Familiarity Breeds My Contempt

[lisarea]

Oh, hey. Here is a really great idea and not at all a horrific, tone-deaf corporate clusterfuck in the making:

How to Talk About Race With Your Starbucks Barista: A Guide

[Gonzo]

Originally Posted by lisarea

He is actually a really friendly, really empathetic guy and has a very good ear for people's moods and needs (I am so proud of my li'l bebe, but I have no idea where he learned those skills), and part of that is that he is conscious of sketching people out. He's concerned about scaring women, mostly, by asking them personal questions about their schedules and what they're making for dinner and whatnot, which are some of the things they suggest. He can be a kind of creepy looking guy, with the beard and all. But he said that's mostly just embarrassing. For the young women he works with, it can be dangerous.

I like that you understand that people just kind of have creepy faces sometimes, depending on how they wear their hair or the lighting or whatever. I spend a lot of the time hoping no one is uncomfortable with anything I do and say or how I present myself because I don't want to be labelled as creepy when at the same time, in a vaguely narcissistic way; I want to be of use to people and want them to like me sincerely, but also not just serve as somebody who is paying attention to me or to seek validation as if life were a singing competition as liv said. Concerning TLM, feeling a stinging stigmatization about compassionate acts seems like a symptom of being an empathetic person.

That McDonald's thing creeped me out right away, mostly because it was a promotional stunt that profited from putting people on the spot and telling them to do something affectionate. Affection can be kind of crass and insincere sometimes, especially when it is forced on you, as opposed to genuine empathy and understanding in real world situations that actually merit talking about/ doing something to help solve the underlying cultural cynicism over.

Originally Posted by livius drusus

I thought it might be a southern thing and it's certainly true that people are more reserved in Connecticut (which I find nothing short of blissful), but even up north there's an uncomfortable amount of "aw, you look like you need a hug" crap from people I don't know and don't intend to know.

Originally Posted by lisarea

And I don't really care for that much, either. I don't mind striking up a conversation with someone naturally every now and again, but if someone interrupts me or acts too familiar too fast, it raises a lot of red flags, and maybe I was just brought up differently, but I was raised to understand that is rude.

I am sort of a hippy. I can't help it. I have trouble focusing when I am alone and I don't go a day without seeing at least a few of my friends. I am also a little huggy. Say, if I am drunk and I worked with you three years ago and I run into you when you are with two of my close friends (like last night outside the bar); I'll give you a quick hug so you don't think I value you any less than the other people I've greeted only because I don't know you well.

Mostly I don't hug much. I used to hug my friends a lot more often, but I also saw them less frequently at the time. I thought it might help enlighten me somewhat, but eventually it just seemed too informal/improper at times and sort of rude to impose yourself like that. This is a pretty meager city compared to some places, but is is p. big for Michigan. The longer you stay here, the more you begin to meet everyone who knows everyone. I think people used to have a really negative air in this town for like a decade straight. Only since the Sesquicentennial a couple years back did people begin to lighten up and start openly talking about restoring the community to it's local roots. It's a fucked up town these days, not gonna lie, way too much visible effects of corporatocracy; class division, crime, drugs, violence, mental illness, white/male/upper class privilege, and bully cops.

So giving people hugs or being friendly seems like something that can turn it back around a little sometimes, if you don't find it to be too naive to think random acts of affection can do good sometimes, but it's just not cool to do if the other person is uncomfortable with it - then what's the point at all?

Anyway, I won't fake sincerity to anyone and I won't pretend to care about someone or what they think if they don't seem to for me. Being friendly is how you make friends, simply. I don't normally engage people with more than coy hellos and how-are-yous and what-do-you-thinks until they seek me out as a friend (i.e. start the conversations on their own). I have more friends then I can keep up with because I actively want to meet new people, but at the same time it takes you away from some of your old relationships and also can make your reputation become something that people watch discerningly out of jealously, just not realizing that friendliness and compassion isn't about the ego more than it is about the death of the ego. You start to surrender your right to privacy away, after awhile, if you feel the need to be "close" to everyone and tell them everything about yourself and your still unprocessed feelings.

I'm kind of a come-to-my-house, eat-my-food, sleep-where-you-want, take-what-you-need sort of person and get a lot more out of it than I need to give sometimes (depending on the friend in question).

[Gonzo]

Originally Posted by ChuckF

In fairness, if I were a hospital risk manager, that would probably be my default disposition. (Also in fairness, I have like six fights a week with hospital risk managers.)