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  #51  
Old 06-21-2017, 03:13 AM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

I am bumping this thread to remind everyone that lisarea eats a single deviled egg and that Watser agreed with her. NEVER FORGET.

There. Civic duty done, I can report that I have been making fake mayo lately out of silken tofu and I unrepentantly love it. It's easy as hell, ridiculously low in calories and carbs, and since tofu is basically flavorless, it tastes like whatever you want it to taste like. I go for an aioli sort of vibe with fresh garlic, lemon juice, smoked paprika, Dijon mustard and salt. The texture comes out perfectly mayonnaise-like, although I whisk in a sprinkling of plant gum to act as an emulsifier and prevent water liquid pooling on top after a few days in the fridge. It's not necessary (a quick rewhisking solves the separation problem just fine), but I like it thoroughly emulsified and slightly thicker.

It works just like mayo in the usual things -- egg/chicken/tuna salad, roast turkey sammiches -- but the best thing about it is that it can act as a creamy element in practically any scenario. I've used it to make salad dressings, dips, stuffing for peppers, even added it to turkey burgers and meatballs as a binder. I mixed it with sambal oelek and tossed it with thinly sliced sushi-grade yellowfin tuna to make a spicy tuna sushi filling and it was so good I could have eaten it with a spoon just by itself.
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  #52  
Old 06-21-2017, 03:24 AM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

Explain more!!

I've discovered I have an intolerance to one of the proteins in uncooked egg whites and thus most real mayonnaise hates me, but I like the vegan kind, which is often hard to find and expensive.
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  #53  
Old 06-21-2017, 03:46 AM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

Quote:
ridiculously low in calories and carbs
:sadno:

It's like you don't get mayonaise at all...
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  #54  
Old 06-21-2017, 05:37 AM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

Quote:
Originally Posted by livius drusus View Post
I am bumping this thread to remind everyone that lisarea eats a single deviled egg and that Watser agreed with her. NEVER FORGET.
I am sorry for the hurt I have caused you, livius drusus.

To demonstrate my sincere acceptance of your egg-based lifestyle, I'd like to share something that made me think of you:


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  #55  
Old 06-21-2017, 05:50 AM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

I do, Watser?, believe me, but I've had to make drastic dietary changes in support of my sainted mother and even though I know it's objectively horrifying in a lot of ways, I've found it a fascinating challenge. Besides, I was never a big mayo fan, so this particular deviation has been good times compared to, say, avoiding pasta.

Ari, here's how it goes. Get a pound of silken tofu. I am partial to Nasoya organic brand because it has the best nutritional stats for my needs and because I find it has the perfect jiggle for mayoishness. Dump the whole package in a fine strainer or cheesecloth and let it sit over the sink for an hour to let the loosest liquid drip out.

In a food processor (I suppose a powerful blender like a Vitamix would work too), pulse a clove of garlic a couple of times until it's chopped. Add the drained tofu, 1 tblsp of lemon juice, 1 tblsp of Dijon mustard, 1/2 tsp smoked paprika, 1 tsp salt. Turn that bad boy on and let it ride until it's blended and smooth. Taste and adjust for seasoning and texture. If there's any graininess remaining in the texture, add a teaspoon of olive oil and process until it's gone.

Feel free to play with spices and herbs to your liking. I love the smoke element a lot so I use a full tsp of the paprika. If you don't have the smoked kind you can use sweet, but that would make me a sad panda. I recently used applewood smoked sea salt to up the smokiness and it was divine. I made a batch with turmeric a few weeks ago that was INSANE, but it has a very specific spicey flavor whereas the default can actually pass for a kind of mayo, a tangy, savory kind more along the line of Duke's than Hellman's (only tangier and savorier).

Once you have it tasting like you want, very carefully sprinkle 1/4 tsp of guar gum all around the surface of the mayo or sprinkle it down the opening while the processor is running. Do not dump it in all at once or it will clump. Process thoroughly. This step is optional, so if you can't find the guar gum or just don't want to dick with it, feel free to blow it off. If you see liquid pooled on top when you use it later, just rewhisk it or even stir a knife around right quick.

Scrape it out of the bowl and put it in a storage container in the fridge. I advise a short and squat wide-mouth container. This makes just under 2 cups, that's 30 servings of 1 tblsp. My batches have lasted anywhere from a week to 3, depending on what I felt like cooking. As I've discovered more and more uses for it, the batches get used up faster.

eta: Thank you for thinking of me, lisarea. Now I must dismantle my air conditioner to use that accordion pleated pipe part to peel a bunch of eggs.
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  #56  
Old 06-21-2017, 10:01 AM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

Quote:
Originally Posted by livius drusus View Post
it can act as a creamy element in practically any scenario.
That's what she said

:bunnythrust:

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  #57  
Old 06-21-2017, 04:06 PM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

:sadno:

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  #58  
Old 06-21-2017, 05:23 PM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

And I didn't even call it spooge once. Not once. :sadno:
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  #59  
Old 06-21-2017, 06:04 PM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

I was going to let the whole thing slide but then JoPe had to try and flex on me. I'm a victim of circumstance.
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  #60  
Old 06-29-2017, 01:49 AM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

Old Dutch blues about a mayonaise factory worker.

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  #61  
Old 06-29-2017, 03:08 AM
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Default Re: Mayonnaise

I could tell when he was saying mayonnaise.
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