Words To Live By

[livius drusus]

While adding some of my favorites to the Random Quotes feature, I came across something that I have cherished for some time. Does anybody else have a quote or speech that they return to over and over again for mental and emotional fortification?

From a commencement address to the graduating class of Hobart College in 1900, here's mine:

John Jay Chapman

When I was asked to make this address I wondered what I had to say to you boys who are graduating. And I think I have one thing to say. If you wish to be useful, never take a course that will silence you. Refuse to learn anything that implies collusion, whether it be a clerkship or a curacy, a legal fee or a post in a university. Retain the power of speech no matter what other power you may lose. If you can take this course, and in so far as you take it, you will bless this country. In so far as you depart from this course you become dampers, mutes and hooded executioners.

As a practical matter a mere failure to speak out upon occasions where no opinion is asked or expected of you, and when the utterance of an uncalled for suspicion is odious, will often hold you to a concurrence in palpable iniquity. Try to raise a voice that will be heard from here to Albany and watch what comes forward to shut off the sound. It is not a German sergeant, nor a Russian officer of the precinct. It is a note from a friend of your father's offering you a place in his office. This is your warning from the secret police.

Why, if any of you young gentleman have a mind to make himself heard a mile off, you must make a bonfire of your reputations and a close enemy of most men who would wish you well.

I have seen ten years of young men who rush out into the world with their messages, and when they find how deaf the world is, they think they must save their strength and wait. They believe that after a while they will be able to get up on some little eminence from which they can make themselves heard. "In a few years," reasons one of them, "I shall have gained a standing, and then I will use my powers for good."

Next year comes and with it a strange discovery. The man has lost his horizon of thought. His ambition has evaporated; he has nothing to say.

I give you this one rule of conduct. Do what you will, but speak out always. Be shunned, be hated, be ridiculed, be scared, be in doubt, but don't be gagged. The time of trial is always. Now is the appointed time.

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

Be shunned, be hated, be ridiculed, be scared, be in doubt, but don't be gagged.

Well I've got that down.

[Goliath]

Originally Posted by livius drusus

Be shunned, be hated, be ridiculed, be scared, be in doubt, but don't be gagged.

But what if you're into that kinda thing?

[seebs]

Well, I suppose it's no surprise that my favorites are from the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13, and Matthew 25:34-46. The latter, BTW, is a wonderful passage, because it's one of the most partially-quoted passages anywhere.

[Goliath]

Anyways, getting back on topic, my advisor is one of the most brilliant and wise men I know. One quote in particular that sticks out in my mind right now is: "You've got to assume the best about people; anything else makes you miserable."

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by seebs

Well, I suppose it's no surprise that my favorites are from the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13, and Matthew 25:34-46. The latter, BTW, is a wonderful passage, because it's one of the most partially-quoted passages anywhere.

I personally haven't opened a bible in about 15 years, but I Google'd both of those passages and of course recognized them immediately. I like them, in particular 'cause they're very humanitarian concepts that don't require any kind of religious belief to appreciate.

[maddog]

GREAT OP, l.d. That's a fabulous quote. Way better than anything I've got.

Originally Posted by seebs

Well, I suppose it's no surprise that my favorites are from the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13, and Matthew 25:34-46. The latter, BTW, is a wonderful passage, because it's one of the most partially-quoted passages anywhere.

This sort of reminds me of the joke about the prisoners who used a standard book of jokes; they all knew them so well, that they only had to refer to the joke by its number in the book. Everyone knew what joke it was, and would laugh. One day, a new person is admitted to the prison and told about the "joke" custom. He says, "42!" Nobody laughs. Nonplussed, he calls out again, "42!" Still no response. From a neighboring cell, the inmate grouses, "Ah, some guys just don't know how to tell a joke!"

Anyway, for myself I have a lot of regular quotes/ideas I use on myself. One I like was in a story someone told about mottoes: "I only regret my economies." One from Albert Payson Terhune's Lad, A Dog, is "Courage consists of hanging on one minute longer." Another, koan-like, is "Zen is the art of picking up your coat off the floor and hanging it up." (IOW, nothing so easy, and yet nothing so difficult.) The Buddhist acolyte goes to the monastery: "Teach me, Master." The Master: "Have you eaten your rice?" Acolyte: "Yes, Master." The Master: "Then it is time to wash your bowl." From David K. Reynolds: "Do what needs to be done." From Timothy J. Miller: "Compassion, attention, and gratitude." From Steven Covey: "The law of the harvest." IOW, you can't "cram" for a test in agriculture. You either do the work along the way as it needs to be done or your crop doesn't grow. If you take care of nothing until the last minute, you have no crop. Which brings me to one of the mottoes I use on myself all the time, b/c it's a serious problem for me: "If it wasn't for the last minute, people like me would never get anything done!"
In school, "the only stupid question is the one you don't ask." On my computer screen, I've taken the one part of the Pledge of Allegiance I subscribe to as an ethic: "Liberty and Justice for All." Plenty of others, but I can't think at the moment.

#6

[Goliath]

Originally Posted by viscousmemories

I personally haven't opened a bible in about 15 years, but I Google'd both of those passages and of course recognized them immediately. I like them, in particular 'cause they're very humanitarian concepts that don't require any kind of religious belief to appreciate.

Must try not to start discussion on the buy-bull...Must try not to start discussion on the buy-bull....

[Adora]

"Never eat bred that has green fluffy bits on it". I've lived by it to this day, and I'll swear on it. You've got to be practical about these things. Unless you wank on about sunscreen. Then everyone has the right to kick you in the balls.

Seriously, fuckit, Fight Club still sums it up for me.

This is your life, good to the last drop
Doesn't get any better than this
This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time
This isn't a seminar, this isn't a weekend retreat
Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like
Only after disaster can we be resurrected
It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything
Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
We are all part of the same compost heap
We are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world
You are not your bank account
You are not the clothes you wear
You are not the contents of your wallet
You are not your bowel cancer
You are not your grande latte
You are not the car you drive
You are not your fucking khaki's
You have to give up, you have to give up
You have to realize that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless
I say let me never be complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever arts
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may

But I am a bitter and twisted post-teen individual, so I don't think it counts for much.

[copiae]

"Don't Panic!" - Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

I've lived my life to those two words, and it has served me well.





Also, from a Terry Pratchett book:

"Personal isn't the same as important".

[Farren]

I'll admit that, as an athiest, the Christian serenity prayer still appeals to me (although I think of it as self-affirmation rather than appealing to a higher power):

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I dunno. I think there's a whole whack of wisdom, right there.

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by Farren

I'll admit that, as an athiest, the Christian serenity prayer still appeals to me (although I think of it as self-affirmation rather than appealing to a higher power):

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I dunno. I think there's a whole whack of wisdom, right there.

Funny, I always think of that as the AA prayer. That's where I first heard it. I like it too, though. And I like that Fight Club spiel too. God I love that movie. And I like that one that other overplayed one that was written by Mary Schmich but incorrectly attributed to Kurt Vonnegut:

Mary Schmich

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yoursel f either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth .

But trust me on the sunscreen.

[seebs]

Originally Posted by maddog

The Buddhist acolyte goes to the monastery: "Teach me, Master." The Master: "Have you eaten your rice?" Acolyte: "Yes, Master." The Master: "Then it is time to wash your bowl."

If I could do that...

[HelenM]

Hmmm...there are so many words to live by...so much wisdom out there that really helps (in my opinion).

One time my counselor talked to me about the valuable technique of thought-stopping. If thinking about something bothers you, just stop thinking about it. I've found that extremely helpful whenever I've remembered to apply it

I have a particular book - The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz - which has encouraged me on many occasions, which I reread parts of every so often. It's from the New Age section and there is some New Agey stuff in it but to me the core content of it is about human relationships and self-talk and I find it very empowering.

The four agreements are agreements the author recommends we make with ourselves and the second agreement is "Don't take anything personally". From the chapter about this:

Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

[...]

If you keep this agreement, you can travel around the world with your heart completely open and no one can hurt you. You can say, "I love you," without fear of being reidiculed or rejeced. You can ask for what you need. You can say yes, or you can say no - whatever you choose - without guilt or self-judgement. You can choose to follow your heart always."

Whenever I read any of this book it reminds me how much power of choice I have, even though I can't control other people or many of my circumstances.

Not to set anyone off, but one of my favorite Bible verses is "the truth will set you free". I think that's very profound, in a general sense. I'm convinced there is more freedom in being honest and accepting the truth about us, other people and situations and life, rather than wishing/pretending they were what they are not.

(And I know you might not agree with me about what 'the truth' is, but I would rather not discuss that except insofar as I post on some specific issue, in which case I accept responsibility for inviting comment)

Helen

[Beth]

Helen, you are correct in that the statement is profound. I think it takes people time to find out what the truth really is through self discovery. I think we hide behind falsities for so long that we become blind to the truth. I also think we may not know how to be truly truthful in ourselves or in others.

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by HelenM

One time my counselor talked to me about the valuable technique of thought-stopping. If thinking about something bothers you, just stop thinking about it. I've found that extremely helpful whenever I've remembered to apply it

That's interesting. I don't think any of my numerous therapists has ever suggested that, but I've learned it on my own. Not how to apply it, of course, but that it's necessary. Almost every thought I have about my future, for example, very quickly becomes an existential crisis unless I just stop thinking about it. Unfortunately that makes it kind of impossible for me to get any work done toward my future.

I have a particular book - The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz - which has encouraged me on many occasions, which I reread parts of every so often. It's from the New Age section and there is some New Agey stuff in it but to me the core content of it is about human relationships and self-talk and I find it very empowering.

My brother is pretty heavily into that. I skimmed his copy but it was too new agey for me. Plus I think some of the concepts are just too trite. Like the idea you quoted that starts with "Nothing other people do is because of you." I'm pretty sure if I punch someone and they punch me back, I'm largely responsible. Granted I didn't make them punch me, but I gave them a whole lot of incentive.

Not to set anyone off, but one of my favorite Bible verses is "the truth will set you free". I think that's very profound, in a general sense. I'm convinced there is more freedom in being honest and accepting the truth about us, other people and situations and life, rather than wishing/pretending they were what they are not.

I think that's profound too, regardless of your opinion of what the truth is.

[HelenM]

Originally Posted by viscousmemories

That's interesting. I don't think any of my numerous therapists has ever suggested that, but I've learned it on my own. Not how to apply it, of course, but that it's necessary.

Yes; knowing something doesn't necessarily mean you've learned how to apply it - unfortunately.

Almost every thought I have about my future, for example, very quickly becomes an existential crisis unless I just stop thinking about it. Unfortunately that makes it kind of impossible for me to get any work done toward my future.

...except that if you are able to focus on today, what you do today is one step towards building your future. Or so it seems to me.

My brother is pretty heavily into that. I skimmed his copy but it was too new agey for me.

Yeah, I'm not surprised it's too new-agey for some people.

Plus I think some of the concepts are just too trite. Like the idea you quoted that starts with "Nothing other people do is because of you." I'm pretty sure if I punch someone and they punch me back, I'm largely responsible. Granted I didn't make them punch me, but I gave them a whole lot of incentive.

True. Maybe I should have said that I don't entirely dismiss everything other people say or do to me as totally unrelated to me and totally about them. Like you, I think the author is too extreme on that point.

But I do need constant reminding not to take things too personally. Another part of the chapter says that the author knows people say he's wonderful when they're happy and criticize him when they're irritated. And I think there's a lot of truth in that even though in my own life, I do try to listen to what people say because I don't totally accept that what they say is so colored by their own perspective that it has no value at all to me.

Helen

[HelenM]

Originally Posted by Beth

Helen, you are correct in that the statement is profound. I think it takes people time to find out what the truth really is through self discovery. I think we hide behind falsities for so long that we become blind to the truth. I also think we may not know how to be truly truthful in ourselves or in others.

Hi Beth

Yes, I think so too.

By the way, I don't think being truthful means that we always have to share what we think is the truth. But I think it's helpful to have our own personal understanding of the truth, as best we can. Then we choose what is appropriate/necessary/helpful to share with others. I'd rather be gracious and tactful, for example, than be a bull in a china shop. Insofar as that's possible for me, anyway .

Helen

[Gawen]

Say what you mean
Mean what you say

Richard Collins

My old karate instructor.

[Ymir's blood]

Originally Posted by HelenM

...except that if you are able to focus on today, what you do today is one step towards building your future. Or so it seems to me.

I agree.

* Ymir's blood rambles...

I've had similar problems trying to deal with my fears, expectations etc... about the future. The only solution I've found is to keep my thoughts in the present day except insofar as is needed for specific contingencies for which planning is needed. A petty example would be making a grocery list, a more serious one would be saving money to pay for a large expense such as a house. The greatest thing to avoid is asking open ended questions pertaining to the future. Wondering about 'what could go wrong? or 'will I ever find X tend to lead only to despair.

A metaphor that comes to mind would be a long hike. It is necessary to look ahead occasionally in order to anticipate upcoming changes in the trail, but one's eyes should be focused on the ground immediately to the front. Fixating on how far is left to go leads to one losing the will to continue.

Keeping grounded in the present also helps prevent wasting today, thus freeing you from regret in the future.

While I don't care much for the religious context in which it was used, this line always seemed good to me:

Originally Posted by Matt 6:34

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.

/rambling

[Beth]

Originally Posted by HelenM

Hi Beth

Yes, I think so too.

By the way, I don't think being truthful means that we always have to share what we think is the truth. But I think it's helpful to have our own personal understanding of the truth, as best we can. Then we choose what is appropriate/necessary/helpful to share with others. I'd rather be gracious and tactful, for example, than be a bull in a china shop. Insofar as that's possible for me, anyway .

Helen

I agree, but sometimes only the brutal truth will work with others when tact and grace fails, unfortunately.

[Beth]

But I do need constant reminding not to take things too personally. Another part of the chapter says that the author knows people say he's wonderful when they're happy and criticize him when they're irritated. And I think there's a lot of truth in that even though in my own life, I do try to listen to what people say because I don't totally accept that what they say is so colored by their own perspective that it has no value at all to me.

I also tend to take things personally. Learning not to seems like one of the hardest things for me, try as I might. I always wonder what I did wrong to upset them and in what way can I do better to please them.

[HelenM]

Originally Posted by Ymir's blood

[I've had similar problems trying to deal with my fears, expectations etc... about the future. The only solution I've found is to keep my thoughts in the present day except insofar as is needed for specific contingencies for which planning is needed. A petty example would be making a grocery list, a more serious one would be saving money to pay for a large expense such as a house. The greatest thing to avoid is asking open ended questions pertaining to the future. Wondering about 'what could go wrong? or 'will I ever find X tend to lead only to despair.

A metaphor that comes to mind would be a long hike. It is necessary to look ahead occasionally in order to anticipate upcoming changes in the trail, but one's eyes should be focused on the ground immediately to the front. Fixating on how far is left to go leads to one losing the will to continue.

And...to continue your analogy...when I do that invariably I miss the pothole right in front of me because I'm distracted and so I trip and fall.

Keeping grounded in the present also helps prevent wasting today, thus freeing you from regret in the future.

Indeed. It often helps me to tell myself that although my goal may seem way off in the distance, what I do today is going to take me a step closer or a step further away. And then I try to get a step closer. I also tell myself that I'll never be sorry I made the effort to get a step closer, but I will be sorry if I waste today. (Not that I can't get over a wasted day - I understand that I can move on - but still, thinking what kind of day I would like to have so that tomorrow I'm pleased how it went, often helps me).

[quote]While I don't care much for the religious context in which it was used, this line always seemed good to me:

Originally Posted by Matt 6:34

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.

I agree; I like to simplify it to "one day at a time".

Helen

[JoeP]

This is a good thread to read. I'm trying to think if I have any words to live by that I would often refer to. There's nothing important to me now that comes from books. But from therapy and reading, in the last few years only, I've got a phrase that often helps me: "I don't have to feel this way." I think the thought behind this is not that different from some of the ideas quoted above, new-agey or not. And the Buddhist ideal of detachment (as far as I understand it anyway).

[Adora]

Originally Posted by viscousmemories

And I like that one that other overplayed one that was written by Mary Schmich but incorrectly attributed to Kurt Vonnegut:

Consider this your official fucking ballkicking.

I now bring you John Safran's entertaining and far more practical version, because John Safran rocks my socks.

Not The Sunscreen Song

People often ask me if I have any advice to offer
And when they do, I tell them this: >

If you're unsure about what you're going to do with your life,
Try to remember, some of the most interesting people didn't know
what they were going to do at age twenty-two or even at forty,
and nearly all of them are unemployed drug addicts forced to
live on cat food. Also understand that friends will come and go,
this is because of your irritating personality, nobody likes you.
So if the only thing getting you thought the day is the misconception
that people like you, end it now. (bang)
Learn how to smoke Whinny Blues, if you're under aged,
get an older kid to buy them for you.
Get to really know your parents, they're good for money,
milk them, then put them in an old people's home.
Travel as often as you can, live in New York City once,
live in Northern California once, never live in Adelaide,
It's a hole.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have
children, maybe you won't, if you do have children,
lock them under the stairs.
Do one thing each day that scares you, sing, dance,
jump in front of a car.
Do not trust anyone who tries to update Sheakespeare
for the kids, and if you see Quindon Tarver in the street,
punch him in the face for me.

(smack)

If you're worried about the way you look, try to remember,
you're probably fatter than you think, maybe you should consider
an eating disorder. Don't worry too much about the future. If
you're nervous about an exam, ring up your school to schedule
time, and make a bomb threat. If you're a girl, lie about period
pains to get out of anything you don't want to do. Cheat if you
think you can get away with it. Remember, someone with richer
parents is getting private tuition.
Shop-lift as often as you can, Shopping Centres factor shop-
lifting into their prices, so if you don't do it, it's like
they're getting money for free. When you're on work experience,
steal a cab-charge, and take a Taxi to Perth.
Wear sunscreen, but only if it's that coconut oil that gives
you cancer. Keep your old love letters, if you see an old lover
in the street, try to run them over in your car.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or else by the time you're
thirty-five, you'll look like Greg Matthews.
Remember you can wear your underwear four times without
washing them, Forwards, Backwards, inside-out Forwards,
inside-out Backwards.



(bang bang bang bang)

Congregate in gangs around train stations and shopping centres,
it's a free country, It's public space. Skateboard on War Memorials.
Smoke in your School uniform.
Set off car alarms.
Plant Drugs on a teacher.
Join a cult.
Spike Drinks.
Don't flush public toilets.
Remember, only you will truly take care of you,
so carry a concealed weapon.
Don't wear your 'P' plates.
Walk around with your eye lids rolled back.
Touch your tongue on the tip of batteries.
Be open to new love.
Remember, you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex.
Expect others to support you, it's easy to get the doll
and still do cash in hand work.
Respect your elders, when your grandma dies, have her stuffed.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when you're knee
capped by a loan shark.
Get revenge, don't forgive anyone for anything,
But most of all, don't aim too high, you're probably only
suited to an office or factory job.

Anyway, one of my favourites from the feminist movement is "Power is taken, not given". I like that one. Or perhaps. "Knowledge is power, power corrupts. Study hard, be evil." *nods* Definitely words to live by.