If you think you know me...

[256 colors]

... if you think you know me, then -

1) No you don't

2) I am SO sorry

3) I can explain

4) Apologies in advance for the explanation

5) It's time for your arthritis medicine

6) I was wrong - except when I was right

7) I would *STILL* rather be right than happy

8) I am still wrong about so much! apparently, I am into it, or something

9) Since being wrong is somehow my kink, and, I am totally into regretting the consequences of my own actions; the actions that I deliberately chose to make on purpose, for reasons that I had, and stated, on the internet...

then, 10) ... I decided to post here, and...

11) Wait.... I'm autistic??? Are you fkn kidding me?

[256 colors]

"... What do you mean, you never saw anyone score a 70 on the Dissociation test? Maybe if we exclude [reasons], then, it'll be, like, 50?

What do you mean, 50 is still the highest score?"

[fragment]

Welcome back!

[256 colors]

Originally Posted by fragment

Welcome back!

Thank you

uhh... [words] [emojis]

[JoeP]

What if ... I think I don't know you?

[-FX-]

What if I am 100% sure I don't know you, but I know your sock?

[Crumb]

Uh hi

[256 colors]

Thanks,

[256 colors]

I could

I could compose like Beethoven but there is no piano
I could tell time like Hawking but there isn't a computer
I could be a Prince but instruments are things I don't know
I could be a singer if only I were cuter

I could be a songwriter, but don't know names of notes
Harmony and melody echoes won't escape my throat
Keys and chords and beats and music move inside my mind
Rhymes and schemes, multi meanings, but none of it's sublime

I could tell a story but you can't handle the truth
There's no allegory for my gory whorey youth
Why work on a manuscript that no one wants to see
No redemption arc means nothing good became of me

Why bother writing a fourth verse
It's not like it's going to be heard

[-FX-]

Get over it

[256 colors]

Originally Posted by -FX-

Get over it

Which side of the Eiffel Tower are you gonna take, FX? You get your lil lady and your best friend, build that bridge, and let's have fun while I get over it. It'll be like naked Twister, but with fleshy flab and grandparent grunts, maybe a muscle spasm, or an orgasm spasm.

You're kinky, FX, that's hot.

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

Originally Posted by -FX-

Get over it

Oooh, we’re into the abuser lines now.

[-FX-]

Originally Posted by 256 colors

Why bother writing a fourth verse
It's not like it's going to be heard

Get over it. Most of us never write the third, and nobody cares.

Write like nobody will ever read it. Understand it. Or appreciate it.

Do it for the sheer joy of creation
Because you enjoy it

You get a reward from it

Don't live your life for others

Don't censor or edit yourself because of what "they" might think

[-FX-]

Originally Posted by 256 colors

I could
I could compose like Beethoven but there is no piano
I could tell time like Hawking but there isn't a computer
I could be a Prince but instruments are things I don't know
I could be a singer if only I were cuter

. For what it's worth

I was impressed with that clever rhyming

I could re-write that for actual singing, and record it, and post it online. For no other reason than I enjoy doing that.

I've done this for various poets for the last 40 years. Not online, in the actual real world. The pure joy radiating from a poet when they hear their words and ideas set to music is all the reward I need.

[256 colors]

Oh my gosh, FX. I'm a songwriter but not a musician. I have the music, in my mind. But can also rework whatever. I already do.

Thank you for recognition of my rhyme. I almost feel as if I'd like to collaborate with you, but, this is the only post of yours I've agreed with since I came back to on February 3rd, 2024.

I have other obstacles, as you may be able to see. I came back here because I missed the smart people here who had deep discussions about many topics.

I came back here because I missed seebs, and saw him actively posting.

I missed WinAce/Allan Glenn so much. I wasn't trying to turn 55 years old on New Year's Eve. I've been more than crazy.

But Allan was so wonderful. He loved life, and was such an excellent and prolific writer. All I have left is writing, but, I'm bitter over my cirumstances, and such.

I am consumed by guilt. How can I reject the life I have, when I miss my friend who fought so desperately to live and love? All of us - the denizens of those old IRC channels and early "atheist" and related message boards and forums - we had already split up, but, came back together to create a community of caring, sharing, living, loving.

I fought so hard for what I felt was my community. My queer community, my secular community, my musical community. I've breezed through many others.

blah blah. If I don't monetize my madness, then, that's it for me. I'm already suffering from poverty under Capitalism. I say, on my working computing device, on my working internet service, on a working message board. First world problems.

There is a lot I want and need to do. Finding out what I have done, and what happened as a result, is part of my, uh, research, or something.

[256 colors]

oh, I left out the part where I no longer have any kind of community

[-FX-]

I hear what you are saying to me.

I have family members in your shoes, and one of them just died, on the street. He was my only brother,

Sometimes the tragedy of life overcomes the comedy. But don't give up.

[256 colors]

Originally Posted by -FX-

I hear what you are saying to me.

I have family members in your shoes, and one of them just died, on the street. He was my only brother,

Sometimes the tragedy of life overcomes the comedy. But don't give up.

Ohh, FX, that's sad, I hope you have some good memories of your brother. I hope you know that whatever happened that resulted in him being on the streets, and dying out there, was not his fault.

I do not need to know you, him, the story, or the situation. I already know what happens, and how. I know it has never been his fault. It's not your fault, either.

oh, that's a "Good Will Hunting" reference.

[-FX-]

Originally Posted by 256 colors

It's not your fault, either.

If you think you know me ...

[256 colors]

Originally Posted by -FX-

If you think you know me ...

I have no idea who you are, FX, or who you were, or what kind of interactions or conversations we may have had prior to the day I made this thread.

The only basis upon which I have to determine your character, much less your identity, is the posts of yours I've read within the past few weeks.

You have stated a belief about me, and online accounts that may have been used by either myself or an entirely separate person who has met a whole lot of other online persons, who I do not know and have never met.

In between your wildly inaccurate stated beliefs regarding my online activities at certain very specific times, and your other posts here that contain other kinds of incorrect information, I can only reach one conclusion, FX.

You must be Gurdur.

[-FX-]

Never heard of Gurdur

(checks Google)


For fucks sake.

[256 colors]

FX, you're not quite correct.

I googled. I found out. He's another atheist transphobe. Ugh, I never knew.

Thank goodness I found out he was a bigot before I apologized or tried to explain anything.

Shit. I carried fucking guilt for 2 decades, over a transphobe?

Well, at least he isn't an animal rapist, or literal Nazi, or kiddie porn collector, or tax cheat, or rapist of humans, or lying lawyer, or major donor, or sponsor, or supporter of any of these kind of people who take advantage of idiots.

Gurdur was a transphobe this whole time? Did anyone know?

[-FX-]

Originally Posted by 256 colors

Gurdur was a transphobe this whole time? Did anyone know?

OK things just went sideways.

You are obviously talking about somebody who uses Gurdur as a log in name. But I never heard of anyone with that log in.

Nor do I give a single fuck.

[Crumb]

Originally Posted by 256 colors

Gurdur was a transphobe this whole time? Did anyone know?

That's a name I haven't heard since...

Thanks for the trip down memory lane. I don't think I knew Gurdur was a transphobe, but that's because back then I had never heard the word and we weren't talking much about trans people. He hasn't been here for 17 years. Is he posting transphobic shit elsewhere now?

[-FX-]