Passive aggression - Page 2

ChuckF · #26 07-22-2007, 11:46 PM

No, I pointed out his bullshit here too.

Shelli · #27 07-22-2007, 11:50 PM

Quote:

This is the "condensed" version. For the expanded version please see Dr. Wetzler's book, pages 35-37......
*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.

*FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance.

*FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.

*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.

*FOSTERING CHAOS - The p/a man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone.

*FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.

*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.

*PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.

*CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.

*AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages and sitting on fences. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.

*SULKING - Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the p/a man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws.

A passive-aggressive man won't have every single one of these traits, but he'll have many of them. He may have other traits as well, which are not passive-aggressive.

viscousmemories · #28 07-22-2007, 11:53 PM

Damn, I was fooled by a hyphen. I see you weren't the only one, either. I guess it's true!

ZEZOZE · #29 07-23-2007, 12:10 AM

well i thought i remembered it more than once. perhaps under my other name? maybe i'm just personalizing after having seen it done before? just basing it on my own recollection. maybe in chat? pm's? who knows, but my reply was made as an honest one.

viscousmemories · #30 07-23-2007, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InTheServiceOfZeke

maybe i'm just personalizing after having seen it done before?

That's the one I suspected, but it seems you were right after all. Several people did accuse you of passive-aggressive behavior and I just didn't remember it.

ZEZOZE · #31 07-23-2007, 12:36 AM

you bastard!

Shelli · #32 07-23-2007, 12:56 AM

viscousmemories · #33 07-23-2007, 01:30 AM

Well Zeke for whatever it's worth I don't remember thinking you were particularly passive-aggressive, I always found you to be more aggressive-aggressive.

In any case I doubt that people just arbitrarily use the term to ostracize people who don't fit in. I know I don't.

ZEZOZE · #34 07-23-2007, 01:47 AM

lol

and i never thought you did...

ZEZOZE · #35 07-23-2007, 04:50 AM

after thinking about this for a while...

ok- i'm passive-aggressive.

that kinda works for my own philosophy of shooting for the middle. perhaps some see my condition as foreign and flawed because i'm just so damn well-balanced...

michael

mountain_hare · #36 07-23-2007, 11:44 AM

'Passive aggressive' is a term pseudo-intellectual losers on this forum use when they want to label and denigrate you. Think of it as a soft equivalent of 'facist' or 'nutty'.

S.Vashti · #37 07-23-2007, 12:44 PM

Er, can't we think of it as a passive-aggressive equivalent of "facist" or "nutty" instead? I would.

viscousmemories · #38 07-23-2007, 01:01 PM

I've already explained what I mean when I use the term, but don't let facts get in the way of y'alls righteous martyrdom!

mickthinks · #39 07-23-2007, 01:15 PM

Thanks viscousmemories!

I don't consider disagreement or argumentation hostility per se, it's all in the delivery.

The delivery is innocuous and even charitable, according to your explanation.

Mick

viscousmemories · #40 07-23-2007, 01:22 PM

No, Mick. The delivery is seemingly innocuous or even charitable. In other words it is not innocuous or charitable, it's just lipstick on a pig. Are you really this stupid, or is your life just so empty that you need to troll me for a week because I crushed your delicate little ego by saying "don't be silly"? Get a life.

slimshady2357 · #41 07-23-2007, 01:25 PM

Fascinating.

I lurk here at FF a lot. I used to believe that I read 'most' the posts here even. But I guess I tend to ignore how I skip over certain threads after an initial look. Some of these then become very large, meandering their way on and off topic as threads tend to do. But by skipping those threads, I'm not reading huge volumes of posts. My point is, I'm missing a bunch of stuff!

I've never even noticed 'mickthinks' before! So this thread caused me to look up their posts. That lead me to the 'Ronnie' thread, never even saw it before! And then on to the 'Bush Inner Asshole' thread, saw that one and skipped it over after an initial gander, blown up since then. Then I looked at mick's first post, that was in the 'FF Motto' thread where godfry went at vm, liv and the FF pretty hard. I don't remember that one either!

Basically, my lurking skillz have gone to shit. And it's fascinating what can lead you to where.

Oh, and I never thought Michael was passive-agressive, just an asshole sometimes

(but hey, so am I sometimes and I posted a pic of where he works in the 'countdown' thread as a welcome back).

Shelli · #42 07-23-2007, 01:32 PM

I think that everyone acts in a way that could be considered to be "passive-aggressive" now and then, some just more so than others.

LadyShea · #43 07-23-2007, 01:40 PM

Mickthink, in your thread on moral immorality, you skipped a clause in my post, which changed the meaning entirely, so you could claim it was in agreement with your POV. I reposted and bolded the pertinent clause to show your reading of my post was incorrect. You have not responded. Why not?

See that is passive aggressive in my opinion. It's not a matter of interpretation due to ambiguity, as I was not ambiguous in the least. It's not a case of you not being online to respond because you are. You simply skipped a bit of text, stated I had proved your point which would not be the case had the clause not been ignored, and then disappeared when your error was pointed out.

viscousmemories · #44 07-23-2007, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shelli

I think that everyone acts in a way that could be considered to be "passive-aggressive" now and then,

I agree. Hell, I'm willing to admit that my original "Don't be silly" to mickthinks was passive-aggressive. However I disagree that it was plainly "hostile", "aggressive" or an "insult", as he has insisted.

Quote:

...some just more so than others.

Amen to that.

Shelli · #45 07-23-2007, 02:49 PM

Speaking of people that are more passive aggressive than others, the Gargle Guy is back from vacation and has already been his passive aggressive self to me. Meh. :talkhand:

viscousmemories · #46 07-23-2007, 03:46 PM

I should probably modify what I said above to "I'll admit I can see how someone might perceive "don't be silly" as passive-aggressive". On reflection I don't think it was passive-aggressive. It's certainly dismissive (as I acknowledged before) but I think it was pretty direct as well. In any case I'm sure someone in my fan club could dig up an example or two of something that would qualify as passive-aggressive. Fortunately I've never claimed to be perfect, else I'd be accused of hypocrisy too!

Shelli · #47 07-23-2007, 03:48 PM

I think it was direct as well, just as you usually are.

S.Vashti · #48 07-23-2007, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by viscousmemories

I should probably modify what I said above to "I'll admit I can see how someone might perceive "don't be silly" as passive-aggressive". On reflection I don't think it was passive-aggressive. It's certainly dismissive (as I acknowledged before) but I think it was pretty direct as well. In any case I'm sure someone in my fan club could dig up an example or two of something that would qualify as passive-aggressive. Fortunately I've never claimed to be perfect, else I'd be accused of hypocrisy too!

That puts things in an interesting light, that of direct vs indirect, and how they are received by a listener. I think it may be that direct is perceived as aggressive, confrontational, and personal, and indirect is perceived as passive and objective. Now, as someone who also has had to fess up to being a passive-agressive interlocutor, I can finally recognize (but usually only after the fact) that I'm being passive-aggressive. But the personally amusing thing is that I've been tsked at for being direct and blunt, the anti-thesis of passive-aggressiveness. If this happens to others, and I've no reason to think it doesn't, then perhaps passive-aggressive communication is selected positively by people that would rather not be told they are being aggressive, blunt or direct. I.E., it's better than being dismissed for being too direct.

Shelli · #49 07-23-2007, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Porter

... But the personally amusing thing is that I've been tsked at for being direct and blunt, the anti-thesis of passive-aggressiveness. If this happens to others, and I've no reason to think it doesn't, then perhaps passive-aggressive communication is selected positively by people that would rather not be told they are being aggressive, blunt or direct. I.E., it's better than being dismissed for being too direct.

Very good point, IMO, Chris. I've had that experience myself and have actually cultivated the ability to be passive-aggressive in certain situations in which being direct and blunt would be detrimental for me, yet I still feel the need to express myself.

#50 07-23-2007, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShea

Mickthink, in your thread on moral immorality, you skipped a clause in my post, which changed the meaning entirely, so you could claim it was in agreement with your POV. I reposted and bolded the pertinent clause to show your reading of my post was incorrect. You have not responded. Why not?

See that is passive aggressive in my opinion. It's not a matter of interpretation due to ambiguity, as I was not ambiguous in the least. It's not a case of you not being online to respond because you are. You simply skipped a bit of text, stated I had proved your point which would not be the case had the clause not been ignored, and then disappeared when your error was pointed out.

I'm not so sure that qualifies as passive-aggressive so much as it does patently dishonest.