When a Christian becomes Atheist

[Miss Shelby]

This is more of a question but I think it can become a philosophical conversation. A person is Christian, raised that way or maybe even not, but has lived this way for a good amount of time. The person has kids and raises the kids, presumably Christian. Over time the individual decides they do not believe in God anymore.

What is the course of action? With family members? And specifically regarding people who already began bringing up their children Christian. And living side by side with their spouse in this solidarity. What do they do?

[specious_reasons]

Well, it depends. Is this person simply giving up on religion, or have they become a fiery atheist trying to convert others to their atheism?

[LarsMac]

Well, the first question seems to be, Which God is it that doesn't exist?
It's usually not so much the God, but the church that failed, and each church almost has its very own God.

[Crumb]

I would imagine they should just communicate honestly with their family. They can express why they changed their mind, but it would best not to think they need to deconvert their whole family.

[LarsMac]

Originally Posted by Crumb

I would imagine they should just communicate honestly with their family. They can express why they changed their mind, but it would best not to think they need to deconvert their whole family.

That would certainly be the logical way to go, but we are talking about Humans and religion.
Neither of those seem to have much to do with logical process.

[Crumb]

Obviously there are other considerations. Only the person would know if their safety would be at risk, or if they would be ostracized or possibly lose access to their children. These things could force them to hide their true feelings.

[Miss Shelby]

I think a lot of people hide their true feelings whether it goes either way.

[specious_reasons]

So I've been vocally anti-religious for most of my adult life. My parents were culturally religious... not strictly believers but raised in religions. I have some religious training from my childhood. I think my father was mildly surprised about my relatively firm agnostic atheism as an adult, but never worried about convincing me otherwise. He was as much a freethinker as me, possibly more so.

Mrs. Reasons is a hard atheist and we have raised our kids non-religiously while letting them choose their own path. I don't actually know what they currently believe, but to my knowledge neither participates in any religion. I don't think we'd specifically take any action unless they joined an extremist or high demand church.

We have generally suggested to our children be quietly non-religious in public (especially school or work), as we've both seen it as a source of potential discrimination or bullying, especially in the Midwest. When your boss and some team members have a Bible study session at work, and you can see those in attendance be favored employees, it's a clear sign that atheism isn't cool there. We don't see as much of an issue in the more liberal PNW, but the vast majority of the population here still associates with a religion.

[LarsMac]

Atheism always struck me as being equally as radical as insisting on the existence of any particular godly entity.

[specious_reasons]

I would say it's equally as radical, in the sense of a belief relating to the fundamental nature of something, but not radical in the sense of being more extreme of a belief. It's just one less god, after all.

[Sock Puppet]

I was raised in a particularly conservative Christian (Protestant, but they think they're the original deal, apart from anything convenient to add) household. I am now equal parts apathist and agnostic -- maybe a God exists, but if he/she/it does, such God is not worth worshipping. My mom is in her 80s now and still the same brand, basically. Her religion and politics were recorded solid-state; nothing will alter or change them, so I don't try to do either.

[Miisa]

I suspect a of of the reactions has to do with the person doing the reacting. If someone honestly believes that they who don't believe like them are going to suffer - forever - it makes absolute sense that they will try to convince them to (re)join their flock, and will balk at the idea of maybe even more people they love going down that path. But someone who feels hurt by religion - usually those who were raised religious and found their own way later on in life - the impulse to help others brake free from what they now experience as the shackles of a life-wasting religion is a natural one. I the latter case at least that fire generally burns the brightest in the first few years after deconversion. People raised non-religious are often much more mellow about it all, even to the point of complacency in my experience.

So either way, a difference in religion within a unit of people who care about each other can be a huge issue, especially if there has been a recent change which means there is a lot of fervour.

People who have been very religious in the past presumably know and still remember what that feels like, and one might hope that helps them be understanding with the people that have remained at that state, but that can get lost in the passion of the change and the new world views they have discovered, just as the passions are very strong when someone initially finds religion. Or veganism. Or a sports team/fandom/hobby, etc. We can all be insufferable when passionate, and the bigger the stakes (people's lives or souls vs. lesser things) the more insufferable and aggressive about it people are prone to be.

[Miss Shelby]

Miisa, may I ask where you live. I assume by your correctness in spelling certain words Americans misspell indicates Europe. Or Austrailia. But I noticed before when you posted about your government in another thread.

[Miisa]

I am in Finland. You know, the home of happiness.

[fragment]

That Finland keeps topping the happiness index might tell you something about the rest of the world...

[Miisa]

I suspect they just couldn't think of a better concise simplified term to describe the set of factors they group into that index.

[Kevlar]

My parents are Christian zealots and raised me accordingly. Christian school, home church, etc.. Basically 24/7 church. My grandfather, my dad's father, did not believe in god. He was a deacon at the church, he talked about Jesus, and never discussed his disbelief with his family. For some reason, he took a different path with me. He didn't outright discuss it, but he would lend me books by Mark Twain that just trashed Christianity and the Bible. Then he would discuss the book with me after I read it, and he seemed so proud that not only did I understand but I agreed. I was about 14 at the time and he blew my mind as my parents didn't allow me to be around anyone that questioned their beliefs. To this day my dad and aunt talk about what a great Christian their father was, and I just shake my head. They still have no clue. But that set me on the path to rejecting Christianity entirely.

In your case, or any case for that matter, there is nobody that can tell you what to do. You know the people around you, you know who can handle it and who can't, and only you know whether it's worth keeping to to yourself entirely. Is it something you need to exercise or is it something you can comfortably sit on?

Personally, I sat on it until my thirties and then something just cracked and it all spilled out. So for me I had to exercise it or go crazy, but it did alienate me from certain people. My parents only recently came to terms with it, but that's because they are too old and feeble now to keep fighting about it.

[specious_reasons]

Originally Posted by Kevlar

[...] My grandfather, my dad's father, did not believe in god. He was a deacon at the church, he talked about Jesus, and never discussed his disbelief with his family. [...]

That's a choice! If I'm reading between the lines, it sounds like a choice made for the benefit of others.

I'm impressed that he did so much work for a religion he didn't believe in, yet still managed to open the eyes of those who were willing to see.

[Kevlar]

Originally Posted by specious_reasons

That's a choice! If I'm reading between the lines, it sounds like a choice made for the benefit of others.

I'm impressed that he did so much work for a religion he didn't believe in, yet still managed to open the eyes of those who were willing to see.

Yes, you read that correctly, it was a calculated choice designed to keep the peace. I think he saw church as a completely social thing. He managed all the church's construction projects and was roundly respected by the church's members. However, I don't ever remember him going to church except when they needed him for something. He was a regular at the Mason lodge though. He hated my parent's religious fervor and gave me the impression that that kind of literal Bible thinking was a relatively new thing. He always complained about my parent's generation (baby-boomers) being spoiled fucking brats. He said they were worshiping their selves.

[LarsMac]

I grew up in a Bi-cultural world. Dad's father was an Architect and a Mason.
Mom's family were farmers and and Preachers.
On Sunday, when we were up in the Mountains with Mom's family, we went to Church. When we were at Dad's Parents', we went to Morrison's Cafeteria.

[It's Me!]

Originally Posted by Miss Shelby

What do they do?

They just don't talk about it.

[Miss Shelby]

Originally Posted by Kevlar

My parents are Christian zealots and raised me accordingly. Christian school, home church, etc.. Basically 24/7 church. My grandfather, my dad's father, did not believe in god. He was a deacon at the church, he talked about Jesus, and never discussed his disbelief with his family. For some reason, he took a different path with me. He didn't outright discuss it, but he would lend me books by Mark Twain that just trashed Christianity and the Bible. Then he would discuss the book with me after I read it, and he seemed so proud that not only did I understand but I agreed. I was about 14 at the time and he blew my mind as my parents didn't allow me to be around anyone that questioned their beliefs. To this day my dad and aunt talk about what a great Christian their father was, and I just shake my head. They still have no clue. But that set me on the path to rejecting Christianity entirely.

In your case, or any case for that matter, there is nobody that can tell you what to do. You know the people around you, you know who can handle it and who can't, and only you know whether it's worth keeping to to yourself entirely. Is it something you need to exercise or is it something you can comfortably sit on?

Personally, I sat on it until my thirties and then something just cracked and it all spilled out. So for me I had to exercise it or go crazy, but it did alienate me from certain people. My parents only recently came to terms with it, but that's because they are too old and feeble now to keep fighting about it.

Wow. That’s quite a story. Thanks for sharing it.