Miscellany

[LadyShea]

I recently began emailing with a girl I went to high school with, who lives in our old neighborhood...which is just crazy to me but whatever. She asked if I was coming to my 20 year reunion this summer (hers was last year). Spend my limited vacation time and money with people I didn't like 20 years ago, and don't care about now? Uh no.

[Pinecone]

I've got super powers.

I went to reach for the kitchen timer this morning to set it and it started beep beep beeping when my hand got close to it but I hadn't touched it yet. I've yet to figure out whether I can get rich or save the universe or do magnificent evil doings with this new found omnipotence, but when I do everyone better watch their damn selves around me! ZAP WHAM and STUFF!!

[lisarea]

Once when we were kids, my brother and I were sitting in the kitchen, and there was this moth flying around and bumping into the ceiling light over and over.

So my brother says, "Hey, Lisa. Look at this," and I look, and he points at the moth, and it instantly stops moving and drops out of the air onto the floor. And for like a second or two, my brother just stood there, frozen, with his finger still pointing at the ceiling.

He recovered pretty quickly and started making like that was what he meant to do, but he didn't fool me.

[ShottleBop]

Originally Posted by lisarea

WAIT. WHAT? THE? FUCK?

HELP! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY: Which is stupid: Corduroy or being freaked out by corduroy?

So I have this jacket thing, and it's corduroy. I don't wear it in public because it is pretty bright red, and I'm scared it would make people look at me, but then just now, Maturin is all like, "Oh. Corduroy, huh?" and I'm like, "WHA?"

So apparently, corduroy gives him some big emotional trauma or whatever, and now I don't know which of us is the worse spaz, and I have to know now because we are going to Costco! IN A FEW MINUTES!

Define "freaked out by", and I'll get back to you. (Sorry this is too late to help out with your trip to Costco, but, since both you and SM have posted recently, I can see that you survived the trip.)

[lisarea]

I didn't wear the corduroy to Costco; and after some counseling, a trial separation, and some open and honest discussion about how actually, it's not even really the corduroy so much as it is just that that jacket is aggressively red, we've reached a mutual agreement that Maturin sucks and I am awesome.

[ShottleBop]

My initial reaction was that an out-and-out corduroyphobia should be catered to, but that if it was merely fashion-critical, hey, wear what you want.

Last night I took my two sons (28 and 25) to see the new Indiana Jones movie. Since it was chilly and rainy, I wore a black leather hat and the black leather pirate-style coat Mrs. ShottleBop bought me for Hanukkah last year. One son wore shorts and sandals, and the other wore his usual Express for Men-mannequin. They gave me a hard time for wearing a jacket at all.

[lisarea]

I'm more of the G. Gordon Liddy school of fear management, so I think that out and out corduroyphobia should be dealt with by sitting in corduroy trees all night eating big corduroy sandwiches.

[ShottleBop]

That's if you're the one with corduroyphobia. Would you force poor SM into a corduroy-lined room, feed him off of corduroy placemats, and make him use corduroy TP?

[Qingdai]

G.Gordan Liddy, didn't he say something along the lines of, "if you're in prison and some one says hello, hit them with a broomstick to establish your street cred?" I bet he spent a lot of time in protective custody.

[lisarea]

Yeah, something like that. He also described how he selected his wife based on her appearance of fecundity.

I guess I'm just having an old lady day, because I have another story now:

I read Will when I was a teenager, and thought it was the most excellent book ever written, so when I found out that Liddy was giving a free talk at a local college, I decided to go and get him to autograph my copy. And for some reason, I was all scared that he would see through me, so I decided I should wear some kind of 'asshole costume,' which consisted of chinos and an ugly sweater.

It worked, too, because he totally signed my tatty old used paperback without shooting me or anything.

[Rationalia]

Originally Posted by lisarea

...He also described how he selected his wife based on her appearance of fecundity....

What a charmingly biblical way to say, "I picked one I thought would give me good sex and impress my friends".

[Ensign Steve]

Originally Posted by lisarea

And for some reason, I was all scared that he would see through me, so I decided I should wear some kind of 'asshole costume,' which consisted of chinos and an ugly sweater.

Oh my god, I swear I thought it was just me. I've been wearing an asshole costume to work like every day at my new job and I'm wondering which will come first. That the people will figure out that I'm not an asshole and I've been wearing a costume every day, or that I will become the asshole. My money's on the latter, because these people are fucking clueless.

[lisarea]

YouTube - How Bread Was Made In The 80's. . .

[LadyShea]

My son comes running into the living room, from the bedroom where he was watching Wow Wow Wubzy while hubby was reading. He goes "Hey Mama! I was just in there talking to Daddy." I was like "Yeah?" and he goes "So....I'm gonna go back and talk some more." I respond "Okay, baby". Then he goes "When are we going to Disneyland?" I answered "Your birthday in Janauray".

He runs into the bedroom, "Daddy, we're going for my Birthday". Like it was some discussion they had been having. They hadn't been. Must have been all in his head.

[Ensign Steve]

You're going to Disneyland?

[LadyShea]

No, we're going to Disney World, but since Frankie always says "-land" Kiddo picked it up. We're going January 1, if anyone wants to join us. Kiddo will turn 3 that trip, and will still believe in the Magic. In 2010 we plan to start going to Universal, since harry Potter will be open...and it's like way cheaper.

[viscousmemories]

Nation's Poorest 1% Now Controls Two-Thirds Of U.S. Soda Can Wealth | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[Ensign Steve]

Originally Posted by LadyShea

No, we're going to Disney World.

Edit: I mean for you, I just had my hopes up is all.

[inland wave]

Originally Posted by LadyShea

No, we're going to Disney World, but since Frankie always says "-land" Kiddo picked it up. We're going January 1, if anyone wants to join us. Kiddo will turn 3 that trip, and will still believe in the Magic. In 2010 we plan to start going to Universal, since harry Potter will be open...and it's like way cheaper.

Harry Potter, really?...that should be FUN!

[Ensign Steve]

My mom and I saw like four Mexican dudes on the corner smoking a FAT spliff this morning, and they were all like harassing us and catcalling and wolf-whistling at us and talking about our asses. I'm like, "Whatever, Cheech and Chong."

[JoeP]

Originally Posted by lisarea

sitting in corduroy trees all night eating big corduroy sandwiches

lisarea in the sky with diamonds ...

[Rationalia]

Originally Posted by viscousmemories

Nation's Poorest 1% Now Controls Two-Thirds Of U.S. Soda Can Wealth | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

This is a wake-up call! And here I was, thinking that it was the oil futures speculators who were really stealing the US economy. Just goes to show, you can never look too closely when seeking out the enemy.

[Dingfod]

I only put $30 worth of gas in my tank this morning because I believe the price of gas will go down after the holiday. There is historical precedence for my belief.

[lisarea]

Just in case anyone is thinking about telling me this AGAIN, I already know you guys are all too dumb to understand excellent jokes and stuff.

But you guys probably forgot that I don't care, so HA!

How is babby formed?

This is almost exactly how I picture you guys, by the way.

[Ensign Steve]

Likewise. Only with crazier hair.