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  #426  
Old 06-05-2013, 03:00 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Well, you never know. Now that I've explicitly told you that "the closer you look the less you see" is a brutal truth throughout the movie you might be better prepared than I was. Just because I was right about Wolverine's Colon doesn't mean I'm right about all bad movies.
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  #427  
Old 06-05-2013, 03:38 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

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Originally Posted by BrotherMan View Post
Well, you never know. Now that I've explicitly told you that "the closer you look the less you see" is a brutal truth throughout the movie you might be better prepared than I was. Just because I was right about Wolverine's Colon doesn't mean I'm right about all bad movies.
:lol: I thought wei was responding to my post. But now I think you were right :D
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  #428  
Old 06-06-2013, 05:40 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

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What turned me off the idea of Now You See Me was that it was billed as a steal from the rich, give to the poor situation. But they are giving the money to their audience, which means it's steal from the rich, give to the people with enough disposable income to spend on a ticket to an arena-sized magic show.
In all likelyhood, the best they could hope for was to get their money back for the shiatty magic show.

None of these could be as bad as Colorado Territory, which watched the other day on Encore Western channel. Joel McCrae stars as a train-robber outlaw. Virginia Mayo stars as resident shoddily dressed dance-hall girl. Dorothy Malone stars as a prim and proper daughter of a wannabe rancher. Joel has the hots for Dorothy, but she's still thinking about a beau back home in The South. Virginia is opportunistic. Joel ends up with Virginia. Spoilers be damned, they die in the end in a scene much like the end of Bonnie and Clyde, shot full of holes, except you can't see the holes or any blood because it was 1947 and not made by Tarantino.
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Old 06-06-2013, 08:23 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherMan View Post
Well, you never know. Now that I've explicitly told you that "the closer you look the less you see" is a brutal truth throughout the movie you might be better prepared than I was. Just because I was right about Wolverine's Colon doesn't mean I'm right about all bad movies.
:lol: I thought wei was responding to my post. But now I think you were right :D
Actually, I was. But, now that B-man mentions it, that one, too.
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  #430  
Old 06-06-2013, 09:33 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

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  #431  
Old 06-15-2013, 03:09 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band" is much worse than I remember, and my memories aren't all that fond.

I basically wanted to rewatch it for Steve Martin's "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" and Aerosmith's "Come Together" performances. Only the Aerosmith cover really works, Steve Martin's wacky shtick wears thins really quickly.

I had forgotten about the final reprise of the title song. They must have invited every working performer in Hollywood to come.... and they got a lot of 'B' talent. Sha-na-na, Wolfman Jack, and Connie Stevens were a few of the more interesting choices. Carol Channing isn't a 'B' talent, which is probably why she was up front and was featured more than once.
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  #432  
Old 06-20-2013, 06:35 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I watch a lot of bad things.

I have 250-300 DVDs on my Netflix queue, and my average turnaround is 4 days. I'm also regularly adding to the queue. If I added a movie today, I might be watching it in 4 years.

I decided to do some queue maintenance - I was able to remove a few things I had already watched, and remove a few things I decided I really had no interest in. I also decided to remove the top movie in my DVD queue that was also available streaming.

That's how I watched "Heckler" last night. This is a documentary which features Jamie Kennedy addressing the issue of hecklers, sort of.

There's some parts of the movie that were good. It had interviews with people like David Cross, Patton Oswalt, and Louie Anderson (and many others) each had something to say. It had some classic clips of people taking down hecklers.

Unfortunately, it had Jamie Kennedy confronting hecklers, both on and off stage, and more than half the movie is dedicated to critics, particularly reviewers who eviscerated "Son of the Mask".

Jaime Kennedy can often be painfully unfunny, and as such does not make a very sympathetic focus for the movie. I suspect he actually phoned in bad jokes at a comedy club just to provoke hecklers so he could confront them, because if that's his real set, he deserved some of the heckling he received.

The movie winds up being exceedingly whiny especially when it gets down to the part about critics. Some amusing moments occur when Kennedy reads quotes from recent reviews back to the reviewers. One website guy is gleefully vicious and revels in the fact that he got to Kennedy. One newspaper reviewer is mildly embarrassed by the mean things he said about Kennedy, but Richard Roeper, sticks to his guns. Roeper "wins" that exchange because Roeper didn't say anything particularly mean or personal about Kennedy, Roeper simply tells him it was a bad movie.

Honestly, if you're curious, just read whatever Patton Oswalt wrote about heckling. it takes less time and is more useful and informative.
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  #433  
Old 06-21-2013, 01:27 AM
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The other night I was perusing the movie selection on Netflix, one suggested for me because of the number of WW2 films and series I've watched was Waiting for Dublin. Great, American flyboys run out of fuel and have to land in rural Ireland. Might be interesting. Nope. The pilot had made a bet with the nephew of Al Capone that he would shoot down five enemy planes and thereby become an Ace. He failed, only downing four. Coincidentally, there was a German pilot and his plane downed there for much the same reason. They hatch a plan so the Amerikaner could become an Ace by shooting down the German plane. But, his plane has no ammunition for its machine guns (maybe because it actually was a two-seater, a North American T-6 Texan trainer, not a fighter plane)*. So, with local townspeople, including a blind man, trying to fly the plane straight and level he tries first with an Enfield rifle, then his .45 Colt sidearm without success. Eventually he shoots down the German plane with a crossbow (plausible, right?), 15 minutes after the war officially ended. The German took an arrow to the knee (leg actually). Damn his luck and damn me for filling my time with this inane batch of badly acted stupidity. Some critics knocked it for fakey flying sequences, but I didn't think that part was any worse than 1969's Battle of Britain, which had some commercial success and critical acclaim. And now I find that Waiting for Dublin only rated 7% on the Tomatometer. Fuck me royally.

*The German plane was just as bad, it was actually a Curtiss P-40 Warhawk painted to look like a German plane.
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  #434  
Old 07-13-2013, 06:44 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I feel like I should feel sorry for Mark Dacascos. I don't entirely, because he's a working actor in Hollywood, and he's got some fairly regular gigs that I'm sure pay well enough for him to live comfortably.

I still think I ought to feel sorry for him because he's not doing better. Usually, he's the guy they pick to be a competent opponent in a martial arts film, or the 2nd rate replacement in a TV show or movie series.

Or, in this case, the best guy that The Asylum could afford to hire in "I am Omega" - a ripoff version of Will Smith's "I am Legend."

I kept on thinking that Dacascos is much better than the movie lets him be. Dacascos was working really hard to make it the best cheap blockbuster ripoff money could buy.

Still, it's horribly boring, nonsensical, visually cheap and often just lame. Even I wouldn't have considered watching it if it weren't for the star.

It was still better than the "John Carter" ripoff produced by The Asylum, which I only watched because it starred Antonio Sabato Jr. and Traci Lords. I ought to be ashamed of myself for writing that.
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  #435  
Old 07-13-2013, 07:40 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Lafayette Escadrille (1958), a black and white film written, produced, and directed by William Wellman, is about the adventures and misadventures of Americans who flew aerial combat for France against the invading Germans in WW1, featuring David Janssen, Paul Fix, pre-Rawhide Clint Eastwood, and Tom "Billy Jack" Laughlin. Also featured prominently was William Wellman Jr., playing his father, William "Wild Bill" Wellman. In reality, the film was just another star vehicle for the handsome blond movie star of the moment, Tab Hunter.

The screenplay was written by Wellman Sr. based on his experiences as a pilot in France in WW1 and stories of others, and a stupid romance for Tab Hunter. Wild Bill Wellman flew planes first in the French Foreign Legion, then became the first American pilot in the N.87 Escadrille, part of the Lafayette Flying Corps, not another sub-unit known as the Lafayette Escadrille. Close enough. One early film he directed, Wings (1927), winner of the first Academy Award for Best Picture, was about WW1 fighter pilots too. Gary Cooper played Tab Hunter in that one.

One good thing about the film was the availability of flying planes from that era, something that would have to be done via CGI today. The film was generally pretty good, funny, serious, with decent passion. But, the reason I put in the crappy movies thread is because it is way too slow moving, especially lingering in the pretty boring Tab Hunter and Etchika Choureau romantic scenes, which is also why I call it a star vehicle for Tab Hunter. Because Tab Hunter, that's why.
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  #436  
Old 09-05-2013, 01:14 PM
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I liked Looper quite a bit, despite rolling my eyes PRETTY DAMNED HARD at a) the inconsistent way that time travel worked and b) JGL's weird prosthetic chin.

It's like the writers had half a dozen different ideas for bad ass scenarios involving time travel, couldn't figure out how to reconcile them all, and then just threw up their hands, tossed them all in without being too bothered about consistency, and papered it over by having old Joe tell young Joe that it would be a waste of time to talk about. Ultimately, I thought that the premise and the story were strong enough to make gritting my teeth and ignoring the appallingly bad sci-fi treatment worth the ride. Young Joe threatening old Joe by telling him he'll find out who old Joe married and then make damn sure never to get together with her was sublime.
The only thing in the movie that made any sense in a time travel paradox way to me was
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Old 10-24-2013, 11:15 AM
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To The Wonder, starring Ben Afflack, Olga Kurylenko, Rachel McAdams, and Javier Bardem, directed by Terrence Malick. It was beautifully shot just 40-50 miles from Rancho Pobrecito. For a romantic film though, it was crap, boring for the most part. Dialog? There was hardly any except in narrative form, and half of that was in French or Russian or Malaku or something like that, with subtitles of the crappy narrative, kind of like a combination Dear John letter and Please Come Home letter. Because it was shot here in my neighborhood and beautifully so, and because I think Olga Kurylenko and Rachel McAdams are hawt, I watched the whole thing. I swear, if they hadn't been in it, I'd have shut the damn thing off and watched reruns of Bonanza.
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  #438  
Old 12-02-2013, 06:54 AM
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100 Below Zero (2013) is a show about massive earthquakes and volcanic eruptions from Iceland to Italy causing volcanic ash to blanket the northern hemisphere, plunging most of Europe into a new Ice Age. Even Sara Malakul Lane's cute freckled face and giant bolt-on bewbs or a thinned-down John Rhys-Davies' acting chops could save this vomitous pile of carrion. I stopped about 30 minutes in because I just could not take another minute of the overacting and pseudo-scientific claptrap. I note that Rotten Tomatoes has zero reviews for this peach. That's because nobody could make it to the end of it. And yet, 92% of users liked it. Who the fuck are they, brainless zombie Europhobes?
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  #439  
Old 12-10-2013, 02:24 AM
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I've been debating about "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" and finally decided it's not a particularly good movie. It's a bit of a novel take on the slasher genre, but ultimately doesn't work.

The setup is pretty basic, 3 guys and 3 girls (including the titular Mandy) all head out for a party weekend at a secluded ranch with a hunky ranch hand and a psycho killer. The partying starts and it's pretty well established that most of the group are stereotypically reprehensible examples of entitled teenagers. I suppose this is to make you empathize with the killer?

Well, two of the early deaths are the more sympathetic characters, one of which is the only boy who seems interested in obtaining consent before acting. The first death is probably the most functional girl at the party, and it's a bit too cruel and malingering for an otherwise innocent teen.

After it was done, I was wondering what the point was. The movie seemed like it wanted to be something more than a slasher film, and I suspect that it was intending to be a critique of the male gaze. Maybe, I can't exactly tell, and that's where it fails.

Amber Heard is really strikingly beautiful, and does a great job, so I enjoyed it for that - I feel like if this movie actually came out when it was made, she'd be more of a star now.

-------------------

I also recently watched "Flesh for Frankenstein" - the Warhol produced horror "art" film, made by the same people who made "Blood for Dracula."

"Blood for Dracula" was the much better film, and it was awful. The problem with "Flesh" is that it didn't have lines like, "The blood of these whores is killing me!"

Yes, "Flesh for Frankenstein" was a tad too serious. It wasn't much more than the slack horror one might expect from Hammer Films productions of the same decade.
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  #440  
Old 12-10-2013, 04:51 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I had some werk to do @hoem Sunday night, so I fired up the Net Flick looking for something light and stupid to have on in the background, and ended up with Friends With Kids, on the strength of it starring Adam Scott from Parks & Rec, along with like half the cast of Bridesmaids.

Meh.

It has a number of funny jokes, and the premise has potential (platonic best friends decide to have a kid together) but, for real, I just told you the premise and now you know how it ends, right? Fucking rom coms. I don't know why I was holding out any hope that the film would go anywhere more interesting, but I did, and now I am disappoint.
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  #441  
Old 12-10-2013, 05:04 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

You know how us ladies get when we get all addled with the pregnancy hormones. :girlcupid:
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  #442  
Old 12-10-2013, 07:37 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janet View Post
What turned me off the idea of Now You See Me was that it was billed as a steal from the rich, give to the poor situation. But they are giving the money to their audience, which means it's steal from the rich, give to the people with enough disposable income to spend on a ticket to an arena-sized magic show.
That was an entertaining flick, but you could drive a truck though a lot of the plot holes.

I have been completely annoyed with the thing since I saw it.
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  #443  
Old 12-16-2013, 10:57 PM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

meh

It started off so incredibly badly that after 20 minutes I turned to Sou and said "This movies sucks!". Now, it did get better and in the end it managed to make a tremendous comeback to finish with a 'meh' rating. :meh:

Ben Stiller was pretty good. Just before it started I asked Sou "Are you ready for some Ben Stiller zaniness?" but there wasn't much or any really. Which is fine. The movie also contained the worst beard I've ever seen. Which is to say the worst supposed to be real but is so unbelievably fake beard ever seen on any screen anywhere.

I will admit that it was beautifully shot. There are some really wonderfully stylistic shots that helped during some of the very poor periods. But overall, I'd say don't pay to see it. It's not worth it.
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  #444  
Old 12-17-2013, 12:47 AM
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With Ben Stiller in it (I am not a fan outside of a few movies of his), I expected it might suck, but I was really in hopes it didn't. Now I don't know if I even want to see it. Thanks, Obama.
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  #445  
Old 12-17-2013, 04:41 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

Behold mortals! TheCreamOfConnor's list of the ten worst films ever:

10. Freddy Got Fingered
9.Neverending Story 3
8. Patch Adams
7. I Spit On Your Grave (originial and remake)
6. North
5. Felix The Cat: The Movie
4. Troll 2
3. The Last Airbender
2. Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie
1. Manos: The Hands of Fate
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  #446  
Old 12-17-2013, 04:56 AM
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You haven't watched very many movies if you think Patch Adams and Manos: The Hands of Fate are anywhere near the ten worst movies ever.
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  #447  
Old 12-17-2013, 05:08 AM
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IMDB agrees with you that Manos: Hands of Fate belongs there. It is much better viewed through the lens of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and a fifth of the alcoholic beverage of your choice.

How many bad movies on the IMDB Bottom 100 have you seen?

I've seen all or part of only 5 of these stinkers. I purposely avoid bad movies, but cannot help run across them, because quantity. These days I have little to no tolerance for them, and will quit watching when they are too bad. There are too many other choices to be had than watch more than a few minutes of Final Justice or Going Overboard, you know, like Alaska State Troopers or reruns of Hee-Haw.
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  #448  
Old 12-17-2013, 05:50 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I've only seen two of the movies on the IMDB list. One on purpose and the other was thankfully through the filter of MST3K.

I saw Battlefield Earth on purpose when it was brand new and nobody knew any better. I have regretted it ever since. I've watch parts of it since then - and by parts I mean just enough to know that it was Battlefield Earth and then change the channel. (This usually only takes a little over a second.)

And MST3K saved Mitchell for me. I have no real memory of the movie itself, thankfully I guess. But every once in a while I get the urge to spontaneously say Mitchell! like they did. It's hilarious if you're in my head.

I was trying to find a list of poorly rated films via Rotten Tomatoes but that's more of a process that requires something akin to actual work. So instead I found this wiki article listing what a lot of people are calling the worst movies of all time, and I've seen a lot more of them. Sadly, on purpose.
  • Highlander 2 The Quickening
  • Showgirls
  • Batman and Robin
  • Battlefield Earth
  • Ballistic Ecks vs Sever
  • Catwoman

They are all p terrible and all in their own way. The yardstick by which I and some of my friends measure bad movies is not included on any of these lists: Driven. I just looked it up and it received the very friendly 4.3 out of 10 at IMDB and the chilly 14% at Rotten Tomatoes.
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  #449  
Old 12-17-2013, 06:14 AM
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Driven is p. bad.
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  #450  
Old 12-17-2013, 10:45 AM
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Default Re: Seen any crappy movies?

I haven't seen any of the movies on the IMDB list. I guess I should be relieved.
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