someone else should join this club would be pretty much the opposite of meaning well for them. I say that even though I love my baby beyond description. I could not in good conscience encourage anyone to have a baby.

That is an interesting point and as a new mom I appreciate your input on this stuff, wildy.

It is a strange thing, too. One-on-one with the new moms, they are all mostly great about being honest about how hard and rewarding it all is. Hard and rewarding, in that order. They will confide in me the difficulties, the doubts, the struggle. Sometimes the topic of me having kids will come up, but it is often much more hopeful on their part and more respectful in tone.

It is typically in group settings with both mom and dad present that the more in your face, join the club, pointed questions, and sometimes straight up demands come up. But I can only think of one time where it was brought up by the guys, and never an occasion in which Contra was addressed rather than me. I am not sure what to make of that, but I don't like it.

That also makes the conversation harder. Because I really don't mind having the intimate chats with my girlfriends about it, so long as it is in the respectful and loving tone. I certainly don't want them to feel like they can't share their feelings and experiences with me. I just hate the public bantering about the state of my womb and the pointed questions about that in a group setting. I mean, isn't it rude to ask people how much money they make? Shouldn't it be equally rude to ask people how many people they intend to make?

[wei yau]

Originally Posted by Dingfod

Do you mean to tell me that you're never watched something or gone to a movie you really would rather not have because your children wanted to? If so, you are either a liar or a masochist, or both.

Nothing pops to mind as I try to answer your question. You're right, I must have at least once, but not in any significant way.

I mean, I'll put something on for them to watch while I do something else, but I never feel compelled to watch something against my will. As for movies, they cost far too much for us as a family to pay to see crap. There are good kids' movies out there and we will go see them. There are plenty of bad ones, too. We don't go to see them, that's what other kids parents are for.

[Pyrrho]

Reconsidered. Nothing to see here. Move along.

[Dingfod]

Originally Posted by wei yau

Nothing pops to mind as I try to answer your question. You're right, I must have at least once, but not in any significant way.

I mean, I'll put something on for them to watch while I do something else, but I never feel compelled to watch something against my will. As for movies, they cost far too much for us as a family to pay to see crap. There are good kids' movies out there and we will go see them. There are plenty of bad ones, too. We don't go to see them, that's what other kids parents are for.

You make me feel like such a horrible parent, watching things I didn't want to watch (including ice skating sessions) to make my children happy. Think Bananas in Pajamas, Titanic, or just about any animated film. No wonder I failed to make them into good upstanding contributing members of society. Pardon me, I think I have a bus to step in front of.

[Doctor X]

And now they are doomed to become serial killers or, worse, street mimes.

Thanks, Dingfod!

--J.D.

[SR71]

BREAKING NEWS!! VERIZON SUCKS ASS!!!!

My landline has hardly worked since August. It's been fixed twice already, still no french fries.

Yes, we know our land lines suck in your area. Old copper. Squirrels. Water. Problems. Want to switch to fiber?

No, I want land line in case of teh final blackout. What happens to fiber in case of final blackout?

Batteries. 8 hours. Most emergencies are less than 8 hours.

Yes, but those are not the emergencies that bother me. I am worried about ice storm hurricane. Jesus fuck my cell phone battery lasts more than 8 hours. For a hundred years they made the phone work even in emergencies and now you can't even with me paying $50/month?

We can switch you for the same price.

You are dense. I want a refund for the last six months.

Let me switch you to service.

Swears: Chickenlover, dickweed, buttmunch

[Qingdai]

I hate Verizon. Me to Verizon, "I can't call anyone in [small Oregon town of 20,000] because your line is borked.
Verizon, "well you're not our customer, so we can't take that complaint."
Me, "Entire town has no phone service and that's not your fault, how?"