Satan's FAQ

Portrayals and Perceptions

Of all the monikers that have been attributed to you over the years (Prince of Darkness, Lucifer, Emily Dickinson and so on), which is your favorite?

Robert Heinlein called me "Jerry," which I thought was a nice, friendly sort of name. Some of the Indo-European tribal deities' names, which were later attributed to me, had a nice ring to them. I could do without the megasyllabic mouthfuls that conjurers seem to prefer.

Of all of the literature that has been written on the subject of you, which is your favorite? Which one do you think is most accurate?

It's difficult to say, since in most of the fiction (Biblical or otherwise), I supposedly lose in the end. I think Heinlein probably caught my best side.

The least accurate would have to be all of those redundant "Deal with the Devil" tales. The problem with all of them is that anyone who is willing to transact with me has already handed over his/her soul without realizing it. Sometimes I let those naïve types dangle on the hook for a while, getting something for nothing – which, after all, is the precise value of their souls.

How close is Steve Brust's "To Reign In Hell" to accurately recounting the actual circumstances that led to you and The Man's falling out?

Even I almost blush at the sinful act of comparing Brust's work to Milton's, but in the end, the critique is the same: Good story, lousy historical accuracy. I essentially invented Heavenly discord, so all the business about inter-angel infighting was just in Brust's imagination. Just as there was no actual battle, there was no political potboiler to recount, either.

Do you look more like the stereotypical Debil-type monster, or more like Elizabeth Hurley?

It depends on who is looking at me. Some people are rather turned on by the "stereotypical Debil-type monster." Others are freaked out by Liz Hurley. It takes all kinds. I refuse to assume the shape of Brendan Fraser, however. A fellow has to have some standards.

What movie portrayed you the best?

Al Pacino was a gas. He's not tall enough, however. DeNiro was fun in Angel Heart, as well. So, I suppose your answer is: it takes an Italian.

What do you think of the Don Henley song Garden of Allah?

That's an excellent song. My only quibble is with the lines: "And the devil is downhearted/Because there's nothing left for him to claim ... 'I guess my work around here has all been done.'" I'm not through yet. There is still more work to be done, for one with enough imagination to recognize it.

How could you let someone like C. S. Lewis get hold of those letters?

Screwtape was just Lewis’ mouthpiece for his various beefs with Christians he disagreed with. Great name for a demon, but he wasn’t one of mine. I did like his little dinner speech at the end, but the rest of the book was warmed-over Christian apologist claptrap.