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  #101  
Old 08-15-2009, 04:34 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

66. A plodding and self-indulgent American fishwife, having abandoned a project nearly one year prior, awakened one morning and said to herself, "Ah, well. Back to the salt mines."

Americans frequently employ such pointless and cloying idioms in an attempt to make themselves seem more interesting.

67. A young man by the name of Bertram dressed for his weekly grocery shopping in a plain colored shirt that had been part of a uniform at his previous employment.

He had not done his laundry at the regular time, as he had been quite ill that day as a result of excessive drinking.

68. Helga asked her husband Herman one morning if he wanted to go into town that day to run their weekly errands.

Herman replied, as he always did to that question, "No. I do not want to, but I suppose that we must."

Helga chuckled politely at Herman's humor. The couple rarely communicated.
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  #102  
Old 08-15-2009, 05:01 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

69. Attempting to relay a humorous anecdote to an aquaintance he met at the market, Gunter inadvertently revealed the comical ending to his story too soon, causing its humor value to be lost.

The acquaintance responded politely, but Gunter felt embarassed by his mistake, and avoided the other gentleman for some time as a result.
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  #103  
Old 08-16-2009, 05:36 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

:lmao:

Why didn't I notice this thread before, especially while I was still in Germany?
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  #104  
Old 08-16-2009, 05:57 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

Manfred couldn't believe his luck. He was to appear on TV as a contestant on a quiz show.
He prepared for weeks only to be eliminated in the second round: he could not remember the name of the minister for postal services during the Bismarck administration.

The fact that Manfred was a postman ensured that his friends made fun of him for months.
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  #105  
Old 08-16-2009, 06:23 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

71. Since her husband's death nearly eight months prior, the elderly widow had had little human contact.

As a result, she frequently anthropomorphized her small mongrel dog Hans, attributing human motivations to his actions, and from time to time, dressing him in clothing that served no functional purpose.
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  #106  
Old 08-29-2009, 01:51 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

72.
Dieter: Why is it that socially regressive American neoconservatives are incapable of producing effective comic material?
Gerda: This is because they are unintelligent and lack the insight to make humorous observations.
Dieter: But other like-minded people frequently claim to find the material humorous.
Gerda: I believe this is an affectation.
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  #107  
Old 03-07-2010, 07:55 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

73. This true story.
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  #108  
Old 04-17-2010, 07:44 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

74.


Does the child eat this to help him forget that he is decaying?
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  #109  
Old 06-10-2010, 09:42 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

75. On an internet-based discussion forum, a contest was announced by an Administrator, and the rules for participation were clearly specified. An American participant of the forum, putatively speaking under an assumed name, submitted an entry that grossly violated the stated rules.

Rather than being banished from the forum, he was awarded with half the allotted points for his illegal participation.
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  #110  
Old 06-10-2010, 09:50 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

:laughdie:
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  #111  
Old 06-27-2010, 06:08 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

76. Making casual small talk with Bernhard, a visitor who was waiting for another member of her household, Adelheid inquired as to whether the Category 5E cable she had supplied him with recently had been sufficient for his needs.

Bernhard protested that Adelheid had not provided him with any cable, and that further, he was not familiar with the type of cable to which she referred and did not know what the purpose of such cable would be.

Alarmed by this revelation, Adelheid silently recalled the events in greater detail and realized that in her recollection of the event, she had retrieved the cable from a drawer that was reserved for the storage of paper electronics manuals and a flashlight!

Adelheid was unable to fall asleep until nearly one half hour past her normal time, for fear that such grotesque visions would haunt her again.
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  #112  
Old 06-27-2010, 10:20 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

Quote:
Originally Posted by lisarea View Post
75. On an internet-based discussion forum, a contest was announced by an Administrator, and the rules for participation were clearly specified. An American participant of the forum, putatively speaking under an assumed name, submitted an entry that grossly violated the stated rules.

Rather than being banished from the forum, he was awarded with half the allotted points for his illegal participation.
:(
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  #113  
Old 07-09-2010, 05:54 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

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  #114  
Old 09-17-2010, 05:46 AM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

77. (Based on true story that just happened Tuesday) Hilda was visiting Meteor Crater, Arizona. Hilda, gazed through a fixed aim telescope on viewing platform below crater rim, saw the 1.83 meter tall plywood cutout painted to look like an astronaut leaning on fence in bottom of crater, and asked question of nearby American traveler, who stopped for a few minutes to see the wondrous sight of the 50,000 year old astronomical event. "Did astronauts have something to do with this [crater]?" "No," responded the now quite amused American. "No? Why then did they use an astronaut?"
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  #115  
Old 10-15-2010, 08:04 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

78. A German man was visiting friends in America and it happened to be Halloween. He was unfamiliar with the custom of Trick-or-Treat, and had to have it explained to him that the children say "Trick or Treat" and they get candy. Incredulous (and slightly disappointed), the man said, "That's all? They don't have to do anything like a song or a dance?" His American hosts laughed softly and confirmed that, yes, that is all.
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  #116  
Old 10-17-2010, 04:31 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

This is a multimedia joke:

79. A young man with an inclination toward radical politics and an impressive knowledge of old radical songs, such as those in the IWW's Little Red Songbook, was watching television one evening during the Christmas season last year. A commercial came on which featured a familiar theme with rewritten lyrics. The young man thought it remarkable that an advertising agency would use the theme to "The Red Flag" as the basis for this corporate jingle, but then he realized that "The Red Flag" itself was based on an older Christmas carol named "O Tannenbaum".


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  #117  
Old 10-17-2010, 08:15 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

80. Wilhelm's friend Jarmann died. He noticed during the funeral that a foreigner named Guillaume, which is french for William, laughed in a distinct and inappropriate manner.

Wilhelm's cold cuts at breakfast were colder than usual.
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  #118  
Old 10-17-2010, 08:41 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

81. Hedwig presented Freyda with a set of decorative candles as a gift, despite the fact that Freyda's home was equipped with both adequate and efficient electrical lighting, and functioning battery powered flashlights for use in the event of an outage.
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  #119  
Old 11-29-2010, 08:55 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

82. Meyer watched the cats play in a way that only cats can. It was depressing, and therefore comforting.

He spent the rest of the evening rolling cigarettes and listening to Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
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  #120  
Old 12-14-2010, 11:13 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

83. A forum participant made a brief public announcement that he had developed notable feelings of fondness for an unspecified individual.

Ingeborg saw this announcement, and, wanting to express her good wishes without prying inordinately, chose to respond such by selecting the "Thanks" option on the aforementioned post.

The former forum participant later posted an angry rebuke to other posters for not responding appropriately.

Seething with resentment, Ingeborg added the forum participant to her list.
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  #121  
Old 01-22-2011, 06:23 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

84. Heinrich went to visit an old and distant friend, Adelbert, who had taken up farming in Damme, in the years since they had last visited. While being shown around the farmstead, Heinrich noted a pig following them, and that the pig had a prosthetic leg.

"Adelbert," said Heinrich, "it is unseemly and impolite to bring attention to the infirmities of others, but my curiosity has quite overwhelmed me." Blushing in shame, Heinrich continued. "This pig appears to have a prosthetic leg, and I must know of the reasons why."

Adelbert was embarrassed by his friend's outburst. After composing himself, he related the pig's heroic and loyal exploits on the farm, some of which had amazingly resulted in the saving of the lives of his family as well as his his own.

Heinrich was astounded, but affirmed that Adelbert had not explained the reason why the pig had a prosthetic leg.

"I set a firm quota for pig flesh last year, and that leg was needed to meet the quota," Adelbert explained.

Heinrich nodded with understanding, and then he and Adelbert had rather selfish and somewhat mechanical sexual relations in the well-organized barn.
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  #122  
Old 01-22-2011, 06:30 PM
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Default Re: The 1001 Funniest Jokes for English-speaking Germans

85. Helga chortled aloud at an internet poster's deftly crafted humor, causing her pet animals to scatter in fear.
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  #123  
Old 01-23-2011, 02:28 AM
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86. Lena did not like the Apfel Tarte, but not as much as the Apfel Tarte did not like Lena.
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  #124  
Old 01-24-2011, 11:29 PM
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87. Adalrich had the mood of a cat.

Specifically, a flea ridden cat, with dry heaves, trying to rid itself of a particularly large mass of indigestible hair that wasn't its own.

It was best not to speak to Adalrich.
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  #125  
Old 02-05-2011, 07:54 PM
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88. Reinhold, on witnessing a particularly offensive characterization of his countrymen on an internet-based discussion forum, mentally recounted some of the many impressive achievements originating from his homeland, including unparalleled innovations in the fields of cannibalism, self-restraint, and creative paraphilia.

Deciding that the criticisms did not warrant such a detailed response, however, he replied in a curt and abbreviated fashion to convey his distaste.
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