Pood Paw Prints

[Florence Jellem]

Hello boys, it’s Flo.

One time my nephew davidm expressed the wish that I should “die in a fire.” I was puzzled by this. What the heck was he trying to say? I assumed it was some kind of urban slang thing intended to compliment me, the way people sometimes say “bad” to really mean “good.”

Now I’m not so sure.

My nephew and his pals have started an online publishing venture called Pood Paw Prints.

The first book is The Pood, available here. I am a character in the book. In it, my nephew describes, in grim and excruciating detail, how a supernatural toy poodle bursts up through the floor of my fuel-efficient 1977 Toyota Corolla and then sinks its dagger-like teeth into my ankle and proceeds to gnaw off my foot. Afterward, from its gaping and horrific maw, The Pood emits a blood-curdling whine and then shoots out a gust of fire that slowly envelopes me, burning me from my one remaining foot up. The fire melts my chocolate chip cookies, devours my face and then blossoms in my hair. I am completely immolated. My car strikes a tree and blows up with a tremendous bang. This happens within the first 30 pages.



Later, in the afterlife, my nephew forces me to plight my troth to the Devil himself, the Suzerain of Stinkerdom, who is depicted as a sad-sack, pill-popping loser who lives in a filthy basement apartment in Hell, Michigan, with a motley crew of wasps, asps, deformities and She Things for roommates. .

I guess I’m starting to get the point about how my nephew really feels about me.


Also available is Abe 2.0, here, in which the former president rises from the dead and runs for president again against Donald Trump in an imagined 2016 America on the brink of a second Civil War, between the Blue and the Red states as opposed to the Blue and the Gray. Fortunately I’m not in this work. Don’t worry, though — it is filled with nice, wholesome, gratuitous violence.

All the dubious people involved in this doomed venture are either active (my hate-filled nephew) or former posters: Scott, DaveT, Awet. If you’e like to support Pood Paw Prints or spread the word around, please do!


Here are other relevant links:

Pood Paw Prints

Works coming soon

Pood Paw Prints @ Facefuck

OK, boys, that’s all for now!

Flo Jellem , fictionally melted and then betrothed to Satan.

[Vivisectus]

Why don't people just get witht he program and realize all they have to do is ask me to buy the book? I mean curiosity alone and a kind of ghoulish fascination is bound to make you, right?

Anyway, I bought it and now I feel entitled to tell you about it