Return to Gender 101

[JoeP]

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

Lacking a Sports forum, and not wanting to make this team's achievements entirely about Trump, I'll put it here:

Q: “Are you excited about going to the White House?”

Megan Rapinoe: “I’m not going to the fucking White House.”pic.twitter.com/OosAQMjYsh

— Erick Fernandez (@ErickFernandez) June 25, 2019

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

dubble

[Sock Puppet]

And of course, looking at my news feed, the first time I heard about this was a headline about fucking Trump's reaction. App deleted.

[The Man]

This seems topical, given the first post in this thrad.

the woman who invited gender reveal parties thinks they've gone too far, and the child she once welcomed with a pink-frosted cake is now 10 and non-binary https://t.co/FUSWxOIQCl

— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) 29 July 2019

The child Karuvinidis welcomed with a pink-frosted cake is 10 years old and prefers to wear suits…

“I did [the gender reveal party] at the time because we didn’t live in 2019 and didn’t know what we know now⁠—that assigning focus on gender at birth leaves out so much of their potential and talents that have nothing to do with what’s between their legs,” she wrote in the Facebook post, which went viral. The post included a recent family photo in which her oldest child sports short hair and a sharp gray blazer…

[JoeP]

������ pic.twitter.com/smEQdJ0z6w

— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) 13 March 2018

[BrotherMan]

hissssss

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

Originally Posted by specious_reasons

So he's going from one deeply misogynist worldview to another...

Pants were invented for men, not women. It's impossible for a woman to wear pants (jeans, yoga pants, dress pants, leggings, dungarees, etc) without sexualizing her body, since they highlight her legs, curves, and rear end. Women who want to be modest should not own pants at all.

— Roosh (@rooshv) August 1, 2019

[Ari]

Sad that not everything is about them always, some men are trying to start a ‘straight pride’ parade. What do you think the chances are that one of these men has an estranged gay son... obviously 100%!

https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-...t-his-n1039421

[lisarea]

That's a woman. Doesn't make it any better, though.

[Ari]

Oops, my bad. I was reading multiple articles about this group and somehow assumed he was the son of the main male leader.

My california city prejudice says of course they’re from Modesto. The whole central valley is farming and agriculture and on the poorer side of california. The main hub is Stockton but because of that Stockton has a large number of immigrants and Brown people, many by this point are multigenerational. So many xenophobic republicans have situated themselves on the outskirts where they can buy larger properties, keeping a well armed militia distance from any dangerous brown people. Modesto is one of those outskirts that being in the central corridor has increased in population and become more interesting to immigrants, fueling the ‘economic anxieties’ of all the poor white people.

If you go towards the mountains from Stockton, you hit the outskirts of where I grew up and went to high school. A place where the high school mascot doesn’t exist because everyone had such a fit over the governor telling them they can’t be called the RedSkins anymore that they literally said, “Well fine, I guess we just won’t have a mascot then!” Years later they are still in a huff, calling themselves the “Red and Gold”. (Our mascot logo was generic red faced native american warrior chief #43 and I’ve seen the same exact logo elsewhere like it was picked from a book.)

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

lol, Roosh deleted his tweet.

[Ari]

See I had originally thought the guy was the son of this dipshit.
“We’re a totally peaceful racist group.” Straight pride leader said at council meeting.
https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/wer...uncil-meeting/

On one hand I’ll be fair to him, he clearly meant they were a group for all races, on the other, his groups is outright white supremacist and when he says he’s ‘not racist’ what he really means is that just because he believes brown and black people are subhuman doesn’t mean he wants to hurt them if they too want to walk along side their clearly superior and God chosen people he won’t even require leashes or something like that.

[The Lone Ranger]

I posted this in "Miscellany," but it occurs to me that it might be somewhat appropriate for this tread, too:


As a teacher, you're sometimes required to be a confidante, sometimes a counselor, and sometimes a shoulder to cry on. I've been reminded of that recently.

I've also been reminded that life can be really unfair.


Let's consider two of my students, both of them Biology majors. The first is a young lady whom we'll call Elizabeth. When she took my Introductory Biology course, she struck me as outgoing and cheerful, with a bit of an issue regarding personal space. That is, she would often stand closer to me than I felt comfortable with if she approached with a question, or when I was doing a lab demo. Sometimes, she'd stand so close to me that she'd press up against me.

(I don't think she means anything by it; she simply has a far looser definition of what "personal space" means than does an introvert like me.)

Yet, for all her seemingly outgoing and cheerful nature, there was always something about Elizabeth's demeanor which made me wonder if it wasn't just a bit of an act.

I began to suspect that even more when she took her second class with me. After class, she would often drop by my office to chat. I got the distinct impression that she was lonely, and that she appreciated having someone who would listen to her concerns and not be judgmental.


Then, one day, I was walking home after my last class and noticed several students clustered near the entrance to the cafeteria. From the way they were clustered, and from the low murmuring, it was clear that something was going on. I asked what was happening, and the response I got was, "Some girl is freaking out, and won't let anybody near her."

I immediately suspected it was Elizabeth.

I went in, and sure enough, Elizabeth was in a corner, sobbing. So, I sat down with her, and for the next hour or so, she literally cried on my shoulder. It seems that she'd gotten into an altercation with someone, and all the stress that had been accumulating for quite awhile caused her to have a breakdown.

After she'd calmed somewhat, and after a counselor arrived, we called her mother. As soon as she answered the phone, she asked who I was. I told her, and she immediately said, "Oh, I've heard all about you!" Fortunately, her tone of voice suggested that this wasn't a bad thing at all. Anyway, Elizabeth's mother talked to her, and helped calm her further. She also informed us that Elizabeth is subject to panic attacks, and has medication to help her deal with them. So, a student was dispatched to Elizabeth's dorm room to get the medication, and the crisis was dealt with.

Long story short, I've never brought up the incident with Elizabeth, for fear of perhaps embarrassing her, but when she sees me on campus, she usually comes up to say hello, with a big (and seemingly genuine) smile, and gives me a quick hug.


Since then, she has visited my office to talk on several occasions, but seems much more genuinely happy. If it's because she knows that she can talk out her personal issues without being judged, then I'm happy to be able to be of some service. She has also acquired a boyfriend recently (and he seems like a very decent and caring fellow), which seems to have done wonders for her self-esteem.



The second student is Jennifer. When she took my Introductory Biology course, my first thought upon meeting her was, "That is a strikingly beautiful young woman; she could easily be a professional model." She's tall and athletically built, with flawless skin and long, flowing red hair.

[She later told me, by the way, that she has done some modeling. Apparently, because of her striking looks, she has been approached to do some modeling work. She said that she used to enjoy it, but has pretty-much stopped, because clients started asking her to do nudity.]


Anyway, my impression from her in my Introductory Biology class was that she was quite reserved. She sat in the back, almost never spoke unless directly asked a question, and seemed rather shy when forced to speak. Nonetheless, from observing her interactions with her classmates, I gathered the impression that she was nonetheless a very kind and caring person.

The next class she took with me was last semester, my Zoology class. Again, we had very few interactions, but something interesting happened near the end of the semester. She was evidently having trouble deciding on what classes to take in the future, so stopped by my office to ask for help and for advice.

That went well, I suppose, and over the next several days, she stopped by my office on several occasions to ask for advice. Then, she started stopping by occasionally to tell me about what was going on in her life. As with Elizabeth, it quickly became apparent to me that what she really needed was someone who would listen to her, offer advice where appropriate, and refrain from making judgment.

Then a most curious thing happened.

I like to bring live animals to my Zoology labs, of course, and so when we're doing the lab on Fishes, for example, I'll go down to the creek and catch some minnows to show to the students. I'll bring in frogs and salamanders for the Amphibians lab, and so forth. [That's not the "most curious thing", of course.]

The curious thing is that quiet, reserved Jennifer asked me if she could help me catch critters for the lab. Naturally, I love to encourage students to appreciate the natural world, so I told her that I'd be happy to have her help.

So, for the next few weeks, whenever I went out to catch critters for the lab, this tall, strikingly-beautiful young woman -- whom you'd think to look at her would be terrified of ever getting the least bit dirty -- would accompany me. She hauled nets, held snakes in her bare hands, waded into the creek to catch salamanders. And loved it. She told me she was so grateful for the opportunity, that she'd never gotten to do anything like that before, and that she couldn't believe how much fun she was having. Furthermore, she made me promise that I'd take her out critter-hunting again when I'm collecting critters for this year's classes.

[And she occasionally sends me pictures of interesting critters she encounters now. Yesterday, she e-mailed me a picture of a Northern Water Snake (Nerodia sipedon) that she found near her dorm.]

On those critter-hunting expeditions, she also spent a lot of time talking, telling me about her life. For someone who has seemingly won the genetic lottery, she has a lot of ... concerns.


She came by my office yesterday, to talk. We talked for about an hour. (Mostly, she talked, and I listened.)

Her looks, she thinks, are more of a curse than anything else. She said that she has stopped dating, because she got tired of guys constantly asking her out, but making it clear that they cared only about her looks. What's more, a lot of guys seem to think that they have the right to touch her, which she finds really creepy and uncomfortable. Apparently, guys are always trying to touch her, and she doesn't like it at all. They try to put their arms around her shoulder, or try to touch her hair, which is bad enough -- but sometimes they go so far as to put their hands on her thighs, which is really creepy and is very unwanted attention, as far as she's concerned.

And though she's an athlete (a basketball player), she doesn't like to go to the gym, because if there are any men there, every time she turns around, she catches someone ogling her. Including, creepily, the College President. She told me that she hates going to the gym to find him there, because he stares at her the whole time. [Ick.]

She told me that part of what makes it so stressful is that even her own mother is constantly telling her how beautiful she is -- but seldom seems to praise her intelligence or goodness.


The thing is, Jennifer is an excellent student. She did very well in both of the classes that she took with me. When the subject of Jennifer has come up in discussions with other faculty members (yes, of course we talk about students), the unanimous opinion is that she's one of the best students we've ever had the pleasure of dealing with.

So, I spent a lot of time yesterday telling her that what she looks like is not what defines her as a person. She's an intelligent, kind, and empathetic person, and that is what makes her a very worthwhile person.

But she doesn't really seem to believe it. She told me that she came to talk with me because -- less than a week into the new semester -- she's already feeling very stressed.

[She tells me that she wants to be a physician, and I've repeatedly told her that I think she'll be an excellent physician. In addition to being very intelligent, she's kind and empathetic by nature ("maybe too empathetic," she commented), and these qualities will serve her well in her chosen profession.]


She told me that she really wishes she was a guy. She's tired of being judged by her looks; she's tired of being treated like an object by guys who think they have the right to brazenly stare at her and/or put their hands on her without her permission, and are clearly hoping to get into her pants.

And she really wishes she could go for a walk in an isolated area on her own. She wishes she could go camping or hiking by herself without having to worry that she might be assaulted.


... I really wish I could have thought of something to tell her other than "You're right; none of that is at all fair, and I really wish I could change it.".


As is the case with Elizabeth, I'm really glad that I can be there for Jennifer, and that I can offer a metaphorical shoulder to cry upon, that I can offer a sympathetic ear and perhaps the occasional bit of useful advice. But I also find myself desperately wishing there was something more useful that I could do.

Anyway, Jennifer gave me a quick hug when she left. Given that she has flat-out told me that she generally doesn't particularly like to be touched, and that she knows I'm an introvert myself and not at all a "touchy-feely" sort, I figure that was a sign of her gratitude that I was willing to offer a sympathetic ear. She seemed to be much happier when she left than she had been when she arrived, so hopefully, I was able to do a bit of good.

***

In vaguely related news, I have only 3 students enrolled in my Field Biology course. That's actually just-about a perfect size. (I had 8 students the last time I taught it. From rumors that got back to me, apparently, the story was that I was some sort of ruthless slave-driver, hauling them up and down mountains in search of interesting plants and animals, and driving them to the point of collapse from exhaustion.)

I know all 3 of them, and they're good students, and quite enthusiastic, judging from the first class meeting. I think it'll be a fun class. (Jennifer wants to take the course, and tells me that she plans to sign up for it next year.)

As it happens, all 3 of them are female. That might actually be a good thing; the last time I taught the course, some of the students were male and some were female. I noticed that some of the guys seemed to be more interested in trying to impress the girls than in paying strict attention to what they were supposed to be doing. [Amusingly, on one field trip, as we were hiking up a mountainside, one of the guys in the class asked if we could take a break, "Because the girls are getting really tired." I looked back and noticed that some of the guys (notably the guy who had asked for a break) were sweating and breathing heavily, but none of the girls seemed particularly stressed. I didn't comment on who it was that I thought was really in need of a break, but I told them to take 10 while I did some scouting to look for interesting critters (one of the young ladies insisted on helping).]

[Crumb]

I'm not falling for your lame attempt at thanksgrabbing. It isn't even Thanksgrabbing day!

[Ari]

Completely unrelated to that in any way, did you know the science author Lawrence Krauss was a good friend of Epstein? Having taken money from him, partied with him and defended him. Krauss is also retired from his teaching position after multiple allegations of groping.

[specious_reasons]

Originally Posted by Ari

Completely unrelated to that in any way, did you know the science author Lawrence Krauss was a good friend of Epstein? Having taken money from him, partied with him and defended him. Krauss is also retired from his teaching position after multiple allegations of groping.

Krauss' defense of Epstein is particularly gross.

Rebecca Watson just had a twitter thread on this:

Let me tell you about the one who not only quietly took his money but vociferously supported him AFTER Epstein's conviction: Lawrence Krauss

Rebecca Watson on Twitter: "I see more people (like @xeni) starting to call out Jeffrey Epstein's connections to scientists who helped him clean his pedo image. Let me tell you about the one who not only quietly took his money but vociferously supported him AFTER Epstein's conviction: Lawrence Krauss
1/12… https://t.co/xkuyMgsaHh"

[specious_reasons]

This is interesting, the person in question is also a lawyer in the firm:

Sarah the Great !!! on Twitter: "I just received a text from my boss about how he "hopes Sarah has her tits out" and one day I'm just gonna have to fuck her" that he meant to send to another co-worker.

Being a woman is so much fun..."

The thread is worth it, this was the 2nd tweet:

Sarah the Great !!! on Twitter: "Update: He has realized he sent it to the wrong person and has tried to call four times.
The law firm I work for is his law firm.
How wife is also a partner.
Today at work is going to be fun."

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

Holy shit that's amazing thrad.

[JoeP]

Does anyone have it archived?

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

The second tweet basically says it. It went on to the boss panic phoning, her lawyering up, some dry comments, finding a new job that fast, and a pile of misogynistic abuse in the replies. I don't blame her for taking it down whatever the reason.

[specious_reasons]

Originally Posted by Kamilah Hauptmann

The second tweet basically says it. It went on to the boss panic phoning, her lawyering up, some dry comments, finding a new job that fast, and a pile of misogynistic abuse in the replies. I don't blame her for taking it down whatever the reason.

Thread by @SarahNevada1: "I just received a text from my boss about how he "hopes Sarah has her tits out" and one day I'm just gonna have to fuck her" that he meant t […]"

I'm pretty sure she took her Twitter down because "not all men!" started reading through her old tweets and finding every possible tweet that "proved" she was helping to perpetuate the hostile climate.

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

Naturally, Fark had a field day.

FARK.com: (10536747) Congratulations on your new law firm, Sarah

Some mention of being an exotic car import lawyer in Vegas. Also a party girl. Someone into exotic cars and parties in Vegas? ImPoSsIbLe.

[Kamilah Hauptmann]

And gone from thread reader now too. Fark has some screenshots but you'll have to dig.

[The Lone Ranger]

I hope I'm not presuming, but I'm guessing some people remember this post I made a couple of weeks ago?

Today I learned something about Jennifer, and I find myself having to do something to process it. Because, honestly, right now I really want to ... hurt ... someone.


From what Jennifer has told me, she seems to have only two real friends here on campus*. One is a guy, the other is a fellow basketball player, Katie. (It was several of their fellow Women's Basketball players who sent out the nasty, hurtful tweet that so upset Jennifer a couple of weeks ago.)

Jennifer has mentioned to me before that she doesn't date. She has said that part of it is because she's tired of guys always judging her by her looks, and that she's tired of guys asking her out because they're clearly just hoping to get into her pants.

Well, she told me that her male friend asked her out once, and she told him "no." Then, a curious thing happened. She sat up very straight in her chair and declared, "And I have the right to say 'no.'"

I thought to myself, "This girl has had to say that before."

I told her that she's absolutely right -- that no one has the right to demand that a person go out with them, and you absolutely always have the right to say "no."

She didn't elaborate on what had prompted her to say that, and I certainly don't think it was my place to press.


Well, today one of my colleagues told me, "You aren't from around here, so you wouldn't know -- but it's widely rumored that Jennifer was molested by her high school basketball coach."

That, sadly, would explain an awful lot. It would explain why she seems to find it so hard to trust anyone. (Especially males, I get the impression.) Why she seems withdrawn. Why she seems so desperately lonely, and yet incapable of believing that she's a good and likable person who deserves to have friends. Why she seems so desperate to please others. Why she doesn't seem to believe that she deserves to be happy.



She does seem happier recently, though. Her freshman year, she was so quiet and withdrawn, I barely heard her utter a single word all year. Now, we've settled into a sort of routine. She sent me an e-mail at the beginning of the semester, asking when my office hours are. And so, every Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, she strolls into my office [I keep the door open when I'm in] without preamble, drops her bookbag onto the floor, drops into a seat, and starts telling me about her day.

Her friend Katie stopped by yesterday and told me that Jennifer seems so much happier recently, and suggested that it's very helpful for her to have someone she feels that she can trust, and talk to.

Katie also said that though she's happy that Jennifer seems to be feeling better, she's still worried about her. Because, clearly, there's something that's bothering Jennifer. Part of it, I think, is fairly obvious. Jennifer is strikingly beautiful, but also quiet and shy, and unwilling to stand up for herself. Some of the antipathy that the other basketball players seem to feel for Jennifer is probably because Jennifer is such a talented player; some of it is probably because Jennifer is such a strikingly-beautiful young woman (Katie has suggested that a number of the other players on the team are quite jealous) -- and some of it is probably because Jennifer is an easy target, who won't fight back.


Heck, Jennifer told me that her first reaction, upon reading those nasty tweets, was to go and apologize to the girls who sent them. She told me that she was on her way to do just that when her parents happened to call, and subsequently talked her out of apologizing to the girls who'd posted nasty and completely unjustified tweets about her.

But then, that seems to be Jennifer in a nutshell. She seems to genuinely believe that any time something bad happens to her, she deserves it somehow.

Which is all too common in people who have been abused or assaulted -- they blame themselves. Assuming he did it, that's probably precisely why her coach targeted her -- because he knew she would be easy to manipulate.


Anyway, Katie came by yesterday and told me how completely unfair it is that some of the other basketball players are so mean to Jennifer. Because, as Katie said, Jennifer is quite simply the nicest person she knows -- and is so completely undeserving of such treatment.

I have to agree.

But Katie did say that she thinks Jennifer has really improved a great deal recently. And I think she's right. The first couple of times Jennifer came by my office, she was obviously hesitant, but she asked if we could talk. She clearly needed someone to talk to, so I told her that of course she could talk. And now, as I mentioned, it has become pretty-much a daily thing.

It has become an interesting sort of routine. At first, when she had to leave, she'd just leave. But last Friday, when she was getting ready to leave, she stood up, and so did I, to tell her "good-bye." She got the absolutely most beautiful smile on her face, opened up her arms, and gave me a great big hug.

And now, every time she gets up to leave, she smiles and gives me a big hug.

And I've taken to making her say a mantra before I let her go. I make her say, "I am a good person, and I deserve to be happy." She rolls her eyes, but she says it. Maybe -- hopefully -- she'll actually believe it someday.

If I can make her day a bit better, a bit happier, then I'm very glad of it.


In the meantime, I've told both Jennifer and Katie that if they ever need to talk -- for any reason -- then they shouldn't hesitate in the slightest to come see me or send me an e-mail. Both have mentioned at times that they have loud, obnoxious roommates, and so I told them that if they ever need a quiet place to study, or simply someplace quiet to get away from things for awhile -- they're free to use my office. I told them both that all they have to do is let me know, and I'd leave the office open for them. [Jennifer came by last Wednesday, just as I was about to head out to my 3:00 p.m. class. She said that she was feeling very stressed, what with the roommate situation, and hadn't slept the previous night. So, I told her to stay in the office and take a nap, or work on homework, or just relax for awhile -- and that if she left before I got back, to make sure the door was locked. She had left by the time I got back from class, but I like to think that I gave a bit of a respite.]


But anyway, all I've been able to think about for the past few hours is this guy, this coach who [allegedly] molested an innocent girl. I mean, it's inexcusable that he'd do that to anyone, but that he'd do it to someone as sweet and innocent as Jennifer just makes it all the worse. [But then, that's probably precisely why she was such a good target, from his perspective.]

And I find myself feeling so ... angry. I want to find this guy, and I want to demand of him, "How dare you do this to an innocent child!?". Or I want to go somewhere and cry, knowing how horrible it is that someone could do that to an innocent girl -- and how much worse it is that some people are apparently acting like she is at fault, because she "allowed" it to happen.


It just triggers every last one of my "Big Brother" instincts. And I find myself wanting to hurt someone. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I've been sitting here and crying over the sheer cruelty and injustice of it all.

And I wish there was something I could do for Jennifer, to convince her that she's a good and decent person who doesn't deserve any of this. But at the very least, I'll do my best to let her know that she can always come to me if she needs someone to listen, to provide advice if asked, and to provide sympathy.


But as for now, I think I have to go for a walk, and then perhaps to the gym to lift some heavy objects for awhile, in hopes of burning off some excess energy. And maybe I can stop thinking about how much I want to hurt this person.


*I discussed the issue with a colleague of mine today, hoping to gain some perspective or insight. I mentioned to her that Jennifer really seems to have only two friends on campus. My colleague replied, "Nonsense, she has one other friend, a very good friend." Thinking she must know something about Jennifer that I don't, I asked who that other friend was. She replied, "You, of course." Well, I hope I can live up to it.