Legs' Daily

[Legs]

An Imperial man is dead after accidentally shooting himself in the head while teaching his girlfriend firearms safety.

According to witnesses, Looney was demonstrating how to use the different safety mechanisms on several guns to his girlfriend. The witnesses said Looney would put the guns to his head, and before pulling the trigger, would ask her if she thought the gun would go off. With the first two guns, the safety mechanisms worked. The third gun fired.

Deputies believe alcohol was involved.

[Angakuk]

Had the gun been drinking?

[Legs]

Muggers left six-inch knife in victim's bum

Cheeky robbers left a mugging victim with a mystery pain that doctors only got to the bottom of four months later – when they found a knife buried in her buttocks.

Being robbed is a pain in the rear end at the best of times, but as you can see from this remarkable X-ray Ying Shi, 26, was left with a nasty reminder of the ordeal.



Doctors found a razor-sharp six-inch blade buried so far into her bottom that it was pressing into her bladder.

'All I remember of the night was a stabbing pain in my backside. I thought they had just slashed me, I didn't realise the whole blade had gone all the way in,' she said.

[Legs]

If animals could talk, a few cows in Burlington County might ask state legislators to hurry up and outlaw bestiality.

During a bizarre hearing there yesterday, a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming a grand jury couldn't infer whether the cows had been "tormented" or "puzzled" by the situation or even irritated that they'd been duped out of a meal.

"If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, 'Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk,' " Judge James J. Morley asked.

Children, Morley said, seemed "comforted" when given pacifiers, but there's no way to know what bovine minds thought of Robert Melia Jr. substituting his member for a cow's teat.

"They [children] enjoy the act of suckling," the judge said. "Cows may be of a different disposition."

Burlington County Assistant County Prosecutor Kevin Morgan was certainly irritated by the ruling, claiming the grand jury didn't see the videos of the alleged incident, including one in which one hungry calf allegedly head-butts Melia in the stomach.

"I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man's penis in the mouth of a calf is torment," Morgan argued. "It's a crime against nature."


Moar

[Dingfod]

The calf couldn't talk, it's mouth was full.

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

Note to self: No Ben & Jerry's for a while.