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07-19-2019, 08:59 PM
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Flyover Hillbilly
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Juggalonia
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
__________________
"We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." ~ Louis D. Brandeis
"Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are." ~ S. Gecko
"What the fuck is a German muffin?" ~ R. Swanson
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08-06-2019, 08:13 PM
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Shitpost Sommelier
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
__________________
Peering from the top of Mount Stupid
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08-11-2019, 11:21 AM
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Safety glasses off, motherfuckers
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Sarasota, FL
Gender: Bender
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
No one ever invites me to the good parties.
Gun stolen during weekend sex party in Florida home - The Palm Beach Post
Quote:
A handgun was swiped from a Deltona home during a weekend sex party and the gun owner couldn't give detectives any names of possible suspects because the culprit — like the 20 or so other guests at the party — was wearing a mask, deputies said.
"We're probably not going to solve this one," Volusia County Sheriff's Sgt. Todd Smith said during a public meeting Thursday. "And DNA (identification) is not going to be an option."
The 9 mm Glock was holstered and lying on top of a nightstand in the master bedroom when it was stolen, the homeowner told deputies. It was taken during an orgy, in which the theme was anonymous sex, according to a report.
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Also could go in morons with guns, but I don't think this story could be much more Florida. Needs alligators on meth, I suppose.
__________________
Cēterum cēnseō factiōnem Rēpūblicānam dēlendam esse īgnī ferrōque.
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08-11-2019, 12:03 PM
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Solipsist
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Kolmannessa kerroksessa
Gender: Male
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
even though
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man
Quote:
"And DNA (identification) is not going to be an option."
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I don't want to know whether this is because not enough DNA would be found on the gun if recovered ... or too much.
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08-11-2019, 07:01 PM
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I read some of your foolish scree, then just skimmed the rest.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Bay Area
Gender: Male
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Really this was a botched murder mystery. A gun left out with anonymous floridians almost certainly drunk from the homemade absith one serves as these types of masked sex parties, and no one is shot dead thus requiring some sort of Miami based team of hot shot detectives to dig into the underbelly of a sex cult and discover the killer!?
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08-11-2019, 08:43 PM
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Solipsist
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Kolmannessa kerroksessa
Gender: Male
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ari
Really this was a botched murder mystery. A gun left out with anonymous floridians almost certainly drunk from the homemade absith one serves as these types of masked sex parties, and no one is shot dead thus requiring some sort of Miami based team of hot shot detectives to dig into the underbelly of a sex cult and discover the killer!?
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For a moment I thought we were in the thread discussing Jeffrey Epstein. Still made perfect sense.
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09-14-2019, 03:02 AM
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here to bore you with pictures
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Google Earth uncovers car in pond - and skeleton of driver missing for 22 years - South Florida Sun-Sentinel
Quote:
Barry Fay couldn’t believe what a neighbor was telling him: Google Earth showed a car rotting at the bottom of a pond behind his home.
“Why? Where?" he said. “There’s no car behind my house.”
Fay might have been even more incredulous had he known the car contained the skeleton of a man missing for 22 years.
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Hat tip to Gizmodo, which I would link to, but... links to Kinja break shit.
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ta-
DAVE!!!
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09-14-2019, 09:30 AM
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This is the title that appears beneath your name on your posts.
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Gender: Male
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Quote:
“Why? Where?" he said. “There’s no car behind my house. Oh, that thing? Now that you mention it, it kinda does look like a car.”
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10-14-2019, 09:46 PM
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Flyover Hillbilly
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Juggalonia
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
This could go in the dumbfuck conservatives thread as well, but hey, let's spread the wealth.
Today's Florida Man is GOP Congressman Brian Mast, who celebrated the birthday of the United States Navy by tweeting a photo of the Russian battlecruiser Pyotr Velikiy.
__________________
"We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." ~ Louis D. Brandeis
"Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are." ~ S. Gecko
"What the fuck is a German muffin?" ~ R. Swanson
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10-14-2019, 11:26 PM
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A Very Gentle Bort
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Bortlandia
Gender: Male
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Probably too difficult to search for Navy ships named after Florida things.
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\V/_ I COVLD TEACh YOV BVT I MVST LEVY A FEE
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10-14-2019, 11:31 PM
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Flyover Hillbilly
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Juggalonia
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
I mean, it's not like there's a Wikipedia page devoted entirely to U.S. Navy ships named after Florida stuff or anything.
Oh, wait ...
__________________
"We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." ~ Louis D. Brandeis
"Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are." ~ S. Gecko
"What the fuck is a German muffin?" ~ R. Swanson
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03-09-2020, 06:13 PM
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Flyover Hillbilly
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Juggalonia
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Florida Man, meet Florida Woman. As always, Republicans are the most qualified to talk about voter fraud because they have all the experience.
__________________
"We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." ~ Louis D. Brandeis
"Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are." ~ S. Gecko
"What the fuck is a German muffin?" ~ R. Swanson
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04-14-2020, 07:52 PM
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Safety glasses off, motherfuckers
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Sarasota, FL
Gender: Bender
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
This could go in a lot of places, but I'm putting it here, because Florida.
I apologise to the rest of the country/world on behalf of my state. If it helps, we didn't actually elect Governor* Florida Man. The office was stolen. I believe Gillum is in rehab right now, but he'd still be doing a better job than DeSantis (or at least his Lt. Gov. would).
On the other hand, there hasn't been a Weird Florida Story in this thrad in a while, so here's your fix:
Take it away, Flagler County Sheriff's Office:
Quote:
Woman Arrested for Putting Easter Eggs with Explicit Content in Mailboxes
Since Sunday, April 5, 2020, the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office (FCSO) has received numerous calls from local residents throughout Flagler County stating that they found a plastic Easter egg in their mailbox that contained pornographic images, non-threatening references to local churches and county buildings, and other miscellaneous items.
On Wednesday evening, FCSO received multiple calls from residents reporting that a female was once again placing plastic eggs in mailboxes, this time on Hernandez Avenue. Corporal Jacob had previously identified the suspect vehicle as a 2004 silver Honda Civic. FCSO’s Problem Area Crime Enforcement (PACE) Unit began to search areas where the reports were coming from. At 11:19 p.m., PACE located the vehicle traveling north on Belle Terre Parkway at Whiteview Parkway and a traffic stop was conducted.
During the investigation, 42-year-old Abril Cestoni (DOB 4/10/1977) admitted to placing the items in the mailboxes stating that she was educating people. There was a bag full of pornographic material inside the vehicle and she told deputies that she had distributed over 400 pamphlets in the past few days throughout Flagler County. Cestoni did not have any symptoms of COVID-19.
“Our team did a great job in tracking this deranged offender down and taking her into custody,” Sheriff Rick Staly said. “Thankfully she did not appear to be sick with COVID-19 symptoms, but she certainly needs some help. This again proves that ‘see something, say something’ works and we thank the community for being part of our guardianship policing philosophy.”
Cestoni was arrested and charged with 11 counts of Distributing Obscene Material. It was also determined that Cestoni did not have a valid driver’s license. She was additionally charged with Driving with a Suspended License and Violating Executive Order 20-91 for conducting travel not related to essential activity. She was booked into the Sheriff Perry Hall Inmate Detention Facility and is being held on a $7,000.00 bond.
Cestoni has previously been arrested in Flagler County for Driving with a Suspended License, Writ of Bodily Attachment, and Failure to Appear for a Traffic Summons.
Additional charges may be pending as the investigation continues.
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(via Balloon Juice)
On a serious note, she sounds mentally ill and I do hope she gets help. This state, believe it or not, has actually passed some decent legislation in that regard in the last four or five years, so the odds of that happening are not quite as far-fetched as one might think.
__________________
Cēterum cēnseō factiōnem Rēpūblicānam dēlendam esse īgnī ferrōque.
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04-14-2020, 09:52 PM
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simple country microbiologist hyperchicken
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: georgia
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
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04-15-2020, 08:17 AM
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Shitpost Sommelier
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Florida lolyers.
__________________
Peering from the top of Mount Stupid
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04-18-2020, 02:34 AM
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Safety glasses off, motherfuckers
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Sarasota, FL
Gender: Bender
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Rest of the world, I'm so sorry. I had nothing to do with this asshole getting "elected", but I'm still sorry.
…also, regarding Kamilah’s post above, the pull quote led me to expect the two lawyers being described were in bed with each other. Disappointed now.
__________________
Cēterum cēnseō factiōnem Rēpūblicānam dēlendam esse īgnī ferrōque.
Last edited by The Man; 04-18-2020 at 03:38 AM.
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04-18-2020, 04:17 AM
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Shitpost Sommelier
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Shit, now I'm disappointed too.
__________________
Peering from the top of Mount Stupid
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04-18-2020, 05:23 AM
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Shitpost Sommelier
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
__________________
Peering from the top of Mount Stupid
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04-18-2020, 05:40 AM
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Stoic Derelict... The cup is empty
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: The Dustbin of History
Gender: Male
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man
Rest of the world, I'm so sorry. I had nothing to do with this asshole getting "elected", but I'm still sorry.
…also, regarding Kamilah’s post above, the pull quote led me to expect the two lawyers being described were in bed with each other. Disappointed now.
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I don't think this will end up helping republicans in November. The longer he keeps to that line, the harder it gets to back off from it, the greater the damage.
__________________
Chained out, like a sitting duck just waiting for the fall _Cage the Elephant
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07-26-2021, 07:17 PM
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Flyover Hillbilly
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Juggalonia
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
This also belongs in the pig thread, but What the fuck, Florida? could use some love.
__________________
"We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." ~ Louis D. Brandeis
"Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are." ~ S. Gecko
"What the fuck is a German muffin?" ~ R. Swanson
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08-04-2021, 01:51 AM
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Shitpost Sommelier
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
__________________
Peering from the top of Mount Stupid
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08-04-2021, 08:56 AM
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Solipsist
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Kolmannessa kerroksessa
Gender: Male
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Good for him that the GQP is all for dead (white) people's votes still counting.
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08-21-2021, 12:01 AM
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Flyover Hillbilly
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Juggalonia
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
And now, let us pour out yet another 40 for the pre-Reagan era, when something resembling a functioning mental health infrastructure existed. She seems nice.
__________________
"We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." ~ Louis D. Brandeis
"Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are." ~ S. Gecko
"What the fuck is a German muffin?" ~ R. Swanson
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10-25-2021, 05:47 PM
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Flyover Hillbilly
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Juggalonia
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
In a move that comes as a GARGANTUAN surprise to no one, Ron DeSantis is offering $5,000 relocation bonuses to sociopathic pigs who quit or got fired from police departments in other states over vaccination mandates.
__________________
"We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." ~ Louis D. Brandeis
"Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are." ~ S. Gecko
"What the fuck is a German muffin?" ~ R. Swanson
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10-25-2021, 08:16 PM
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I read some of your foolish scree, then just skimmed the rest.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Bay Area
Gender: Male
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Re: What the fuck, Florida?
Excellent!
Well not for citizens of Florida, but for every other state this is a win! A bit like how ISIS may have reduced the overall chances of extremist muslim terrorism by getting all the idiots in other countries who wanted to kill people to travel to Iraq and Syria instead of just telling them to blow up a local shopping mart.
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