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  #676  
Old 01-01-2020, 10:14 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I saw Cats as it was my son's and his friends choice for a family-use-up-all-the-free movie-tickets-I-get-from-work-rather-than-actual-money-I-could-use.

It certainly was a movie

I knew it was loosely based on the poems, didn't expect much plot, but the CGI costumes, and how they filmed things, was unsettling.

Too many close ups when there were dance and/or scenes you wanted to see. Weird camera focus decisions.

It's the only movie I saw in theaters this year, I can think of.
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  #677  
Old 01-01-2020, 10:58 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Disclaimer: I haven't seen Cats either on stage or in cinematic form.

I rate Lloyd Webber's work quite highly. Jesus Christ Superstar is a groundbreaking masterpiece of music theatre, and The Phantom of the Opera is a well-wrought spectacle. Starlight Express and Cats on the other hand are niche; more performance art than drama.

Now Cats ran for years in the West End in one of the smaller venues. That means it wasn't attracting a mass audience but was able to sustain its run on the basis of word-of-mouth among a relatively niche market (presumably people with a taste for modern ballet/dance). It was never promoted as an "OMG-You-Just-Have-to-See-This!". As a result, the question "Why would I want to sit through this?" was not really raised.

Until now. Now there is a cinema release with a star cast and production and hype vying for the attention of mass cinema audiences with mainstream tastes and non-niche expectations. And it doesn't measure up.

I think it's probably very good for what it is, but it isn't my kind of thing. Nor yours, probably.
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  #678  
Old 01-01-2020, 07:11 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Qingdai View Post
It's the only movie I saw in theaters this year, I can think of.
Looks at timestamp

Are you making a dad joke
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  #679  
Old 01-01-2020, 09:17 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qingdai View Post
It's the only movie I saw in theaters this year, I can think of.
Looks at timestamp

Are you making a dad joke
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  #680  
Old 01-02-2020, 09:03 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

You're all in the west. :cowboy:
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  #681  
Old 01-02-2020, 09:04 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

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You're all in the west. :cowboy:
*stares in Finnish*
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  #682  
Old 01-02-2020, 10:45 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

That doesn't count because Finland is too small!
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  #683  
Old 01-02-2020, 10:57 AM
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That doesn't count because Finland is too small!
*stares in Luxembourgish*
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  #684  
Old 01-02-2020, 06:35 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormlight View Post
You're all in the west. :cowboy:
Kiribati enters the chat.
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  #685  
Old 01-17-2020, 02:38 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

The Love Guru

A comedy so bad that it made us question whether any of Myers' back-catalogue had ever been funny, this starts with an unoriginal character and borderline racist and sexist humour before heading straight for the toilet. When shagging elephants are your comedy centrepiece, something is seriously askew.
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  #686  
Old 01-17-2020, 03:10 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

44CDBA98-C5F9-4B56-92C0-6D180893B9AF.png

The 50 Worst Movies Ever | Movies | Empire

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  #687  
Old 01-19-2020, 10:37 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

The Slumber Party Massacre

There is a scene where the killer stands in silhouette over one of his terrorized female victims, his legs are wide apart and a long drill bit is pointing directly down. That pretty much sums what this movie is.

This is exploitation film at it purest. There is both a murder and gratuitous nudity in the first 15 minutes, and both are fed to you in a steady stream. There's no question who the killer is - you see him after the first kill and he's named in the news reports about the escaped maniac - news that all of the main characters ignore, so it's not about the suspense of finding the killer.

This pretty much hits all the tropes of a slasher movie: People act in predictably stupid ways, don't call the police, don't talk to each other, and have no situational awareness. The killer get lucky that loud noises hide his murders. Things are only bloody when it's good for the plot, and fake-out jump scares are plentiful.

Also nowadays, I'm not super excited about watching people acting as teenagers get nude, even if I'm certain they're all actually adults. I also don't really like the boys peeping on the girls. This movie is pretty gross overall.



Silent Night, Deadly Night, Part 2

What a lot of filler to get up to, "It's Garbage day!"

This movie is a clip show. It recaps the first movie, then shows you unconnected scenes ending in the one above, and then there's a final showdown. Eric Freeman is that much over-the-top the whole movie. It's the only interesting thing about this.

There is also a surprising amount of sexual assault in this movie. It's not really recommended for that reason alone.
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  #688  
Old 01-20-2020, 06:03 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I have seen Slumber Party Massacre like twenty times probably, playing as a midnight movie, but I have not seen it as a grown adult yet.

Rita Mae Brown, who wrote Rubyfruit Jungle plus all those crime novels with cats, wrote the screen play as a parody of slasher movies. It was the studio fucked up that shit and played it straight.

In defense of some aspect of it, at least.
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  #689  
Old 01-20-2020, 09:55 PM
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I have seen Slumber Party Massacre like twenty times probably, playing as a midnight movie, but I have not seen it as a grown adult yet.

Rita Mae Brown, who wrote Rubyfruit Jungle plus all those crime novels with cats, wrote the screen play as a parody of slasher movies. It was the studio fucked up that shit and played it straight.

In defense of some aspect of it, at least.
I read that after I reviewed it. It's a shame. It explains why this movie hits *every* slasher trope. I was going to say that one of the redeeming qualities of the movie is that the remaining women gang up on the killer to stop him.

I have to wonder how this movie would have turned out if they did it as a parody. I probably would have liked it better.

I did watch The Slumber Party Massacre II after this. This is much sillier than the first. The killer is a supernatural Elvis/Andrew Dice Clay type with a pompadour, leather jacket and guitar with a drill at the end of it. He's a rock and roll driller killer, and he'll even sing and dance about it.

It's much more ridiculous, but I liked it slightly more, as it's not played straight and it's less gross than the first.


I also discovered Joe Bob Briggs has/had a series on Shudder. I have mixed feelings on him. His schtick is a red-meat eating redneck. A lot of his opening rants are your typical conservative trash talking, but when he's talking about the horror genre he is genuinely engaging and interesting. I wound up rewatching Hellraiser just to get his take on it.
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  #690  
Old 01-20-2020, 10:46 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Oh, man, Joe Bob Briggs! Does he still count the number of boobs you see and how many "groceries" get dropped?
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  #691  
Old 01-21-2020, 02:07 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Yes, yes he does. Plus, everything that's used as a weapon gets "fu" appended to it (as in "chainsaw fu" or "dildo fu").
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  #692  
Old 01-21-2020, 05:56 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I decided I wanted to track what movies I've seen, so I made a letterbox'd account, and updated it with reviews from this thread. Good movies will be next.

speciousreasons's profile; Letterboxd
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  #693  
Old 01-31-2020, 06:30 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Perfect (2018) I think I thought this was something else. This is an art house horror. Lots of pretty people doing weird shit.

It starts with a teen boy who has just committed some horrible act of violence and is sent to some institute for treatment. I'm already turned off by this movie because it implies that this person of privilege is avoiding any consequence of his actions. In fact, whatever treatment he's going to is explicitly to avoid incarceration. Most of this is happening with his character speaking in voice-over, and I can't stand to listen to it.

The bulk of the movie was weird or trippy shit happening on screen while a character gives a voice-over. I found the narration (especially the teen's) boring, so I wound up tuning most of it out. As a result, I didn't get what was going on, and didn't care.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm disliking it more than I initially did. I liked the visuals, and I think there might be something interesting here but it was not executed in a way I cared about, it doesn't make any sense, and I found the narration tedious.
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  #694  
Old 02-04-2020, 04:28 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

While doing taxes[*], I binged the Phantasm sequels 3-5, these also happened to be part of a Joe Bob Briggs Christmas marathon from this past year. He's still hit-or-miss on the commentary, but engaging when talking about the movies.

The first Phantasm movie doesn't really make any sense, and the sequels make even less sense. If you just accept that, and just allow the weird shit to happen, then they're pretty good. Still, the movies are mostly cheap, and sometimes the budget effects are silly. All in all, it's a mixed bag.

[*] I take a stab at our taxes early on in the season to see if we owe money or get it back. We owe a small amount (yay!) so I won't seriously look at our taxes until late March.
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  #695  
Old 02-05-2020, 02:19 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

The original Phantasm remains one of the creepiest movies I've seen but I haven't seen it in decades, so maybe I just hadn't seen a lot before that.
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Old 02-05-2020, 02:50 PM
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The original Phantasm remains one of the creepiest movies I've seen but I haven't seen it in decades, so maybe I just hadn't seen a lot before that.
It's creepy AF, and Angus Scrimm as the Tall Man is instantly iconic.

While making dinner, I watched Bloody Birthday, an evil kid movie "recommended" by the guys of WHM.

Three children in a small town are born during a total solar eclipse. Ten years later, these three are a a gang of thrill-killers. They're pretty successful at killing until a teenaged girl and her brother evade the gang's traps. Now the older sister has to figure out how to protect herself and her brother from these three little psychopaths.

This is exploitation trash, and I loved it.
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  #697  
Old 02-06-2020, 08:04 AM
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Tammy and the T-Rex

Denise Richards is the titular Tanny (not Tammy) and Paul Walker is the T-Rex (aka Michael). They're hot for each other, but Tanny has a jealous, abusive, evil ex-boyfriend that nearly kills Michael. Terry Kisor is an evil scientist that needs a brain to control his robot dinosaur, and the injured Michael looks like the best fit.

It's a stupid, goofy movie. It's not good by any measure, but it's fully aware of it and tries to have fun with the premise.
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  #698  
Old 02-19-2020, 07:10 AM
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3 from Hell

Hey, it's a Rob Zombie movie, starring the remaining cast from "House of 1000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects" - Sheri Moon Zombie (Baby), Bill Moseley (Otis) and Sid Haig (Captain Spaulding) in a reduced role (Haig was visibly sick in this film and died not long after the movie was released). It's been 10 years since these murderers miraculously survived their gunshot wounds and they're all in prison.

Captain Spaulding gets executed, but somehow, Baby and Otis didn't get a death sentence? And then for some other unknown reason, Otis is put to work in a chain gang? Then he's rescued by a heretofore unknown half brother played by Richard Brake? They plan to break out Baby by holding the Warden's family hostage, which somehow works?

The trio go off to Mexico and have some fun, only to have their location sold out to a Mexican cartel. The gang wants revenge because the leader's father was killed during the escape from the chain gang. Baby befriends at least one local who is willing to warn them of the danger they're in, and we see the psychotic three face off against a Mexican gang.

Seriously, this entire movie is the most improbable set of events I've ever seen in a movie. It's also just as bleak as the previous entries in this series. You don’t watch this movie to see the good guys win, if there are any good guys to find. It's all grindhouse sleaze top-to-bottom.

If you know of Rob Zombie's style, and have seen and liked the other two films, this is more of the same, only with diminishing returns.
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