You could be right, I have inferred a little bit here, but she hasn't sent me anything like this in a while, there is some serious context here, and she's not usually a random forwarder to me (unless she has a "hellbound" distribution list and I'm the only one in it). At least, she selectively forwards some to me and probably mass emails the rest to her friends. In this case, I think she went and dug it up out of her inbox.
Not that this is breaking news or anything, but your mom's a weirdo.
Well, I shouldn't laugh becuase there's some saying about nuts and trees... something about not falling too far from...
People who know our family often remark how normal I am compared to the other three (relatively normal (no pun intended)), it's just goes to show nature can be more powerful than nurture.
Ah, but she's said the magic spell so she's safe from hell... they believe once saved, always saved... at least when talking about themselves. As for me, better by fire retardant underwear.
I'm guessing she's thinking Jesus is hiring? Pay sucks though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plant Woman
And you probably have to die first.
Ah, but sisters, let me tell you about my time in Satan's darkeness. I was lost! I was searching! The Devil was working hard to tell me that I didn't need Jesus, that I could do it on my own... and every moment I was plunging further into the empty, meaningless, void.
Until the moment where I knew there was no hope in the world, all my running from God was for naught, nothing in this world would ever satisfy me... Finally, when there was no place left to turn, I struggled to my knees and meekly cried "help me, Jesus"... at first nothing happened but it got very quiet in my soul, as if the eye of the storm was passing. Then there was a flicker of light in my mind's eye... and then another... and finally a great EXPLOSION of eternal life and love flowing through my body! My body gave up becuase it could not bare the power, I laid in a comotose state for three days, and when I finally stirred, I cried for three more.
Jesus wants YOU to have this love too! He wants to bring YOU out of the darkness, wash away you sins, and bring YOU to eternal joy and happyness.
You can hear my full story and how YOU can find the same eternal joy and love (if not more!), by sending three easy payments of $29.95 to:
Kevlar's Atheist Conversion Ministries
101 Holy Spirit Way
Jesus Town, TN 37660
A lot of people think the pay sucks but what they don't understand is that Jesus doesn't pay salary, he pays on commission.
Ah, but sisters, let me tell you about my time in Satan's darkeness. I was lost! I was searching! The Devil was working hard to tell me that I didn't need Jesus, that I could do it on my own... and every moment I was plunging further into the empty, meaningless, void.
Until the moment where I knew there was no hope in the world, all my running from God was for naught, nothing in this world would ever satisfy me... Finally, when there was no place left to turn, I struggled to my knees and meekly cried "help me, Jesus"... at first nothing happened but it got very quiet in my soul, as if the eye of the storm was passing. Then there was a flicker of light in my mind's eye... and then another... and finally a great EXPLOSION of eternal life and love flowing through my body! My body gave up becuase it could not bare the power, I laid in a comotose state for three days, and when I finally stirred, I cried for three more.
Jesus wants YOU to have this love too! He wants to bring YOU out of the darkness, wash away you sins, and bring YOU to eternal joy and happyness.
You can hear my full story and how YOU can find the same eternal joy and love (if not more!), by sending three easy payments of $29.95 to:
Kevlar's Atheist Conversion Ministries
101 Holy Spirit Way
Jesus Town, TN 37660
That's good - have you read Elmer Gantry? It sounds like something he'd say.
(I'd recommend the book over the movie, even though Shirley Jones is smokin' hot.)
There's a movie about this subject that I really love, called Marjo. It came out in the 70s and I think it either won or was nominated for an Oscar. It's especially pertinent to me since my family was involved in the same evanlgelical tent revival movement.
Not that this is breaking news or anything, but your mom's a weirdo.
I have a good friend who is religious. His wife is religious. Despite that she refused to allow her children near her own mother because, apparently, her mother thought god left her bowls of ice cream.
Yes.
Apparently she would make a bowl of ice cream, somehow forget about it, and assume Big Daddy created it for her. I mean, as her daughter agreed with my analysis, "fuck those brats with cancer, Mamma needs ice cream!"
I suppose I should make a Chuck's Mom joke at this juncture but . . . what is the point?
My aunt tells about God telling her to go to JC Penny to get her anniversary party dress. She had been all over and couldn't find one so prayed and got an answer.
Once, Jehovah stole a car battery for some lady my mom knows.
She needed a new car battery, but didn't have the money, so she prayed and some guy in an auto repair shop sold her one for like $20 and pocketed the cash.
My sister said that God helped her find a parking space on a day when she felt really bad. Isn't God good?
It was all I could do not to launch on a tirade about that one. This is the sister who has had the roughest time of us siblings including the death of her eldest son in a fiery head on car crash. The only thing that kept me from going medieval on her was the fact the whatever I said would only cause her more pain. As much as I disagree with her beliefs, I can't do that to her.
fuck, some of you are so bigoted. just because people believe in what you consider to be nonsense, doesn't mean you have to hate them. my wife watches shows produced by mtv and i still love her for what she does.
it's what you do, dude. most of us were raised as christians of varying degrees during the most formative years of our lives, inside a system that had christian ethics and ideals. you will never escape your own christianity. we are made into the people we are when we are very young and everything else becomes furniture and window dressings after the house is built, to better describe who we are. some people are just too lazy to think about decorating much. i live in a house a crazy person would own, but the world has become ikea-ized and mc churched. it's easier to just buy into a set of beliefs already packaged for you than creating your own with what exists or completely out of thin air.
you might want to ask yourself why you consider it a conversion? a conversion from what? from atheism? agnosticism? i'd have to agree with you then because those certainly have become religious in nature and people group under their definitions- especially atheism. you are indeed talking about a conversion. it's just more ism'ing going on. thing is that most people mentally remove themselves from the problem and don't ever see how they behave exactly the same way and in fact feed the problem. like putting danger stickers on bibles- if any believer ever wanted proof the power of the bible... if people could only undestand that religion describes a process, not a thing, and how it is just a part of our animal...well...
it's funny watching people shouting about being drowned out.
people are stoopid.
have i told you guys that i think i might be the archangel michael?
(if you can't beat it...make it your own)
((i went to the smilies to see if you had an archangel michael. angels came up for 'archangel'. this came up for 'michael' ...watch for me in the clouds, december 21st, 2012, at 11:11 GMT. i'm gonna be awesome!))
Re: Do you ever want to convert?
sort of letter to me.
...watch for me in the clouds, december 21st, 2012, at 11:11 GMT. i'm gonna be awesome!
))
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