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Old 07-17-2013, 09:09 AM
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Laugh Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

Every last bit of this story about a power struggle at right wing political consulting firm Strategy Group for Media is sheer bliss.

Here's the background. SGM is an ultra-conservative super-Christian firm that does campaign strategy consulting for the worst of the worst in politics, eg, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrinch, Todd Akin, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, that guy who was on MTV's Real World and a passel of other Tea Party morans. Its founder and CEO Rex Elsass is a born again Christian who runs the company with an explicitly religious emphasis -- weekly Bible study meetings for managers complete with two-hour sermons, constant group prayer, lots of talk about humility and Christ-centered blah blah -- and who dispenses lavish gifts like Bentleys and house down payments on his subordinates in lieu of standard bonuses. He's also reputed to have some rather more unsavory habits, like drinking to excess and urinating in front of people to establish his dominance.

Anyhoozle, in Spring of this year 8 SGM managers, including the president of the company and Elsass' former favorite Nick Everhart, decided Elsass was in need of a spiritual intervention. Oh sure, they also wanted more say in the operations of the firm, for him to stop spending company money as he pleased, to let them in on strategy decisions and hiring/firing, but the main thrust of this plan was to bring Elsass back to God. The intervention took place on April 1st, awesomely enough, and it was five hours long. Much Bible-reading, weeping and gnashing of teeth was involved. At the end they all came together and laid hands on Elsass, hugged and called it a success.

In less than a week, Everhart and two others were fired. Now it's all over but the lawsuits, and thanks to our fine system of justice, a bunch of truly wonderful emails between the interventionists before the intervention, have been made public. Not to be missed is the draft of demands, personal and professional, the managers wanted Elsass to sign off on, Elsass' request for daily memos from the managers, and of course, the Bachmann Vibrator Overdrive story.

Quote:
In February, for example, Elsass wrote to several employees reiterating his request for a daily update memo from his managers, insisting that the process would not be used as "a tool of judgment" but rather as a way to "focus, coordinate, and know what was in your mind and heart." He added, "Papa wants to know that his boys and girl will share their heart and mind with him for a literal moment each day from EVERYONE of you."

But a month later, Elsass had apparently grown suspicious that some of his employees were talking about him behind his back, and sent an email putting his request for daily updates in stronger terms: "This is what is essential for meÖ.and to disregard this simple request is disrespect which I will not tolerate!" He added, "If you think I am not worth this five minutes daily just come nock [sic] on my door and let me know and we will deal with it. If you have a problem donít talk to one another, your staffs, or anyone else."

And an email thread from May 29 ó after the three managers were fired ó featured Strategy Groupís former voter-contact consultant P.J. Wenzel making reference to Elsass sending "female pleasure machines" to Bachmann. The emails donít elaborate on the incident, but one person familiar with the story told BuzzFeed that Elsass had intended to give Bachmann a vibrating head massager to help alleviate her migraines, and that the employee he sent to buy the gift accidentally purchased something that more closely resembled a sex toy ó and sent it to her office.
The company spokesman denied that it was a vibrator, insisting that it was purchased at Brookstone, which is my favorite defense ever seeing as Brookstone is replete with vibrators. The sad part of the story is that the vibe was apparently intercepted and retrieved before Bachmann could open it. :sadcheer:
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  #2  
Old 07-17-2013, 09:54 AM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

Quote:
Bachmann Vibrator Overdrive
:bow4: :lol: :bow4:


Quote:
Elsass wrote to several employees reiterating his request for a daily update memo from his managers, insisting that the process would not be used as "a tool of judgment" but rather as a way to "focus, coordinate, and know what was in your mind and heart." He added, "Papa wants to know that his boys and girl will share their heart and mind with him for a literal moment each day from EVERYONE of you."
:shudder:

That is how cults get started.
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Old 07-17-2013, 09:59 AM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

Oh yeah. Also of note is the singular "girl." I guess there was just one ladymanager at Strategy Group for Media.
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Old 07-17-2013, 10:06 AM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

I kinda think a vibrating head massager would only make a headache worse.
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Old 07-17-2013, 10:23 AM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

Truth. Even when Brookstone pretended their vibrators weren't vibrators they at least called them neck massagers.
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Old 07-17-2013, 12:24 PM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

:heart:
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Old 07-17-2013, 12:30 PM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

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Originally Posted by livius drusus View Post
Quote:
In February, for example, Elsass wrote to several employees reiterating his request for a daily update memo from his managers, insisting that the process would not be used as "a tool of judgment" but rather as a way to "focus, coordinate, and know what was in your mind and heart." He added, "Papa wants to know that his boys and girl will share their heart and mind with him for a literal moment each day from EVERYONE of you."
This asshole wants his own totalitarian little regime. For all the talk of fascism/communism/nazism etc. lolbertarians are perfectly willing to let these guys slide. Another reason they are a joke.
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Old 07-17-2013, 02:52 PM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

Libertarianism is, and always has been, about protecting private power regimes from interference from (at least ostensibly) democratically accountable ones.
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Old 07-17-2013, 08:14 PM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

And vibrators.
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Old 07-17-2013, 09:12 PM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

This seems as good a place as any to note that Marcus Bachmann is the gayest totally not-gay, 100% heterosexual advocate of "praying away the gay" since legendary man-peen/methamphetamine aficionado Ted Haggard.
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Old 07-17-2013, 09:21 PM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

Yeah, I doubt the vibrator would have ever reached Michelle.
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Old 07-17-2013, 09:41 PM
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Default Re: Conservative Christian Political Consultants Sent Michele Bachmann a Vibrator

How do you know how long it was? :confused:
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