It's Not Premarital Sex If She's Already Married

Zoot · #1 01-03-2005, 12:03 AM

This thread is about abstinence preaching in state schools.

I am about to watch a documentary called "Texas Teenage Virgins". I will let you know what it is like.

Zoot · #2 01-03-2005, 12:13 AM

Six minutes and 41 seconds into it, somethings.

Firstly, I'm glad that teenagers are complete munters all over the world. "Dude, I hope there's some fine women at this party. We're going to try to get some play."

Secondly, they interviewed these girls who had never even been taught how to put on a condom. WHAT THE FUCK.

Zoot · #3 01-03-2005, 12:17 AM

I love that money is being spent on a "purity ring" at a "Christian department store".

Prices seem to range from US$35 to US$70.

Zoot · #4 01-03-2005, 12:21 AM

At the pledge to purity ceremony, the pastor - one of those annoying disturbingly friendly blonde-highlights Understands The Youth types - pulls out a used toothbrush and asks the person to put it in their mouth. They say, "No, that's disgusting."

Pastor Ed goes on to explain that if you're had sex, you're a used toothbrush.

Zoot · #5 01-03-2005, 12:22 AM

The toothbrush in the unopened box is a "virgin toothbrush". "It's pure. It's clean. It's free from sin."

Zoot · #6 01-03-2005, 12:23 AM

It's too perfect. The girl is putting on loads of make-up for when she gets in front of everyone for the purity pledge.

Zoot · #7 01-03-2005, 12:27 AM

The local state schools rely on Pastor Ed for their abstinence education. He gets paid to do this. He is spinning a wheel of misfortune. There are eight possible outcomes. He pulls back the cover to reveal what result he's spun:

"Man, I couldn't have planned it better. Aids."

Zoot · #8 01-03-2005, 12:30 AM

Interviewer: "Don't you think it's problematic to tell kids that condoms have holes in them?"

Ed: "It's the truth."

Interviewer: "Have you ever tried to blow up a condom?"

Ed: "Sure."

Interviewer: "How could it blow up if it had holes in it?"

Ed: "Because it's a synthetic material. It is not- It is porous. It does not... You blow one up and set it around and see if it deflates. It will."

Ed: "It is synthetic. It is made of fibres that go both ways."

Ed: "I'm giving them accurate knowledge that they're not talking about on TV."

Zoot · #9 01-03-2005, 12:41 AM

Every week, 1000 teenagers go to a worship night called Paradigm, with rock music and its own merchandise. "Indestructable Paradigm water bottles only $10" says the enormous video projection screen.

Zoot · #10 01-03-2005, 12:54 AM

If I hear the word "pure" again, I will kill someone.

wade-w · #11 01-03-2005, 12:57 AM

Ya know, you could wait til it's over and post a summary.

Clutch Munny · #12 01-03-2005, 01:04 AM

LOL!

Nice commentary. I wish I could watch it too -- but kinda glad that I can't.

Zoot · #13 01-03-2005, 01:05 AM

39 minutes in.

I think it's quite cool that one of these churches has a pre-marital counselling course for six weeks, covering everything from finances to sexual fulfilment.

Using a "sexual intensity chart" and phrases like "men are like microwaves, women are like slow-cookers".

livius drusus · #14 01-03-2005, 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wade

Ya know, you could wait til it's over and post a summary.

But then he'd probably forget the really horrible dialogue like the condom pores discussion. :unibrow:

I'm wondering about those toothbrushes. I mean, is he toothbrush monogamous? No travel toothbrush? No throwing it out when the bristles get all splayed and deformed? Pretty poor analogy, I gotta say.

Zoot · #15 01-03-2005, 01:07 AM

It's funner to do a running commentary.

I'm so glad I didn't go to one of these churches when I was growing up.

Zoot · #16 01-03-2005, 01:08 AM

Quote:

I'm wondering about those toothbrushes. I mean, is he toothbrush monogamous? No travel toothbrush? No throwing it out when the bristles get all splayed and deformed? Pretty poor analogy, I gotta say.

Yeah, how come it doesn't apply to hugs?

Zoot · #17 01-03-2005, 01:15 AM

Here's a funny thing. What I'm doing is reviewing the closed captions that we bought from another captioning company. Where I would have captioned this part as:

(PRAYS IN TONGUES)

the original captioner has typed:

A-ta-ta da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Oh-lo-lo-lo-lee-a-sa-ta-da-da.

(edit)

There's more:

Oh, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
bo-so-do-la-ba-ba-ba-ba.

wildernesse · #18 01-03-2005, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zoot

Here's a funny thing. What I'm doing is reviewing the closed captions that we bought from another captioning company. Where I would have captioned this part as:

(PRAYS IN TONGUES)

the original captioner has typed:

A-ta-ta da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Oh-lo-lo-lo-lee-a-sa-ta-da-da.

(edit)

There's more:

Oh, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
bo-so-do-la-ba-ba-ba-ba.

lady cop · #19 01-03-2005, 02:04 AM

ob li di ob li da....i KNEW the Beatles were onto something. :listenin:

flufeemunk · #20 01-03-2005, 06:32 AM

When I was reading the first post, Texas Teenage Virgins sounded like a porn flick which you were ironically calling a documentary. Too bad.

JoeP · #21 01-03-2005, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zoot

It's funner to do a running commentary.

I'm so glad I didn't go to one of these churches when I was growing up.

You can't say funner on this board.

JoeP · #22 01-03-2005, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by livius drusus

Quote:

Originally Posted by wade

Ya know, you could wait til it's over and post a summary.

But then he'd probably forget the really horrible dialogue like the condom pores discussion. :unibrow:

I'm wondering about those toothbrushes. I mean, is he toothbrush monogamous? No travel toothbrush? No throwing it out when the bristles get all splayed and deformed? Pretty poor analogy, I gotta say.

Nothing wrong with a bit of flossing on the side?