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Old 09-07-2019, 06:20 AM
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Default Re: Return to Gender 101

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Originally Posted by The Lone Ranger View Post
And I wish there was something I could do for Jennifer, to convince her that she's a good and decent person who doesn't deserve any of this. But at the very least, I'll do my best to let her know that she can always come to me if she needs someone to listen, to provide advice if asked, and to provide sympathy.
You are doing it one day, one word, one act at a time. You give your time and your space without regard for what you're given in return. You're helping a fellow human in need. You are living your hero's ideals.


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I believe that to have a friend, a man must be one.
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  #6352  
Old 09-07-2019, 08:48 AM
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That, sadly, would explain an awful lot. It would explain why she seems to find it so hard to trust anyone. (Especially males, I get the impression.) Why she seems withdrawn. Why she seems so desperately lonely, and yet incapable of believing that she's a good and likable person who deserves to have friends. Why she seems so desperate to please others. Why she doesn't seem to believe that she deserves to be happy.
This is why the world needs more Lone Rangers.


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And I wish there was something I could do for Jennifer
What Bort said.
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  #6353  
Old 09-07-2019, 08:40 PM
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Default Re: Return to Gender 101

Besides just being a friend, people in her situation often have an added hard time making friends. Either they come on too strong and desperate or they presume everything will go wrong so why even try. Having some stability and a healthy friend relationship with someone can give them a more even footing when meeting others, making it not go so bad.
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  #6354  
Old 09-14-2019, 04:10 PM
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I am getting a really, really bad feeling about that 'Karen'/let me speak to your manager haircut meme. Apparently, it's juuuuust veiled enough sexism that people get away with it. I'm not really seeing how, but a lot of people who would normally call out that kind of thing seem to think it's hilarious and just fine. (There's actually a whole lot of hypocrisy in those circles, which is a whole nother thing.)

But there is a very good chance that the Trump's only real challenger in 2020 is going to be a middle aged white woman with a practical haircut, you know.
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  #6355  
Old 09-14-2019, 04:10 PM
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MODS! Someone is dopplepoasting me!
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  #6356  
Old 09-23-2019, 08:30 AM
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My Grade 8 teacher said I had no useful skills (as a girl). Somehow I made it to Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Canada
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  #6357  
Old 09-27-2019, 12:15 AM
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Thrad I've seen before and stumble across now and again and will put here.


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  #6358  
Old 09-27-2019, 07:35 AM
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Misc essay:

Remember the ’80s, when men preferred Hanes and could legally rape their wives?
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  #6359  
Old 10-01-2019, 06:04 AM
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So, Friday afternoon, Jennifer and her friend Katie came into my office, dropped into chairs, and started talking. At first, they were talking about Professor Slacker, and how he has given up all pretenses that he cares one whit about the students or about his responsibilities as a teacher.


Then the conversation shifted to a different class and a different teacher. This guy, they complained, is certainly more engaged than Professor Slacker, but is a pretty ineffective teacher. [This is by no means the first time I've heard this complaint about this particular teacher.]

Then, quiet, reserved Jennifer blurted out, "but the worst of it is the constant sexual harassment!".

Okay, I know this guy, and he's constantly making very crude, very sexual, and very sexist jokes. And I've frequently heard him making crude comments about female students and their ... anatomy.

Still, I suppose I was naive enough to think that surely he doesn't act like that in the classroom. Apparently, I was wrong.

According to Jennifer and Katie, he's constantly telling dirty jokes and dirty stories in class, making very blatantly sexual and sexist comments in class, and commenting on students. For instance, he told Jennifer that she'd make a good stripper.

But according to them, he doesn't limit himself to such verbal shenanigans. One of his favorite things to do, apparently, is to come up behind female students (the pretty ones, anyway; according to them, he has a "type") and "hug" them from behind -- making sure that his arms and hands are at chest level. Another favorite tactic is to come up behind a student, press up against her, and put his hands on her hips. Jennifer mentioned that another of his favorite things to do is "guide" female students -- by placing his hand on the student's back, then sliding it down to her pants, in order to "guide" her.


Jennifer and Katie both said that what makes it even worse is that many of the male students in the class seem to be well-aware of what's going on, and approve. Some of them have even said that they're jealous of the "attention" Professor Groper gives to the [pretty] female students. As Katie pointed out, they don't seem to be able to grasp that the "attention" is very-much not welcome.



I brooded about this for some time. I decided to discuss the matter with a trusted female colleague, to see if there might be something, anything that I could do. What she told me wasn't exactly shocking, I suppose, but it was also rather disheartening.


I'm trying to be generous here. I'm assuming that Professor Groper thinks he's being friendly and charming, and that his behavior is entirely appropriate. He's a 20-plus-year veteran at the college, and he graduated from the college himself. Oh, and did I mention that he's my department chair? All of this gives him a certain degree of prestige and power. In short, he's used to getting his way, without much in the way of challenge.

And let's face it, he doubtless derives a certain degree of sexual thrill from telling dirty jokes to pretty young girls, commenting about their bodies, and putting his hands all over them. The fact that he can do it right out in the open and get away with it probably adds to the thrill.


This must be particularly difficult for Jennifer, given how she has apparently been molested in the past. It must have taken quite a bit of courage on her part to tell me what's going on -- though I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't please me that she feels I'm that trustworthy.

But this poor girl has gone through enough. She has serious trust issues, and perhaps even worse self-esteem issues. I'd bet my bottom dollar that at some level, Jennifer believes that she deserves to suffer through such harassment -- or at least that she believes she has no right to complain about it.

So like I said, it probably took some real courage on her part to come to me.



Now as I said, I want to believe that Professor Groper thinks that he's just being friendly with the students. And goodness knows, I'm painfully aware that I have my own faults and blind spots.

And I've hugged students myself, including both Jennifer and Katie. [Though I am so not a "hugger." It's not at all unusual for days at a time to go by in which I don't touch anyone at all. And as a rule, I like it that way.]

So I made a point of telling Jennifer and Katie, "If I ever do or say anything that you think is inappropriate or that makes you uncomfortable, then you should tell me; I promise you that I want to know if I do so, and I won't be upset if you tell me."

Their response was: "No, if you hug us, it's to show support, not because you're trying to cop a feel." Then both of them stood up and ... hugged me. Awww ...





But back to what my female colleague told me. As I mentioned, I've heard Professor Groper make sexual and sexist jokes on many occasions, and I've heard him make lascivious comments about female students on more than one occasion. But I foolishly assumed that he didn't act like that in the classroom.

But according to my colleague, he has been doing that -- and much worse -- for some time now. According to her, this is far from the first time he has been accused of sexually harassing female students. According to her, he has tried to kiss students, and on one occasion he stuck his tongue into a girl's ear. [What the frak?]


And, according to my colleague, the administration is well aware of this, because they've received complaints about sexual harassment by Professor Groper for years now.

She told me that the best bet was to have the students go to the Dean of Female Students and tell her what they'd told me. She also pointed out that they should get as many other female students as possible to accompany them.

I told her that I would suggest this course of action to the students, and that I would tell them I'd go with them if they wanted me to, for support. To her credit, my colleague immediately told me that if they felt uncomfortable going with me, a male faculty member, that she would be willing to go with them and provide support.

But she cautioned me that I shouldn't have too much hope. Her advice boiled down to, "The best advice I can give you is to keep your head down and don't make trouble for yourself; there's little to nothing you can do." After all, Professor Groper has apparently been getting away with this sort of behavior for quite some time now.


Okay. Well I can't just do nothing.

***

So, I talked with Jennifer today. (Katie had been planning to accompany her, but couldn't make it, as it happened.) My main concern where Jennifer is concerned is that -- given her history -- she's very reluctant to do anything that might be traced back to her.


I told her that sexual harassment is not something that she or the other students should have to put up with. And I can't just ignore it.

Besides, this is clearly eating away at her. She was nearly in tears when she came into my office today; she said that the more she thinks about Professor Groper's behavior, the more upsetting it is.


So, I offered some options, and told her that if she thinks of any better options, she should feel free to present them.


One option: if she and the other students fear that going to the Dean and lodging a formal complaint might get them "outed," and thus get them into trouble with Professor Groper, then I will go to the Dean. I'll tell her what they've told me -- without giving any names -- and request that she explain to Professor Groper that his behavior is completely inappropriate and will not be tolerated any longer.

Jennifer was concerned that if I go to the Dean, then the result will be that I will be treated as an "agitator" or some such. Perhaps. Honestly, it wouldn't entirely surprise me, given that the administration has apparently known about this for some time now. But if it's a choice between standing up for the students and upsetting the administration and/or my boss? That's no choice at all; the students' well-being is -- or at least should be -- our primary concern.


A related option: if going to the Dean is deemed to be an inadvisable and/or ineffective strategy, then I can go to Professor Groper myself. I'll do my best to diplomatically bring up the subject that some students have ... concerns. (And again, I absolutely will not divulge any names.) Maybe he'll be inclined to listen to me, particularly as he'll see me as a colleague, rather than some faceless member of the administration.



The strategy my colleague recommends as having the greatest chance of success: as many of the female students in the class as possible should go to the Dean of Female Students and file a formal complaint. The more students who go to the Dean and put themselves on record as having concerns, the more likely it is that the administration will feel that it must address the issue.

I told Jennifer that if that's the option they choose, I'll be happy to go with them, to provide support and testimony. And if they'd feel more comfortable with a female faculty member, then my colleague said that she'd go with them.




I'm not going to pressure the students into doing anything that they don't want to do. After all, it's a very small school, and secrets have a way of getting out. I can understand if they're afraid that word might get back to Professor Groper if they file a formal complaint [and heck, he's not stupid; it wouldn't be hard for him to guess where the complaint originated], and that they'd be concerned he might try to retaliate somehow.


So I told Jennifer that she should discuss the issue with Katie and with any other students that she thinks should be included. When they've decided on what they think is the best course of action, I'll support them to the best of my ability.
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Last edited by The Lone Ranger; 10-01-2019 at 06:15 AM.
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  #6360  
Old 10-01-2019, 07:36 AM
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A few disjointed thoughts.

The internal politics and a state of administrative denial can't hold back the eventual front page news coverage of Professor Groper.

~~~

Quote:
"The best advice I can give you is to keep your head down and don't make trouble for yourself; there's little to nothing you can do."
Brought to mind:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Luther King Jr
And it has failed to hear that large segments of white society are more concerned about tranquility and the status quo than about justice and humanity.
Where black men got the vote ahead of even white women. There's been a black president, and we saw what happened in 2016. So I feel comfortable here invoking the essence of what the Reverend was saying and applying it as well to the dignity, and even continued emancipation, of women. And by emancipation here I mean the ability to just go outside and not have to worry about predatory men.

~~~

At what point does being of help become paternalistic white knighting. We dudes grew up steeped in the hero fantasy. I mean, some of us even use near mythical hero figures as forum avatars. :)

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When they've decided on what they think is the best course of action, I'll support them to the best of my ability.
Nailed it. Current wisdom for being an ally to a group with less power than yourself, is to amplify and empower their voices.

~~~

Watching Groper get away with it year after year out of fear for your job will obliterate your soul. Though I believe you're more than aware, sometimes it just needs to be heard from an outside source.
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  #6361  
Old 10-01-2019, 08:22 AM
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Please keep us informed. I hope something is done and is successful.

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Jennifer was concerned that if I go to the Dean, then the result will be that I will be treated as an "agitator" or some such.
It occurs to me that the staff and administration may already think of you as, if not an agitator, at least weird*. At least I'm sure they see you as a very different kind of human from them. And this might give you a bit of protection from negative rep ... "it's only TLR, he's not going to attack us about this, but we'd better be seen to give the issue proper consideration" ... or something. Not sure how they actually think.

* And if they knew you talked to people like us ...
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  #6362  
Old 10-01-2019, 10:49 AM
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One other possibility that springs to mind immediately for some reason: If the administration refuses to do anything (as it sounds like they have been doing for quite some time), take it public via the Internet. I know this is a small message board no one links to, but there are fairly widely read academic blogs that I’m certain would have no problems with publicising a university administration tolerating sexual harassment by one of its department chairs. I in fact happen to be a fairly prolific commenter on one of them and would vouch for you, should such a thing be necessary (which I kind of doubt it would; you’re a clear and authoritative enough writer that I don’t think you’d need me to speak up on your behalf). Universities tend to dislike negative publicity of this sort, and a carrot-and-stick approach may end up being effective in changing their behaviour.

Bear in mind that it’s 5:45 am and I may not be thinking clearly.

The others are definitely right, in any case. You can’t do nothing. It’s not in your nature. It would eat away at you until you did something to correct it. I trust you to make the right choice here, whatever that is – for my part, I haven’t the faintest idea. When I find myself in doubt on such matters, I usually find listening to the experiences of the marginalised helps a lot, which you’re already doing, so apart from that, I don’t have much helpful to add.
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  #6363  
Old 10-01-2019, 11:37 AM
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I was thinking of local newspapers, but academic blogs might have more weight!
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Old 10-01-2019, 11:42 AM
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I was thinking of local newspapers
Only hesitating because I can't shake the feeling that TLR lives and works in the middle of an unpopulated Appalachian forest where there wouldn't be any local newspapers. I know this isn't really consistent with it being an actual college, but still.
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  #6365  
Old 10-01-2019, 03:56 PM
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Yeah, this is a very rural area, with no truly local paper.

It's a bright red, very conservative community, and the college is ostensibly a "Christian" college -- though they don't force us to make "statements of faith" or any such nonsense. (If they did, I'd never have taken the job.) I've heard occasional grumbles about me teaching "evilution" to the students, but it's not like anyone in the administration has tried to tell me that I can't do so.

The college tends to have a somewhat ... paternalistic attitude toward the students. There is a dress code, for instance, and unsurprisingly, it seems to be primarily geared toward ensuring that female students don't show too much sinful flesh. As best I can tell, the dress code goes something like this: "Male students, don't go around naked; female students, here's a detailed breakdown of exactly how much flesh you can show."


Given that the "boys will be boys" attitude seems pretty darned common here, it doesn't entirely surprise me that Professor Groper has apparently been harassing female students for years with little or no consequences.

If I wind up going to the administration, one thing that might be worth pointing out is that if he's openly harassing students, sooner or later it's going to get back to the parents. How will it look when parents discover that Professor Groper has been harassing their daughters for years -- and that the administration has known about this and done nothing?

Then again, a big part of the problem is that the "boys will be boys" attitude is all too common here. That probably helps explain why students were reluctant to tell me about it, until it got so bad that they finally reached a breaking point.

[And, as I pointed out to them, if he's allowed to continue, the harassment will doubtless only get worse.]


The irony is that Professor Groper has a college-aged daughter himself. And she was sexually molested as a child. I vividly recall a conversation with him once in which he ranted about how he'd love to get his hands on the "son of a bitch" who hurt his daughter. In retrospect, that conversation seems kind of ... ironic, doesn't it?

Which is why I'm sure he doesn't think that he's doing anything wrong. He probably figures that he's just being friendly, and that if anyone has a problem with his behavior, they're being "too sensitive" and/or too "politically correct."

The students have told me that they don't want him fired (I suspect there's very little chance of that anyway), but they do want the harassment to stop. When they tell me what they want to do, I'll see what I can do to bring that about.
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Old 10-01-2019, 04:45 PM
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"Grown ass middle age men will be boys." /snark

"Son of a bitch who hurt his daughter" from Groper makes sense when parsed through the paternalistic Christian* lens of wives and daughters as chattel. "Son of a bitch touched my property."

"Fired." Well that's really on him. Does he come to Jesus(ha), or go full Trumpertantrum if told to keep his hands to himself.

*yeah right
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Old 10-01-2019, 05:12 PM
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Ha. Related.

Greta Thunberg's defiance unsettles the patriarchy – wonderful | Suzanne Moore | Opinion | The Guardian

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She is a 16-year-old, and these are grown men. And they are terrified. Wonderful. Who knew you could shake the patriarchy simply by refusing to smile for it, dress for it or demur to it? A refusal to acquiesce to the male gaze has these dinosaurs squirming.
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Old 10-01-2019, 09:22 PM
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Huh.

You kind of get used to old white men being stupid outside their academic specialties, but those three guys quoted are "philosophers" and cultural critics, so they're actually being stupid at their jobs.

PS I looked them all up. I think there's a chance that Bernard Pivot's tweet was taken out of context, and as for the other two, they are extremely unattractive. And as someone who was once a young girl, I can assure you that it was kind of a relief when grotesque old men expressed their lack of sexual interest in you. You know, after you'd get over that little wave of repulsion from them bringing up their boner status apropos of nothing.
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Old 10-01-2019, 09:35 PM
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THE GRETA THUNBERG PROBLEM, so many men freaking out about the tiny Swedish climate demon | First Dog on the Moon | Opinion | The Guardian
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Old 10-01-2019, 11:10 PM
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Speaking of Greta Thunberg Derangement Syndrome, it's interesting to note that climate "skeptics" had a very different reaction to another teenage girl when she was saying stuff they liked. Teenage Skeptic Takes on Climate Scientists : NPR
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Old 10-02-2019, 05:05 AM
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In re: TLR's issue.

Firstly, off the cuff mildly humorous observation: A few posts back I wanted to jokingly state that OMG YOU WORK AT ORAL ROBERTS UNIVERSITY DON'T YOU. Now, though, I don't even want to joke about it because OMG YOU ACTUALLY MIGHT. (I don't think you do or would work at that level of insane place.)

Second-all. I don't think going to the guy privately will accomplish much. Dude knows who he is and he's only going to get resentful with you about it. Nor do I honestly believe talking to any dean will do much either. At best maybe somebody will get a talking-to. The rest of the scenarios involve closing ranks around Dr Friendly-Hands P. Groper and trying to out the anonymous students to present them as lust inducing jezebels. But this is based on everything we've seen before - even from big so-called liberal institutions of higher learning.

My couple of around the box ideas: Assemble a sit-out protest. The major con on this would be the non-anonymity even if every single student of the guy decides to do it. Other thing(s) include writing letters to either alumni or parents. Since I don't believe this will be handled appropriately from the inside, and there's no media to alert locally, coming at this from the other direction - potentially hitting their pockets - might get somebody to move their ass in the right direction.
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Old 10-03-2019, 02:44 AM
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So, I talked with Jennifer for awhile today (Katie couldn't come; I'm hoping to talk with the both of them tomorrow and/or Friday). The discussion worried me somewhat, honestly.

First of all, though she has never come right out and told me so, the more this girl tells me about her past, the more apparent it is that someone (or more than one someone) has hurt this girl.


So, until we've had a chance to talk with Katie, Jennifer doesn't want to make a final decision. But she says that she's thinking that she doesn't want to do anything. Given that this is a small school and that secrets are hard to keep, she doesn't want to file a complaint. She fears that, one way or another, it will get back to Professor Groper, and that she'll get into trouble.

She said that she just wants to keep her head down, get through the semester without attracting any attention, and hope that she never has to deal with Professor Groper again.

Then she said, "This isn't the first time I've had to deal with sexual harassment, and I've had to deal with much worse harassment than this. It's okay."


After taking a few seconds to feel absolutely heart-broken, I felt really angry (not at her, of course!) and sort of snapped. "No," I told her, "it is not okay! You do not deserve this, you should not have to put up with it -- no one should -- and it is not okay!"

I told her that of course I would not try to make her do anything that she didn't want to -- and that if I did, I'd be no better than Professor Groper. But I told her that if she and Katie decide that they don't want to file any kind of complaint, and they don't want this to become public in any way, I would like their permission to go to the Dean of Female Students and file a complaint -- without providing any names, of course. At least that way, there would be an official record. And the only person who would be at risk of being declared a "trouble-maker" would be me.

But again, no decision has been made as of yet. And whatever Jennifer and Katie think is the best course of action, I'll certainly abide by their wishes.


I took the opportunity yesterday to talk to a different girl I know, who is also taking Professor Groper's class. I told her that I'd heard ... rumors ... about Professor Groper's class, and asked her if there was anything she'd like to tell me.

This girl, Joan, told me that Professor Groper does get handsy with some of the female students, but that he has never touched her inappropriately. But, she told me, she knew a girl who took the class last year (and has since graduated) who was very uncomfortable with Professor Groper's constant "attention," but could never work up the courage to lodge a complaint.

I related this to Jennifer, and we both agreed that this made perfect sense. Joan is an aggressive, self-assured young woman, and if Professor Groper ever tried to touch her inappropriately, I haven't the slightest doubt that her response would be to kick him in the crotch.

"And I'm a perfect victim," Jennifer said, "because I won't fight back."

I think that's it, exactly. Consciously or subconsciously, Professor Groper seems to be quite good at reading his potential victims, and he seems to know exactly how much he can get away with where each of them is concerned.


***


Whatever else is true, it seems to me quite clear that Jennifer has suffered some real trauma in her life. It isn't just what I've heard from others; it's when she says something like "This isn't the first time I've been sexually harassed, or the worst" -- and then declines to elaborate.

Sometimes, when she walks into my office and sits down, I look at her face and think, "This girl desperately needs a friend." And sometimes, I get the very strong impression that there's more that she wants to tell me, but she's afraid for some reason. I wonder if she fears I'd lose respect for her if I knew more about her "sordid past." Frankly, if anything, I'm pretty sure the opposite is true: given all that has apparently happened to her in the past, it's amazing that she's such a kind and compassionate person by nature. And given that she has some serious trust issues and practically zero self-esteem, it would be far too easy for someone [like Professor Groper, for example] to take advantage of her.

I'm glad that she has decided that I'm a sufficiently trustworthy person that she can tell me all of this, and get some of it off her chest. I just wish there was more that I could do for her. But on the other hand, I'm certainly not going to try to impose my will on her and tell her "you must do this" or "you must do that."

If the best I can provide is moral support and a sympathetic ear, I'll do my very best to provide those.


I like to think that I've been of some help to her, at least. I don't think I saw her smile even once during her freshman or sophomore years. Nowadays, she smiles and waves every time she sees me on campus. And several times each week, she stops by to tell me about what's going on in her life; and when it's time for her to leave, she always gives me a big, genuine smile and a big, genuine hug.


So, whatever else is true in her life, I hope that I've been able to give her a bit of stability, support, and unconditional acceptance. Goodness knows, she deserves it.
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Old 10-03-2019, 03:53 AM
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Oh yes, you don’t get that far without a good understanding of whos boundaries you can push and who’s you can’t and to what extent. My guess is that he’s constantly testing, pushing tiny boundaries to see the reactions and going from there.

Which is the pain in the ass about reporting this is that he’s already worked out the justification for every action, every bit of harassment has a ‘well I was just...’ or ‘but she didn’t...’ etc. It is always going to be an uphill battle as he’s already played out any issues or cases. This is why generally predators get caught on their slip ups, the one time they got desperate and so pushed it too far with someone they shouldn’t.

It gets frustrating that while stopping him sounds like a great thing, you may also consider looking at this in a harm reduction manner, making sure the students are safe. That doesn’t mean not doing anything, as making sure everyone knows about the ‘missing stair*’ of a teacher both doesn’t need to be official and can hopefully help harm reduction. That being said, making things official isn’t always a bad idea either.

To the right people I can seem like a pushover, in part because I sometimes am and in part because my attitude to things can seem similar to pushovers, when in reality I’m going with the flow because that’s what I enjoy at that moment not because I can’t make a decision and am following others. This does mean that occasionally soft boundaries become hard ones. A ‘maybe’ or ‘no’ answer to something can get some “are you sure?”’s But at a certain point enough pushing with solidify that no, even if it’s something that I was originally on the fence about. Purely to show that if they thought they could push through a boundary, to quickly get rid of that thought.

*The missing stair is an analogy Of a house with a staircase with a missing set of stairs that everyone is so used to stepping over they forget it’s even there and don’t treat it like it’s even a danger. If newcommers are lucky they will be warned about the missing stair before they have to drunkenly wander down the stairs in the dark, otherwise they find out about the empty step with a fall.
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Old 10-03-2019, 04:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ari View Post
My guess is that he’s constantly testing, pushing tiny boundaries to see the reactions and going from there.
Oh oh! I know this one! Classic cycles of abuse from classic abusers! From any sort of predatory type who seek out positions of authority over their preferred victims! See: The Catholic Church! See: Brett Kavanaugh!
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Old 10-03-2019, 10:54 PM
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TLR, you're one of the good people of the world. Being a supportive friend will be making a huge difference to these students.

You're right to make it their decision as to whether you take anything further within the institution. However, there are things you can do other than formal or informal complaints. The first is to simply be around as much as possible Prof. Gropey is interacting with female students. If he is taking care to pick his victims, that means he is also taking care to do this shit only in particular situations. OK, so it's not always going to be possible, but if you can limit the times and places he does this shit, that provides safer times and places for young women. You may be able to rope a couple of other trusted colleagues into this. And yes, it's shit to have to do stuff like this when you've got better stuff to do with your time.

Another is to encourage these young women to form so-called whisper networks. These often form among vulnerable people in situations where they aren't safe and institutional processes can't be trusted. They allow people to share experiences and to warn new folk things like, "don't ever be alone with Prof. Gropey".

eta: There may be organisations out there with experience in supporting women in these situations and helping them if they want to take things further. Worth doing some research.

I also suggest you document everything, in some private and secure way (even then, might be best to avoid names). It may well become useful some day to have a record of what you and others knew and when, why certain actions were or weren't taken, etc. With #metoo we've seen that it adds credibility for people to be able to say "I remember X coming to me on that day and being distraught about Y".

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My guess is that he’s constantly testing, pushing tiny boundaries to see the reactions and going from there.
The frightening thing is that we don't know how far Prof. Gropey is pushing boundaries. TLR might have heard the worst of it, but he might not have.
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