CALL OUT THRAD: Bort Rogue Santa'ing

[ChuckF]

Herein I am sorrowfully obliged to report our own Bort (also known as Bortermann) for his grievous unauthorized Secret Santa activities of which I have been the recent target.

The trouble began here, when Goodman Bort kindly offered to contribute a VGA cable to the cause of science. Seduced by this show of goodwill, I provided my postal information in order to receive same.

It was clearly then that Sort first undertook to misappropriate this information and divert it for unauthorized Secret Santa activities.

Today I have received by post the aforesaid VGA cable, pictured here in action doing science:



But I have ALSO received the following unsolicited items in that self-same parcel!

A note:



A ritualistic effigy of a murder victim (re-assembled here as best I can - the extra penis is on the left). It is possible that I will rub it down with catnip, and I assure you it will be quite raped:



One (1) Ziploc ® bag of rubber bands of unknown make:



Bort, I hereby call you out to inform you that these actions are egregious and I assure you that the retaliation will be swift.

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

"The whole in your heart"?

Not sure if pun.

[ChuckF]

Originally Posted by Kamilah Hauptmann

"The whole in your heart"?

Not sure if pun.

I confirm that Bort is among the regulars who occasionally evince hole confusion but I am not giving any details beyond that.

[curses]

Time to white elephant those rubber bands, chuckles. I hear pea needs them.

Also Bort is the bestest.

[Sock Puppet]

Custom tittle alert "occasionally evincing hole confusion"

[BrotherMan]

Let me assure you my fellow ers, those rubbered banding utilities are of the highest pedigree. I purchased them at the local Officing and Supplier Store.

And if Rogue Secret Santa-ing is wrong, then I in no way wish to live in a world others would consider "right."

Luther Ingram - If Loving You Is Wrong - YouTube

[ShottleBop]

Originally Posted by Sock Puppet

Custom tittle alert "occasionally evincing hole confusion"

Not a jot!

[livius drusus]

You have a lovely cursive hand, Bort. It sets of the disarticulated corpse and bag of rubber bands beautifully.

[BrotherMan]

Tragedy has befallen the Bort R. Mann household. We have cruelly and been the target of REVERSE ROGUE SECRETED SANTA-ING WITH THE ADDED INJURY OF MALICE AFORE-THOUGHT.

show spoiler

I am sore afraid to open the frightening package any more further lest something terrible excape. There was an enclose threatening letter but it is entirely too unsafe for anyone, let alone such a tender sole as mine, to read and have in mind on this day of our Pibble, 2017.



Please pary for me.

[Stormlight]

[JoeP]

Oh. My. Goods and chattels.

[livius drusus]

Those rubber bands look woven, like one of them rattan or whatever chair seats. SO WHAT'S INSIDE?!

[BrotherMan]

DID I NOT MENTION THE SORE ASCAREDINESS AND MALICE WITH AFORE FREE-THOUGHT?

Until I can find a vrgin priest to exorcise it, I have bound the demonic package in the deepest darkest whole in my basement never to be opened or seen by mortal eyes. Do you want a full on cynobite phantasmic invasion of our universe?

[livius drusus]

Given current events, yes, yes I do.

[ChuckF]

Originally Posted by BrotherMan

Until I can find a vrgin priest to exorcise it, I have bound the demonic package in the deepest darkest whole in my basement never to be opened or seen by mortal eyes. Do you want a full on cynobite phantasmic invasion of our universe?

Not to add to any sense of unease you may have, but FYI, it's already been in that box for a few days now, and it's not going to get any less irritable way down in the whole...

[BrotherMan]

Gird all your loinses and pass the ammunition because I have released the packages and make no promises to the dangers that are loose upon the world.

The Letter:

show spoiler

The Unbinding:

show spoiler

An Inspection:

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A Closer Look:

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I am highly suspicious that this isn't nearly as "random" as the Rogue Secret Gifts upon which I showered one Master Charles Fristians, Esquire.

[Ymir's blood]

I for one would be interested if you could scan an upload the contents of the manual pictured above.

[livius drusus]

I would like to express my appreciation for the qualities of the fascinating Miracle Eye Jesus blowup doll over the sensible, though plebian, Freethought Talk Forum and Chat Emporium.

[JoeP]

I would like to express my appreciation for the appearance of livius drusus at said FTFACE, and remind her there are many other excellent thrads worthy of her attention.

[Stormlight]

Originally Posted by JoeP

I would like to express my appreciation for the appearance of livius drusus at said FTFACE, and remind her there are many other excellent thrads worthy of her attention.

Where??

[JoeP]

Originally Posted by Stormlight

Where??

Ones that Stormlight hasn't posted in, probably.

[Stormlight]