Daily Dingfoddities

[Dingfod]

Trigger-happy revelers level 'er and another in New Year's revelry.

Kapresha Harris, 14, was struck by a stray bullet while sitting on her front porch with her family. The bullet was found protruding from Kapresha's leg, requiring minor surgery to remove. David Mink, one tough sumbitch from Clearwater, removed the bullet that hit him shoulder with a pair of pliers.

David Mink

It's just people being stupid, plain and simple. I'm very thankful that I wasn't one step over to the left because that would have been my head.

St. Petersburg police responded to 16 reports of stray bullets this New Years Eve.


Holey Jebus, be careful with that thing, you could put an eye out.

[Dingfod]

Is it ironic if an imprisoned child molester chokes to death on a wiener? Or is it just justice?

[But]

Maybe someone helped him eat that hot dog?

[Dingfod]

"I was just plundering."

Man caught in the act of cutting copper wires in a Crestview, Florida house said he was "just plundering through the house." The deputy who caught the burglar in the act said the man repeatedly said he was "just plundering" and stealing aluminum cans, denying he was stealing copper wires. The arrested man was charged with burglary and possession of burglary tools.


Arrrr! We was jes plunderin'. 'N' lootin'

[Qingdai]

That reminds me of the man who said, "he just be concubining"

Perhaps they could teach a creative dysfunctional English class together.

[Dingfod]

American Civil War claims another victim.

53 year old Civil War relic collector Samuel White claimed on his website that he "will disarm, clean, and preserve your Civil War period and earlier military ordinance" for about $35 a piece." Also, "I've done approx. 500 artillery projectiles and still have all my fingers (I must be doing something right, knock on wood)!" This time White wasn't so lucky, the artillery shell he was trying to disarm exploded and killed him. Police evacuated part of the neighborhood and detonated other unexploded artillery rounds found on White's property.

[But]

In Soviet Russia, unexploded ordnance disarms You!

[Dingfod]

Jessica Simpson's movie Blonde Ambition a runaway hit ...

... in Ukraine, pulling in over $253,000 in its opening weekend. Compare that with her Texas debut last December where it pulled only $1771 in an eight theater opening.


Which only goes to prove Ukrainians love Jessica Simpson almost as much as Germans love David Hasselhoff.

[Dingfod]

Clumsy Buddhist Monk At Pieces With the Universe

Rev. Seiji Handa, Buddhist monk at the Peace Pagoda in Milton-Keynes, Buckinghamshire, UK was found chopped to pieces by the tractor mower witnesses had seen him chasing just before he disappeared. This isn't Seiji's first run-in with a mowing machine, he had lost 3 fingers in an incident 10 years earlier. Safety officials had inspected the diesel tractor and found that it should not have been in service. The ratchet on the handbrake was not working and the brakes were not able to hold the tractor steady. The footbrake also did not work. The only way you could get the tractor to stay stationary was to turn the engine off and leave it in gear.


It took guts to operate that tractor.

[Dingfod]

Partez, anglais pig-dog!

Man planning to walk from Bristol, England to the birthplace of Gandhi depending on the kindness of strangers for food and lodging gives up his pilgrimage in Calais, France, citing his inability to communicate with frogs. Apparently NONE of the local people spoke any English and they no French. The French, thinking the walkers were freeloading backpackers, sent them away.


Actually, it sounds like he was traveling with a group. Alone, or maybe just a couple could actually get by on the kindness of strangers. A group, not so much.

[Legs]

He should of tapped his friends & relatives for kindness before he left. $$

[Sock Puppet]

Heh. Interesting that this quote just showed up after I read this one.


ETA: Goddamnit, am I just brain-dead, or do the BBCode Guide's instructions on the [quotes] command not freaking work?

[Dingfod]

Father of the Year nomination

Son gets beat up. Dad, two uncles and an aunt go to school about it. They surround bully in cafeteria while Son beats on bully. They get removed from school by school cops, who call for backup. Before backup arrives, someone puts the smackdown on the school cop and make their escape. Real police put Dad and other relatives in the clink.

Nice family, stick together through thick and thin.

[Angakuk]

Isn't this what good parents are supposed to do, get involved in their child's education?

[Dingfod]

Move over Henry Earl, Salt Lake City's Wilson Yazzie Benally is on his way to beating your record, arrest record, that is.

Mr. Benally was arrested for the 452nd time on a charge of impersonating a police officer. He identified himself as a police officer when confronted about stealing a bottle of mouthwash from a Salt Lake City drug store. Benally isn't Salt Lake City's most frequent inmate, there is another man who has been arrested more than 1000 times, surpassing the record of infamous Lexington, Kentucky James Brown and Bruce Lee fan. Who is that masked man?

[Legs]

Talk about a career criminal.

[Dingfod]

I thought my daughter spent too much time in the bathroom.

For two years, a Ness City, Kansas woman sat on the toilet in her boyfriend's bathroom, so long her skin grew around the toilet seat. The toilet seat had to be pried off so she could be taken to the hospital, the result of her boyfriend finally reporting her reluctance to leave the bathroom. She wasn't glued to the toilet seat or anything, she just didn't want to leave the bathroom. The boyfriend brought her food and water and asked her every day if she would come out of the bathroom. Her reply would be "Maybe tomorrow." She is currently listed in fair condition in a Wichita hospital, the toilet seat having been removed from her buttocks. A neighbor, who has known the woman since she was a child, said he hadn't seen her in six years.


Olivia Hussey unavailable for comment.

[Legs]

[Dingfod]

I think she grew rather attached to that toilet seat.

[Stormlight]

This made the news over here as well. , indeed.

[Dingfod]

What if they held an election but nobody voted?

Prospect Bend, an unincorporated neighborhood near Tamarac, Florida, answered that question last week when there was an annexation issue on the ballot. If even one of the 68 registered voters in the neighborhood involved showed up to vote they would've decided the issue, but none did. Tamarac officials are looking at different ways to accomplish the annexation, including mail-in voting.

[Dingfod]

Man killed by robot he built.

An 81 year old man in Australia built a robot from plans he got off the internet, a robot equipped with a .22 caliber handgun. The man activated the robot in his driveway. Then the robot, following it's programming, fired multiple shots into the man's head, killing him. Workmen nearby heard the shots and ran to investigate, finding his body. The man left a note detailing his plans to commit suicide.


Does anyone know where Jack Kervorkian was at the time?

Killed by a .22?

Weenie.

[Dingfod]

I'd have used a 12-gauge.

Suicide-by-robot needs to have a death ray or a small thermonuclear blast involved, otherwise it's just a waste of time and money.