Satan's FAQ
Satan's FAQ
Satan
Published by Satan
01-07-2007
Default Portrayals and Perceptions


Portrayals and Perceptions

Of all the monikers that have been attributed to you over the years (Prince of Darkness, Lucifer, Emily Dickinson and so on), which is your favorite?

Robert Heinlein called me "Jerry," which I thought was a nice, friendly sort of name. Some of the Indo-European tribal deities' names, which were later attributed to me, had a nice ring to them. I could do without the megasyllabic mouthfuls that conjurers seem to prefer.

Of all of the literature that has been written on the subject of you, which is your favorite? Which one do you think is most accurate?

It's difficult to say, since in most of the fiction (Biblical or otherwise), I supposedly lose in the end. I think Heinlein probably caught my best side.

The least accurate would have to be all of those redundant "Deal with the Devil" tales. The problem with all of them is that anyone who is willing to transact with me has already handed over his/her soul without realizing it. Sometimes I let those naïve types dangle on the hook for a while, getting something for nothing – which, after all, is the precise value of their souls.

How close is Steve Brust's "To Reign In Hell" to accurately recounting the actual circumstances that led to you and The Man's falling out?

Even I almost blush at the sinful act of comparing Brust's work to Milton's, but in the end, the critique is the same: Good story, lousy historical accuracy. I essentially invented Heavenly discord, so all the business about inter-angel infighting was just in Brust's imagination. Just as there was no actual battle, there was no political potboiler to recount, either.

Do you look more like the stereotypical Debil-type monster, or more like Elizabeth Hurley?

It depends on who is looking at me. Some people are rather turned on by the "stereotypical Debil-type monster." Others are freaked out by Liz Hurley. It takes all kinds. I refuse to assume the shape of Brendan Fraser, however. A fellow has to have some standards.

What movie portrayed you the best?

Al Pacino was a gas. He's not tall enough, however. DeNiro was fun in Angel Heart, as well. So, I suppose your answer is: it takes an Italian.

What do you think of the Don Henley song Garden of Allah?

That's an excellent song. My only quibble is with the lines: "And the devil is downhearted/Because there's nothing left for him to claim ... 'I guess my work around here has all been done.'" I'm not through yet. There is still more work to be done, for one with enough imagination to recognize it.

How could you let someone like C. S. Lewis get hold of those letters?

Screwtape was just Lewis’ mouthpiece for his various beefs with Christians he disagreed with. Great name for a demon, but he wasn’t one of mine. I did like his little dinner speech at the end, but the rest of the book was warmed-over Christian apologist claptrap.

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Thanks, from:
Beth (06-23-2013), Themrucoe (04-09-2015)
  #1  
By livius drusus on 01-08-2007, 06:15 AM
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This clears up so many things for me. Thanks, Dark Lord. :thankee:
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  #2  
By Beth on 01-10-2007, 05:08 PM
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Holy crap! This was one of the funniest things that I have read in ages.
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  #3  
By Clutch Munny on 01-06-2008, 01:28 PM
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Quote:
The Biblical accounts are accurate, if severely edited. They left out all of the fun I had with it, such as appearing in the form of a baker, replete with the odor of freshly baked bread.
I'd never read this before. Not only is it hilarious; it actually makes a lot more sense than most theodicies I've seen before.
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  #4  
By Kyuss Apollo on 01-18-2008, 05:16 AM
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Devilman! Can you get me some Slayer tickets?
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  #5  
By Histrionica on 02-22-2008, 11:56 PM
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I'm a recent apostate, so still fairly passionate, and i assure you i'm foible-licious. As for the beach, i'm certain you could supply a lovely warm, brown/white/black one.

*winks and looks damaged*
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  #6  
By Garnet on 06-25-2008, 03:06 AM
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After reading all this, I may well become a Jerryist.

Srsly.
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  #7  
By Smilin on 06-25-2008, 10:20 PM
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Satan, what happened to that lucious avatar you used to Have with the two lesbians...or was that Jesus.?????..

I'm confuzzled now...please help...!!!!
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  #8  
By Uthgar the Brazen on 06-25-2008, 11:24 PM
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That was Jesus. Quit pretending you're not a homo.
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  #9  
By curses on 07-10-2008, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Are you still miffed that Johnny is a better fiddler than you?

Actually, the worst part was having to spend so much time in Georgia.
:lmao: I missed this one first time round.
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  #10  
By Arrogant-One on 07-25-2008, 05:33 AM
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I saw a 4 year old on the bus the other day. He was dressed in a Batman costume and sat holding his mother's hand for the whole trip. Half way through the ride, he put on his sunglasses, on top of his Batman mask. It was quite funny I thought, Batman wearing sunglasses.

My point is that just because he wore Batman's costume, that did not really make him Batman.
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  #11  
By Uthgar the Brazen on 07-25-2008, 09:33 PM
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:rolleye2:

:hugtroll:
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  #12  
By Satan on 07-28-2008, 04:31 PM
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Some folks get awfully bitter when their purportedly "Satanic" rituals don't work. I'm sorry you didn't get your pony, or whatever, but look on the bright side. You had a better-than-average excuse to masturbate.
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  #13  
By JamesBannon on 08-18-2008, 10:55 PM
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Hey Satan, did you know you were famous over at Garnet's board? loved the explanations!
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  #14  
By Lion IRC on 08-22-2010, 07:13 AM
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Hi satan,
Do you think that MORE people talking about God and discussing polemic anti-theism books by Mr Hitchens and Mr Dawkins et al helps the cause of theism?
Why not let lazy, apathetic, self-assured psuedo religious types lull themselves into a false sense of security?
Screwtape surely wants to kick Christopher Hitchens in the backside for disturbing the hornets nest just when it was settling down.
Lion (IRC)
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  #15  
By Satan on 08-24-2010, 09:02 PM
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As I mentioned in the FAQ, I am an advocate for sin, not necessarily atheism. Atheism is one tool in the box, to be sure, but not the only one, nor in fact even my favorite. Using religion is much more fun. As long as there are churches, I will always spend more time in them than at atheist advocacy meetings.

Further, I never seriously entertained the idea of slinking around and hoping nobody mentions God. I can rarely pass a hornet's nest without finding that giving it a good thump is overwhelmingly ... tempting, if you'll pardon the expression.

Oh, and Screwtape was just the mouthpiece for a sanctimonious hack.

But thank you for the question. I will consider it for addition to the FAQ.
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  #16  
By Dingfod on 08-24-2010, 10:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satan View Post
I can rarely pass a hornet's nest without finding that giving it a good thump is overwhelmingly ... tempting, if you'll pardon the expression.
I know the feeling. Is that normal, or what?
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  #17  
By Lion IRC on 08-25-2010, 04:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satan View Post
As I mentioned in the FAQ, I am an advocate for sin, not necessarily atheism. Atheism is one tool in the box, to be sure, but not the only one, nor in fact even my favorite. Using religion is much more fun. As long as there are churches, I will always spend more time in them than at atheist advocacy meetings.

Further, I never seriously entertained the idea of slinking around and hoping nobody mentions God. I can rarely pass a hornet's nest without finding that giving it a good thump is overwhelmingly ... tempting, if you'll pardon the expression.

Oh, and Screwtape was just the mouthpiece for a sanctimonious hack.

But thank you for the question. I will consider it for addition to the FAQ.

Hi satan,

Eloquent reply. Thanks. But I cant help noticing that you didnt actually answer yes or no to the question...

"Do you think that MORE people talking about God (and you) helps the cause of theism?"

Maybe I should rephrase the question.

On the whole, do you think God would welcome an overall increase in the number of people discussing theism?

I would say that "discussing" means contest of ideas and encompasses all aspects of theism including creation, cosmology, the soul,
free will, the afterlife, nature of God(s).

Lion (IRC)
PS - I think you are a bit harsh on Screwtape. He was doing his best.
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  #18  
By Doctor X on 08-25-2010, 11:19 AM
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Unfortunately, so was the hack.

--J.D.
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  #19  
By Satan on 08-25-2010, 04:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lion IRC View Post
Hi satan,

Eloquent reply. Thanks. But I cant help noticing that you didnt actually answer yes or no to the question...

"Do you think that MORE people talking about God (and you) helps the cause of theism?"

Maybe I should rephrase the question.

On the whole, do you think God would welcome an overall increase in the number of people discussing theism?
I see that I misunderstood the import of your question. I was responding to what appeared to be a faulty premise in your post, namely that theism itself is my enemy. In an attempt to answer your question better, I will point out that the converse is also not necessarily true -- theism is not a particularly reliable ally for God. Obtuse as He often pretends to be, I think He recognizes this. Further, I see little evidence that He is much of a fan of critical thought. Therefore, I believe the net advantage to an increase in theistic discourse to be mine rather than His. So my answer to your rephrased question is no; I will probably enjoy the hornets' buzzing more than He.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lion IRC View Post
PS - I think you are a bit harsh on Screwtape. He was doing his best.
Doing his best to pretend to advance a cause he didn't understand in the first place? I suppose.
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