the face of gay marriage, ouch

[fatherphil]

Terry McMillan Seeks Divorce
Jun 29, 6:53 AM EST


The Associated Press

SAN FRANCISCO -- Author Terry McMillan has filed for divorce from the man who inspired the 1996 novel "How Stella Got Her Groove Back," which chronicled the romantic adventures of a 40-something woman who falls for a guy half her age.

In papers filed in Contra Costa County Superior Court, McMillan, 53, says she decided to end her 6 1/2-year marriage to Jonathan Plummer, 30, after learning he is gay.

The revelation led her to conclude Plummer married only to get his U.S. citizenship, she said. McMillan met Plummer at a Jamaican resort a decade ago.

"It was devastating to discover that a relationship I had publicized to the world as life-affirming and built on mutual love was actually based on deceit," she said in court papers. "I was humiliated."

In response, Plummer maintained McMillan treated him with "homophobic" scorn bordering on harassment since he came out to her as gay just before Christmas.

McMillan is seeking to have the marriage annulled; Plummer has asked the court to set aside a prenuptial agreement that would prevent him from getting spousal support.

McMillan filed for divorce in January, but news of the split didn't surface until this week, when it was first reported in a San Francisco Chronicle gossip column. Earlier this month, a judge ordered McMillan to pay Plummer $2,000 a month in spousal support and $25,000 in attorney's fees until the case comes back to court in October.

McMillan's latest novel, "The Interruption of Everything," is scheduled to hit store shelves next month. It plots the mid-life adventures of a married mother of three who is questioning her comfortable suburban life.

McMillan said she did not plan to let a divorce "detract from the many blessings in her life," according to a statement released through her publicist.

Plummer's attorney could not immediately be reached for comment.

[LadyShea]

I don't understand the subject line, fatherphil, and you didn't include your own thoughts on the article.

If anything the article demonstrates a good reason to make gay marriage legal.

Many men and women have found out their spouses are homosexual, often years into a marriage and when children are involved, and it is devastating. If we didn't force people to conform, force them into the closet, tell them that their preferred gender mix within relationships is invalid and disgusting, make them try to live as heteroexuals, then maybe this wouldn't happen.

[livius drusus]

I'm confused by the thread title too. It seems to me an example of how heterosexual marriages are not the sacrosant institutions some people claim they are.

[Crumb]

Details will be availible in McMillan's forthcoming book: How Stella lost her groove again.

[fatherphil]

Originally Posted by Crumb

Details will be availible in McMillan's forthcoming book: How Sella lost her groove again.

someone who understands me.

[livius drusus]

Ooohhh... You were joking?

[fatherphil]

yeah, i'm a funny guy. i hope the prenup holds up and they deport this guy.

[viscousmemories]

This article says as much about gay marriage as it does about the dangers of fast food.

[Beth]

After reading the article, I get the title. I feel sorry for both of the people. I can imagine being furious about being lied to and that my gay husband was cheating behind my back, but then I feel just awful for the man.

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by Beth

After reading the article, I get the title.

I read the article too, and I still don't get it. Most people who talk about "gay marriage" these days (including fatherphil, elsewhere on this forum) are referring to a marriage between two homosexuals. This article is about a homosexual man who was married to a heterosexual woman, ostensibly to obtain citizenship. That doesn't have anything to do with "gay marriage", and to call it "the face of gay marriage" makes it seem as if this oddly incongruous arrangement somehow reflects marriages between homosexuals in general.

Or maybe I'm just missing the joke.

[Beth]

Well, I don't think it is exactly funny, but I get the remark. A man and woman was married, found out the husband was gay, divorced husband for being gay. Because the husband was gay and married...gay marriage.

Ok Phil, you got some 'splainin' to do. Cuz I cain't go no farther.

[fatherphil]

ease up folks, its just a title. besides this is the only type of gay marriage legally permitted in the states for now. beth, i got no sympathy for the guy. he made his bargain, he should have stuck to the terms.

[Beth]

Originally Posted by fatherphil

beth, i got no sympathy for the guy. he made his bargain, he should have stuck to the terms.

Sometimes the terms can be too much.

[godfry n. glad]

Originally Posted by fatherphil

yeah, i'm a funny guy. i hope the prenup holds up and they deport this guy.

Yeah!

They oughta deport him to Canada...where he belongs.

[Ari]

I think it's sad that getting marriage out of lies and citizenship is more acceptable than getting married out of love, with the catch that both people are of the same sex.
They should deport him to San Francisco with the rest of his kind.

[side note] I'm embarassed by my state (california) that there are enough homophobic people here that a state with one of the highest gay populations can't pass support for them.[/side note]

[godfry n. glad]

Originally Posted by Ari

I think it's sad that getting marriage out of lies and citizenship is more acceptable than getting married out of love, with the catch that both people are of the same sex.
They should deport him to San Francisco with the rest of his kind.

[side note] I'm embarassed by my state (california) that there are enough homophobic people here that a state with one of the highest gay populations can't pass support for them.[/side note]

If the recent parliamentary decision in Ottawa holds, many a San Franciscan will be seeking to immigrate...Of course, it may not be necessary. I'm wondering as to whether a same sex couple could go for a vacation to picturesque Moose Jaw or Regina (no, that's RE-gina), celebrate their nuptuals and then return home to the United States. Is there not a reciprocity arrangement for such?

[viscousmemories]

Originally Posted by fatherphil

ease up folks, its just a title. besides this is the only type of gay marriage legally permitted in the states for now.

Except that it's not a gay marriage.

If I started a thread citing an article about a guy who beat up his wife and called it "the face of heterosexual marriage, ouch", I bet most people would think I was implying that physical abuse was a common characteristic in heterosexual marriages. It just seems like you'd want to avoid giving the impression that you think the article you posted above characterizes gay marriage, especially since you've said before that you are in favor of gay marriage.

Anyway...

One of my brother-in-laws came out after many years of marriage to (and four children with) my sister, and it was pretty devastating for her. As it turns out, he was encouraged to keep his youthful homosexual explorations a secret from my sister by his "Pastoral Leader" in the Christian group most of my family were involved with so his realization and admission that he's actually gay was compounded by the fact that he had deceived her all those years. Of course the whole thing sucked all around for everyone, but I sometimes think the humiliation, losing his home and kids, alienation from many of the other family members, etc. made it hardest for him.

[D. Scarlatti]

You know where Moose Jaw is?

[viscousmemories]

Is that a trick question?

ETA: Oh... oops. Not talkin' to me. Sorry, carry on.

[D. Scarlatti]

Nine feet west of moose's ass.

[viscousmemories]

You prankster.

[godfry n. glad]

Originally Posted by D. Scarlatti

Nine feet west of moose's ass.

That's an interesting accomplishment for a moose facing west. Or south. Or north.

[D. Scarlatti]

Originally Posted by viscousmemories

Oh... oops. Not talkin' to me. Sorry, carry on.

'Twas a humorous jape for all to share.

[Ensign Steve]

Originally Posted by Ari

[side note] I'm embarassed by my state (california) that there are enough homophobic people here that a state with one of the highest gay populations can't pass support for them.[/side note]

Even in an area with a relatively high gay population, it is still a vast minority. I lived in a "gay neighborhood" Long Beach, and in my building of 8 units, only 2 of the units housed gay people. It felt like some of the straight neighbors were overly homophobic, perhaps as a defense against the hordes of gays that surrounded them.

Democracy: Four wolves and a sheep voting on lunch.

[fatherphil]

tom, change the title if you have such a problem with it. the only thing that makes the story sensational is the fact that the guy came out as gay. if he was just cheating on her it probably would not have gotten the press.